New Year?

New year? I guess its the same old thing.. one of them in my messenger list said that probably its a bad way for me to end my 2008...

Maths, Electronic and Mechanics re-test.. coming soon..



I bet you're out there... enjoying yourself...
Half of me I feel so glad that you're having a great time..
Half of me feel so missed you out..
If nothing goes wrong at this time.. I shouldn't be at home..
I'll be with you.. keeping you company.. having the time.. our time..
but no.. no.. im just dreaming.. hallucinating again...
im not paranoid no.. I had enough being that..

but now I have nothing and in pieces... I'm picking myself up again..
The holy words makes me stronger.. something to distract me out..
Insyallah.. He will give me the perseverance..







that will be all.
Dismissed.


-Khai-

No show..

Everytime i looked at her pictures right now, I feel hurt..like I did before..
Everytime I looked at mine right now, I see the face of negativity...
What did I do to deserve all this ?
Full of unanswered questions in my mind.. and all is about you..
Assumptions and hunches of my own conscious are just the possible answers that I thought of for..
I still miss you... very much.
Words in my head says that you hate me..
But I know its not.. there's something else..?
Why won't you tell me ? Was it my words ? Was it the time? Things gone way too fast ? Yes? No? What is it?
I tried to be a good guy ... yes .. very hard..
But I still receive the same ol' deja vu..
Why am I still missing you whereas you aren't having the same feel...?
I think I have that feeling before.. you just do not want to talk to me.. out of no reason.. - irritate and abit of hatred..
Perhaps the faulty words that I said on the previous times...
How weak humans like me are.. I thought I've learnt my past.. but its just repeating again...
I get so hurt.. I know this syndrome is for a short-term but it keeps biting at the neck..
Where ever I go or being still for a moment.. whenever I start to think for myself.. You popped up..
The air I breath at times I sense your fragrance...
The number which I save under you're name still at the top of my list..
The places that we had gone to.. those buses we took.. all came in a flashback... I keep hallucinating..
Your eyes, your lips, your voice; your beautiful lovely face...
its just there.. projecting in my mind...
Despite your big flaw.. I still do care about you..
Those time you were ill... I brought my things.. and most of the things I did was my first.
But something telling me that I'm just still in a dream...
I can't say " I love you " anymore.. because you ain't feeling the same..
Perhaps I promised myself too much.. Hoping too much...
I know its isn't the end of the world.. but what am I going to do ?
Without you.. the Theme song of my blog...
Without you.. I got hurt yet again..
You beautiful girl, why do you do this to me..
I'm really not angry at you.. just so confused on your actions...
Confused till the extend I get ill..
Sleepless night... yet on that day.. I'm sure you're having a great time with your life.. I wonder have you think about my conditions...
I repeat myself.. I got no time for anger... because that time you're someone very special to me..
and now that special feeling isn't fading off .. yet..
I thought having these r/s ... I could prove myself to be a better man.. yet.. it doesn't ... you're the addition that I have to X it out on my list...
If only time to could be adjusted..

Those memories, Yana...
Will not be forgotten..


Ihavetoputmyselfbacktogether.

Yeah.Nurul, I apologise for the childish act that night.

That will be all.
Dismissed.


-Khai-

Triple Blow.

I just make it short and fuckin sweet.

1) Had to wake up at 630am to meet Sani for a game at Boon Lay.(Take note that I came back from work like 1am.)

2) On that game we lost. 0-5. Sani got injured.

3) Unknownly had to pay $7 for that game.

4) Lastly, a heartful of hurt and pain.. I just got dumped..yet again.
(iknewitwouldcome)

I've learn to accept like a man.. when it comes to big play .. you play with big risk.. and my risk isn't worth a single fuckin time.

What can I do to change her feelings towards me? Nothing. I tried to be a good and responsible guy.. It doesn't have any impact.

So whats ahead of me now.. I've yet to know.. God give me strength and perseverance.. and alhamdulillah, He did.

I'm just sick and tired.. right at this point..

So where do I put my face in front of my friends... Face the music, son. Like you said you play it big.. and you handle with big risk..

Now back to square one.. with much more hurt and pain..heh.. Moving forward..? I know those memories will haunt me back.. sooner not later.. But if you're reading this ,babe... I'll give you a slice of good things to you.. Yes, I had great time with you.. Those first times. It was really the first. okay.. enough.

I dont hope.. cause hope always give a false statement. So I wish...

I wish we could stay in contact like normal... just update me if you find your perfect "TEDDY"..

it happen so fast...3 weeks of holiday.. and it didnt finish with a good ending.. Serve you right, Khai.. serve you right.

(Releasing me is totally a big mistake. Yes babe. A big mistake.)
(Fuckin life.. always fucked up..why can't I have a good life? Oh God.PleaseforgivemeofwhatIsaidinthisstatement)


That will be all.
Dismissed.

Her home..

I can't believe myself for going to JB just to buy ciggarette.. yes.. all by myself... didn't ate in the morning.. and yet for my very first time I sacrifice my food for tobacco... heh.. tsk ttsk tsk.. anyway.. so sweet of her to wait for me at Marsiling.. till I return for my ciggarette lust... it was hell of a wait for her.. so quickly held her in my hands and appreciate her for the waiting..

Went to orchard.. to settle my M1 mobile plan problem.. had a great time especially on the way back sending her home.. about some things I share with her.. some stories that seem so private..
heh.. I couldn't believe that I actually cried... indeed it was still inside... painful.. but I can never forgive that very moment...

Unfortunately.. she fell ill today.. rush to her place.. to take care of her which I brought along my Strepsils cough liquid medicine and some lozenges to clear her sore throat and cough...
tried to help her tidy up her room... cause obviously she's too weak..as in she's ill...
just a rough check on her temperature... in the morning it wasn't that bad at all..

but late in the afternoon.. the temperature went high.. thats what being reported... hmm anyway....

Pretty as she is also without the make-up on.. heh..


Yup.. have a fast and speedy recovery, dear...
I'll be here always... as what I've promised..




That will be all
Dismissed.

No its not yours.

Finally....

Yes. Her. Me. The one. Only one..

Confession - She's mine.. My girl.
Babe, I'll keep those words on what I said to you...

And don't you worry dear..
I'm a motherfuckin loyal soldier.

=)

Updates more to come...

unlucky

Unlucky day for me.. really.. I don't even know why I decide to blog out this post on such unusual occassion .. but really I'm like in deep shit..

first... I was hoping for this weekend... at least a soccer match.. but heh. .. it turn out to be a disaster yet unlucky day for me.. initially there's a game at 4:30 pm.. which I can't make it.. because I have to rush for work on that time... and was thinking that.. after having the offer to play for someone's team the following day... i thought that it will be just normal... but in the end... received a text message saying there was a last minute cancellation..... really. what the fuck.


Secondly... after working endlessly.. almost by myself... even though there's another guy who should do the job with me... ( i just don't want to mention "how" good he is.. ironically I just give a hint out already.. tch ... ) ... Farid text me out he had to leave early.. was meeting a "friend" .. yaerh. and I thought that.. I could also go back home "early" .. having my friend to clock out my work time for me.. in the end.. I receive another text followed by a phone call regarding my photocopied IC can't be used to clockout... my other friends had tried out alot of times.. and they fail to do it...

and thats spell the word " SHIT " ... which means.. I'm gonna face the music when the next day that I go to work... had to come out with lies... to bend the truth...


and.....fuck it.. so lazy to write it out ...


that will be all.
Dismissed.


-khai-