Hello!

Just a post before leaving Singapore.

Okay, I suppose this post will be quite emo.
Stop reading now if you don't want your mood to get ruined. :p

有时候,不知道原因真的会比较幸福。
我真得不知所措,因为我完全没想到你是这种人。
做了这种事情,还可以过来对我好,真的很虚伪。
我真的不知道要怎样面对你。
你又不是不知道他是我的好朋友,你对他做了这种事,还来对我好。
对不起,可是我真得过不了我自己这一关。


真得为你感到可惜,不值。
你们真得因该得到更好的。
你们的付出,我们都看在眼里。
这次的旅行,应该属于你们,不是我们。
我们根本都不应该去。

I'm sorry but I really don't know how to face them like seriously.
I'm least excited for this trip.
No wait, not excited at all.
For the first time, I'm not even motivated to pack my luggage.
Whattheshyt totally.
It's Japan and I'm not excited. Zzz.
So not like me.
I guess they didn't expect that's how bonded J1s and J2s are.
YES, IT IS AFFECTING THE WHOLE J1S AS A WHOLE ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO ARE GOING. 
Okay, seriously, I'm going crazy to the extent that I don't know what I'm trying to say alr.
I'm writing nonsense now.
Goshhhhhhh ~





"Safe & Sound"
(feat. The Civil Wars)

I remember tears streaming down your face
When I said, "I'll never let you go"
When all those shadows almost killed your light
I remember you said, "Don't leave me here alone"
But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight

Just close your eyes
The sun is going down
You'll be alright
No one can hurt you now
Come morning light
You and I'll be safe and sound

Don't you dare look out your window darling
Everything's on fire
The war outside our door keeps raging on
Hold on to this lullaby
Even when the music's gone
Gone ~

Just close your eyes
The sun is going down
You'll be alright
No one can hurt you now
Come morning light
You and I'll be safe and sound

Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh
Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh
La La (La La)
La La (La La)
Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh
Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh
La La (La La)

Just close your eyes
You'll be alright
Come morning light,
You and I'll be safe and sound...

Oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh oh oh. [x7]

The song from us to you. 
The song that represents MDC. 

A big THANKYOU to everyone who made TPJC MDC Farewell 2012 a success. 
It's everyone's effort that made this possible. 
MDC will be loved forever. <3

I still can't accept the fact that the J2s are leaving us alr. 
Time passed fast. 
Training won't be the same anymore without all your help. 
Dinner won't be the same anymore without all your laughter. 
Studio won't be the same anymore without all your existence. 
Everything will be different. 
And I thought this trip would be our last bonding session. 
But.. 

Officially step down, officially leaving us. 
Will we miss you? Ahbuden! 
We <3 you guys! 

'Do come back often, the door is always open for you.'


I'm quite happy with the fact that I'm tied down with so many things that I don't even have the time to think about you. I didn't realised it until my mum started talking about you again. This is totally a big achievement. I guess I would rather spend time with people who are willing to spend time on me. Or at least, people who care about me. Nope, definitely not you. I've moved on. A promise to myself: this will be the last post that I'm leaving such messages for you. LAST.


xoxo,
Carlyn.G


Hello!

Back to blogging again!
So tired now, wait, drained in fact. ><
Let's not talk about performance anymore.
 I. TOTALLY. SCREWED. IT.
 Shyt this ~ ):
 Put in so much effort and my dance still sucks. 

Oh well, I think I'm experiencing alot of bottle neck period.
Everything were so close to success, really so close. 
Potential is about to release, but just can't come out.
I'm waiting to cross that bottle neck, to where my potential could be release.

Totally cried after the performance.
Wait, before that also.
Just simply.. Too stress luh.
So worried about screwing it up, and I really did.
Shyt. ):
SYF suddenly sound so scary to me.
Probably, a dream really too far to achieve.
Probably just something that is too big for me.
The stress, the steps, etc.
But I guess it's too late to back out right?
The Japan trip..

Guess what. I'm currently at Marina Square.
Writing down my draft on my notepad. ^^
It's 11:30pm now and I'm not even near from home. :p
Bet mummy is gonna kill me. ):

Anyways, A BIG THANKYOU TO WANTING, MARGHE AND WILLIE FOR COMING DOWN TO SUPPORT ME!
LOVE YOU BABES! <3 :p
You three are the best.
Thanks for all the support! :D

So now, continuing the post from my lappy. :p

Guess what, I reached home at 2am this morning. ><
So got pangseh-ed by them last night.
Walked for one freaking hour from Marina Square to Bugis area.
HAHAH. :p
Luckily, we managed to get onto the last bus. ^^
Talked alot last night.
Like, so much emotional stuffs.
Things that just doesn't seems like it is on the surface.

Japan trip ain't gonna be as fun as what I've expected previously.
So many things changed drastically.
My excitement reduced totally.
Gosh.
Really no mood to go anymore luh. ):
Raging mode now, but I need to control myself.
I.. Really don't know what to say anymore.

I guess I've moved on. 

No mood to blog anymore.
Shall stop here.
Bye.

xoxo,
Car_Ling_Guo


Hello!




Back to blogging. (:
Too hectic, too many things happened. ):

Yes, truth always hurts.
For once, I hope that my sixth sense is not accurate.
For once, I hope that I don't have all these intuitions.
For once, I hope all these are not true.
But I was wrong..
I was right.
Every single guess were right.
Although predicted it long ago, but still, was pretty disappointed.
Yup, no exco, no position.
Just a normal suckish member with maybe the chance of joining syf.
I must admit, I'm not motivated at all now.
Probably Japan motivated me abit.
Still..

Really have to thank Nick for supporting me so much.
Like, helping me to speak up infront of the J2s.
Thanks for being with me when I needed someone.
Thanks for being the one that knows me so well.
Thanks for noticing me in advance.
Thanks for being such a awesome senior! <3
You're really awesome, although we like to make fun of each other. HAHAH. :p
Talking to you is really comfortable, as in, you totally get what I mean, sometimes even without me putting into words.
I find so much similarity in our characteristics.
Really hope this friendship will last, at least for this year, at least I'll have someone to be with me.
I mean, of course, I hope it would be longer. (:
Will totally be looking forward to the shopping trip, and the Japan trip!
We shall see who's manipulating and who's fatter! Hehe. :p
Don't worry, I promise your Birthday plans WILL DEFINITELY CHANGE. ^^

Although I know myself perfectly well, it still hurts when you verified it. ):
I don't know why too.
But thanks for letting me know how unpopular I am.
I promise you I won't let you down again.

Yes, then again, you left me alone again. You broke our promise again. There goes our photo trip. I wonder when will we have the chance to go for a photo trip again. ): I know I can't blame you, since you're not feeling well. Guess we're not fated. I miss you again. 

I'm sorry for not being able to dance.
I'm sorry for having a pimple-d face.
I'm sorry for being ugly.
I'm sorry for being straightforward.
I'm sorry for being disrespectful when I get too close with people.
I'm sorry for being too arrogant.
I'm sorry for being too bossy.
But that doesn't mean I am as strong as what I seems I'm like.
I really hope that I won't break down and cry on Wednesday.
Really have to thank Nick for allowing me to get prepared in advance, minimizing the negative effect on the performance.
Hopefully, you'll bring dance to greater heights.


`Willing to commit doesn't always ensure you that you're recognized. It's just making yourself feel better and living in self denial. 
`Having leadership potential but no popularity, you're NOT fit to be a leader anymore.


xoxo,
Car_Ling_Guo.


Hello! (:

Yes, Chinese speech competition and I was darn nervous. ):
I think I totally screwed it.
Anyways, a BIG THANKYOU to those who wished me luck before the competition started. <3
It really helps alot by knowing that you've got someone out there who might wanna listen to you.
Sorry to disappoint you guys with my lousy performance. ):

So, I'm gonna have a super busy 3weeks before Japan I guess?
It seems that I've got too many things to do. /:
Oh wait, even after Japan trip, I'll still be busy. ):
List of things to do during June hols:

  1. Japan Trip.
  2. Batam Trip. 
  3. Stayover at Jane Jie's house. 
  4. Do some catching ups. (Eg. Mabel, Valery, Jaslin, Mr Tan, Mr Nguyen, Willie, WanTing, Marghe, Ron, Yixian..)
  5. Explore more with DSLR. (More photo trips maybe?) 
  6. Pack house.
  7. MDC? (I think I need alot of practice for dance.)
  8. Pianoooooooo! ): 
  9. Meetups / BBQ with cousins.
  10. REVISION FOR SA.
In fact, the list continues I guess. ><
Gosh, seems alot alot alot alot to do huh. 
Die liao luh. ): 
Need like super power time management which I guess I'm unable to do it. ): 
Anyways, Jiayou Carlyn, GAMBATEH! ^^ 

Have been slacking too much, MOTIVATION, PLEASE COME BACK. (: 

Photo trip this Saturday, will it turn out to be good? Or like that time when we watched 'The Vow', having so much awkward silence? I don't know. I'm looking forward to it but yet at the same time, I'm really afraid of it. I wonder how will it turn out this time. Will I be happy at the end of the day, or will it be another disappointment? I really don't have the courage to bring up my hopes high again. It will be a blow to hard for me, as usual. 
This brings me back to our memories. I still remember how I used to have at least a day every week to look forward to. That will always be my motivation to keep me going for the week, and we would countdown together to the actual day. It will usually keep me excited for one whole week, and hoping that that particular week will pass fast. Sometimes, even in the middle of the week, there are surprises, be it a phone call, or you popping out from nowhere. I still miss those times, I still miss you. 

20 more days for Japan Trip, 11 more days to MBS performance. ):
Excited for the trip, nervous for the performance. 
I NEED TO WORK HARD FOR BOTH.
All I have is two weeks.
Carlyn, you CAN and you MUST do it.
HAWITING! ^^

If music be the food of love, play on.

Okay, that's all for today.
Too tired to post more.
Power nap and back to Chemistryyyyyyy ~

xoxo,
Car_Ling_Guo.


Hello!

Back to blogger after one week of hectic-ness! :p

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MUMMY! <3
This was the last min surprise done by me and sissy! 
It turned out.. Quite well. HAHAH. 

Well, basically, my life revolves around 4 things now: MDC, TPJC, Family, Shengkee.
Seems like it's to hectic for other things.
But it's okay, having these are good enough. <3

Just bought a DSLR on saturday, after much endless quarreling nights. /:
I don't know why, I should be feeling happy about the DSLR, but somehow, I'm feeling guilty, although I'm paying in on my own.
It's on credit now though.
So I guess, work hard with more time management!! (:

And yes, Japan trip is approved!
I'm going Japan, Kyushun ~ ^^
Kinda excited for the trip.
Hoping that Japan trip will come faster, but at the same point of time, hoping that MDC performance will be slower.
Ironic isn't it? ):
Come to think about it, I'm gonna spend alot on the Japan trip.
Like probably.. SGD$600?
I don't know. ):
I guess, I'll have enough for this month's pay to just nice cover it up. /:
Really tired from all these nonsense work and everything. Gosh. ):

There are really a few people in TPJC that I wanna write some 'Love message' to:



1) Mabel Neo.
Yes, It's Mabel again! :p
Hey babe, I know you didn't get in, I'm sorry for not able to be there for you. ): I know, what I replied may sounds bytchy, but hey, think in a positive way. I know it's hard for you, and I doubt I'm really in any position to advise you, but the fact is, Council just lost someone who is capable to organize events. I don't know who took the Head of Op, I don't know if he/she is good enough, but I definitely believe that you're good enough to get this position. If Council decided the post via results, I tell you, they suck. Result isn't everything. Let's be optimistic, and see how Council regret their decisions. Cheerup alrights. <3



2) Nicholas Chin.
I know, it's quite surprising to see your name here, but really, talking to you daily for these few days is what that keeps me going in school. <3 I know, things we talk may not have the substance, but still it really really keeps me entertained and awake in class. You're really a nice guy, and that brought me to a qn - Why are you still single? You know what, sometimes talking to you really made my day. HAHAH. I'm really thankful of knowing you, and I really hope this, would last. Not for a few months only, but forever. Thanks for having faith in me, but at same time, stop stressing me! :p Part of the reason why I'm looking forward to Japan trip is because you're going, and I suppose it will be super fun with all your cuteness! HAHAH. Just wanna say, THANKYOU FAT FROG! <3



3) MDC.
Although it's only 2 - 3 practices per week, it would be the two days that I'll look forward to after school. Maybe it's not the practices cause I'll usually be grumbling, but definitely the dinner. Although I'm the one that is always getting bullied during dinner, I still enjoyed it. Frankly speaking, I'm closer to MDC than 12S15. Really love you guys, and everyone in dance is important to me. <3

[Insert Picture Here]

4) WanTing, Marghe & Willie.
Hey guys, thanks for being here with me whenever I feel low, especially WILLIE. Trying to cheer me up on twitter with your sarcasm when I'm feeling low enough! ): Anyways, I really appreciate that. <3 One week without seeing you guys is really terrible, and I guess I won't be heading down this week too. ): So overall, two weeks or maybe even longer. Or maybe, you guys should come my school to pick me up! :p Really really hope to see you guys soon! Take care. <3

5) You.
I was moving on and trying to forget you until your message came in and I realised I'll still spazz like a kid. I thought you'd forgotten me and decides to find her. Well, photo trip is quite surprising and I'm quite in dilemma now. I really wanna go with you but my performance is just two weeks away. Guess what, as usual, you won. It simply shows that the fact is I still can't forget you and you're apparently still my priority. Gosh, this feeling sucks. /:

Oh well, I guess that's everything?
Chinese speech tomorrow, wish my luck people.

To make each day count. -Jack Dawson

Byeyeom!

xoxo,
Car-Ling-Guo


God, I pray that You will give me to strength and the will power to continue doing what I want. I pray that You will help me with dealing all these things that are happening to me recently, and everything will be resolved soon. Everything will end well. You will give me the best that I deserved, and I'm gonna survive through this, together with You. Amen. 


Hello! (:



Posting this post while watching 'My Absolute Boyfriend'.
Ohmygod, I want a boyfriend like Night! ):
He is simply toooooo awesomeeeeeee!
Seriously, absolute boyfriend, THE BEST ALREADY.
- Daydreaming - AHAHAH. :p
Okay, shall stop spazzing. :p

Mummy lied to me totally.
I just remembered that she promised to buy DSLR for me if I'm going overseas.
But apparently, she's not luh.
Need to buy it myself. ):
Gahhhhhh.
Work, work, work.
Next week at airport!
Sounds better than Tampines.
At least, I won't really have the chance to see him.

Blogshop, Blogshop, Blogshop.
I need to think of new market strategy.
Need booming business! :p

I know, I sound darn money face now.
But.. No choice. ):

Anyway, worked today and it's pretty de-stressing.
HAHAHAH.
Like, entertainment.
Work, Play, Laugh. ^^
Wait, still got MONEY. LOL.

Yup, there my mum goes again.
'We agreed on no allowance when there's no school.'
Hey, we agreed on a DSLR if I'm going overseas too.
Plus, the DSLR was something that I said I'm gonna PAY IT MYSELF.
You are just gonna help me by lending me your Credit card for month installment.
YOU. FREAKING. BROKE. YOUR. PROMISE.
Gosh, have enough of all these nonsense.
I'm gonna lock myself up in the room for the rest of the two years.
- Chill Carlyn, CHILL. -

Seriously, actually, I don't like me being like this.
Scrimp and save like some bytch.
I hate this, totally.

Dad was telling me that chances of mum letting me go Japan is quite high.
I told him, 'No, even if she were to let me go, I bet there'll be alot of conflicts following.'
I'm tired of ranting.
I'm tired of trying to persuade her.
I'm tired with trying to juggle everything.
I'm tired of trying to avoid conflicts with her.
Sick and tired of everything.

I realised something.
Ever since I've started blogging, everything seems to be so negative.
Like, nothing good and fun for me to blog about.
Have been grumbling, ranting, complaining, emo-ing, etc.
All sorts of nonsense except the good stuffs.

Okayy, gonna continue studying and try to get some sleep at a normal timing tonight.
Trying to go for a run next morning.
I. MUST. WAKE. UP. - Tryin be postitive -

xoxo,
Car_Ling_Guo.


Oh yes, this is a special post for MABEL! <3

Although you always nag at me like my mummy, wait, or even worst, but I know you mean well.
I'm sorry for always not listening to you.
I mean, it's not the first day you know me.
I didn't mean to sleep so late last night, but just, can't help it. :p
Cold drinks are like my life, but I'm trying to reduce it alr, but sometimes, I just can't curb my cravings.
I know it's not funny, I'm not laughing!
And after this post, I'm gonna read back to your past few days goddarnit long posts.
I know, it's really time for me to let go and move on.
I have been saying it for a million times, but I still can't do it.
I find myself so useless.
It really really sucks.
I'm tried, tried of everything, but I promise you, I'm not gonna give up.
Wait, I mean studies.

We will work hard together and go University together, even if we're gonna study different courses.
We will motivate each other to study.
We will spazz at out EC together to lighten up our stressful days in school.
We will drink Starbucks together till we grow old and get diabetes.
We will always be here for each other.
We will be best friend forever. <3

Thanks for being in my life, cause siaozharbor like you, is hard to find. :p
HAHAH.

I bet Mabel's so gonna kill me after seeing this post. :p
Hehe.
Don't slap me, love you kay. <3

xoxo,
Car_Ling_Guo.


Hello!

I'm suppose to continue yesterday's post, but I've decided not to.
Just gonna continue by posting a new post!



Ending the day off badly.
Mummy have been quarreling with me again.
Yes, although I've expected it, it's still.. disappointing.
I thought for once, we might be able to talk things out peacefully.
Apparently, it didn't happened.
High expectation is just gonna make me disappoint myself more.
Although mummy is never gonna see this blog, I'm still gonna dedicate this to her:

I must admit, you're the best mummy in this world, expect when we talk about money.
It seems like to you, money is everything.
Yes, I know that it had been hard for you throughout the years when you're bringing us up.
I know you struggled and suffered alot before we got matured and try to share your burden.
However, I still must say this,' Mummy, money is really not everything.'
There are just so many things that are so much more important than money.
You prioritize money so much that you're gonna miss out so much in life.

This is not the first time we're talking about Japan trip.
I still remember how hard I cried when you asked me to give up the Japan trip in TPSS.
It was during my birthday period by the way.
I must say, I thank God that Jinson is there for me at that point of time.
I cried and cried, for nights.
It was him, whom tried to talk me around.
I really appreciate that.
But now?
I don't have someone like Jinson to be here with anymore.
And this time, I simply can't do it anymore.
I don't wanna live in regret again.
It just, mean so much to me.
Yes, maybe like you've said, it's not worth to spend a few thousands just to go Japan for a few days.
But it's not only about the money.
It's about MDC.
I believe this time, if you were to ask me to give up, I will cry harder.
I simply can't make myself to be strong about this incident.
I tried, really tried to hold back my tears, but I can't do it, I don't know why.
By hook or by crook, I'm gonna make it to Japan this time, I swear.

And this time, I'm really gonna earn this trip myself.
I don't know how am I gonna convince you how important this trip is to me, but I'm gonna prove to you that, this trip is worth working hard for.
I don't know how am I gonna cope with all these nonsense, or even, how long can I hold on to it, I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna train my determination, my time management.
Cause I know, it's gonna make me stronger.
JC, Shengkee, MDC, Friends, Family, TP, Blogshop etc.
I'm gonna juggle everything well.
I'm gonna prove people wrong.
I know I've broke down two times, it's not gonna happen anymore, cause, I'm not gonna be the Carlyn that procrastinates anymore.
I'm gonna get serious, and gonna date my books.
I know struggling with my studies alr, and I should put full attention on it, but I'm gonna push myself so hard that, nothing's gonna come in my way.
And at the end of this two years, I'm gonna be stronger, stronger than anyone else.

If others were to be in my situation, they might grumble, or even their mum for this.
I have to admit, there was one period in my life, I hated her.
I was complaining everyday, asking God why iszit so unfair that others could just led a carefree life and focus on their studies only, while I have to work my way through, supporting myself.
But now, I thank God for this.
He is teaching me how to be stronger than others.
I'm grateful for this, although I don't know when will I give hard.


God, I pray that You will give me strength to make my way through this two years, and I'm gonna survive well, and strong. I know all these are challenges that You're giving me to make me a better person in future, and You are gonna go through all these with me, by giving me help and support, and ensuring me that I'm not alone. Amen. 


SERIOUSLY, MUMMY, PLEASE STOP POURING COLD WATER ON ME PLEASE.
I BEG YOU TO PLEASE STOP IT.
Yes, she came into my room when I'm writing this post and look down on me.
She said I can't make it in time to work and save money for Japan trip in June.
Thanks Mum, really, thanks.

Many people says I'm growing up too fast.
Oh well, I've been thinking about this these few days.
Actually, I don't wanna grow up so fast too.
It just make me unable to blend into the crowd, cause I simply find others immature.
It's bothering me, definitely.
But can someone, please please tell me how am I gonna not grow up fast with my mummy being like that?
I'm sorry but I've been trained to be independent since young, and it really makes me see so many things that others don't.
I need people like WanTing, Willie and Marghe to bring my childish-ness out again.
And I'm grateful for people like them to be in my life. <3

I'm sorry that I'm working, despite you asking me not to. I didn't mean to lie to you, never wanted to lie to you in fact. You're just so important to me to the extend that, I can't bring myself to lie to you. And even if I do, I would feel sooooo guilty. Yes, maybe to you, all theses seems it's nothing but just words. But the truth is, these are heartfelt words. I said it, and I mean it. I know Shengkee brought alot of joy to my life, but I regretted working there. Cause, it's there, where it made you lost your trust in me. It's there, where it made you disappointed in me. I'm sorry. I just hope that, we could go back to December, where you always here giving me support and encouragements. It was all these that kept me going even in the toughest days. I would look forward to the call at night, and look forward to Christmas. You're always giving me things to look forward to everyday. Those days, were the happiest days of my life, cause you were part of it. Just so you know, I miss you. 


xoxo,
Car_Ling_Guo.


Yes, it's now 4am and I just posting, that's why I'm here! (:
Actually, have been wanting to post since a few days ago, just couldn't find time.

Anyways, Monday's Titanic with Teen Titans is really awesome, except the fact that I lost my specs and I'm posting without my specs now. ):
The specs is only 2weeks old, and it freaking cost me 200bucks. ):
Have to save up and gonna get another pair. Zzz.

Tuesday, was chiong-ing PI throughout the whole day.
Nothing much to talk about. /:

Wednesday, was having danceeeee ~
And yes, exco interview too.
I doubt I can get my VP position.
Other position, maybe.
I could hae done better on the interview.
i really could.

It's my passion for dance and leadership that keeps me going on.
But soon, that fire will be gone.
My determination is running low.
It totally sucks.
The face that I can't get a new choreo, it's alr a big blow to be dealt with.
Now, I can't get into exco.
Another heavy blow.
I know everything I've answered could have been better.

I really hope MDC is gonna bring me to Japan.
Now, I'm troubled by two things: Either I don't go Japan which simply shows I'm lousy, or I get picked and I might not be able to go due to the moneyyyyy ~

Went to find Willie, Joel, WanTing and Marghe.
Going out with them feel so much relaxed, even if it's only at TP compound.
That feeling of carefree, avoiding from reality for awhile.
It works totally.
Really really love them to the max! <3

Yes, danced again today.
Super tiring.
I rarely train so hard. :p

Anyways, eyes are closing, continue this post tomorrow!
Goodnight!

Byeyeom! <3

xoxo,
Car_Ling_Guo