The Alphabet of Gratitude Is Resurrected! (W)

Oh hello blogosphere, how I missed you.

The last months of my pregnancy were a bit harder than expected, so blogging fell by the wayside once again as sleep and my health took precedence... fair enough, I think!

The first few months of motherhood were (are) also a bit harder going than expected (nothing prepared me for it, let's be honest) so again, blogging wasn't happening (knitting has also taken a back seat. This motherhood thing is hard core.)

So things are starting to settle and we're finding our groove as a little family and I have been so overwhelmed with gratitude at being blessed with our baby girl. Even when things are hard going, I am so thankful for her and my gorgeous Phillip (and how very patient he is. How very, very patient.)

There's another thing I'm thankful for... Women. When I had bubba, my midwife kept asking if there was a group of ladies that I met up with or talked to regularly. I now know why she kept emphasising the importance of having a women friends in the same situation. I have a couple of girlfriends who get a lot of phone calls and who come to visit me fairly regularly. For them, I am eternally grateful.

Beyond that though, there's a group I belong to on Facebook - a group of women who all had babies due in January 2013. That is the only thing that we had in common. It's all we needed.

These women are a lifeline, not only for me, but for a lot of the ladies on there. We bear our souls to each other, share our fears, joys and milestones in our own and our babies' lives. They have saved me on more than one occasion. We prop each other up with kind words, advice and love (so much of all of it!) I get a lot of that from Phill, I really do and I'm so lucky (even if I tend to grumble about him) but it's just different from women... and it saves me from texting him a million times a day while he's at work (instead he only gets about a hundred a day.)

There's something incredibly special about a community of women - a group of strangers who have come together simply to support and care for one another. I feel like it's love in one of its purest forms. I've made some fantastic friends and am lucky enough to have a support network of incredible women.

So grateful for all the women in my life and the special relationships we can develop and nurture with each other.

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I've Come A Long Way In The Past Year

It was an ordinary Saturday, just like today - Phill and I were doing house stuff and pottering about; getting groceries; doing the washing; cleaning up the previous night's dishes and then I got that message and got the news.  Really, it was quite yuck.  All day today, I've had knots in my stomach, waiting for the phone to ring and really hoping it wouldn't.  There were a few moments of watery eyes today, but overall, I've been okay (keeping busy with the gardening, washing and my knitting.)  

I've been well aware of the looming anniversary of Dad's passing (of course) and have been wondering how I'm going to handle it (I'll answer that one on Tuesday and let you know how I go.)  I was convinced it's been harder this year than last year, but upon rereading my posts from last year, I think it was worse then.

There've been tears, lots of them... but last year, I think there were a lot too... it's getting hard to remember, or maybe I just don't want to remember.  Some days, I cry when I think about the day, some days I don't.  Maybe like last year, it's just the anticipation that I'm finding so hard?  I don't cry at random times anymore, and I feel as though I've reached some sort of level of acceptance.  Most importantly, I'm not angry about it anymore.  Anger was my overwhelming feeling for a long time afterwards.  I tried not to let it show outwardly, but I was really pissed off.    

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When Navaz told me about Dad, all I could say was, "But I haven't talked to him in a month.  He was never home when I called."  I said it over and over.  I think it's all I said for about half an hour (to Phill.)  Not a pretty sight.  He then said something that has stayed with me since -  he asked, "How do you always end your conversations with your parents, even when you're arguing with them?" 
To which I responded, "Love you."
"And when you have to leave a message, what do you say?"
"Hi, it's me, just calling to see how you are, give me  call when you can.  Love you, bye."
"Exactly."
And that's it, exactly.  Dad knew that I loved him.  He knows that I still love him.
That was enough to help me me to get over my anger - it didn't happen overnight, but it happened eventually. (Phill and I have had the same conversation more than once, twice or even thrice over the past two years.)
I'm still sad, but not angry... and I think that's pretty good.
(Dad always hated it when I was in a grump anyway.)

Happy Birthday To My Best Friend

Today is my best friend's birthday... fortunately, my best friend is also my husband.

I LOVE this picture.  It makes me smile and my insides go all squishy when I look at it.

 

 I could wax lyrical about how much I love him; how lucky I am to have him and how grateful I am for him every single day, even when I'm giving him a really hard time or I'm ridiculously grumpy.

But he knows all that, and I thinkthe whole world knows, because I'm pretty open about how crazy I am about this guy.

He loves me so much, he married me twice.

Happy birthday to my best friend, husband, rock, punching bag and protector. I love you an awful lot you know. Thank you for being so wonderfully you.

xox

The Alphabet Continues with 'Y' - Yummy In My Tummy!

Thanks to Phillpa who suggested my letter 'y' subject - I am most definitely grateful for yummy food!

I have a love-love relationship with food.  I love the flavours that explode in my mouth; the textures tickling my tongue; the experiments and the likely or unlikely combination of ingredients and tastes that come together to compliment one another perfectly.  It's such good fun!  Another reason I have a love-love relationship with food is one I have written about before, where I talk about the food I shared with my friends and the memories built around these meals.

Today was no exception.  Phillipa and Truman came over today to see Mum and to join us for dinner.  The table was groaning under the weight of steak, sausages and several salads.  It was divine.

My apologies for the tragic photo of the spinach and strawberry salad I made.  It was that good, that it was gone nearly instantaneously!  (Or, I forgot to take one.)  The recipe can be found here, on my recipes blog (at my Phillipa's super suggestion!)

It was great to spend time with great friends and we talked a lot about yummy food.  This would probably be due to my new-found enthusiasm for making chutneys from our garden produce.

I love the idea of making my own jams, chutneys, relishes and preserves.  Not because I fancy myself to be Nigella or Martha, but because I really like the idea of using and eating all natural ingredients, it (generally) tastes better and the simple fact that it is more economical.  I really like chutneys and sauces, but I never buy them because I think they're simply too expensive and I just can't justify the cost.  There's no need to justify anything now!  I've got some bottles stored up already, ready to be relished (yes, that pun was totally intended... groan, I know.)

The latest creation - Green Tomato Chutney.  Yummier than the first chutney, if that's possible!  The recipe is here, also on my recipe blog.

Yummy food is both a panacea and a celebration in itself.  There's nothing better then watching others enjoy what you've made for them, especially when it's made naturally, (hopefully) healthily and with a big dose of love and laughter.  I'm so grateful for the many opportunities I've had to share my culinary creations with my friends and family!

Summertime - Sunday Evening Reflections

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Today was the first sunny day in ages and I feel fabulous.  I realised once again that my mood can be very dependent upon the weather and I've been a bit of a grump this week, what with the crap weather.  I'm mostly disappointed that I haven't been able to do fun, summery, touristy stuff with Mum, which has irritated me.  Upon reflection, I need to leave that nonsense behind and just enjoy having her here for the hols and cherish being curled up on the sofa, watching movies with her.

So in the sunshine today I pottered, cleaned, weeded, baked, dozed, read my book, giggled and stared out of the window at the water and the sunset.  It was perfect - lots of me time, yet it was spent with two of my favourite people (Phill & Mum.)  I love summertime.

Such a lovely way to end a dreary week and kick off a great week to come!

Your turn... What's your favourite thing about summer?

Finally! 'X' Marks The Spot!

After I wrote about being a bit stumped on 'x' the other day for my Alphabet of Gratitude, I looked in that book I talked about and they had a great idea for 'x' which I was all set to "borrow."  As luck would have it, I was suddenly struck with inspiration (I love that it usually happens that way... makes my alphabet feel a lot more genuine and unforced to me.)

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So... there - 'X' marks the spot.  That's what I'm grateful for (and my resolution for 2012.)

A couple of months ago, I read the book "A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Future" by Michael J. Fox.  I got some fantastic quotes from the book, but of course I didn't have the presence of mind to copy them down before I returned it to the library.  I also read "Always Looking Up" which was a bit of a biography and a bit of Mike's story about life with Parkinsons.  A few things stood out for me in these books, but one thing in particular was the idea of living in the moment.  You are where you are.

So... X marks the spot.  I am grateful for living in the moment.  I have some concerns about the future, but I can't really do anything about those, now can I?  Phill is forever saying to me, "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.  There's no point worrying about it now, is there?" The past is in the past and can't be changed, but can be learned from.  So right now, there is now - and my now is pretty fantastic!  Can't help but to be grateful for that. 

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I'm Actually More Clever Than What I Give Myself Credit For

I really am.

You see, I'm in a blue funk.  I have been for a few days.  I've been short-tempered with Phill, (and bless him, he's taken it all in stride - this man truly is a gift to me from God), I really didn't want to leave the house today.  I had things to do, errands to run, but I dug my toes in and refused to leave the house.  I was dressed in the morning and around midday, I changed into my slobby house clothes - that's how bad it was!  In the end I did leave the house, since I had plans to go to Phillipa & Truman's for a bbq (Rebecca and I kindly invited ourselves over - so glad I went, because it was good fun - more on that tomorrow.)  But now,  I am home again, back to feeling that awful empty feeling in the pit of my stomach that makes me want to cry my eyes out.

I'm not sure what it is or why it is, but it's there.

So... I don't like it.  Then I thought I'd work on my Alphabet of Gratitude, since I'm so close to done.  Of course, that left me at 'x.'  Earlier today, I wandered around the internet for a while and stumbled upon this blog today, by a beautiful, gorgeous, loving soul named Dyamond.  It made me smile.  It was a bit of what I needed.  So I went back there and read some more and smiled some more.  Felt some warmth creeping in to fill that empty pit.

Then, I thought I'd look for that book I wrote about ages ago to see what they had for 'x.'  So I searched for it on my own blog... and I am actually more clever than what I give myself credit for.  There it says, in my own computerized-stylized hand "If you're feeling a bit like you're lost in the wilderness, or even if you're just in a little spot of a blue funk, this is definitely a book worth picking up."

That's exactly how I'm feeling.

The amazing thing is that the simple act of writing about this little book over a year ago, shows me now that I have the foresight, strength and fortitude to pull myself out of any blue funk I may be ensconced in.  It's okay to be in a blue funk sometimes as long as you allow yourself the time to feel and understand what's behind it, but then we have to remember to use the tools, friends, relationship and love (for ourselves and others) we have to pull us out to the other side.

I guess on some level, what I'm trying to say is that I think it's pretty fantastic that I didn't need anyone else to start pulling me out this time - I just needed to look back on some of my own wise words and realise that what I need already lies within me.

It's cheesey and I don't care - I'm gonna say it...

At a picnic to celebrate our wedding three and a half years ago.  I still look at him that way... and I'll think I'll still look at him that way in 25 years.

I'm madly in love with my husband.  When he smiles at me, my heart flip-flops, I get butterflies in the pit of my stomach and sometimes, I go breathless.  Phillip makes me giggle like a girl and makes my heart sing.  He is patient, kind, funny, smart and gorgeous.

There.  I said it.  (He'll roll his eyes when he reads this, but I don't care!)

So grateful for my Phillip and being so much in love (even if he pulls faces at the camera.)  

Some of my favourite photos that Mike took during our Canadian wedding celebrations.

My Heart Is Finally Full of Gratitude

Okay.  I'll say it.  I've been struggling with being grateful for the last few weeks. 

There have been the odd dazzlingly-bright spots here and there (weddings, anniversaries and house purchasing - truly awesome) but overwhelmingly, the emotion I've was one of being sort of pissed off.  I have a lot of anger and frustration about Dad's passing and the fact that today is the one year anniversary of that day.  My heart was too full of anger, frustration, sadness and self-pity to be full of gratitude.  It wasn't a great place to be, but I'm not going to apologize for it.  It's natural and I'm okay with that. 

I'm also okay with the fact that there have been floods tears over the last few weeks (just to clarify, those tears have been mine.)  Usually, they would come at random and often inopportune moments.  Sometimes there would be torrents of tears, at other times it would be just a trickle... but they've been there, constantly threatening to come out and wreak havoc upon my carefully applied eyeliner and mascara.  One day, I started crying while putting on my eyeliner.  Then I poked myself in the eye with it.  After that I'm not sure if I was crying about Dad or the fact that I was momentarily blinded with a black slash of crazy Japanese liquid eyeliner across my eyeball.  I like to think that I was rocking the heroin chic raccoon look that day.  I can giggle at that now, but I couldn't when it happened.

Now that today has (more or less) ended, I'm feeling... lighter.  My grief hasn't lessened but as I lay on the sofa, staring blankly at Phillip I felt my heart fill up. (HA! fill up - Phillip?  Get it?  That was totally unplanned.  I'm such a dork.  Even dorkier - I'm not going to edit that out.)

Seriously though. 

I am so freakin' loved!  I'm not trying to be immodest, but in that singular moment, I stopped to think.  It came in a deluge - I was thinking about Phillipa, who sent me a text first thing this morning to offer her company and hugs if I needed it; about Shazeen, who has been checking up on me for the past few days; about Faiza who sent me so much love and so many hugs over the phone that I couldn't help BUT to feel them.  Then there was hearing the sound of Mum's voice that made me feel miles better... just hearing her was enough.  That was just today.  I have had friends and family sending me so much love and support and propping me up over the past year, it's unbelievable.  How can I forget that and have a pity party?

But Phillip.  Wow.  I am so in love with that man.  I don't know that I can express how thankful I am for him.  For his patience, his love, his slightly off-beat (and sometimes inappropriate) sense of humour, the hugs, his understanding, his intuitiveness and his just knowing.  I look at him, and my heart smiles and I know I'm home.  I am so grateful that he is my husband.

My heart is full of love and gratitude again.  That's how Dad would have wanted it.  

Bragging

I've always loved Phill's photos, but I sort of thought I was biased, since I'm madly in love with the guy.  I've tried to encourage his love for photography and I'm looking forward to having a house so we can get a couple of his shots blown up for the walls.  I tell him that he's good, but I think he believes I'm obliged to say that. 

Recently he signed up on a photo blogging community and each day, posts a new photo he has taken.  I tell you, my heart was going to explode with pride when I saw that one of his photos had 14 comments on it!  I'm bragging about my talented husband and I'm so okay with that.  

Phill's photos can be found here - take a peek if you get a chance!

This one is one of my favourites!

A list

This afternoon, Phill's nana passed away.  Nana Woller (Georgie) was a kind, loving, caring, funny, feisty, strong lady who bravely fought cancer for 5 years.  She was everyone's nana and delighted in being called 'Nana G' by neighbourhood kids and adults alike.  Nana Woller exuded a loving (tough-love, mind you) vibe and you couldn't help but to feel all sorts of warm fuzzies when you were around her (if you weren't on the receiving end of a sharp tongue!  But if you were, you probably fully deserved it.)

Phillip would have deserved it.

Dad, Nana Woller and Grandad Couper are all very much loved and missed.

So in honour of Nana Woller, Dad and Grandad, I have compiled today's list of simple things to be grateful for:

1. Love
2. Family
3. Friends
4. Sunshine
5. A bright blue sky with fluffy white marshmallow clouds
6. Good health
7. Feeling safe enough to cry around your workmates and not being judged for it
8. People knowing when to leave you alone
9. People knowing when to give you a hug
10. Chocolate
11. A good up of tea
12. Laughing
13. Clean air
14. Memories of great times
15. Feijoa chutney
16. You

Rest well, Nana... you'll be in excellent company.
x

Looking Forward...

"I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship."
Louisa May Alcott

 

Every year is full of its own unique challenges and it seems that John Lennon was right, "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans..."  What's that they (the very wise 'they') say about the best laid plans...  2010 was full of plans for us.  It was also full of unexpected (and some very unpleasant) surprises.  It was hard, at times, to keep an attitude of gratitude.  There were times where I did not feel particularly grateful at all.  There was more than once instance upon which I yelled, screamed, cried and stomped my feet in anger, frustration and sadness. 

But in each and every moment of sadness, frustration and anger, there was always the knowledge that I am soul happy.  Every night, before I go to sleep, a smile still tickles my lips because through all that life stuff I am soul happy.  I have been made stronger for it, and from each and every experience that tested and challenged me, I have learned and loved through it.  I have been truly blessed with amazing relationships - friends, students/parents, co-workers, family and the most wonderful, beautiful and inspiring love with my husband.  For every challenging moment in 2010 came with blessings and perfect moments too... there were hundreds of perfect moments this past year - too many to count.  For that, I am so grateful.  Yin and yang and all that.  

Tonight is New Year's Eve.  It's nearly 9:30 p.m. on the 31st of December and I am not out, partying it up or celebrating the end of another year, or the beginning of the next... I am home.  With my feet up; listening to someone let off fireworks down the road, and two of my favourite people in the whole, wide world.  My darling, beloved husband sits just over there, just an arm's reach away; my wonderful, strong and inspiring mum is upstairs sleeping off her jet lag.  We are just simply being.  I can honestly say, there's nowhere else I'd rather be at this very moment, and no-one else I'd rather be with.

In some ways, today is just another day... but every new day brings the promise of possibility, adventure, learning and life... I'm looking forward to the days of 2011.

Wishing you all the most wonderful days ahead. x

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Happy Birthday To Me! – Part Deux

I was showered with love, showered with kisses, and showered with good wishes – now I'm happily swimming in a vast, wide, endless ocean of happiness and gratitude.
 

My birthday celebrations began during the long weekend, when we went to Katikati to celebrate my 30^th (again) and Louisa's 21^st. It's amazing how I seem to remain the same age, as everyone else carries on aging. It's an acquired skill. It was lovely to hang out with the whole family... Jenna and I went on a tour of Tauranga and The Mount, we ate, we laughed and we just relaxed.  Phill's mum made both Louisa and I an awesome birthday cake each - she found the cutest decorations!

Mum picked shoes and butterflies for my decorations... PINK shoes!

Checking out the goods (my eyes actually ARE open, I'm just looking down.)

Then, during the week, Tuesday Phillipa and I shared one of the BEST pizzas I've ever had (her choice – so glad I went with it!) and we went to see Eat, Pray, Love. It wasn't an intellectual film, but there were some good lines, good messages and best of all a bit of romance. A lovely evening with a lovely friend.  I also think it's high time I confess my girl-crush on Julia Roberts.  I really do heart her!

This is my favourite scene, where Julia Roberts essentially says that she will not be obsessing over the size of her arse and embraces the muffin top and enjoys every last morsel of her pizza.  I like to think I look that good when I'm stuffing my face (please do not shatter my illusion.)

On my actual birthday, I was spoiled with good wishes and hand-made birthday cards from the children in our class. I got some lovely bits and bobs from my girlfriends that I'm very much looking forward to using… a cute passport holder, gorgeous sticky notes, note pads, body stuff and so much more! So many goodies for me! I love that my girlfriends know me so well that they know what cuteness I adore. The spoiling continued, when at lunch the most beautiful bouquet of flowers arrived at work. Ché was most put out the flowers were not for her and refused to sign for them… I felt a bit bad about that, but not bad enough to offer her my flowers.

My.  Husband.  Rocks.

The birthday treats didn't stop there! Phill masterminded a lovely and romantic picnic dinner at the Waitakere Ranges Visitor Centre (I mentioned the park in the post here.) It was a bit of a long drive, but worth it for the view and fantastic company.

His long arms are perfect for these shots.

On Thursday, after my gruelling (birthday) workout with my trainer (who quite happily takes the abuse I liberally heap upon him) I popped in to pick up some things I had stored at an old friend's shop. We had a lovely little yarn and picked up where we left off several years ago. I was very proud of myself when I showed some modicum of self control and didn't accept the offer of an ice cream (it was very difficult) but I simply couldn't turn away the lovely flowers he gave me to say Happy Birthday as my adopted big brother.

Pretty!

And it continues still… On Friday, a bunch of work friends came down to The Attic in Mission Bay and we all sat, had a few drinks and simply enjoyed each other's company. The sun was shining; the week had ended; summer is on the way. Can't complain about any of that, eh? 

You may remember this handsome young man from this post (you may not recognise him without his beloved blanket though!)

It was an awesome birthday week (and a bit) to celebrate another year of living, laughing, crying, loving, laughing, learning, and growing.  I can't think of a better way to start the coming year.  Wishing you all a year of love and light. x

Things What I Love...

Another new feature!  This one consists of... Things What I Love (to borrow a phrase from my lovely friend, Rebecca.) 

The first one is brought to you courtesy of Phill.  He showed this to me last week and I thought it was fantastic - imagine wandering along in a market on a seemingly normal Saturday morning and having this happen!  I don't think Phill loved it when I pretended that I was an opera singer and "sang" along (I use the word "sang" very loosely.) I especially love the man who sings with his arms folded the entire time.  I can't help but to smile every time I watch this.  Andiamo!

Sunday Evening Reflections... At Long Last!

Things have been so happily frenetic the last few weeks, I haven't had peaceful Sunday evening to write in a while.  I loved every minute of it, but I didn't realise how it had all caught up with me until last week when my eyes did some crazy swollen thing!  A big lie-in yesterday solved the problem quick smart and I'm back to my sparkly self.

Highlights of the last few weeks include lots of mail (which of course I tore open in my great anticipation.)  I was feeling a bit blue today, and got the most lovely letter from one of my pen pals in Aussie and reading what she had to say brought so much lightness to my heart.  So thankful I started writing letters!  I also got an awesome card from Ang - another friendship I'm happy to have rekindled through the magic of the Internet.

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Shayda bai (Mum's sister) was here from Sydney for meetings a couple of weeks ago.  We had a lovely dinner out together on our last night here and I took her to the top of One Tree Hill and for a drive around the neighbourhood.  I've said it before and I'll say it again - family time is so good for the soul. 

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Also along the lines of good for the soul - had an awesome time at Phillipa & Truman's last week.  We went over for dinner and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.  We were spoiled with great food and stimulating conversation.  It goes without saying that I enjoy any time I spend with Phillipa, but it was really great to get to talk to Truman and get to know the man that my wonderful friend is going to marry in April!  

On a more serious note, I've been sending lots of love and prayers for strength to everyone in Christchurch and to those with friends and family there after the massive earthquake that rocked them last week.  I'm also very thankful that no one died in the quake (although, sadly there has been one quake related death since then.)

I'm sure there's so much more over the past couple of weeks that I'm missing, but I must get to the fabulousness that was this weekend...

First of all, I have to say (yet again), I've got some awesome friends.  I'm very lucky.  I probably don't tell them as often as I should, but I count my blessings every day that I am so fortunate. 

This afternoon, I had a great Skype chat with Megan today (after a very lengthy Facebook chat).  It was so fantastic, leaping into the 21st century!  Phill installed Skype on his laptop a good 8 months ago, and I admit it, I was resistant.  While chit chatting with Megan, I downloaded and installed it and we were off to the races!  It was wonderful to see her beautiful, smiling face and to hear her infectious laugh.  Megan.  Rocks. 

As I mentioned in Friday's post, it was Eid.  Phill was out that night, but we spent the rest of the weekend celebrating.  On Saturday he made me a very special dinner and we had fancy ice cream for dessert.  You can't go wrong with white chocolate raspberry ice cream!

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Today, Phill and I had the most wonderful day wandering around West Auckland.  We went to the Waitakere Ranges Park and it was absolutely idyllic.  We then had lunch at a cozy restaurant in Titirangi overlooking the bush.  All through the day, the lyrics from Lou Reed's song, Perfect Day ran through my mind (even when I was having a meltdown with changing gears on hilly, windy roads.)  

Oh, it's such a perfect day
I'm glad I spend it with you
Oh, such a perfect day
You just keep me hanging on
You just keep me hanging on

Just a perfect day
problems all left alone
Weekenders on our own
it's such fun

Just a perfect day
you made me forget myself
I thought I was
someone else, someone good

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Thank you for another perfect day, my love.

I can't wait for this week! 

Gratitude overflows with "L."

At the risk of being predictable and trite, I'm going to do it... my deepest gratitude belongs to the letter "l" for love. 

It is one of the most fundamental human needs and something that is felt universally across cultures and without bounds.  There's a reason that scores of poems, songs, books, movies, paintings and all other manner of artistic (and not-so-artistic endeavours) are all devoted to this very subject.  A quick Google search has yielded "About 8,300,000,000 results."

I won't pretend to be able to be eloquent and describe all the various forms of love that exist in the universe, nor those which are in my life.  It is simply there, manifest in my daily life in innumerable ways.  It’s there in so many ways, that sometimes I don't even see or realise it is there.  

I have been incredibly fortunate, in my short thirty-some-odd journeys around the sun to have been loved and have had the opportunity to give love to some amazing, wonderful, incredible people.

I wish I could say that in the pursuit of love and being loved, I have been entirely faultless, but that would be a complete and utter lie – I’m truly beyond sorry if you have ever been on the receiving end of one of my poorly judged or misguided attempts… 

I have always loved deeply, passionately and without reservation.  This has gone a bit wrong on me by times and I’ve stumbled here and there, sometimes I’ve even fallen flat on my backside… but who hasn’t been there?  I will continue to love like crazy – even if it’s not always reciprocated – I will continue to love living; love my beautiful family; love my amazing friends; love nature; love making mistakes; love learning; love laughing and love loving.  

Love and light to you and yours. x

Sunday Evening Reflections

I've been pulling myself out of this blue funk, and I have to say, I'm quite pleased about that.  It's utterly exhausting being down about things that can't be changed, so I've accepted things the way they are and I feel... lighter.  It's nice. 

I have to start thinking about this more throughout the week - I often find that I end up writing about things that are predominantly weekend related. I've been slack at recognising it this week... but here goes!

1.  We just had the YUMMIEST roast lamb for dinner tonight.  I managed to put my back out first thing Saturday morning, so I've been a bit foul all weekend.  To inject a bit of pep, Phill made the most delicious roast and to top it off, he's bought ice cream and mint chocolate ice cream sauce that will harden into a shell.  I am truly the luckiest girl, ever.   To further extend this food fabulousness - I get to take the left overs for lunch tomorrow!  No looking longingly at my coworkers' tasty looking treats at mid-day - tomorrow, it's mine that is the luscious lunch!

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2.  A great movie date with Rebecca last night to see Knight and Day.  It wasn't the best movie I've ever seen, but a bit of good, giggly fun.  Tom Cruise plays (plays??) crazy so well... and he did look good.  I also drove the cute red car on the highway there and back and did okay!  Rebecca was lovely and supportive (as she always is!)  I enjoy my time hanging out with Bexki - whether we're exercising (which admittedly, I've not been so good with) or shopping (she is an excellent shopping partner) or just being.  She's always got a sympathetic ear, but also offers wise words and some sensible perspective.  I am so thankful that I've gotten to know her better over the past couple of years. 

photo credit

  

3.  We went to some open homes on Saturday.  None of them were THE HOUSE but it was great to get out and see what was available and to get an idea of what I want in a home.  So exciting!!

4.  We started last week with an hour and a half session in the art room.  The kids were lovely and completely engaged the entire time.  It was such a beautiful, peaceful way to start the week.

But my favourite moment of the week...

5.  While giving a lesson on integers on Friday, one of my girls (who lost her father when she was just turning six) stated (in a very blase manner and seemingly out of left field) "You know, when a life has sorrow in it, it makes you appreciate the good things that much more.  Some people don't realise how good they have it.  I appreciate what I have."  (As she drew her number line from -10 to +10.)  I had to turn away so she didn't see the tears in my eyes.  If it wasn't inappropriate, I would have gathered her up and hugged her to bits.  Thank you, KW (I don't like using my students' names on here, but Katy will know who I'm talking about), for reminding me how good I really have it. 

I'm really looking forward to this week - hope you have a great one too!

Sunday Evening Reflections

It's been another week, fraught with a great many more downs than ups.  Aside from a whole range of this'n'that, as of yesterday, it's been exactly 3 months since Dad's passing - it was a bit difficult, especially not being home with Mum, Navaz & Shazeen & the Kids... but I am here with Phill and some wonderfully kind, supportive, understanding and loving girlfriends at work and that's pretty awesome.

I have found that making that conscious effort to be mindful of the good stuff throughout the week (with this post in mind) has really helped.  I'm worried I'll forget some things - I'm going to have to start writing them down as they occur to me during the week. 

1.  Two letters from across the ditch and a parcel from across the world this week.  I got a card from Megan on Monday.  I love how honest she is in her letters.  I'm looking forward to getting to know her better.  Later in the week, I got a letter from Sophie in a gorgeous envelope.  She also put in these beautiful note cards - I can't wait to use them!  I also got our Amazon package full of books we had ordered - I'm finally going to read The Girl Who Played With Fire.  I am going to wait until things are less busy, so I can curl up and read for a weekend. 

2.  I can (mostly) drive manual now.  I'm going to try taking the car to work one day this coming week.  Fingers are crossed.  Tightly.  I am probably going to carpool with Rebecca the first time I take it - therefore if I completely lose it, I'll have her in the car with me to calm me down.  (Thank you, in advance, Bexki!) 

3.  I've lost almost 2 kg (4.4 lbs.)  Eating a bit less and moving a bit more is fruitful.  I must keep it up. 

4.  A relaxing Saturday afternoon, watching two hilarious movies to inject a bit of pep to end my week.  I can even feel a smile on my dial when I am thinking of these movies!

First I popped in Sione's Wedding.  This is a hilarious New Zealand film about grown men playing as boyz.  (Yes, I used a 'z' intentionally.)  Sione is getting married on the weekend, and he doesn't want his brother and friends to continue their track record of ruining other people's big days.  The only way they are able to attend the wedding is by bringing a girl to whom they have made a commitment to.  Hilarity ensues.  It's not a cinematic masterpiece, but it's light and funny and the best thing of all - I'm a sucker for a happy ending.  Oscar Kightley is absolutely endearing as Albert, and the rest of the Naked Samoans comedy troupe - hilarious... and Robbie Magasiva?  Not so hard on the eyes, no.

Keeping with the happy endings, I then put in the Aussie classic, The Castle.  This movie is frikkin' hilarious, filled with Aussie colloquialisms and again, lots of warm fuzzies.  The government wants to take the Kerrigan house (and their neigbours) to extend the airport and Darryl Kerrigan is not letting his family home go without a fight.  Not only is it a great movie - the narrator's mullet is top notch!  I can't find a photo of it online, but trust me, it's a stunning specimen.  I can't help but to feel my heart smile when I watch this movie (and no, it's not because I'm reliving my own daliance with a mullet.) 

5.  A pleasant Sunday morning shopping with Louisa and then wandering around a bit with both Phill and Louisa.  So easy to just be with them. 

6.  Going to spend this evening writing letters and cards.  It's one of my favourite ways to spend a Sunday evening.

A rocky week, but no matter how flat I'm feeling - I've always got a heck of a lot to be grateful for.

A random list of gratitude.

I'm home.
I feel sick, mostly awful and I want my mum.
I need to make a conscious effort appreciate the good stuff today.

So here is a list of 20 things I've come up with (in no particular order):

1. Sunny and warm winter days
2. Lovely students who tell me that I should be at home resting
3. Lovely co-teachers that send me home to feel better
4. Awesome, caring and thoughtful friends all around the world
5. Hot chocolate

6. 8 followers + 2 rss feeds = 10 readers on my blog.  Double digits baby!
7. A wonderful phone call from yesterday from Tasha that is still making me smile
8. Mum
9. Daytime TV tag lines: "Mum, why won't you top inhaling butane gas?"
10. Allan's appreciation when I gave him the blanket I made for baby Marcus
11. A wonderful, loving and patient husband
12. Aliya + Hussein are married!
13. The All-Whites' awesome draw against Italy - Italy has the talent, but the Kiwis have the heart!

14. Extra-large tissues with aloe and lotion
15. Fuzzy warm track pants and hoodies
16. Chicken noodle soup

17. Getting mail
18. The gorgeous condolence letter I got from two boys that were in my class a couple of years ago
19. 32 Father's Days to appreciate Dad + 1 to remember him
20. Navaz, Shazen, Noah & Maya
21. The Coupers (which includes a former Wheeler)
22. Sleeping off a cold

Look at that.  I made it to 22 things.  I'm off to sleep (and yes, I feel a little better.)