Made my last visit to my alma matar on the 27th. It was the closing ceremony of the school as it will soon move to a holding school during the upgrading period. I can't describe that feeling I had while bidding the last farewell to the school. My once second home which I've spent 4 years with. The Shaw Hall that we had our examinations and singspiration, the Wesley Hall where we had our chapel sessions, the classrooms where friendships bonded, the quadrangle where we had the daily devotion, flag-raising and mass PE, the fitness room which I once had my weekly bible-study, and the Prefects' Room, the place where I hang-out after school. Everything would be torn down in few months' time. Till then, nothing would be the same again. No more places in that site where I can say I had my most fond memories. The colours, the sound of footsteps, the old meeting places, nothing would ever return. At the moment when the last school anthem was sang at that quadrangle, tears of sorrow and unwillingness could hardly be controlled. "When form each other we must part, and cares of life around us press. One thing will live within each heart - the memory of GMSS" The places and buildings may no longer stand as it was but the memories will always remain fresh and sweet. May the Almighty God continue to give His blessings to the school as she moves on to the next many many years. Let us sing the school song again with our hearts, reflecting on each and every word and looking back on the memories that she once gave you.

GMSS School Song

In Geylang M.S.S. we strive

To grow in friendship, body, mind.

And never fail to keep alive,

The truth of God which guide mankind.

With grateful hearts we sing the praise,

of Geylang M.S.S. today.

And to her Glory now we raise,

our pledge of loyalty for aye.

When from each other we must part,
and cares of life around us press.

One thing will live within each heart -

The memory of G.M.S.S.

Antichrist has taken the throne. Yet the lost ones are getting further away from God. They were ignorant and gullible. They simply listen to whatever the deceiver tells them. Are they heading the path to hell?

I have started to do something that would mark a historical point in my life. I have started to read. I don't usually read what is offered to me and whenever I borrowed something (books) from the library, I'd leave it aside till it's overdue before I returned them. I simply borrowed books for the sake of borrowing, without any real interests in them. And now, I'm currently on the second book of the Left Behind series by Tim LaHaye. The books tell about non-believers of God and those who rejected Him coming back to Him. As well as people getting further away from the truth, from the light, from the last chance of salvation. Last but not lest, about new believers and those who missed out the rapture, trying their best to guide people back to Christ, trying their best to warn people about the Antichrist, and trying their best to convince people about the Second Coming of the Lord as well as the Judgments.

These books have indeed caused me to have the sense of urgency to get back to God. His coming is really close that I, who has already known the truth, shouldn't be straying away. But I should join in the effort to save more people, to save more lost souls out there. But where? where should I start? Well, I know that amie would start saying this (No one can help you except yourself) again. Is she right? I am sorry to say, I don't buy it... at least not the whole thing.

I need people whom I can really share my heart with. I need people to know about my current situation and give me advice and opinions accordingly. I need prayers. Prayers from the fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. People may say that I am indecisive. But I just need to be sure. I need to be sure what God wants me to do and where He wants me to go. I've missed it once. Not a second time. And now, people are rebuking that I am taking this as an excuse to escape. Friends, if I really wish to escape from all these, I'd have done it long ago and I wouldn't be giving excuses. I can just remain silent.

Priorities, have I set them incorrectly? I do not wish to elaborate about this because it may lead to an arguement. And recently, I find myself not replying to messages due to the fear of arguements and disagreements.

There are more things inside my heart but I guess that should be shared between me and God.

I do not know what to say. I am just having a strong sense of uncertainty. What on earth is happening in my life now? Everything seems so blur and confusing and everything is in a mess. Is it because of the methods that I manage my life?

I am addicted to sports. No, not because I am health-conscious. Participating in sports activities will keep my mind distracted, distracted from the unhappy things of my life. While playing badminton on the court or jogging on the tracks, I have no time to think of those things and perhaps that's the happiest moments of my life - no worries, no pain. Though I know that that's not a way to avoid things and that's only escaping, I have no other choice. It's like taking some drugs (estacy), and you'll have nothing to worry about and you'll feel relax and secured.

Songs - chinese songs in particular. I once said that songs will let memories replay. However, I can't help but keep listening to them. I want to stay in the past, living in the once beautiful memory - though I know that I must move on with life. But the future has forced me to look back, the people, the things, the environment and yes, the memories. My future seems so blur and so uncertain. I have no faith nor courage to face it any longer. What would I be? Who would I meet? What would I do? The answers, I don't have them.

People - you know who you are. I can be stubborn. I can be foolish. But I know my decision is wise. I don't mind banging against the wall for a lifetime. As long as I know that I can't find another like you. Cross my heart.

God - the one whom I am ashamed to face. Hurting Him again and again. Who didn't complain at all about the wounds I've given Him. Yet His grace is always over-flowing, filling my every weakness and recovering my every pain. Who can ever compare to this God of mine? "Lord, I am sorry! Please forgive me and continue to lead me along the path through eternity. Keep me from the evil ones and deliver me from all fears. Take me in and lead me on I pray. In Thy precious name. Amen."

Will my life remain the same?
Without you as my love.
Will life still be as meaningful?
Without you by my side?

I've found my island
The island of my life
But how can I convince the island
That I will forever stay?

Words, they may not be true
Sentences, may not prove
But time, something that reveals the truth
Now let time prove that my love for you is true?

It may not be forever,
because it's eternal.
It may not be sweet.
because it's more than honey.

Just believe me,
trust me,
and be my love