July 31, 2003
i have a confession to make: it was i who invented kissing. it was about 800 years ago, if i'm not mistaken, the 13th century. before that, people didn't kiss, at all. all they did was walk with their eyes fixed ahead of them. they even greeted one another that way, without so much of a turn of the head, or a smile. being a people of such rigidity, one can only imagine the sex at that time. understandable, everyone had an insatiated look on their faces. but they never showed this with a scowl or a frown. but they were well-meaning in everything they did. they helped neighbours burn down corridor-plants that were growing out of control, killed stray cats that scratched any of their neighbours' doors (or their own door for that matter) and broke the arms of stealing little children for the baker. and so life went on in the 13th century like this, all over the world. everything was well in order, but something was amiss. i was just a little boy then. i think i was 8. my family were slaves to a rich man, who owned a chocolate factory, which made chocolates that tasted of salty rubber. but everyone loved them, because they were the only chocolates available. they were green in colour, and took hours to melt- even in the mouth. this prompted many people of the new age to come up with 'chewing gum', i can imagine. but i digress. there was a girl. she belonged to a family of muggers, the highest caste at that time. however due to a widely publicised dispute with the king of the Greater South they were banished to living on the streets. all their wealth had been donated to all the virgins by means of a secret mailing service. rumour had it this service was owned by the rich chocolate man as well. being muggers, they had certain abilities which no one else had. they could tilt their heads both left and right, whereas many could only tilt their heads in one direction. this, of course, was of no great concern for the people who never looked anywhere but in front of them. this head-tilting function was merely a luxury for when they were sleeping and accidentally shifted to one side. the muggers however made full use of their head-tilting gifts. they had a wider scope of the world at that time, and were able to sneak up on their victims without ever being noticed. for anyone who could actually observe them were muggers themselves, and deemed it perfectly fine to mug unsuspecting commoners. in this way, the muggers, with their head-tilting specialties, made a sweet, financially-abounding living for themselves and were the envy of many. politicians never failed to make it their top priorities to become acquainted with prominent Muggers and, more often than not, usually ended up being mugged themselves. they never realised this, naturally. the girl- she must have been 8 as well, give and take at most, a couple of years. she had long grey hair which reached the small of her back. i knew this because she was naked wherever she went. and so was i. the only people who ever wore clothes then were the Preachers of Humility and Properness. these were a small group of people who wore a great many layers of clothes; and a tie over the final layer, whatever the final layer may have been. there was one time a Preacher had worn a singlet over his sweater as a final layer, and also had a tie on above his singlet. everyone who saw him almost-smiled at him, but he thought he looked especially dashing, without really showing it on his face. while i had a full head of thick black hair and was actually quite fond of it, i had always admired the girl with long grey hair. i could tilt my head both ways as well. nobody ever found out, because i was only permitted to look ahead in crowded places. one time i was alone, scrubbing the garden dirt clean, and i saw the girl with long grey hair. she was sitting on a rock not too far away. i looked up to my left to get a good look at her. she looked straight ahead at me. behind her was a stream of people weaving in and out of themselves, maintaining a sort of dead-set manner about their movements. they looked like a lot of boxes being pushed forward. but at that moment, she got up and my eyes shot back at her. then, in the most graceful manner i had ever seen anybody walk, she swanned towards me, like a young angel. she had no breasts, but she still emanated a kind of softness that one could only associate with feminity. i fell in love with her instantly. she walked towards the garden and stopped at the hilt.
'do you play?' said she.
'play?' said i.
'come.'
and so she grabbed me by the hand and led me away from the garden. i had not a clue as to where we were going. i couldn't even guess, because i had never gone beyond the garden where i worked. everyday while scrubbing the dirty grass (i was told to keep scrubbing till they sparkled) i would look out to the distance. but there were so many people walking about, i assumed the entire country must have been like that, with people obscuring anything of a view. but this girl was taking me somewhere with not so many people, i was slowly beginning to realise, because with every hundred or so steps we took, i began to see more and more land unoccupied by men and women. initially i thought she was taking me to a place full of green-coloured people, or perhaps the place where the rich chocolate man got all his chocolate stuff. because i could only see green. after we got to where she wanted to take me in the first place, we sat down on grass. i was unnerved by the fact that there was absolutely nobody around us. after a while, i started to appreciate it, and wished that life could be like this all the time. i watched her as she sweeped all her tresses with both hands and clutched it, before slowly tying it into a knot. they were intricate hand movements, and i was not able to follow what she was doing, but i was satisfied enough with the end-product: her hair was neatly sitting on her head in a bun, the bright sun gleaming healthily on it. a single trail of hair fell in front of her face, and i noticed that it was not grey, but black. jet black, just like my own. i suddenly became very puzzled, and decided to lean forward. i was inches away from her, and we could do nothing but stare at each other. i, hopelessly deeper in love; she, beautifully uncaring.
'do you like my hair?' she asked.
and then it happened. i did, so i leant further forward till there was nothing left to do, but press our faces together. we were both breathing very hard by now, and the motion of our jerking heads pressed our lips together intermittently. until in one tremendous pulsating moment, we kissed. we didn't know what it was, but we kept doing it. i only realised how happy it made me, when i saw her smile. i reached around her, and undid her hair so that it fell clumsily over both of us. it became dark almost too soon, and we both made our way back home.
the next day, things began to change. people were smiling more carelessly and openly, and even dared tilt their heads to one side to greet fellow passers-by. being 8 and highly observant, i was startled by all the changes. just for a moment, i thought all this was my fault. but i never knew why. just after i heard someone say hello and walk quickly away, i saw her again. she was still naked, and i could see faint grass stains on her sides. as if we had both meant it, we rushed towards each other and grabbed each other by the arms. then kissed again. for the first time as anyone can recall, the entire town turned from looking straight ahead to look at two people who had absolutely nothing to do with them. first they smiled. then, as we started kissing more passionately, started laughing gently. after some time, people started grabbing each other by the arms, and pulled them closer. by the time we were lost in our own world of tongues, saliva, heat and sweat, everyone around us had begun to do the same. boys and girls, girls and men, women and women, women and men. for several hours, the entire city was at a standstill; doing nothing but kissing. she and i broke our love-stance and walked away from each other. the others did the same. then everything was back to usual, only the people looked happier. the next day, people started to walk out in pairs. a few were holding hands (but it looked funny because they had their elbows bent back as they did this). there was an audible chatter in the air for the first time in many, many years. children were seen tilting their heads as they walked, with their parents next to them softly smiling approvingly, but too embarrassed to tilt their heads themselves. the older generation had camped outside their front doors, cursing dryly at the shameless youth of today, gaze fixed straighter ahead than anyone else. it was during this transcient period that i felt most comfortable going out to look for my girlfriend. however i was unable to find her anymore. i wanted to ask around, but it would have been difficult considering none of us had names. and when i did try asking a passer-by by describing her to him or her, they'd brush me aside saying they were in a hurry. the more helpful ones would tell me i was crazy, and that no young girl they'd ever seen had grey hair. eventually, the town became a very amorous one, while i had been spiralling out of love. every single day, when i was scrubbing the gardens, i'd look up to my left, and picture her sitting on the rock, motioning me toward her. after several weeks, i was resigned to having lost my girlfriend. i was miserable for a very long time, and tried finding other girls to kiss. but none of them made me feel like i did when i was kissing her. slowly, i made my way out of the social boundaries of that gregarious town. the town looked so blithe and jocund i was certain that nobody had missed me. just as i was wallowing gloomily in self-pity and loveless capacity, i saw her. she had beautiful black hair and it was slightly longer than i had remembered it to be. she turned pink in the face at the sight of me. i noticed that she had started growing breasts, and was now even more beautiful than before. the flimsy membrane that had been protecting me from being in love gave way at once, and i choked. she walked towards me. my heart started beating wildly, but only for a short while. from a distance, she leant forward and kissed me a dry kiss. then backed off as quickly as she had made me fall in love all over again.
'i have to go.' said she.
'ok.' said i.
but i had no idea where she had to go. i saw her again 800 years later. she still had her long black hair, and i had my full head of thick hair. and we did kiss, for one last time.
10:11 PM
July 30, 2003
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test
3:49 PM
July 28, 2003
i'll be your god,
i'll be yours.
because you deserve me
and i've always loved you.
we were made for each other,
like the stars for the sky.
for beauty and for perfection,
for love and pure existence.
be mine, and i'll be yours.
be my god, and i'll be yours.
7:03 PM
July 27, 2003
swallows come, swallows go
swallows say 'i told you so'
as they fly over me.
they don't laugh at me, they are my friends
they don't hate me, we just don't shake hands.
but they do grin.
because they have taught me a lesson, and i know it.
i'd like to join them in the skies instead.
you can keep your heart; don't know where that thing has been.
4:47 PM
deftones - minerva
12:28 PM
July 26, 2003
today was my school's parent-teacher meet. i missed my first appointment, with my form teacher who also is my econs tutor. so i went around looking for my other tutors first. first was physics. lim jen see by a slip of the tongue referred to me as 'bala' in front of my dad not once but twice. haha, and then she quickly shook her head and chuckled 'sorry, benjamin...' but that one went okay, she settled for telling my dad that i'm just plain lazy and that i topped the class in physics. then we moved on to my math tutor. this one was rather interesting. i'm pretty sure he was avoiding some one in the hall, because he kept disappearing and was perspiring a hell lot. or maybe he was having a tummy upset. he told my dad that my math shouldn't be a problem for me, but i'm just a little bit lazy. after that we went to see my gp tutor, who's going to Japan next week for about a year. he did a good job of convincing my dad that my gp's alright, even when compared with the other better classes (my dad doesn't like my class, i think). but still i had to work harder to produce more full-toned essays. then finally we got to my form teacher, when we saw that she was available. she was being really nice today.
"well, benjamin has passed the exams, but i'm still not happy. he got a B C E, but his econs is an E. which is unacceptable..." then she mentioned how i never hand up my essays; forget
on time. and that i was an irresponsible assistant class rep who was always the last one to hand in SARS declaration forms. she also expressed her disappointment in my becoming influenced by my classmates instead of influencing them, whatever that was supposed to mean. i never made eye-contact with her through-out the whole thing. she then ended the session by saying that i lack self-motivation and drive and that if she were to compare me to that bespectacled mugger space cowboy girl who was in njc for the first three months who has no friends nor a life and wears her skirt two fists below her knees and so on, i'd be worse off. then she and i exchanged friendly smiles, before my dad and i set off for breakfast at adam road.
i think today was the most i've spoken to my dad in a really long time. i showed him who gurmit singh was, and told him all the stories about him, including the one with jimmy tong, and the incident where a whole bunch of us was made to do ten rounds round the track because we were late for math lecture. we both made fun of netty haiffaq together while waiting in the hall, and noticed how remarkably simian the school tamil teacher looked.
breakfast was nasi lemak.
2:11 PM
think twice before you touch my girl.
1:29 PM
July 25, 2003
and my
second attempt!
12:23 AM
haha, motherfuck! check out my
first attempt at comedy. well, not first, actually.
12:07 AM
July 23, 2003
to david
take it easy man, they all have boyfriends. it's like some criterion they have to fulfil, especially with the girls today (don't know how it is in your time zone though); they keep a boyfriend, so as to standardise matters, but that doesn't mean you don't get a shot at them. well, in some cases at least.
'hey, isn't she with that guy? what's she doing with this guy then? wha...?'
'aren't the two of you going out?'
'no, she's got a boyfriend, but he's still interested in her... yea, he knows...'
'haha, so she's just playing along?'
'two-timing huh?'
'haha, right... it's rather obvious that they're an item.'
so you see, that's how it really goes. just do your thing and you'll be great.
in other news, i think there are too many guys and not enough girls to go around. take a look at my class: 13 guys, 2 girls. the 13 guys are not attached, the 2 girls, however revolting they may look, are.
9:54 PM
i have decided to get rid of my tagboard, after consulting my blog consultant. she says they're 'unsightly and troublesome, anyway.' so, i've been thinking of getting a comment tool for my blog instead. however, i fondly remember several bad experiences with comment tools. and i quite like the tagboard. it's so, transparent, if you take my meaning. quite like myself. ha. right. suggestions, anyone?
8:18 PM
July 21, 2003
dearest pakky, no, uh duh! of course i listened to the stupid songs you recommended. what kind of an idiot do you take me for? i'm not as dumb as you look, you know. anyway, if l'arc en ciel's ANYTHING at all to go by, i'm deeply sorry for you. 'Flower' sounds like The Cure trying to do a nursery rhyme, honestly. don't believe me, go download it and listen for yourself. 'it's rock for goodness sake' hello? wake up. have you heard 'bother' by stone sour? their lyrics are awesome, if we don't want to go into their awesome tune yet. and if you're gonna talk about drum beats and riffs and shit like that and NOT the lyrics, then why on earth listen to rock. heard of techno? house? dance music? sheesh.
ok, now we move on to the bit on 'show me an english group whose musical instruments can rival a j cock-i-mean-rock group's'. one word: Dreamtheatre. what about system of a down, ever heard them jam? god, there're countless english groups that kick, really kick, your j rock groups' asseses. plus, we can even
know what they're saying.
oh, you can get people to back you up? let's hear them. ; ) i got people backing me up without me even asking, man. i'm one up against you, if only because you're pak. and i'm not.
and on ronaldinho
oh, ouch. mummy, mummy. hitting me where it hurts. geez... i didn't think you'd have to actually resort to that. but then.
6:10 PM
July 19, 2003
i've forgotten that you loved me. or instead, told me you loved me.
today, i did something i must be proud of; praise myself for. overcoming all forms of sentimentality and taking a giant leap forwards, i got rid of something i've been keeping since 14 april 2002.
something special.
1:57 PM
pak, your choice of music is really bad. flower by l'arc en ciel sucks, fray by staind sucks, ameno by dunno who the fuck sucks, we could be heroes by the wallflowers is the worst of the lot, and promised land by l'arc en ciel isn't even grammatical unless to real estate agents. strange and beautiful's not bad, but i discovered that one on my own, even before you. back me up here, people.
shit, i had something else to say but i forget. you got away easy this time, punk.
11:12 AM
so i wish i could sing. have you heard 'dosed' by RHCP? or 'so far away' by staind? it gets annoying after a while that all you can do is
listen to them. and not sing them, however hard you try. or high you try. usher sings really well in 'how do i say?' as well, but that's usher. oh, brandon boyd's vocals are stellar, no pun intended, too. but he probably practises the dark arts or something for a voice like that. what i wouldn't give to be able to pipe like them.
or at least play the guitar.
10:53 AM
i did not perm my hair. i just never rebonded half of it.
10:43 AM
July 18, 2003
song of the day: Cold - Stupid Girl
4:39 PM
marc ong.
brilliant, i missed the most intense track finals in history when i decided to go to the gym yesterday. everyone was raving about how we kicked (or carressed with the foot, because of the margin of victory) hwa chong's ass in the A div boys' event. it wasn't even by one point, if i'm not mistaken; it was by the number of silver medals each team had won. then today during morning assembly, they showed us a slide presentation of yesterday's victory. first and foremost, they started with shots of kenji's maria ; ) then after showing several more runners, began the 4 x 400 race: which was the all-important, and decisive race of the day. it was rather apparent that at the 3-quarters mark of the race, we were pretty far behind the front two runners- vjc and hcjc i think. enter marc ong. he collects the baton and sprints like, excuse my french, a fucking mad dog. with 50 metres to go only, he seems to pick up serious pace, inching closer and closer to the fore-runners. with about 20 metres left, it looks like it's anyone's race. but all of a sudden hwa chong starts to lag behind. they need at least a second placing in this race to guarantee them the championship. but anglo-chinese's having other ideas. they're all out to win this one. with fire in his heels, marc ong bursts towards the finishing line, with vjc and hcjc collecting his wind. vjc had overtaken hcjc by that time, but marc ong, with just one thing on his mind- to clinch this race for anglo-chinese and thus putting them ahead of all contenders- had outstripped them both and came up with a dramatic turn around of events. hwa chong was left with a look of regret and anguish overwhelming his face. they had let the title slip right through their fingers; they'd lost the title...
and anglo-chinese had won.
12:09 AM
July 16, 2003
You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a
little bit cocky and usually associated with
evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You
probably just don't give a damn,but it's
everyone else's fault if you don't because
you're too awesome to have any real faults.
What Kind of Smile are You? brought to you by Quizilla
that's the stuff...
8:32 PM
What rating is your journal? brought to you by Quizilla
8:23 PM
July 15, 2003
testing 1, 2... testing 1,2...
5:11 PM
July 11, 2003
You excel at Defense Against the Dark Arts. Which
is really good because who knows when you'll
run into that disgruntle troll or banshee going
through menopause.
Which Class at Hogwarts Would You Excel at? brought to you by Quizilla
12:06 AM
July 09, 2003
i've got shin splin in both my legs. it's so bad i can't even walk now without reminding everyone of a penguin. and the stairs! my grandma on a wheelchair could beat me going up and down the stairs. and soccer trials are in 2 weeks, doctor's advice: rest your legs for about 3 weeks, don't exert them otherwise they won't heal. well, i've already damaged my right shin badly. i injured it a long time ago, and never allowed it to heal. so it's now permanently swollen. and then yesterday i busted my left shin. if there ever was a time for me to learn from my mistakes, it's now. oh and the sad thing is, i busted my left shin while playing soccer, after the announcement that soccer trials wld be postponed to 2 weeks later. can you believe it, they make us change into our playing gear, get us to assemble at the bleachers, then casually tell us trials have been postponed for 2 weeks, 'you're now dismissed.' bloody fucker. = )
with my new found uniquity and crowd-drawing prowess, i have decided to pitch a tent and start collecting fees.
10:15 PM
July 07, 2003
song of the day: 'there is' by boxcar racer
where i laid and told you, but you sweared you loved me more
on a separate note, 'forgot about me' by boxcar racer is the most constipated, punk-rock song ever.
12:22 PM
July 06, 2003
oh my god. the fast food song not only has the most obnoxious and immoral lyrics ever, it's also got a techno beat.
that's like, pak in lingerie.
8:31 PM
July 04, 2003
ok, i take everything back about the all-american rejects and swing,swing- this one's better: zoe jane by staind.
does anyone actually ever bother with my song recommendations? just a thought.
5:37 PM
July 03, 2003
song of the day: swing swing by the all-american rejects; god i love the song.
anyway, still on the topic of music and cds, i realise i have a tendency to buy cds of bands that infatuate me. then once the infatuation dies off, i stop listening to the cd altogether. which is kinda tragic in a way. cos i hardly ever buy cds in the first place. of the four cds i'm currently listening to, one's incubus (which is self-explanatory), one's placebo, one's radiohead (amnesiac) and the last one's audiovent.
incubus' morning view album is the only out of the four which i bought. placebo's my brother's. he stopped listening to them a looong time back. and radiohead; he'd probably still listen to it if i gave it back to him. but i'm not giving it back to him, so. and audiovent i burnt on my own =D
the cds in question here are The Lost Prophets, The Vines... those two are the most notable ones.
the vines. to think i bought the cd because i wanted to support craig nicholls and his drunken ways. that inebriated bastard.
1:27 PM
taste of july sour in my mouth
and gloved with the mist of a kind of guilt.
pinched by a moron who lost his way
made me realise i was lost myself.
i wrongfully belonged to one who was none,
but there're two of them now and
i've forgotten which is which\ who is who.
2:57 AM
