Tuesday, March 9, 2010

It's exactly 1 year 2 months 1 day into my NS service term. another 239 days to go.

Looking back into the blog, I haven't really spoke much of my experience in the Army. It was a decision made from the start, where I made after realising that the guys went through Army too, and they would not want to read a paragraph full of Army experience. The girls, on the other hand, did not went through any part of the Army, and will not comprehend the raw experience of being in Army. However, due to the difference in environment people are in, they see different meaning in the same experience. Hence, I'll write not what is from my eyes, but what is learnt in my heart.

For most Singaporean guys, especially for the fitter ones, they will go through the Army phase by phase. From the basic, to leadership, and eventually to their fixed vocation. For a very large part of my Army life thus far, I've been stuck in between. Hence, I've seen many batches of people going pass my stage, leaving me behind.

This too, have shown me a variety of people, where there is a spectrum of personalities. I realised that what I've experienced and seen in the past 20 years only made up to so small of the whole picture. It's bringing me to a beach full of pebbles, when I've been focusing on a particular pebble for a long time. One of the thing that I'm brought to see is the spirit of fighting for what I want.

For my past 20 years of life, I've had it easy. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing, but for many problems in the past, I've always made pass them. I did not have problem with school, even when I did not put much effort into it. I did well for programming, and won award, when I didn't put my life on the line. I felt like there was nothing I couldn't do. I felt like there wasn't a need to put in my all. I was wrong.

Putting myself in the Army, in the corporate world, in the reality, I realised how small I can be. The real world is not somewhere I can excel, just by showing that I understood the lessons at the end of the term. It requires so much more. Talent and results only bring you so far. There's so many more people with talents. So many more people who are more capable than me. It's no longer a fight between a class, or even a school. I'm fighting with 6,692,030,277 people. I realised, to climb up, I need something more. I need the ability to squeeze out every single juice I have. I realised I need to fight hard for what I want.

For many people, perhaps, they might find it absurd that such a simple thing is what I'm looking for. To put it in perspective, for the past 20 years, I must admit, I did not put any effort into studying, or whatsoever. I wasn't even putting even the slightest extra effort for anything. Fighting with all my spirit, putting everything on the line, using all the effort I could summon, is something I have not tried before.

However, to excel in the new discovered world, I'll need everything I have, and more, to achieve my goals, dreams and ambitions. I need this extra fuel to push myself to many notches higher.

I need to revamp myself.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

On the soft and comfortable bed, with my pillow and blanket, I was lying. Looking at the white and plain ceiling, I was trying to sleep, to the best of my capability, but to no avail.

I wonder if people's minds were made to think anytime and every time, or simply my mind was just too active for that night. Memories of what happened just a couple of years ago flowed through my mind with no restrains. Like an old man recapping his years of glory, I was thinking of the days where I could be carefree, and pursue my dreams.

As a toddler, there was nothing to worry about, for I knew nothing. As a pre-schooler, it was all play and no work, I could have fun all day, and no one will complain. As a student, I had friends who share the same dream as me, who could have fun with me all day. Now, I can only looks at the restrictive bindings that are tied on me, preventing me from going against the millitary laws. What I am going through is necessary, and essential to the country, but why do I have to endure all these? Why must I?

Then again, I thought even deeper. Why is it that people always compare present with the past? On countless occasions, I've seen my peers complaining how better off they were before this national obligation, and how much they could enjoy if they were not required to serve this few years.

No doubt, past is the only avenue for comparison with current situation. However we could never compare the past and present on equal grounds. We could only remember what was good in the past, and our current sufferings. We might have preference to remember only what was good, and unconsciously chose to forget what was unpleasant. In fact, during the same time where I thought was "better-off", I was complaining as well. Why did I not compare the current things that I enjoy with the previous responsibilities I had?

In fact, why even compare? Instead of spending the time thinking of how much better off I could be elsewhere, why not make use of whatever I currently hold, and make the most out of it? Instead of looking back and start comparing, I should look at my surroundings and start thinking. I could be unlocking so much more potentials to be the building blocks of my desired life.

The next time I look back, I might just realised I've built a nice and cozy home out of the place where I am put in.

At that time, I'm sure, I'd be putting that last block of brick on my dream castle.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Happy new year! Gotta admit, I posted this late. New year's yesterday. Well, at least I still posted, so, be glad!

It's 2009 already. My enlistment draws near. I'll be stepping into next phase of life soon, and I am left with some minor adjustment before I'm ready to go!(actually I havent really prepared at all) As I step into my next phase of life, I'm also reflecting on what I've done on my previous phase of life.

The phase of life I'm in depends on the place I'm in, whether school, research institutes, college, or next to my SAR-21. JPS, Fuhua, JJC, I2R, and SAF are what my life have been and will be revolving around for this recent years.

Throughout these phases, there'll definitely be people who come and go. People who pulled me up when I fall, people who didn't like me so much, people who kicked me, basically, people around me. They could be acquaintance, schoolmates, classmates, friends, or close buddies. No matter how close they are to me, they have left a part of themselves into my memories. Some may teach me about life, some may motivate me, by punch or by words, some may just be with me to experience joy and sorrows together, but all have made me.

No matter what they have done, right or wrong, good or bad, encouragements or attacks, without them, I'm not me. Thus, I have to thank them. I have to thank everyone that cross path with me in my life. For some, I'll love to even further twine our lives together, even through many great events in our lives, which I am not gonna elaborate.

Hence this post is a BIG THANK YOU to everyone in my life.

Next, I'll post some pictures.


Yes, that's a water pistol.


I've tried to blur the faces. Contact my if you're still not satisfied with the lack of anonymity.


What's this? LOL


Food!!! Hint: Sec 2 Home Econs


NOOB!


CNY! After almost 1 year.

That's all the picture I'm gonna post. Don't feel hurt if you don't recognise any of the picutres here. You might have just forgotten or you haven't participated much activities with me. Also, I'm only posting photos where faces are blurred out or the subject isn't faces. If, however you are recognised, be happy, because you still matter to those that recognise you!

Well, anyone that know the existence of my blog(or rather, most) are already people who have a great impact on my life already. Since you bother to know more about what I express(in this blog), to a limited extent, it still shows you care! So, this message matters more to you who read it personally!

THANK YOU!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

I know... It's long after As, and my update is still not here. Well, I've been rather busy with many stuffs after the exams. My long list of "To-Do" list is still not done yet. Too many things to do, too little time. What to do?!?!

Why little time? My enlistment date is on 8th Jan 2009. That means I've only 2 months to complete all my objectives. Before the exams, I always thought that there'll be hell of a time for me to do what I want after the exams. Hence, I procrastinated, delayed, pushed back some of my goals and objectives. Now, it's retribution time! Piano to learn(by keyboard), a dusty guitar to pick up, a programming engine to start up, books to read, body to train, and a Warlock to level! The fact that I need to buy items to prepare for NS isn't helping at all. Damn!

Just went for prom yesterday. It's a big difference compared to secondary school's prom. The place is bigger, the food is better, I wore more appropriately, BUT, there's just something lacking. This time, it feels more like a class dinner than a prom.

On the prom in secondary school, almost the whole ballroom knew everybody. We can walk to almost every table and find someone that we know. The relationship over four year was demostrated. No doubt we may forget people, no doubt we may forget the details of the event, no doubt we may lose the photos what was taken, but that feelings it evoked on us will linger in us. It was the demostation of what was made during the four years.

The prom yesterday wasn't the same. No doubt the quality of the whole place was much better, but it did not have the same spirit. It was like eating with my class on Shangri-La, in the midst of strangers. It's more rare than common to find a table that have even someone I know. Maybe it's because I wasn't very sociable, maybe it's because I didn't joined many events, but still, more than 3/4 of the ballroom is filled with people I didn't know. That was the reason I didn't want to go to the prom initially. A prom that didn't serve its purpose. I'm not saying my class isn't worth going, but, a class gathering will better serve what that was needed. In the end, however, I still went for it, giving it some hope.

The hope that was brought over by my sec school prom, the hope that was born in the midst of emotions, the hope that was greatly lifted by post-prom activity, the same hope that was forged through the night. Thank you, my buddies and my friends.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Today is supposed to be the opening of the blog, but well, I kinda got the design only 50% up. Which exist as thoughts within my head. So... well, I'll only post stuff, but not update the design just yet. I need couple of drawings done, manipulated digitally, and many many stuff to fully get my design up. The fact that my desktop is spoilt doesn't help the problem :(

Just a summary for the holidays. It hasn't been a good holiday, many unlucky things happened, including the spoiling of my desktop, buying wrong part to fix it, and the failure to obtain a correct part, at least during this period. There were many many other bad things that I rather not discuss, but overall, this period of holiday is probably my worst holiday ever!

During the holiday, many things came up to my mind too, and I'm going to discuss one of them.

There was one day, where I was at a friend(RC)'s house, the "Singapore Grid Girl" show happen to be on air. It's a show where people(or rather babes), go on TV to compete to be the grid girl for the upcoming Singapore Grand Prix. I happened to hear the age of one of a girl, and it happened to be 18 years old.

Suddenly, a flash came into my mind.

"18? Isn't that the same age as me?"

I finally realised I've grown up already. There are many many successful individuals making their mark at this age. What am I doing? I am wasting my time to purely study, and my result aren't very good either. Really, WHAT AM I DOING?

To be successful, or even to be near it, I am at a ripe age to start. But, looking at me right now, I am just another guy. I'm not thinking out of the box, I'm not doing anything special. I do have ideas now and then, but there is no action!

I realised what exactly is the problem. There is no motivation to start. Even for many things, there exist motivation to learn, and I do actually learn fast. But for many things I do, I always stagnant at a certain point. That is when I am satisfied. This is not good at all! At the most, I can only be above average. I can never excel this way! I realised I must change.

Well, for me, I'll start with computer stuff, like programming and designing. Different people have different passion, different ideas. Some of my friends has started too. Have you?

Monday, August 11, 2008

As some of you might know(if there are anybody here), I have "suspended" blogging for a while. Well, had some reason, but didn't matter now. So, it's a fresh start, and this is post no 1!

In case you are interested, the old posts are stored somewhere else. They are all safe and sound, and should be still available for viewing 20 years down the road. However, I doubt I'll open it, so it's only for my eyes!

In fact, I actually considered buying a server to host all my online stuff. However, I figured that I wouldn't have much time to use it anyway. Well, that plan will have to be postponed at least until after NS.

Right now, the banner isn't up(as of posting), and there were some design flaws for this design(did not consider scroll bars for resolution) and many things are still needed to be fixed. So, I'll just call this as a "pre-post", and I'll announce the launching date of this blog to be... 8th September 2008!

Before then, you can anticipate new changes on the new blog! Hopefully, I can do some javascript on the blog, that is, IF I have the time to do some big stuff on the template.