I will be leaving Singapore in 6 hours' time. Well, I'd like to leave some messages before my departure.

Amie >>> I've replied your comments by sending you an email. Well, read it if you want.

Angela >>> Thanks, for those words of encouragement. They were essential. Well, it's not an obligation to know my departure date. Well, since you managed to remember, thanks again. At least someone would make the effort to remember. And by the way, everything is alright. I'd be back on the 2nd of Jan.

Shirlyn >>> Do think through what I've told you. Be wise, and only make wise decisions. If I were you, I would choose to pursue my studies and leave the relationship issues aside first. Before you do anything, you've got to set your priorities right. For now, studies come first. And remember this, God is telling you, "My daughter, I've granted you what you wanted and I've fulfilled your dream. However, I will not force you to accept it. I am giving you the freedom to choose. But, be wise."

the rest >>> Merry Christmas and God Bless!

Lord, make my life a living sacrifice. Holy and pleasing in Your sight.

If I could lead this life again, I wouldn't have led it the way I had. The mistakes that I've committed wouldn't have repeated. And it would be far more glorifying and pleasing in the sight of God. Looking back, I could see nothing but a pile of trash, a pile of unwanted memories that are too unworthy to be mentioned, too dirty to be revealed. Browsing through this pile of waste, I find self-seeking love, hatred, anger, jealousy, foolishness and stubborness. I tried hard but I couldn't find the word, God. Where was He? How come He does not exist in my past? Then, I heard a familiar and soothing voice from somewhere. "My son, I have never left you. I am always within your reach and nothing could have been closer. I've been down here, waiting, waiting for the moment you open your heart to include me in your life. But, you didn't." Guilt filled my heart and my soul - totally.

Yes. I've failed to include Him in my past. I've long forgotten that there is a God. I told people I love Him for the sake of saying it. I proclaimed to be a Christian for the sake to be one. I had no purpose in doing everything. However, isn't it too late? It might be. However, I know that He is still waiting down here and by His wonderful grace, He will surely forgive me. Otherwise I would not be sitting here, alive and kicking.

I felt so foolish and so blind. Despite having the perfect and unconditional love right before me, I walked away. Despite having such perfect God who have set an example of forgiveness, I hold grudges and allow hatred to grow in me. Despite the warnings and advices from so many brothers and sisters, I chose to do things my own way. Despite the unfailing calling from God, I listen to my earthly desires. I've done almost anything and everything my own way. I've failed to return back to my source - God. I've broken His heart again and again. Would He allow me to return home?

I believe that it's never too late for a change. Like I've always say, people do change, for the good. And I have the faith that as long as I have the strong desire to follow Him once again, He would accept me, unconditionally. That's how great His love is. The love of the Lord is perfect.

I know that a life for Christ will never be smooth. It will be rocky and be filled with numerous obstacles and temptations. There are times that I would stumble and fall. But I would not fall like I did anymore. I will be still, for I've set my foundation in the Lord. I believe that He will not fail me.

May this life of mine be one that is led in accordance to His will and His perfect plan. May it be always pleasing and always glorifying to the Lord up there. And may I not stumble anymore as I cast all my worries unto the Lord as He make my paths straight.

And may one day, He land a pat on my shoulder, saying "My son, I'm pleased."

Amen.

hey people, let me make this clear to you again. i do not like anyone. and could you people stop saying that "hey, you like this you like that." let me tell you, everytime you guys say that, i am pissed off. it's just that i do not want to show it out. i hate people who say things without solid proof or just spreading rumours as if they are the truth. let me repeat myself that i used the word "HATE". i detest such people. i agree that i was not perfect in the past but people do change. that's what i always say. so, can't you guys be more matured and only say the right things out? i did not want to say all these out but i simply can't tolerate anymore. i've been keeping things to myself and that's fatal. hey, i have a temper too and please, STOP IT!

can time heal all wounds?

i'm giving it a try...

WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT FROM ME? I'VE ALREADY GIVEN UP MANY MANY THINGS FOR YOUR SAKE. I HAD TO FORGO MY CLASS CHALET JUST TO FOLLOW AND ABIDE YOUR ORDER. WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT? WHAT? THIS IS MY LIFE, NOT YOURS. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TAKE CONTROL. YOU ARE MY MUM YES, I CAN'T DENY. BUT DON'T YOU THINK THAT YOUR ARE SIMPLY TOO MUCH? WHERE IS MY BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS? YOU ARE RUINING MY NEXT CLASS CHALET AS WELL AS THE LUNCH WITH MY FRIENDS. AIN'T YOU TOO MUCH? I HAD ENOUGH OF SUCH CRAPS AND LET ME TELL YOU. I AM ALREADY PISSED OFF. I ONLY WANT A FEW MORE DAYS OF STAY IN SINGAPORE AND YOU SAID IF I DON'T GO BACK, I MIGHT AS WELL NOT GO BACK ANYMORE! SO WHAT? I PREFER STAYING DOWN HERE THAN SPENDING MY DAYS THERE WHICH IS LIKE LIVING IN A PRISON, OR EVEN WORSE. I HAVE NO FRIENDS THERE AND THE ONLY THING I COULD DO IS JUST WATCHING THE TELEVISION. I NEVER HAD THE CHANCE TO GO OUT AND IT'S ALL ABOUT STAYING HOME FOR 24 HOURS A DAY. LET ME TELL YOU THIS! YOU CAN CONTINUE TO FORCE ME BUT THERE WILL BE NO RESULT. AND LET ME WARN YOU! IF YOU CONTINUE TO DO THIS, I CAN'T GUARANTEE WHAT I'LL DO NEXT. MAYBE I'LL GRANT WHAT YOU'VE SAID BY NOT GOING THERE ANYMORE!!! I AM STARTING TO HATE YOU...

YOU THOUGHT THAT I AM HAPPY LIVING DOWN THERE! BUT YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WRONG. YES! IT IS A PLACE WHERE EVERYONE CAN ESCAPE THE BUSY URBAN LIFESTYLE. BUT THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, NOT MINE. HAVE YOU REALISE THAT I'VE NEVER ONCE CELEBRATED CHRISTMAS IN SINGAPORE? AND 2004 IS THE FIRST YEAR THAT I CELEBRATED NATIONAL DAY IN SINGAPORE. YOU MAY THINK THAT IT'S NO BIG DEAL BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS CHILDHOOD? CHRISTMAS TO ME IS ABOUT STAYING AT HOME DOING NOTHING OR WORKING AS A FREE WAITER. I WANT FREEDOM! I WANT BACK MY LIFE. YES, GOD PLANNED ME TO BE YOUR SON SO THAT YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF ME AND SETTING A GOOD EXAMPLE FOR ME. AND ACCORDING TO THE COMMANDMENTS, I SHOULD OBEY YOU. BUT, THAT'S DIFFERERNT FROM OBEDIENCE. I AM JUST FIGHTING FOR SOMETHING THAT EVEN GOD IS GIVING. THE FREEDOM TO CHOOSE.

YOU WERE ALWAYS USING DAD AS A PULLING FORCE FOR ME TO GO. YOU KEEP TELLING ME THAT HE MISSES US ALOT. AND SPENDING MORE TIME WITH HIM WOULD PLEASE HIM. BUT LET ME TELL YOU THIS. I JUST CAME BACK FROM THAT PLACE TWO WEEKS AGO. YET YOU WANT ME TO GO BACK AGAIN? NOT THAT I DON'T WANT TO. BUT, AT LEAST LET ME DECIDE THE DATE. AND HEY! I DID PERSUADED HIM TO MOVE TO SINGAPORE. I TRIED BUT HE DIDN'T WANT TO. THAT'S NOT MY FAULT. THE REASON THAT HE'S STAYING THERE IS NOT MY FAULT!!!

I HATE YOU! I HATE YOUR ATTITUDE! YOU THINK EVERYTHING IS RIGHT! EVEN THE WRONGS WOULD BE MADE RIGHT BY YOU! I HATE YOU!

I lay them all down
Before Thy glorious throne
Purify my heart
With Thy cleansing grace

Teach me to rest in Thy presence
Help me to give like a River
For Thy love for me is overflowing
That I got to give some away

May Thy Fire consumes me
Keep my desire forever burning
Let Thy Great Commission be done
And Thy Kingdom glorified

Allow Thy Spirit to rest in me
So that I may live
So that I may walk
By nothing but the Spirit of Christ

Take away all my worries
Remove all my burdens
Equip me with the armour of God
As I send salvation to the Lost

PERHAPS IT'S ALWAYS THE BEST CHOICE TO LEAVE EVERYTHING TO GOD

He is the one who created me. He knows me best and loves me most. He knows all my needs and wants and He loves every part of me, including the unworthy sides. Whenever I make a mistake or committed a sin against Him, He would always say "I forgive." That's how great and how wonderful the Lord is and it is really touching to have such God in life. It is absolutely free to receive Him and miracles would be performed unto every believers.

When problems come, it is the human nature to be stumbled by them. Yes, as Christian, we prayed and shared with God. However, there are many times when we would solve and handle those issues according to our own earthy desires. We say or do what we want and we claimed that God allows them to happen. However, would that be pleasing to the Most High?

Then what does it mean by leaving everything to God? It's not just giving all your problems to God and expect God to solve them. It's about sharing them with God but leaving a share for yourself. After committing them to God, we have to listen and continue praying for an answer or instructions by Him. In this situation, patience, obedience and faith are the most important. You need to have the patience to wait, have the faith that God will answer and you have to obey every decision that God has made. It's hard but that's the most pleasing way of handling things.

The Lord spoke to me today. He desires my faith and trust. He told me that He would do things according to His timing and it is useless and futile to rush. In the meantime, He wants me to lead a life according to Him. To have the Spirit, to live by the Spirit and to walk by the Spirit.

wo yi wei wo yi fang shou
wo yi chang shi le hao ji ci
dan mei yi ci dou dai lai wu jin de tong
wo xiang guo ba ni wang diao
wang de yi gan er jin
wo ye xiang guo fou ren ni de cun zai
dan na shi zai qi pian wo zhi ji
ni shuo rang shi jian shan chu qi qie
na xing de tong ma? bu!
wo de ai, yong heng bu bian
wo ai ni, qian zhen wan que

zai ni ju jue wo de na yi tian
wo fang fu shi qu le wo zhi ji
wo de yi ju yi dong rang ren jing ya
wo shi qu le li zhi
wo de sheng ming xian ru le si wang zhuang tai
ta men dou shuo ni bu zhi de
ta men shuo wo sha
kai shi wo ye bei ta men shui fu
yu shi wo gao su ni wo jue ding fang shou

wo gao su wo zhi ji
wo yao kai shi yi ge zhan xin de sheng ming
wo bu xiang xiang qi guo qu
yin wei na shang heng hui ling wo chang sheng yin ying

wo hai yi wei quan dou guo qu le
dan wo fa xian wo de xin yi tian hai bi yi tian tong
shen mer shi dou shi qu le yi yi
wo shi qu le cun zai de li you

I will never let you go.
sui rang you xie ren shou ni bu zhi de
sui rang ni you heng duo que dian
sui rang wo ke neng hui you gen duo de xuan zhe
dan shi wo zhi yao ni yi ge ren
shen mer dong xi dou di dang bu zhu
yin wei ai shou yi wo yuan yi
wo bu yao qiu ni xiang xin wo
wo zhi yao ni zhi dao
wo ke yi fu chu yi qie
chu le fang qi yi wai
Because you are far too important to be let go.

It's about two days after my return. Had lunch at seoul garden (tampines) yesterday. Then went citilink to get myself an adidas shirt which I longed for. I finally got it. Then hanged around suntec and caught a movie at 9.10pm. "SHUTTER!" It's considered an outdated movie to some but anyway, I watched it. Not as scary as I thought. The ghost, or spirit? She looks cute after some time. Muahahahaz. Reached home at about 12am. Mum didn't say anything because she knew who I went out with. Whatever.

It's so long liaoz and I got sick of the URL and layout. Decided to change the URL as well as the layout. I just have the feeling of starting everything anew. I want to be a new person as well and I do not want to be like the past anymore. I do not want to look back nor think back. You may think that I am timid or so, but that's your problem and I am going to lead my own life. I AM GOING TO LEAD IT and none of you would have the ability to change, alter or do anything to MY LIFE.

Melbourne Trip Day 1
Arrived at the airport at 3pm, walked around and had a meal at Swensen's. Had a breaded chicken and reached the meeting point at 4.45pm which was fifteen minutes earlier. Not because I am "kiasu" but I had nowhere to go. Did some chit-chat, check-in out baggages and went into the waiting hall. Boarded the plane and up we went.

Melbourne Trip Day 2
The first six hours or so were spent on board the plane. Reached Melbourne airport at around 5.47am. It was 22 minutes behind time. Well, we landed safely anyway. Went for a city tour right after arrival. Went to Queen Victoria Market etc. and had lunch at a thai restaurant. I was not feeling well due to unknown reason thus had only a mouthful of rice for lunch. Finally reached the hotel. Had an afternoon nap before going for dinner at a chinese restaurant. I could see (taste) that the salt there is quite cheap. You know what I mean eh?

Melbourne Trip Day 3
Woke up early in the morning as the journey started at 8am. It's the GREAT OCEAN ROAD. The bus journey took longer than the time we spent out there. The more than 3 hours for a one way trip. The driver told us that the journey is like Singapore to KL. However, it's worth it after all. I love the place. The Twelve Apostles, the London Bridge etc. I simply love the scenic view down there. There was a cave at don't know where and it was really a challenge to enter dur to the rocky and slippery route. It was the only day. I mean it. The only day that we sweat, a little. Lunch was at a restaurant, which was fish & chips. It was wonderful and Fish & Co. will never replace it. Simply the look of it would make someone drool over. Well, the taste was just beyond simple or even complex description. But nothing is ever perfect. A near perfect lunch does not guarantee a similar style of dinner. Dinner was at a chinese restaurant located at a 5-stars hotel. The service was fantastic. The serving style was like typical Chinese restaurants in China. If that restaurant were to be in Singapore, it would be waiting to wind up.

Melbourne Trip Day 4
The DAY WORTH WAITING FOR. Tired but Fun. Went to feed the wild parrots (they are not called parrots but I forgot the name). They were small and cute. They would "hook" on any part of your body to feed. The feeling was great. Had our lunch at a cattle farm, where wines were served and I love it. Hahaz. Got to see the sheepdogs on how they chased and control the sheeps. Fed the lambs and milk the cow. After that, we went to see the sheep being shaved. It was pathetic as one of them was quite badly cut and that really pulled down the morale of the group. Next, we went to feed the kangaroos where there were many mines on the ground and no one, no one would miss the chance of stepping on them. Had our dinner at a chinese restaurant. SALTY!!! hahaz. Then went to Philip Island to watch how the Little Penguins returned to their burrows. They were so cute. It was really cool... COOL... the average temperature is 15 dc. But it was drizzling and guess the temperature? I do not know... but guess it's near single digit. Reached the hotel at 11.40pm.

Melbourne Trip Day 5-6
I will blog later. Hahaz... that's how to keep a fool in suspense infinitely...

Hey people! I'm back from Melbourne... will blog about it later...