Happen to chance upon this little article called Academic Tipping Guidelines and it was funny.
I wonder if the folks would take Al's cookies for tips. On hindsight, maybe not. He'll poison them and I'll be stuck in grad school.
Maybe I'll use Stern's Blue Bell ice-cream. But do they use Imported-From-China, melamine-laced milk?
Hell, what am I to do? Oh, I'll use those Lehman notes from Shade. I'm sure those will work.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
The Blame Game
Now that the shit has hit the roof, people start finger pointing and blaming others for their misery.
It's true. People never look at themselves and ask themselves what they have done wrong. They never stop and wonder how they could have waded into the mess, even if they had done so willingly.
For the record, I am dead against bailing out the Lehman Brothers' Highnotes holders. People who have a case should pursue a legal solution to the matter. Otherwise, stop begging for handouts. Or blaming others.
Prove to me that greed was not the underlying impetus of all the actions of those burnt by the recent financial meltdown. If you loan money to the loansharks so that you can earn more, who are you to blame when the loansharks run away?
Greed, one of the cardinal sins. Pay back time cometh!
Gleefully watches as the sharemarkets continue their exploration 20 000 leagues under the sea.
It's true. People never look at themselves and ask themselves what they have done wrong. They never stop and wonder how they could have waded into the mess, even if they had done so willingly.
For the record, I am dead against bailing out the Lehman Brothers' Highnotes holders. People who have a case should pursue a legal solution to the matter. Otherwise, stop begging for handouts. Or blaming others.
Prove to me that greed was not the underlying impetus of all the actions of those burnt by the recent financial meltdown. If you loan money to the loansharks so that you can earn more, who are you to blame when the loansharks run away?
Greed, one of the cardinal sins. Pay back time cometh!
Gleefully watches as the sharemarkets continue their exploration 20 000 leagues under the sea.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Plain Sailing Not
Along with the rest of the flotilla, people who managed to build their own seacraft went along the adventure to mine gold and capture slaves. Their intention was to ravage whatever they manage to land their hands on.
To move as quickly as possible from point to point, they designed their craft to be able to take in lots of water to lower their centres of gravity. Many people were also not the least interested to know if their craft were sea-worthy; they believed calm seas and excellent weather will prevail indefinitely.
As the fleet travel around to plunder, the captains had not watched the tides. They had not upkept their vessels. They did not watch the exact capacity their craft can withstand. They loaned big time to undertake voyages way beyond their ken. They had even forgotten that people were beginning to treat them like pillaging pirates.
And as luck would have it, the entire fleet ran aground on a sand bank as they were navigating a treacherous stretch of narrow waterway with erratic tides. And as luck would have it, the tides started going out.
Thinking that the tides would soon return, people urged their captains to unload the water in the vessel holds. The added water allowed limited movement but this gave the people onboard renewed hopes. Even without reaching their destination, they plundered "offline" from their boats. They shortsold, overbought, essentially trading nothing for money. Everyone still hoped to make a quick one.
As the water levels receded further than expected, people in the trapped vessels are begin to worry. Still they were still frantically plundering continually. They made the captains release whatever water there is in the hull. Alas, the ebbing tides prevailed - the water is all drawn out with the tide. Left high and dry, these "pirates" now expect the littoral states to siphon their water to fill the straits so that they can move off again.
When the surrounding area ran out of water and the waterway was nonetheless dry, the pillagers expect the states to now go around the world to procure water to set them a-sail again.
What they have forgotten is tides ebb and flow. One cannot mess with nature. Once it is time, the natural state will be restored.
Instead of complaining and whining, the bandits should simply divest their gains in exchange for food and water to stay alive on their craft. They should not feel wronged for it was by their free will that they had chosen such a path. However, they pointed fingers at others for their misery. Without spending a single cent, they expect to be fed, clothed and given spending money. Worse, most wanted to live like kings regardless of the current condition.
The way I see it, the littoral states have been complete morons to drain their lakes and channel their water sources to attempt to re-flood the water way. There is no way to do that now. What they should have done earlier was to have stopped these opportunists from stripping them of their resources in exchange for more "returns".
Any system that is overrun by human greed ought to be punished. If the righteous and the honest (and perhaps too the timid) are not complaining here, why should people who have made their lives so miserable be complaining?
Why should anyone bail out your poorly performing investments? Everyone who invests should know the risk they are taking. Ignorance is not an acceptable defence.
Don't expect anyone to bail you out. No one has the moral obligation to do so. Even if they could, they should not. After all, did you spread your wealth around when we were in the heights of your pillaging?
I take little comfort to be in a position like this. But I do know that when you play big, be ready to lose big. And take it like a big boy.
To move as quickly as possible from point to point, they designed their craft to be able to take in lots of water to lower their centres of gravity. Many people were also not the least interested to know if their craft were sea-worthy; they believed calm seas and excellent weather will prevail indefinitely.
As the fleet travel around to plunder, the captains had not watched the tides. They had not upkept their vessels. They did not watch the exact capacity their craft can withstand. They loaned big time to undertake voyages way beyond their ken. They had even forgotten that people were beginning to treat them like pillaging pirates.
And as luck would have it, the entire fleet ran aground on a sand bank as they were navigating a treacherous stretch of narrow waterway with erratic tides. And as luck would have it, the tides started going out.
Thinking that the tides would soon return, people urged their captains to unload the water in the vessel holds. The added water allowed limited movement but this gave the people onboard renewed hopes. Even without reaching their destination, they plundered "offline" from their boats. They shortsold, overbought, essentially trading nothing for money. Everyone still hoped to make a quick one.
As the water levels receded further than expected, people in the trapped vessels are begin to worry. Still they were still frantically plundering continually. They made the captains release whatever water there is in the hull. Alas, the ebbing tides prevailed - the water is all drawn out with the tide. Left high and dry, these "pirates" now expect the littoral states to siphon their water to fill the straits so that they can move off again.
When the surrounding area ran out of water and the waterway was nonetheless dry, the pillagers expect the states to now go around the world to procure water to set them a-sail again.
What they have forgotten is tides ebb and flow. One cannot mess with nature. Once it is time, the natural state will be restored.
Instead of complaining and whining, the bandits should simply divest their gains in exchange for food and water to stay alive on their craft. They should not feel wronged for it was by their free will that they had chosen such a path. However, they pointed fingers at others for their misery. Without spending a single cent, they expect to be fed, clothed and given spending money. Worse, most wanted to live like kings regardless of the current condition.
The way I see it, the littoral states have been complete morons to drain their lakes and channel their water sources to attempt to re-flood the water way. There is no way to do that now. What they should have done earlier was to have stopped these opportunists from stripping them of their resources in exchange for more "returns".
Any system that is overrun by human greed ought to be punished. If the righteous and the honest (and perhaps too the timid) are not complaining here, why should people who have made their lives so miserable be complaining?
Why should anyone bail out your poorly performing investments? Everyone who invests should know the risk they are taking. Ignorance is not an acceptable defence.
Don't expect anyone to bail you out. No one has the moral obligation to do so. Even if they could, they should not. After all, did you spread your wealth around when we were in the heights of your pillaging?
I take little comfort to be in a position like this. But I do know that when you play big, be ready to lose big. And take it like a big boy.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
The (Bad) Writing on the Wall
Reluctantly, when all else have lost the ability to bring another round of oohs and aahs after the rush of yet another over the top euphoria at the exchange, the hidden weapon was unleashed.
It was the last thing the phobic leaders wanted to do. To unlease this device could mean dependence on it for a long time. The leaders fear silence on the Street as people flock to enDow their Jones.
Different genes, different sizes. Some countries offer the weenies, while others, the FTSEs. Others like theirs Hang Seng while some, like TW, like them Weighted. Some are so SET in their ways that bootleg KOSPIs (copies) of the magic wand have reared their ugly heads.
Still, to keep the XDAX in NASDAQ, the ultimate comfort weapon, the cash d*ldo had to be taken out from the deepest recesses of the bank vaults of the various central banks. These used to be the singular weapon of pleasure for the you-know-who but now it has to be shared among everyone because there is a sense hanging in the air that with equal misery come equal pleasure. Or so we hope.
Unfortunately, time will prove once again that the ultimate weapon would be shoved up the wrong hole.
It was the last thing the phobic leaders wanted to do. To unlease this device could mean dependence on it for a long time. The leaders fear silence on the Street as people flock to enDow their Jones.
Different genes, different sizes. Some countries offer the weenies, while others, the FTSEs. Others like theirs Hang Seng while some, like TW, like them Weighted. Some are so SET in their ways that bootleg KOSPIs (copies) of the magic wand have reared their ugly heads.
Still, to keep the XDAX in NASDAQ, the ultimate comfort weapon, the cash d*ldo had to be taken out from the deepest recesses of the bank vaults of the various central banks. These used to be the singular weapon of pleasure for the you-know-who but now it has to be shared among everyone because there is a sense hanging in the air that with equal misery come equal pleasure. Or so we hope.
Unfortunately, time will prove once again that the ultimate weapon would be shoved up the wrong hole.
Lost in Translation
Picked up the book in the library and since we are at the topic of bad writing...
Hotel notices often provide lots of gaffes.
Notice in Seoul Hotel:
Choose twin bed or marriage size; we regret no King Kong size.
In an Italian hotel, signs by the bell:
If service is required, give two strokes to the maid and three to the waiter.
It is kindly requested from our guests that they avoid dirting and doing rumours in the rooms.
Hot and cold water running up and down the stairs.
Notice by a phone, Amsterdam, the Netherlands:
Telephone instructions can be found on the backside.
Guangdong, China:
We serve you with hostiality.
Hotel rate card in Chiang Mai, Thailand:
Extra Bad - 150 baht.
Serbia:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. Turn to her straightaway.
Japan:
Depositing the room key into another person is prohibited.
How do you know hotels are really fire-safe?
London, UK:
All fire extinguishers must be examined at least five days before any fire.
Other than the hotels, road signs and driving instructions can leave you in stitches too.
In a Japanese taxi:
Safety first.
Please put on your seatbelt.
Prepare for accident.
Solvent sold in Finland for unfreezing car locks:
Super piss.
At a motoring event on the French Riviera:
Competitors will defile themselves on the promenade at 11 a.m., and each car will have two drivers who will relieve themselves at each other's convenience.
Sticker on the windscreen of Japanese sports car:
OFFRIMITS
Indeed, the difficulty of the language seems to have made many of these signs off limits to the ordinary reader.
In the officer of a doctor in Rome, Italy:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
On a Taiwanese shampoo:
Use repeatedly for severe damage.
German skin cream:
Cream Shower for pretentious skin.
Restaurants have some interesting food too:
Greek menu:
Spleen omelet, fisherman's crap soup, calf pluck, bowels.
Dessert in Japan:
Strawberry crap.
And in Europe:
Sweat from the trolley.
Some after dinner drinks?
India:
Our establishments serves tea in a bag like mother.
But many times, such fun is not restricted to food:
Paris, France:
We serve five o'clock tea at all hours.
Tokyo, Japan:
Please do not bring outside food excluding children under five.
Picture captions, signs and brochures can also be cause for tragedy.
Of a London Routemaster Bus:
Double dicker.
On a Vietnamese boat:
Nobody is allowed to site on both sides of the boat.
On a Japanese tourist brochure:
Shitseeing Bus Stop.
There are some odds and ends which take the cake:
Notes of meeting in the European Commission:
The chairman called the meeting to order and asked if there were any matters to discuss under the table.
In a Hong Kong store, advertising a final clearance:
Anal Clearance
... in Japan:
Beat the price off!
Separately, some personal issues can take centrestage with hilarious effects:
Oklahoma Cirt, USA:
No dumping - trespassers will be violated.
Financial institution in Detroit, USA:
Ask about our plans for owning your home.
And why would anyone name buildings like the Thais:
TIT Tower and PMT Mansions
Japanese graffiti:
FACK YOU MAN
Some CV mishaps:
My intensity and focusare at inordinately high levels and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.
Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting.
I am a rabid typist.
Personal interests: Donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.
Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
Let's meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.
Finally, allow me to invite you to the resort at Iguaco Falls on the border between Argentina and Paraguay to chill:
We offer you peace and seclusion. The paths to our resort are only passably by asses. Therefore, you will certainly feel at home here.
Don't forget to carry your pork handbag (Jordan) and I'll wait for you in the restaurant and bra (China) over a piping hot plate of Indonesian Nazi Goreng (HK) and a bowl of muscles of marines (Egypt). We'll pass the wine for our wine list leaves you nothing to hope for (Madrid). To make up, I'll get you the highly recommended hotel tart (Torremolinos).
Ta!
Hotel notices often provide lots of gaffes.
Notice in Seoul Hotel:
Choose twin bed or marriage size; we regret no King Kong size.
In an Italian hotel, signs by the bell:
If service is required, give two strokes to the maid and three to the waiter.
It is kindly requested from our guests that they avoid dirting and doing rumours in the rooms.
Hot and cold water running up and down the stairs.
Notice by a phone, Amsterdam, the Netherlands:
Telephone instructions can be found on the backside.
Guangdong, China:
We serve you with hostiality.
Hotel rate card in Chiang Mai, Thailand:
Extra Bad - 150 baht.
Serbia:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. Turn to her straightaway.
Japan:
Depositing the room key into another person is prohibited.
How do you know hotels are really fire-safe?
London, UK:
All fire extinguishers must be examined at least five days before any fire.
Other than the hotels, road signs and driving instructions can leave you in stitches too.
In a Japanese taxi:
Safety first.
Please put on your seatbelt.
Prepare for accident.
Solvent sold in Finland for unfreezing car locks:
Super piss.
At a motoring event on the French Riviera:
Competitors will defile themselves on the promenade at 11 a.m., and each car will have two drivers who will relieve themselves at each other's convenience.
Sticker on the windscreen of Japanese sports car:
OFFRIMITS
Indeed, the difficulty of the language seems to have made many of these signs off limits to the ordinary reader.
In the officer of a doctor in Rome, Italy:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
On a Taiwanese shampoo:
Use repeatedly for severe damage.
German skin cream:
Cream Shower for pretentious skin.
Restaurants have some interesting food too:
Greek menu:
Spleen omelet, fisherman's crap soup, calf pluck, bowels.
Dessert in Japan:
Strawberry crap.
And in Europe:
Sweat from the trolley.
Some after dinner drinks?
India:
Our establishments serves tea in a bag like mother.
But many times, such fun is not restricted to food:
Paris, France:
We serve five o'clock tea at all hours.
Tokyo, Japan:
Please do not bring outside food excluding children under five.
Picture captions, signs and brochures can also be cause for tragedy.
Of a London Routemaster Bus:
Double dicker.
On a Vietnamese boat:
Nobody is allowed to site on both sides of the boat.
On a Japanese tourist brochure:
Shitseeing Bus Stop.
There are some odds and ends which take the cake:
Notes of meeting in the European Commission:
The chairman called the meeting to order and asked if there were any matters to discuss under the table.
In a Hong Kong store, advertising a final clearance:
Anal Clearance
... in Japan:
Beat the price off!
Separately, some personal issues can take centrestage with hilarious effects:
Oklahoma Cirt, USA:
No dumping - trespassers will be violated.
Financial institution in Detroit, USA:
Ask about our plans for owning your home.
And why would anyone name buildings like the Thais:
TIT Tower and PMT Mansions
Japanese graffiti:
FACK YOU MAN
Some CV mishaps:
My intensity and focusare at inordinately high levels and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.
Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting.
I am a rabid typist.
Personal interests: Donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.
Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
Let's meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.
Finally, allow me to invite you to the resort at Iguaco Falls on the border between Argentina and Paraguay to chill:
We offer you peace and seclusion. The paths to our resort are only passably by asses. Therefore, you will certainly feel at home here.
Don't forget to carry your pork handbag (Jordan) and I'll wait for you in the restaurant and bra (China) over a piping hot plate of Indonesian Nazi Goreng (HK) and a bowl of muscles of marines (Egypt). We'll pass the wine for our wine list leaves you nothing to hope for (Madrid). To make up, I'll get you the highly recommended hotel tart (Torremolinos).
Ta!
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Bad writing samples
Professional ethics prevent me from uploading the exciting bits to cheer up your day. But allow me to find something to make up for it.
God of Immense Compassion
That must be me, for I survived grading 52 essays and after some moderation, no one failed (pending endorsement).
Monday, October 06, 2008
Crocodile
Oh my god! As I was taking a close look at the lyrics, I realised the two lines below:
I saw a boy on Oahu isle
Floatin' down the bay on a crocodile
I wonder if in the US, or Hawaii, crocodiles are also used as a slang to describe flamboyant playboys.
I noticed this because this is what Malays and Peranakans use to describe lascivious guys - you know, the buaya.
In my Hokkien tongue, crocodile is used to describe people with thick hide and are shameless.
Invitation open to all who want to tell me the significance of word "crocodile" in their culture?
I saw a boy on Oahu isle
Floatin' down the bay on a crocodile
I wonder if in the US, or Hawaii, crocodiles are also used as a slang to describe flamboyant playboys.
I noticed this because this is what Malays and Peranakans use to describe lascivious guys - you know, the buaya.
In my Hokkien tongue, crocodile is used to describe people with thick hide and are shameless.
Invitation open to all who want to tell me the significance of word "crocodile" in their culture?
Sunday, October 05, 2008
Pineapple Princess
This was apparently #10 in some top 10 song list this week in 1960. (Thank you, TF.)
Annette Funicello - Pineapple Princess Lyrics
CHORUS
"Pineapple princess", he calls me pineapple princess all day
As he plays his ukulele on the hill above the bay
"Pineapple princess, I love you, you're the sweetest girl I've seen"
"Some day we're gonna marry and you'll be my pineapple queen"
I saw a boy on Oahu isle
Floatin' down the bay on a crocodile
He waved at me and he swam ashore
And I knew he'd be mine forevermore
CHORUS
He sings his song from banana trees
He even sings to me on his water skis
We went skin-divin' and beneath the blue
He sang and played his ukulele, too
"Pineapple princess", I love you, you're the sweetest girl I've seen
"Some day we're gonna marry and you'll be my pineapple queen"
We'll settle down in a bamboo hut
And he will be my own little coconut
Then we'll be beachcombin' royalty
On wicky-wicky wacky Waikiki
CHORUS
I thought the singer had coconut shell bras, a garland on her head and wore straw skirts. I may not be far from wrong... (The coconut shell bras are henceforth dedicated to Old Whig.)
Annette Funicello - Pineapple Princess Lyrics
CHORUS
"Pineapple princess", he calls me pineapple princess all day
As he plays his ukulele on the hill above the bay
"Pineapple princess, I love you, you're the sweetest girl I've seen"
"Some day we're gonna marry and you'll be my pineapple queen"
I saw a boy on Oahu isle
Floatin' down the bay on a crocodile
He waved at me and he swam ashore
And I knew he'd be mine forevermore
CHORUS
He sings his song from banana trees
He even sings to me on his water skis
We went skin-divin' and beneath the blue
He sang and played his ukulele, too
"Pineapple princess", I love you, you're the sweetest girl I've seen
"Some day we're gonna marry and you'll be my pineapple queen"
We'll settle down in a bamboo hut
And he will be my own little coconut
Then we'll be beachcombin' royalty
On wicky-wicky wacky Waikiki
CHORUS
I thought the singer had coconut shell bras, a garland on her head and wore straw skirts. I may not be far from wrong... (The coconut shell bras are henceforth dedicated to Old Whig.)
Saturday, October 04, 2008
Round 3: ???
I wait and see how things will turn out.
Without a doubt, there could be a slight technical rebound of the sharemarkets, before investors realise that the $700 billion rescue package is but a drop in the vast ocean.
Lacking direction, commonsense, guts and gumption, the confused markets will drift aimlessly, shedding points like an old cat shedding its coat.
Hopefully, I'll be able to pick some good counters up so that when the next boom comes around - likely to be on sub-subprime, this time - I can cash out and get me a nice little condo.
Fat hope is also hope. Or so fat hopes.
Without a doubt, there could be a slight technical rebound of the sharemarkets, before investors realise that the $700 billion rescue package is but a drop in the vast ocean.
Lacking direction, commonsense, guts and gumption, the confused markets will drift aimlessly, shedding points like an old cat shedding its coat.
Hopefully, I'll be able to pick some good counters up so that when the next boom comes around - likely to be on sub-subprime, this time - I can cash out and get me a nice little condo.
Fat hope is also hope. Or so fat hopes.
Round 2: Commonsense 0 Greed + Fear + Stupidity 1
It had to happen.
I'm expecting it, anyway, the bailout.
Now watch the financial inferno implode.
I'm expecting it, anyway, the bailout.
Now watch the financial inferno implode.
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