[ emotional sine wave ]

it's like riding a roller coaster. damn extremes.

[ radio tunes ]

4 songs on my way home.

guns - sweet child o' mine
ne-yo - mad
hedley - perfect
tal bachman - she's so high

are you kidding me?

who are you terry. who do you think you are. who do you want to be. and who is the guy that you see in the mirror.

is it really you? is it who you really want to be?

do you actually like going out, or do you do it just because it's "cool"?

do you actually think you fit in with your friends? do you think they don't judge you because you're from toronto and don't speak small town lingo?

no terry. you don't fit in. you're a pretentious boy who wants to be someone you're not, who wants to be liked, who wants to be respected by people that don't deserve that respect.

so stop it. stop trying to be that person. look through the clouded mirror. don't tell yourself that you're "under a bad influence" because in the end, you want to be "cool". you want to fit in.

it's not worth losing yourself over. it's not worth losing your self respect, not worth losing what your values are.

i know who i am now. and without a good prompting, i wouldn't be able to see how wrong it is.

so who are you terry?

i'm a civil engineering student. instead of going out to bars, i'd rather stay home and watch tv, play video games, and keep to myself in my room. instead of staying in waterloo on weekends, i'd much much much rather be able to see my girlfriend.

instead of trying to fit in, i need to be myself again. really and truly, i've lost myself. how can i try and convince myself that i'm still that dorky, naive boy when the past 3 years i've acquainted myself with people who are totally different?

i don't want to be that guy. and i have become the guys in high school that i looked at with scorn and disgust.

you disgust me terry. you shame the face you see in the mirror, and the boy that you used to be. get the fuck out, grow the fuck up, and be yourself. it's not worth losing yourself over.

[ i won't give up ]

i put on my headphones, planning to lose myself in my music and let the music play out my mood. i put my playlist on shuffle, and of course i would get this song.



my blackberry is magical. and no, no i won't give up. no matter how much we fight, no matter how much we disagree, i won't give up. because yeah, you are worth it. we are worth it.