Announcements.

Or rather, announcement:)
I realized the other day that I had never shared our most recent news on the blog...and it's long overdue for announcing.

I'm kind of tired and not very creative right now, so I'll just say it plain.

We are expecting Baby Ames #4 in January of 2015!!! We found out a few weeks ago that it's a BOY(!), meaning the score will officially be even around here:)

The kids are beyond excited, Brian and I are thrilled, and overall the pregnancy has gone pretty well thus far. We are feeling very very blessed, and very very grateful:)

I want to post something...and that's weird.

Because for the past (almost) year, as I've slowly and steadily (though not purposefully) neglected this little family journal of ours, just the thought of trying to catch up is overly overwhelming to me, and I immediately don't do it.

But lately, I want to post.  And that's a very good thing:)  So here I am.

How's about an update on us?

Charlie is growing up so fast!  He is looking more and more like a handsome big boy, and less and less like a cute little boy, every day.  He is 3 weeks away from finishing up kindergarten, and has thrived.  I could never have asked for a better teacher for my child -- a blessing I am enormously grateful for because I have high expectations.  It took him a while to find a good friend, but he now talks about "his Claire" daily.  He loves to have her over to play, looks to her as a comfort zone at school, and just adores his "best friend."  It is the sweetest thing to see my boy developing friendships on his own.  I couldn't be more proud -- he chooses well, and with integrity.  He has done very well in school, and loves learning: I hope he can always hold onto that love!  With his first summer break nigh upon us, I am 100000000000000000 times convinced I'm WAY more excited than he is!  No schedules to answer to, no more deadlines, no more getting everyone fed and out the door before 7:40 am, no more sitting in 25+ minutes of traffic to get him to and from school, no more room-mom stress/pressure/guilt, and most importantly: no more having to miss my sweet boy every day.  Its going to be a great summer; one full of impromptu trips to wherever, and whenever,  just because we can:)  I cannot wait!

 

Lucy turned 4 in March and is hilarious...and very good at giving me a run for my money.  I'll just say this:  I'm realizing more and more, every second of everyday with this child, that she was sent to our family to teach me something.  I think one of those things is patience.  I pretty much fail that test EVERY DAY.  But she is fun, funny, loving, ENERGETIC, incredibly imaginative, musical, artistic, and gorgeous.  With copper hair, freckles, and green eyes, she gets compliments and comments wherever we go.  She loooooves to play dress up and changes her clothes at least twice, sometimes thrice, daily - just because.  She is a hoot to have around.  I'm not sure what we're going to do about preschool for her.  Schools here are outrageously priced, and the idea of having to cart 2 kids to 2 different schools about puts me in the ground.  She's taken a few dance classes this past year and seems to enjoy it, so we'll keep up with those -- but other than that, she will probably have to settle for a pre-k degree from mommy-school.

 

Eve is going to be 2 in a few weeks and is the sweetest thing in the world.  And the most mischievious.  And the cuddliest.  And the sneakiest.  And the most adorable.  She can get herself onto any table, chair, or piano faster than I am cool with.  But with her sweet, lovey disposition, and dark dark dark brown eyes, she pretty much gets away with it.  Eve gives the sweetest hugs in the world, arms wrapped so tightly around your neck, and always follows up with a peck on the lips.  I recently potty trained her and she is doing surprisingly well.  For the first time in almost 6 years, we have no one in diapers -- it is weird, and sad, and awesome! Oh how I love love love my gorgeous brown eyed girl! 

Brian and I are well, and busy, and happy:)  That's a sufficient update on us, right?

Life

Let's talk about Eve for a moment:

She toots her own horn sometimes, but right now it's my turn.

Eve Rosa Ames is a complete and absolute dreamboat.

Always happy, always moving, loud, funny, silly, determined, snuggly, and addicting; that is our Eve.

She is becoming the girliest of girly-girls as of late: necklaces have quickly become her trademark.  If she can get her hands on a necklace, you'd better believe it will be around her neck in 2.4 seconds.  I've taken to keeping strands of mardi gras beads in my purse because they are the ultimate in special treats and distractions for her -- she's so fancy :)

She is our brown-eyed girl, and I love it.  I love that my parents express continual amazement at how she is identical to me as a baby -- love that. I love that she is a total mama's girl, but also can't get enough of Brian.  Or Charlie, or Lucy, for that matter. She is an equal opportunity lover baby.  You cannot spend time with Eve and not feel important and loved.  She has an amazing gift.

Eve communicates surprisingly well for a girl with one understandable word; and its all because of her little point.  I'm mama; Brian's mama; Grandma is mama; Charlie and Lucy are mama.  But she let's you know who she is talking to because she will proudly point at you with her pointer and middle finger, thumb sticking straight out.  It's so cute.  I know it doesn't sound like much, but trust me, it is ca-ute.

Her famous line is "ook" (prounounced like "look," minus the l), and it means, appropriately, "look."  With those 2 little fingers pointing, she will exclaim "Mama, ook!" and all it takes is acknowledgement of what she was pointing to to evoke a huge grin and often a small applause from the sweet babe.  Eve reminds me of what is truly important in life: to be surrounded, and acknowledged, by people who love you.

I took her in for her 15 months appointment today and she is long and lean, just like our other babies.  At 20 pounds and 31 inches tall, she is in the 20% for weight and 75% for height.  She has her daddy's long torso and her mama's long legs; I call her our super model baby.

What'd I tell you? So fancy, right?

Eve came into our family when I needed her the most.  I had mild postpartum anxiety/depression after Charlie, and then really bad postpartum anxiety/depression after Lucy.  Unfortunately, I didn't realize it at the time -- I just thought that having kids was really, really hard.  It wasn't until Eve was born that I was given a clear view of everything.  For the first 5 weeks of Eve's life, I was myself again.  I was happy, excited for life, and able to laugh again: it was WONDERFUL!  And then, after that 5 weeks, I crashed into that same dark, painful place that was all too familiar.  Because of my 5 weeks of happiness, I knew that the anxiety and depression I was feeling wasn't normal and I was able to get the help I so desperately needed.  I literally was given my life back.  I find it no coincidence that Eve's name means "life."  She gave me my life back.  She is my gift.

 I am so grateful for my beautiful baby Eve.  She is my joy, my gift, and my life (well, 1/4 of it, atleast).

The first day of kindergarten

Also known as, "a very very depressing day for Emily."

Before I highlight my stellar eldest, can I just ask: is there such thing as loving your children an unhealthy amount?  If so, I think I do.  Because kindergarten is ripping my insides out.  I want nothing more than to home school my little ones, just so they can be with me, and I with them, ALL OF THE TIME.  Now don't get me wrong, I love and neeeeeeed breaks from the mom-scene, but the fact that my schedule with my kids is no longer 100% in my control?  That's where I fall apart.  Maybe I have a control problem?  But I really think I just like them too much. 

Back to Charlie.

His first day of school also happened to be August 13, his 5th birthday.  This was good and bad: it made the day extra exciting for him, but extra painful for me.

We started the day with presents and birthday breakfast, and then kicked it into high gear and got dressed and ready for school.  All was going swimmingly, and I was actually keeping myself together.  I was pretty proud of myself.

We went to the office to get his class assignment (room 1 -- so cute!) and then headed over to the classroom to meet Mrs. G, his darling teacher.  He got to sign in, put his snack in the snack bin, and then he and I got to explore the classroom together.  So far so good.  The kids were then escorted out to the kinder playground for a quick recess while Mrs. G. did a quick and general "welcome to kinder" orientation for the parents.

And then, the goodness ended.

Because it was after the orientation that the kids were brought back to the classroom to say goodbye.

Let's talk about how heartbreaking it is to see your sweetheart son walk towards you with open arms, a quivering lip, and silent tears.  I hugged him tight and asked him if something had happened on the playground; thank goodness, no.  It was just time to say goodbye: honestly, neither one of us were ready for that, even though we needed to be. I held him tight for a while, loved him, kissed his cheeks, wiped his tears, fought my own tears, and gave him a kissing hand before he headed inside with his teacher.  Honestly, I think that the only thing that kept the actual leaving me part less graphic was the talk of a birthday box that he would get a prize from.

All of a sudden, I was SO glad it was his birthday today.

I fought tears and anger the whole drive home.  This just wasn't fair.  I wasn't ready for this stage of life.  He belonged with me.  Nowhere else.

Thank goodness Brian was driving.

When we got home and I saw all of his birthday gifts and decorations there, without him, I started sobbing.  Like, big, heaving, wet, loud, ugly sobs.  I couldn't stay in the house without him.  So the girls and I went grocery shopping and bought snacks for his snack time.  Doing something for him made it easier for me to cope.

And then, just like that, it was time to go and pick him up.  BOY HOWDY do I LOOOOOOVE half day kinder.

Today was day 3, and the first day he hasn't held tight to my arm and cried silent tears.  And to be honest, because he didn't, I did.

I am really surprised at what a struggle this entire transition is for me.  I know it will become my new normal; but between the extra early rising, waking the girls up early, and schlepping everyone across town in LA traffic, I'm not really loving my new normal.  EVERYTHING is different right now.  I'm ready to go back to old reliable.  But I don't think that will be happening anytime soon.

So I will keep moving forward, keep smiling and flashing "I love you" signs to my boy as I wave goodbye, and keep taking my anti-anxiety/anti-depressant medicine (courtesy of ongoing ppa).  Because folks, this is real life.  Its still abnormally difficult for me and I can't think about him being this old and in school for too long without crying, but I'll get there.

 This is my new normal.

And I have a big, brave, kindergartener to take care of.

Pictures of the first day of school are forthcoming.  I'm lame and still don't know how to upload them from the new camera.

Lucyisms...

Lu has the best view and interpretation on reality.  I've decided that I want to live in her world.

She has an impressive list of word confusions as of late; it makes it really fun to listen to the girl chat about the world around her.

So that we don't forget, here are the one's we have heard most recently:

Gorilla = "granola"
Nutrigrain bars = "choo choo grain bars"
Nothing = "anything" (this is especially fun when she gets in trouble -- "Lu, what were you doing over there?" "Anything.")
Hiccups = "teacups"
Flamingos = "flea mangoes"
Ketchup = "check up"


Those are the only ones I can remember.  I'll add to the list as I hear more.

A few more tid-bits about this girl right now: she is still in love with cats, but is broadening her love to dogs too.  She wants to pet every. dog. she. sees.  Last week at the park, I looked over and she was holding an cuddling some random chihuahua.  It was ridiculous.
She has my sweet tooth, but handles sugar like a Hammy would -- its insane. 
She has the deepest love for all around her and loves to cuddle, hug, and give kisses. 
She is hilarious.  HILARIOUS. Mostly, again, in her interpretation of things.  She is at an age where she is able to more fully express her thoughts, so we are really seeing into her mind.  Its an amazing one.

Overheard in the car today was this gem of a question, from Lucy to Charlie. (make sure to read it in an exasperated and impatient voice)
"Charlie, when do I get to marry you in the temple?!  I just want to marry you because I love you so much!"

What a sweetheart this little one is.  What would our family EVER do with out her?!

Heartbroken insomnia

I just learned that the youngest son of some of our dear Provo friends, just 6 months old, has recently been diagnosed with spinal muscular atrophy, type 1; a rare genetic disease that only promises a life span of 2 years.  I am heartbroken for them.

On their blog, she writes of her struggles with sleep lately: of dreading the loneliness and solitude of night. Now having learned of their situation, I find myself sleepless as well, unable to tear my thoughts from these friends.  So here I am, hoping to type my thoughts out and maybe be able to sleep tonight.

We were neighbors with this couple 5 years ago, when their first son was born.  They were some of the first people we met in our married student ward, and some of the kindest.  To this day, I think of them often and the wonderful example they were to us.

I am realizing that there was a special, unspoken bond, formed with the many young couples we knew in that married ward.  Everyone was going through the same exact phase of life, starting a new life together, learning to be more selfless than selfish, starting to grow families... it was a sacred time of life, to be sure; filled with life lessons, and over-flowing with priceless memories.  As such a special time of life is shared among neighbors, it comes as no surprise to me now, 5 years later, that I am so affected by this tragic news.

Come to think of it, we still keep in touch with numerous couples from that phase of life, counting some of them lifelong friends, always to be considered family. 

But moving on.


In my mourning for them, I am uplifted by their faith and strength: still, 5 years later and 800 miles away, they are setting the example for me.  What incredible friends we have.

This entire thing throws into sharp perspective the blessings I have been showered with.  Carrying Lucy to time-out as she kicks and screams won't be as much of an annoyance anymore:  it will be a reminder of the strong body she has, a body that can kick and scream.  Pulling Eve away from Charlie's lego towers won't seem as exasperating anymore, because it means that she can crawl. And wiping Charlie's tears away, every 5 minutes, because he fell, or bonked his head, or stubbed his toe, etc won't be as exhausting as it once was, but will be a gift, because it means he can run, jump, and move his little body.

My heart, prayers, thoughts, and sleep, go out to our dear friends.

I am grateful for them, their example, and their faith. 

Curse you, Instagram

Ever since I signed onto instagram, this blog has been even MORE neglected.  As if that were possible.

Sorry.

I have lots of family history to record here and I'll get on it soon.  Like, as soon as I'm done potty training Lucy.  Its turning into a bigger job than I anticipated, as Eve is crawling now (WHAT?!) and getting into everything (did you know her favorite thing to chew on is electrical cords?  Freaky.  Apparently, baby-proofing is different than Eve-proofing).  But I digress.

We're here.  Living a crazy life.  And I'm excited to get back to blogging it soon!

In the meantime, here are some poorly-lit pictures I took of the kids recently (meaning in January.  Maybe we should upload the camera to the computer?  Just a thought).

oh. my. heavens.  the baby chub. can you even stand it?  because i can't! Such a doll. I LOVE this child.

building "mickey's castle," to busy for shirts.

ahhh, this boy is such a trooper, what, with all the sister craziness that he is blessed with:)