September 28, 2009
but sometimes i feel like i want to marry you.
5:42 AM
shhh. let's keep this as private as we can, shall we? it's 5.04am and i can't fucking sleep. makes me wonder about fairness. everytime i hear a plea for equal rights or equal treatment i scorn in disgust. pure, unadulterated and earnest disgust. hormonally, there is just no basis for argument. women and men operate differently. fact. men think. women feel. women feel that there is no need to think logically to reach the right outcome. men think there is no need to feel a certain emotion if it's not going to help to reach the right outcome. this very simple yet underestimated difference between men and women is the source of every gramme of discontent between a hetero-couple.
relationships tire me out. i know
exactly what i'm in for before i get into one, yet several months in i ask myself why it is i don't learn. perhaps i'm just not cut out for this. perhaps i'm just unable to accept that a man and a woman have unequal rights to claim what rules they would like set for themselves. he can try using logic, but she uses volume and tears. i think what it comes down to is a man deciding, when he's past his glory-building years, to stop being selfish and to pinch his nose and gulp down his medicine. and then learn that there is no way he is ever going to win at anything anymore and therefore willingly yield to a fate of wordless surrender. that's when it'll start working and if he ever feels the need to stand up for himself and defend his case, he wouldn't even remember how to.
5:03 AM
September 27, 2009
my goodness, it's literally been ages. i was suddenly overcome by a surge of nostalgia and decided that it was immoral to allow this blog to putrefy after everything it has seen me through. sort of like the obligation to push an old, decrepit wife's wheelchair upon entering a hospital. this however is no hospital; it's possibly the rest of my life, for the foreseeable future at least. it is with a profound jealousy that i read through old posts, thinking that a younger me had the audacity to exercise the unfair advantage of youth against me, the now me, and freely express thoughts and interests and ideas and opinions and it didn't just end with that! humorous anecdotes and journal entries on everyday occurences as if anyone cared what his wednesday had been like. i am jealous of his frivolity and his arrogant muses, and i'm jealous of his inexperience. i would like to take to writing again, just to teach him what exactly is worth writing about. yes that'll let him know.
yet that inexperience!
11:48 PM
April 26, 2008
in summary, what has happened was that i lost the love of my life in 2007 and tried to find a replacement, a procedure which went horrible wrong. actually, no, i take that back. not love of my life. because that would imply a monogamous sort of love. love not exluding that leading up to marriage. the sort of love which, of course, i would outrightly be excluding.
either way, the point is that i've changed. and this is something i'm not telling you as much as i'm telling myself. writing it down so that it be remembered as an action i have made. even if not the actual changing then the telling myself.
but i've decided. the only way to make myself happy is to write a porno novel.
3:48 AM
2007 passed you by and you didn't even notice!
3:45 AM
December 28, 2006
i've got no love leftfor anyone other than you.
2:06 PM
October 05, 2006
we'll steal in on the schedule for re-assessment of self in current situations. today, i had an extra large serving of cereals for breakfast. i didn't ask for it though, it was given to me. ever since sept 15-and-beyond's incident of gastrointestinal distress which led to my loss of 5kg in weight, there has been a faction driven to find it back for me.
in other areas of life and living, my room is in need of renovation. which is a bummer cos i have no cash. sponsors however can write to me, all contributions are non-obligatory and up to the donor's own appraisal. renovation plans include a solid teak 4 post bed and ivory candle stands. so...
:)
love is like an ambulance. it comes within 7½ minutes of calling and then takes you to a place filled with horrible memories. after several months you get sick of being taken care of and told what not to do, then a feeling of dread sets in.
and you can't wait to leave.
12:25 PM
October 01, 2006
This behavior of Holly’s says a lot not just about how low her Interest Level is, but also about the way she acts in combat: It means that every time you have an argument with this banshee, this is what you’re going to have to deal with. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “Good luck, man. By the way, have you considered switching girlfriends?”
tsk tsk, such harsh comments.
5:35 PM
September 18, 2006
oh no,
we came to love you all day
these bastards are leavin'
somebody's got to stay
whatever we called you
it's just a name
just a name
8:38 AM
