August 31, 2003
I don't know anything at all and I'm somebody else
It could take years to find you, it could years to find myself
And I don't need to hear your answer I just need you to see
That I think it's time to break down these walls that we throw
Am I still breathing have I lost that feeling
Am I made of glass 'cause you see right through me
I don't know who I am and you're the only one who sees that
I can't ask these questions that cannot be answered today
And even if everything goes wrong and we start to fall apart
I will understand where you are, I will understand this by myself
And I don't need to hear your answer I just need you to feel
Like there are no boundaries at all
And how far have we come, too far to throw away the past
Will you be there waiting for me
I have to ask what we are, if I ask today it just won't last
So I'll be here waiting for you
Will we ever feel this good again - Not today
Will we ever feel this real again - Not today
Will you ever be mine again - Not today
Will we ever feel this real again - Not today
trapt - made of glass
1:57 PM
August 30, 2003
i caught SWAT today at cine. it's a pretty darn good show. colin farrell gets hotter each day. michelle rodriguez and her i'm-a-bitch-in-your-face attitude really got me going. and i didn't know oliver martinez was acting in it as well till he actually came on. that dude's cool. he pulled off his character fantastically well. nobody else coulda done it half as well. you gotta watch the show to know what i'm talking about. and the part he slits his uncle's throat, is outstanding.
highlight of the show: when chris sanchez (michelle rodriguez) walks into the SWAT team room for the first time and street (farrell) turns to TJ (josh charles) and says 'looks like you're no longer the prettiest one around.' love that part.
rated: 4/5
9:05 PM
losers think you actually care
when they tell you they won't be there
losers want to make you want
to be the one who's sucking their cunt
losers like to make you worry
that they're running away with somebody
losers always let you know
there's some place else they wanna go
losers will try to make you feel guilty
for their lack of responsibility
losers say 'it's your fault you're down,
i've got no time, i gotta find my crown'
losers, they do make you feel sad
for forgetting all you've ever had and shared.
11:28 AM
August 28, 2003
to need love is to feel the cold
that bears your hate till stale and mould.
10:13 PM
lucid dreaming
i had a lucid dream last night. it was like none of the previous ones i'd had before. this time, i knew what was going to happen even before it did. which was kinda cool, cos it was like
dreaming on will. i knew exactly what i wanted to dream of. usually when this happened i ended up dreaming of pirates, and then consequently, getting eaten by sharks. this time, though, everything went according to plan. first i dreamt of all the girls i never had the guts to approach. with the first one, we were at my place. things started off rather well, with she on top of me. we were kissing kinda funny, cos i think her teeth kept getting in the way. but i had a thing for her, so i tried to make it work. we attempted to kiss a few more times, but she didn't know how to tilt her head or something, so i moved on to the next girl. we were in some room, hell knows where. but that's peripheral to the matter. she grabbed me around my neck and slowly moved closer to me.
she could kiss, mind you. it felt pretty good and i was having a great time. it was the wildest sex anyone could capture in one of those intangible pockets of astral space. the whole idea was idiosyncratic in a way, but that only got me even higher. after i was done with her, i decided to move on to the next one. you know, it is overwhelming to have every and any girl you've ever known (or not known, for that matter) at your disposal; to do absolutely anything you want to them, and even have them do what you want them to do. it's like playing god in the pursuit of satisfying the merest of desires. it's perverse, yes, but then what are dreams for? in that moment of ecstatic unrest, i was torn between natalie portman and jessica alba. and just then, a lady came up to me- a stranger. i had never seen her before, and she was carrying a little boy in her arms.
'can you get aids in dreams?' was my first question. it was purely instinctive. in fact, i had never meant to ask that. but she never answered me anyway. she put down the boy, who ran away, out of the scope of my mind. it was just the two of us now. in full momentum of prior events, i willed her to undress. my god, was she hot. she may have been monica bellucci, but we'll never know.
'first time?' i remember her asking.
'pardon me?' i replied. this was in Dreaming. what did it matter if it was my first time or my seven hundredth time, i thought quickly. she must have read my mind. i don't remember her exact words or phrasing, but i'll put in my effort at rehashing what went on.
'just because it's a dream, you're going to do it with everyone you come across?' she said to me. in that instant, i felt a slight tinge of guilt inject itself in me. and then i felt so dirty. maybe she had a point, regardless of where it was, the whole notion that i'd do it with everyone i came across, stunned me, more than anything: 'yea, so what if it's only a dream?'
but it was a lesson i never learnt.
8:14 PM
August 25, 2003
Economics.
when an event A makes you lose face, you make known to as many as possible what event A was by whatever means, so as to 1) gain sympathy from peers and 2) cancel out the adversities of event A itself.
7:13 PM
August 23, 2003
recommended song of the day: endo - clean sheets
11:55 PM
haha, blogs are brilliant. i'm easily fascinated by reading someone's blog, and comparing the person portrayed in the blog to the person i see in school, or in town or something. very often what's written in the blog becomes more, or very, personal, as if it were a diary.
it's not. unless you publicise your diaries like a little dickweed. but this is all good for me, because it gives my little inner conscience something to laugh at them about. here's a little tip:
people only know what you tell them. so relax with the 'been feeling quite down these few days.. i'm feelin much better now though' and 'i swear i cant take this anymore, whats the point of hoping when most of the time you end up disappointed..' not saying i've never done it before, but just think for a bit. it's interesting to rant about a particular topic, but it's pathetic to wallow in self-pity.
sigh. 11.52pm. kopi, anyone?
11:54 PM
August 13, 2003
someone asked me today, 'do you ever regret anything you do?'
'yes,' i said. 'everyday.'
i'm sorry, to everyone i owe an apology.
the list is too long.
i'm sorry.
i'm devastated. today, another guy decided to read my palm. he too said i'm going to get married very late, around 35 or so. and it won't even be me who proposes, it'll be her. so much for my plans of getting married at the age of 26 to the richest only-daughter i can get my hands on and then running off to spain or italy. i didn't get any advice on my future career but he said i'll excell in whatever i do. my spirits were lifted by images of me finally becoming a enterprising young Don Juan making an opulent living selling myself running through my head. but 35! and he's not the first astrologer to predict a late marriage for me. at least, knowing it's inhuman to be celibate till i hit 35-ish, i can be sure of some badass
premarital sex.
anyway, good news being now i know i'll live to at least 35.
7:49 PM
August 12, 2003
haha,
roger finally got a blog! alright, woohOo~!
; )
9:43 PM
August 10, 2003
In the office of a Roman doctor:
"Specialist in women and other diseases."
In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
Stop: Drive Sideways.
On the faucet in a Finnish washroom:
To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
12:57 AM
August 09, 2003
american's general warning: anything you don't know might kill you.
everyone who hasn't seen bowling for columbine should go see it, myself included.
12:44 PM
August 07, 2003
so, tragedy would have it that i stumble across a blog. but just as he's entitled to pour out his lifelessness, i'm entitled to feeling disgusted.
p.s. i got my fucking comment tool installed for a reason. USE IT.
6:58 PM
August 05, 2003
and in case i forget,
SILVERCHAIR - SPAWN AGAIN
fucken awesome...
6:11 PM
if i sing a song, will you sing along-
if i tell you i'm strong, will you play along-
if i follow along, does it mean i belong-
So I just keep singing right here by myself.
dave matthews
5:50 PM
August 01, 2003
sweeping statement of the day: anyone who doesn't blog is scum.
5:44 PM
