I blog, therefore I am

Alhamdulillah, my spiritual journey to the two holy cities went well. My faith grows stronger and firmer with the pilgrimage. I will jot down, insya-Allah, my experience in the two holy lands in the coming entries.

This is just a short note to say that I have been able to access my blogs again. Hopefully, I can blog at least once a week. So to my cyberfriends who have been asking where I have been all this while, fret not, I never actually went anywhere. I wasn't able to access my blogs after I returned from my haj, and ironically, I enjoyed the time off blogging. In a strange kind of way as blogging was to me a few years back, non-blogging is kind of liberating. So, to paraphrase the mechanist natural philosopher, Rene Descartes, "I blog, therefore I am."

In the meantime, I would like to take this apt opportunity to wish all my Chinese friends, Gong Xi Fa Cai. Have a great Chinese New Year celebration, and may the coming year be prosperous and full of happiness.

Labbaik

In several hours time, my wife and I will be leaving, insya-Allah, for our hajj pilgrimage.

I pray that our journey and everything pertaining to our hajj will go smoothly and safely. I also pray that our hajj will be accepted by Allah SWT as mabrur.

Frankly it is difficult for me to describe my feelings at the moment. This is a spiritual journey that requires one to be physically healthy, mentally prepared and emotionally stable. I am really looking forward to this journey.

I would like to express my sincerest thanks to all who have bade me well for this journey. Your prayers for the both of us are very valuable to us. Insya-Allah I look forward to seeing everyone again in a month's time.

Until then, I will be away from blogging. I hope that I will be able to share my experience when I return insya-Allah.

A very meaningful week

Last week was the National Organ Donation Awareness Week 2010. It was a week to remember, at least for me. I attended five of the many events held in conjunction of this inaugural remembrance of those who have donated their organs in saving other people's lives.

I have been involved with organ donation campaigns from 1999 when I was working at the Institute of Islamic Understanding Malaysia (IKIM). My involvement started off as a work assignment, and hence I approached organ donation in a very academic way. However, over the years, my conviction on the importance of organ donation has increased, more so when I met Muhammad Fikri Norazmi in 2005. His story is well-known, just Google up his name and you will get more information on him.

Since then, even after leaving IKIM, I am still involved with organ donation programmes out of sheer interest. It is no longer a work-related assignment for me, rather it is now a cause that I am voluntarily involved in.

During the launch of the National Organ Donation Awareness Week at Taman Tasik Titiwangsa by the Hon. Minister of Health, I was caught by surprise when I was presented with a certificate of appreciation conferred by the ministry. I was informed initially that I was to receive the certificate on behalf of the organisation that I am currently attached to, but when I got there, I realised that I was one of three individuals being acknowledged by the ministry for our involvement in organ donation programmes. It goes without saying that I am humbled by this acknowledgement and would like to record my sincerest gratitude to the National Transplant Resource Centre and the Ministry of Health.

On a personal basis, my involvement has been nothing more than just to provide information on the permissibility of organ donation in particular from the Islamic perspective. This is nothing compared to the sacrifice made by donor families in allowing for their loved ones' organs to be harvested in order to save the lives of total strangers who are in need. I am fortunate to be able to partake in "Bicara Hati" which is the climax to the National Organ Donation Awareness Week held at the National Heart Institute (IJN) last Saturday. The programme gathered nearly 50 donor families from all over the country as well some of the organ recipients who have benefited from organ donation.

"Bicara Hati" was, to say the least, an emotional tribute to the donor families. At the lobby of IJN, whilst rain was pouring heavily outside, donor family members shared stories of their loved ones, while recipients expressed their appreciation to the organ donors. It was difficult not to shed a tear that very meaningful afternoon. The programme ended with a tribute to the late Winnie Chen, who herself was waiting for a heart, but instead lost her life waiting. Instead, she became a donor herself.

I would like to go on record in applauding the Ministry of Health and the National Transplant Resource Centre for organising this awareness week. It has been announced that the week will be an annual event. I hope that in the coming years, the week will be filled with meaningful programmes that can touch people's hearts in creating awareness and understanding on the importance of organ donation.

Small gestures make the difference

I was feeling somewhat down today. The burden on my shoulders is still there, weighing itself on me. When I arrived at the university for my last lecture of the semester, I was still very much feeling under the weather.

As I was walking on the faculty's grounds, I came across a couple of my ex-students. When they saw me, they smiled from afar while nodding their heads. Their smiles, which to me came from their hearts, somehow succeeded in bringing a tinge of happiness.

Not long after that, upon performing the Asar prayer at the surau, I crossed paths with another ex-student as I was leaving the surau. He stopped to shake my hands and asked me how I was doing. We chatted for a while, which is quite strange at first because we never actually chatted before. But the chat in itself was very sincere that it felt like we were good friends.

I went to my class feeling somewhat better. And I managed to deliver my lecture on an upbeat note. After the class, usually the students would be rushing home, since my class ends at 6:50 p.m. However, today was very different. Seven of them stayed back and came to see me after the lecture. We talked about the subject I was teaching. They mentioned that they were enlightened by the subject. As pure science students, having an understanding and appreciation towards the history of the development of science serve as a motivation for them to pursue their respective courses with greater rigour. Truth be told, I felt a sense of satisfaction with what these students told me. At least, to my mind, they have managed to learn something from the subject, not just taking it for the sake of fulfilling their course requirement.

At the end of the day, these three gestures from my current and former students really lighten up my otherwise depressing day. I went home feeling that I have indeed done something right, that I have contributed something to others.

And that is indeed a great feeling.

Aching shoulders

There is an old saying: Promises are like the full moon, if they are not kept at once, they diminish day by day. How true! If promises given to me can be exchanged with money, I would probably be the richest person in the world right now. Unfortunately, that is not the case.

Frankly, only Allah knows how I feel at the moment. My shoulders ache as if I am carrying a huge burden. The burden may not be physical, but it is there nonetheless. I feel very tired and stressed, truth be told. Tired of waiting for promises to be realised. Stressed to be kept in the dark..

My only solace is by turning myself closer to Allah. I find myself in peace each time I answer the call for the daily prayers. And I am indeed looking forward to finding peace for my mind and soul in Makkah. To all who have prayed for my safe journey to Makkah, please accept my sincerest gratitude. Insya-Allah I will also pray for my true friends when I am there.

I am grateful to Allah for this opportunity to perform my haj at this age. At the same time, I am also grateful for the many signs that He has shown me this past few weeks. There are blessings behind everything that has happened. While we may not necessarily see these blessings immediately, I believe that we should always be thankful for them.

'Abdurrahman Bin 'Auf

Out of the many companions of the Prophet Muhammad SAW, perhaps the one most well-known for his business acumen was 'Abdurrahman Bin 'Auf. He was known to be wealthy, even when he had to start from scratch after the hijrah to Madinah al-Munawwarah from Makkah al-Mukarramah.

It was recorded in history that upon his arrival in Madinah, 'Abdurrahman Bin 'Auf was assisted by an Ansar who provided him a loan for him to start his business. In just a short period of time, he became very successful and he paid up his debt almost immediately. He was not one who liked to have debts.

He was known to sell, among other things, camels. Interestingly he sold camels at their cost price. And yet he was able to make profit from trading camels. When people asked him his secret, he told them that he did not gain anything from selling camels. His profit, in actual effect, came from selling camels' leashes. Everyone who bought camels would require leashes, lest the camels escaped.

Such ingenuity is indeed something that we can learn if we want to take up business. 'Abdurrahman Bin 'Auf to my mind is an examplary businessman. Today's Muslims can learn a lot from him. He was honest, hardworking and had high integrity. He did not resort to cheating or bribing people. He was also very prudent.

If today's Muslim businessmen can be half the man 'Abdurrahman Bin 'Auf was, I would imagine the impact would be tremendous. But I guess that is not how things are. It is unfortunate that those who go into business have no good sense when it comes to running their businesses. Some set their eyes on big projects without an inkling as to how to deliver. Some get big projects, and the first thing that they do is to buy luxury cars. Some become so spendthrift that they ignore basic things in business like planning and budgeting.

Of course, I can just write on this. I am no businessman. I am just an observer who jots down what I see, and nothing more than that. I can only pray that those who do go into businesses have a good sense to be like 'Abdurrahman Bin 'Auf.

River of denial

A few weeks back, I was talking to a friend. He relayed to me a piece of information. I find the information somewhat difficult to believe. As such, I asked him how reliable that piece of information is. He said, it is reliable because it came from the source.

Some time later, I found out that the information relayed to me was untrue, or more accurately, did not materialise into reality. When I next met my friend, I asked him again about the information he relayed to me.

To my surprise, he denied ever relaying me said information. He said I could have probably obtained the information from the source first hand.

I was taken aback, to say the least.

Firstly, I don't think I am THAT forgetful. As far as I know, my memory still functions well. I seriously doubt that I am losing my mind.

Secondly, I highly doubt that I got the information from the main source because my contact with the main source is very limited. I don't think I can get two different people mixed up easily.

Thirdly, there is absolutely no way anyone else could have relayed to me the said information.

This incident got me questioning myself for a few days. Did I really forget and got people mixed up? After a few days of soul-searching and thinking, I am very sure I did not. I am very certain of what happened and what was said.

I only wonder why my friend was quick to deny what he said to me several weeks earlier.

Peace of mind

In this modern life, everyone seems to be living in a ratrace society, always seemingly rushing. No wonder people seem stressed out.

I must admit that of late, I am feeling somewhat stressed. Anxiety, frustration, unhappiness and disappointment are probably the main contributors to my stress these days. From my past experience, one way to eliminate stress is to eliminate the factors contributing to it in the first place. I have identified the source of my stress. And I will find a way to eliminate the source so that I can have a peace of mind.

I will do so, insya-Allah, upon returning from Makkah. I will pray for guidance from Allah SWT when in the Holy Land. Hopefully, I can make the right decision come December.

Raise me up

Earlier this evening, my two boys sat on my lap. I was playing the song "Raise Me Up" on my laptop. As I watched them listening to the song, tear drops began to gather in my eyes. I can only pray to Allah that I be given the strength and health to raise my sons to the very best of my capability providing them what they need.

And most of all, I pray to Allah that I can be a good father to them.

Inform and being informed

When I did my MBA way back in 1996, one of the things that I learned was the importance of information availability in an organisation. Accurate information provided timely, effectively and efficiently to staff members would help in avoiding speculations and uncertainties. Information flow from the management to the staff also increases transparency in the organisation. At the same time, members in the organisation will also be able to give feedback and input. Not all things that come from the top is the best option. Unfortunately, many at the top tend to forget or ignore this fact.

Information in an organisation can be disseminated and discussed with ease in regularly scheduled meetings. When meetings are rarely done, people do not know what is being planned and implemented. Again this can lead to speculations and uncertainties. One of the most cherished experience I have is when I was serving the Institute of Islamic Understanding Malaysia (IKIM). I joined in 1998, and with my promotion in 2000, I began attending the Management Meeting which was scheduled monthly. Despite his very busy schedule, the then-Chairman, Tan Sri (now Tun) Ahmad Sarji Abdul Hamid never failed to chair these management meetings. The meetings would start promptly at 9:00 a.m. and will take about three hours or so. Many things are discussed and threshed out efficiently. As an experienced person in administration, he managed the meetings according to the agenda and minutes, never straying away into non-related matters. He was always punctual. (As a side note, I believe punctuality is a sign of quality of a person's leadership skill).

Some people regard meetings as a waste of time. In my humble opinion, meetings are a waste of time only when the person chairing them do not manage the meetings well. Also, it will not help if a decision made in a meeting can be overturned outside the meeting. If this happens, then there is no point having a meeting. Nevertheless, meetings are important to organisations. Failure to have them at regular intervals would result in the breakdown of information flow.

Another way to disseminate information is to send e-mails to members in the organisation. As a student and part-time lecturer at Universiti Malaya, I notice that the current Vice Chancellor is very good at this. He would send e-mails to notify on new measures or policies, as well as to congratulate members of the university who have done well in research (to take an example). His messages can also be found on his Facebook page as well as the university's Facebook page.

So, really there is no reason for breakdown of information in this day and age. The avenue for dissemination is there, whether the more traditional form of having meetings, or the more modern form of utilising information and communication technology. It is unfortunate if, even with all these means, information breakdown still takes place. To me, there is no such thing as privileged information in this era of the open sky, in particular when it comes to running an organisation.

The success of an organisation hinges on informed decisions being made transparently, and the success of disseminating information to staff members. As an analogy, if an organisation is likened to the human body, just imagine what happens when the brain fails to communicate with the rest of the body. No matter how powerful or good the brain is, if the rest of the body does not function as a result of failure in communication, then the body itself will eventually fail.

Broken vase

I was surfing the Internet when I came across the following quote:

Trust is like a vase. Once it's broken, though you can fix it, the vase will never be the same again.

I find the quote very apt. Any idea who said or wrote that?

Paying what is due

One of my personal aims in life is to rid myself of debts. To date, I have only three "major investments" namely my two houses and my car.

The first house that I bought is a bad investment. The developer ran away, and the buyers have to finish the project themselves. I bought this house shortly after getting married and I have more or less given up on moving into the house. I recently completed the construction of the house, and I plan to sell it upon returning from Makkah. (Advanced notice: If anyone is interested in buying a bungalow house located at Batu 14 Hulu Langat, leave a message here).

The other house that I bought is the one I am staying in now. This is the place I call home. And I consider this a very good investment.

The car that I own is bought because of its functionality, more than anything else. With two young boys and with my parents staying with me, an 8-seater comes in handy especially when travelling back to our hometown up north.

I hope with the sale of the house in Hulu Langat, I will be able to lighten one of my major financial commitments. The loan for the car will be settled in the next few years, so I am not too concerned about that. So, that leaves me only with the loan for my current home, which I have no qualms about.

I do not know about other people but I am one person who fret when I have debts. As much as possible, I would like to settle my debts as quickly as possible. As long as I know I owe someone money, I feel that there is a huge burden on my shoulder. And the satisfaction comes when that burden is lifted by paying back what I owe.

I have a friend who does not give out loans. To him, money is a very sensitive issue. He would rather people call him stingy, then quarrelling with his friends about money they owe him. That is why he never loans money to anyone.

At the end of the spectrum, I have another friend who is ever too kind. He never hesitates to lend money to friends who come to him. His generosity, more often than not, leaves him in a predicament. People go to him when they need his help. When it's time for people to pay up, he often feels that he has to beg for the money they owe him. He once said to me, "I know how a beggar feels. The only difference is, a beggar gets what he begs for, while in my case, I don't get what is mine in the first place."

Whatever it is, we have to remember that whatever that we owe others (whether financial institutions or friends or relatives), we have the responsibility to pay them back. Personally I do not believe in living a lavish life if I still owe others money. A few years back, when things were difficult for me, a few friends came to my aid. I will never forget their kindness. As soon as things got better, the first order of business for me was to settle whatever debt I have with them. And to this very day, our friendship has been strong and getting stronger with the passing months.

I believe that true friends would help one another when one is in need. At the same time, the true test of friendship also lies in the ability and willingness of the friend in need to pay back his friend's kindness when the time comes. Don't go looking for the friend only when we are in need. We should also look up for the friend when we are doing well. And worse still, don't make the friend feels like a beggar.

Taken for granted

More often than not, we tend to take things for granted. We also take other people for granted. And most of all, we don't realise that we take Allah for granted.

Just food for thought in this very short entry.

Preparing for a spiritual journey

I believe that a human being has three components which are interlinked with one another. The components are the physical, the mental (incorporating the intellectual and the emotional), and finally the spiritual. As a Muslim, I am of the opinion that each of these components has to be looked after and taken care of.

Most people will probably find looking after the physical well-being as the most obvious. This is because we can sense the physical component of ourselves using the five senses. That is why when we get hungry, we eat. We drink when we are thirsty. And if we are unwell, we will go for medical treatment.

The mental well-being is perhaps slightly more difficult to look after. The intellectual aspect of the mental well-being can be looked after by enriching ourselves with knowledge. The emotional aspect of the emotional well-being must be taken care of as well so that we would be mentally healthy, and not mentally disturbed.

The spiritual component is without doubt the most difficult to tend to. Some deny the existence of this component because it could not be scientifically observed. Nonetheless, as a Muslim, I hold that this component does exist even though we could not quantify it scientifically.

This spiritual component has to be continuously strengthened, and this is done through the many acts of worship prescribed in Islam. On a daily basis, the spiritual component is strengthened five times a day through the compulsory daily prayer. On an annual basis, this spiritual component goes through a month of fasting in Ramadhan where one faces many tests which, when overcome successfully, would increase the level of piety.

Another act of worship that strengthens the spiritual component comes in the form of the pilgrimage to Makkah. This is made compulsory on all Muslims who can afford to do so once in their lives. Many Muslims look forward to this pilgrimage. It is an experience that many cherish. And many who have gone to Makkah longed to return again and again.

Alhamdulillah, I have received my calling to go to Makkah this year. This is something I have been looking forward to for the past year. I pray that this spiritual journey will help in rejuvenating and strengthening my faith, insha-Allah.

National Organ Donation Awareness Week 2010

This is an advanced notification on an event that will be held for the first time in Malaysia. Beginning 16th of October 2010, the National Transplant Resource Centre (NTRC) will spearhead a week-long event commemorating organ donors and their family members. The inaugural event - the National Organ Donation Awareness Week 2010 - will see the participation of various government departments and agencies, NGOs, media players, individuals and others in promoting organ donation.

Many events will be held, and I will provide this information once the details have been finalised. So, stay tuned for the information. And make a date with the National Organ Donation Awareness Week 2010.

Shying away from blogging

A writer with few words. That is perhaps a paradox.

I know I have not been writing as much in the blogosphere for the past few months. It's not that I don't have things to write about, rather I just chose not to blog. Oft-times I believe it is best to keep your thoughts to yourself, rather than airing it in public. Blogs, and now social networking channels like Facebook and Twitter, allow one to be expressive. Just how expressive should one be depends on the person.

There are those who just love attention, who would blog every day or every other day, and who would update his/her Facebook status, and who would Tweet, if he/she sneezes or coughs or sees a cat running across the street. Not that I am saying that is bad or wrong, but I don't think we have to be overexposed in that sense. People don't really want to know every second or minute of your life. I believe there are things that we should just keep to ourselves.

There are those who can be narcissistic in the cyberworld. It's all about I, me and myself, as if he/she is the only one who matters in the cyber-community. Ironically, these are people who use the social networking channels to highlight their own selves.

Of course, there are many genuine users of blogs, Facebook and Twitter. I enjoy visiting and reading blogs with sincere entries, and not ego-polishing stories of one's self. I cherish people who uses Facebook status updates to wish his/her friends well on their birthdays, anniversaries, festivities and important occasions.

I think at the end of the day, it goes back to one's intention when using these Internet tools. These tools are useful, hence we should utilise it wisely. Perhaps, that is why I have been shying away from blogging. I will share my thoughts when and if they are worth sharing. Otherwise, I'll just keep them to myself.

Gathering the strength

This past couple of months, I have been focusing a lot on my thesis writing. As I am not a full time doctorate student, the challenge is indeed big. Most people who do their doctorates would do it full time. The idea is to minimise distraction from the study itself.

I chose not to be a full time student because I am not on any scholarship whatsoever. It was the same case when I did my master of science some years back. I decided to pursue my postgraduate studies because I wanted to and to prove myself that I can indeed do it. It's not for some monetary gains in the form of promotion or position. In fact, where I work, there is no clause to say that one will get a raise upon completion of studies at a higher level.

The greatest challenge for me is not really the research part nor the writing part. I am thankful for the years of exposure at the Institute of Islamic Understanding Malaysia that helped me a great deal on these aspects. My greatest challenge is to balance my time with the various chores that I have to do.

My day job requires me to focus on the work at Yayasan Ilmuwan which involves organisational management, research and academic writing. On top of this, I am also a part time lecturer at Universiti Malaya. I also sit on the research ethics committee of Universiti Teknologi MARA that vets the ethical aspect of research proposals undertaken at the university. Aside from this, I am also a budding science fiction writer who is trying hard to complete the second part of my Transgenesis, dare I say it, "saga". Dewan Bahasa and Pustaka who recently found out about my novels (which were published by other publishers) has asked me for a couple of short stories for their magazines. And of course, as a husband, father and son, I have my family obligations that I cannot neglect.

With all these, I try to find time on weeknights to write my thesis. I am quite pleased with the progress thus far. Considering the fact that I am not a full time student and I have just started my sixth semester, the progress I have made in terms of thesis-writing is quite significant. Truth be told, most of the times I wonder where I get the strength from. It is tiring and exhausting, especially mentally, but the drive to get things done is always there to keep me going.

I am actually putting myself to task to ensure that the thesis is completed in this semester itself. Tall order? I hope not.

I am praying hard that I be given the strength, health and perseverance to see this through.

A writer's pain - Part Deux

Above: Comparison of the swollen right index finger and the non-swollen left index finger

After 12 days, my right index finger is still swollen, although the swelling has decreased a bit and the pain has somewhat lessened. I went to another doctor last Thursday, and I was given another round of antibiotics and painkiller. So far, this round of medication seems to be working.

On Thursday, I was at the Grand Dorsett Hotel in Subang Jaya to present a paper at an international conference organised by the Malaysian Society for Transplantation (MST). The conference was basically attended by the medical fraternity. A couple of doctors I know who noticed my swelling advised me to get an X-ray done if this round of antibiotics does not work.

We'll see how it goes, as the last antibiotic is due tomorrow morning.

A writer's pain

Last Thursday afternoon, my right index finger started to swell. At first, I dismissed it as something temporary. Later that evening, the swelling got bigger, and the pain got worse.

On Friday, the swelling seemed to stop but my right index finger, in comparison to my left index finger, was almost twice the size. My wife pestered me to go to the doctor, but I refused, again dismissing the swelling by saying that it would go away on its own.
[Important tip: The next time the wife gives an advice, just heed the advice].

By this time, I realised it was difficult for me to type (although I could still do so at a slower rate by replacing the index finger with the middle finger). It was even more difficult for me to operate the mouse.

On Saturday, I drove back to Kulim which is almost a five-hour drive from Kuala Lumpur. Fortunately, I was able to hold the steering without pain. And on Sunday, I drove back to Kuala Lumpur, again without much pain. But when I got back to Kuala Lumpur, the swelling got bigger and a lot more painful. By 6 o'clock, I finally gave in to my wife's insistance that I should see a doctor. I went, and the doctor gave me antibiotics and something for the swelling.

Today, I went to work with the swelling on my finger. The pain seems to be getting worse despite the medication I am taking. I found it hard to write using a pen. It was also difficult to eat using cutlery. In fact, anything that involves gripping is painful and difficult.

I will wait till tomorrow with the hope that things will improve. Otherwise, I'll go see the doctor again.

On a side note, this incident is "enlightening". It is a wonder that a finger, which we often take for granted, is really important in life. Only when we have difficulty in using it that we realise its importance.

Cog in the wheel

Cog in the wheel. And a rusty one at that.

That's how I have been feeling for the past two months.

Go figure...