He was sure he would change the world

I read with this knowing moronic smile on my face as Mr Singh blasts off (pun not intended) this delightful account of how the idealistic teacher tries to change the world, only to have his world come crashing back down almost immediately.

In the chronological existence of this solar system, a day is not even significant enough to be represented on a blip anywhere. In comparison, an amoeba would have occupied more space on a piece of high school graph paper than a day would in the immense horizon.

Incredibly, has mankind changed the world?

It would be entirely foolish and totally conceited to think that any one at all can change the world. Did Hitler change the world? Did Einstein change the world? Did Emperor Qin change the world? Did Edison change the world? Did Columbus change the world? Did Newton change the world? Did education change the world? Did energy change the world? Did mass tranportation means change the world?

So what changed the world? Could anything have changed the world had the world not allowed it? Do you think your tallest buildings, largest aircraft, longest sailing vessel, grandest man made structure actually changed the world? No. In fact, the world simply tolerates these little contemnible bits that dot its face.

Think about it, should the world decide that it's time to get rid of the pimple, an invisible hand squeezes the boil and out comes the pus when the skin breaks.

All of you that happen to be building your castles on that part of the boil simply get exterminated.

Human existence is an accident. It was a evil stroke of genius that created man. Why would the mish-mash of RNA and DNA make humans? Why not create something with four sex organs and one leg instead of the other way around? Why do humans have to stand upright? Can't humans not work? Can't we consume like there's no tomorrow and not worry about putting on weight? Why are we living for so long? Why do I have to work? Why do I need to create a god to explain things when I am sure that things are merely accidents and why do I take comfort that such a god exists? Like it or not, we are in a sad state of affairs. We are in denial. We believe whatever we do now can undo whatever we had done since the Industrial Revolution. We believe that consuming less now would help. Does it help? We work and work so that we achieve progress. But what is progress? And we achieve progress as opposed to what? Does progress translate to an equal platform on which the spoils are shared? Hardly. Many of us work so as to prop up the inordinately "blessed" (or blasted, if you prefer)few.

It does not take a genius to figure out that it is us, HUMANS, who fear for our lives (more than the existence of Earth). Few people would admit that if anything had changed, it was humans, not the world. Even fewer would agree that our fear of global warming and what have you stems from what I call the inability to let go. Our cupidity has overriden our good sense. We cling on to life and our earthly belongings. We are afraid that once Earth "crashes", we would be reduced to nothing. We do not think we could live like the Neanderthals, tatterdemalions who roamed the Earth in the ages past.

Think of all the nuclear testings that were done around the world. At the end of it, the world remained but humans turned into malformed creatures. Someone must be right about such things - if it ain't karma, then it must be Sharon Stone, the drama-mama.

When would we begin to see that our actions are actually killing us, instead of the world? Global warming is no issue. What issue is there? I have oft argued that Earth is a self-regulating CLOSED system that seeks its own equilibrium; Earth would know what to do to right itself. Global warming is an issue ONLY to human beings. Face it: who are the real supernumaries on Earth?

Think about it. Did the world turned into a cone or a pyramid when global warming took place? No! Did the world create more water, more wind, higher temperatures? No. Could Earth survive high water levels, no rainforests, no fish, no food, no whatever? Surely yes. Most of all, Earth can survive without humans. Can humans say the same without Earth?

It is just so naive to believe that the world would cease to exist when humans become extinct. This is so laughable. Preposterous.

So, why care about the world? Why the pretense? Think about your own actions before you judge others for not doing what you preach.

I am just so glad I'm not leaving any descendants behind. So you don't have to tell me that the world is a gift that I am holding in trust for my children. Everyone can go to hell, including me. Such an outcome is probably condign for all of us.

I see the doors wide open, the red carpet rolled out, the fire is red and toasty. So what the bloody hell are you waiting for?

Me? I'm not due there yet; I've not done enough evil for hell to accept me. See you later.

Reiterating the Ethos of this Blog

I've begun tagging my posts and working backwards. The tags serve to accurately pinpoint my state of mind when I wrote the entry. With this decision, reiterating what this blog stands for becomes important:

If you haven't a good thing to say, you're welcome to sit beside me.

I don't pretend to be the Dalai Lama or Mother Theresa although in one of those weird personality tests, I fall in the same quadrant as the two of them. In short, my cards are faced up on the table. I do not pretend to be pure as Snow White, innocent as Bambi, gullible as Pooh, brilliant as Einstein, irreproachable as a saint or what have you. And I don't want to act in anyway that I am not.

In fact, people who come here want to celebrate a mind more twisted than Katrina, humour darker than black holes, a being more mentally crippled than Hawkings physically is and what have you.

But one thing is certain - malice is not intended. The main objective is sometimes to highlight some interesting observations, make some comments on perceived injustices, stupidities, Darwin Award-ism, social imbalances, etc.

Over here, we may agree to disagree. Even disagree to disagree.

My readers and I come from vastly different backgrounds. Of course, our moral yardsticks differ. I don't even know if I have a moral yardstick. I mostly categorise people into a few groups - people I want to have a meal with, people I want to have tea with, people I want to visit, people I want to share my food with, people I want to serve poisoned food to, people whose food I would eat, people whose food I would not eat and whom I should cut out from my life... Well, I think I should review this sentence some time in the future. I probably have as many categories as I have people in my life. But by and large, I think my friends are great people. If they are not, refer to previous sentence.

Simply said, I am a person with a huge tolerance and immense latitude for differences. But don't cross, or worse double cross, me. I'll run over and amputate your toes. This is the minimum I guarantee. If I fail, I could do it again. No?

Everybody loves a winner

Fairness is an Utopian concept. Few things in life are truly fair. That's why only death considered an equaliser. In this world where people typically choose to associate themselves with fame, align themselves on the path of riches and hanker for Lady Luck to smile on them, it is no surprise that a winner is usually well-loved.

Who would have given two hoots about who came in second? How many Miss Universe first runner-ups can you name? How many world number 2's of the various sports can you name? Do you even know the student who got edged out for the valedictorian honours?

Sadly, we only remember the winners.

Is that necessarily bad? I don't know. But it is certainly unhealthy. Affirmation, even if one is not a winner, is what many people seek and yet it is hard to come by. Perhaps it is the Asian mentality where excellence and high levels of achievements are treated as norm. Maybe our reticent nature stops us from giving praise or acknowledging work well done. Or it might be true that when we praise someone or give the person high marks in an examination, we are cutting off an arm and presenting it as a gift. I don't know.

We have become a nation that is unable to praise or manage praises. Few of us can be winners but certainly, many of us look expectantly towards the affirmation that never comes around.

Tagging

I was not once but frequently asked to tag my posts because I have interesting jokes and stuff which I promise to share if I manage to find them somewhere on my blog.

So, I think I should start tagging my posts. I wonder if I should be brave or foolhardy enough to tag the previous 799 posts as well.

News headline peep

Saw on the Chinese tabloid today that 54% of Singapore workers are "riding on donkeys (while) looking for horses."

Sad eh?

A non-post

I've been too busy and too tired to write. Projects are piling up and the marking load is growing faster than my poor brain can cope.

But there are still some good stuff up there to share.

And I'm also in the midst of uploading some outdated travel pictures. What needs to be done needs to be done, I guess.

Till then.

The Tickle Me Elmo Story

This allegedly took place in a factory in the USA which manufactured the 'Tickle Me Elmo' toys, (a children's plush cuddly toy which laughs when tickled under the arm). The legend has is it that a new employee was hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she duly reported for her first day's induction training, prior to being allocated a job on the production line.

At 08:45 the next day the personnel manager received a visit from an excited assembly line foreman who was not best pleased about the performance of the new recruit. The foreman explained that she was far too slow, and that she was causing the entire line to back-up, delaying the whole production schedule. The personnel manager asked to see what was happening, so both men proceeded to the factory floor.

On arrival they saw that the line was indeed badly backed-up - there were hundreds of Tickle Me Elmos strewn all over the factory floor, and they were still piling up. Virtually buried in a mountain of toys sat the new employee earnestly focused on her work. She had a roll of red plush fabric and a bag of marbles. The two men watched amazed as she cut a little piece of fabric, wrapped it around a pair of marbles and carefully began sewing the little package between Elmo's legs. The personnel manager began to laugh, and it was some while before he could compose himself, at which he approached the trainee.

"I'm sorry," he said to her, not able to disguise his amusement, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday.... Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

Gone Crazy

I was about to go to bed and then this!










I've got to stop. Or I'll just be posting the whole YouTube here!

Do you remember the time?

I am so dead certain that I knew what I was going to blog about for each of the past few days.

Alas, when I am at the computer, I can't remember a single f*cking event.

Am I getting old? (This is a rhetorical question!)

Kudos to Tony Snow (1955 - 2008)

Tony Snow was George W Bush's Press Secretary. In layman's terms, he was the spin doctor, the President's mouth piece and the country's chief propagandist.

Snow died of cancer recently. In the Washington Post obituary, he was given a glowing write-up on his life. I produce an extract below:

In his brief tenure as Bush's public advocate, Snow became perhaps the best-known face of the administration after the president, vice president and secretary of state. Parlaying skills honed during years at Fox News, he offered a daily televised defense of the embattled president that was robust and at times even combative while repairing strained relations with a press corps frustrated by years of rote talking points.

He was lively and entertaining, he could be disarmingly candid when ducking a question, and he did not hesitate to retreat when it became clear he had gone too far. He could tell reporters to "zip it" one minute and defuse tension the next by admitting that he knew so little about a topic that he was "not going to fake it." He enjoyed the give-and-take of a tough briefing, but his smile, upbeat energy and glib repartee seemed to take the edge off sometimes rough rhetoric on behalf of an unpopular leader and unpopular policies.

Perhaps we tend to be kinder to people in their deaths but to say this of a person whose daily job is to give out less than palatable news speaks volumes of him as a person.

I've never got to see him in action much, but I'm sure he must have been a great entertainer and press sec.

RIP, Tony.

A case against PC-ness

Political correctness has its time and place. But like everything, there could be too much of it.

T F Stern tells why.

In addition, I will also raise the point that writing something like "Man discovered fire" was considered sexist.

I just hope those bra burning ones choke on the fumes as they fight tooth and nail when silly sexist issues come up.

What has the world come to?

IndyMac, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac

Watching with bated breath how the mortgage lenders are dealing with the subprime woes which are hogging the prime slots in the news.

I wonder if I should be indignant that the world's economy is beseiged by this lending fiasco or I should be celebrating. After all, the recent boom is a little too much to bear and things are getting so so so damned expensive because people, with more disposable income during the boom, are consuming like there is no tomorrow.

20 years ago, I already knew we will be looking at an oil crisis around the 2010s. Not difficult to imagine - thanks Samsung! - because 20 years ago, we were already taught that oil is going to run out in 50 years. And people only started mining oil like when?!

At the rate we are consuming oil and the world's resources, it does not take a rocket scientist to realise that the reserves are not going to last beyond my generation.

So, those around my age who have decided not have kids, I think you've done the world a great service. For those who have decided to have kids, I think you've done the world a great service too. Like yin and yang, there must be a balance.

(Every time this yin and yang thing comes up, I feel compelled to tell this joke. I think the Singaporeans and those following Singapore politics would appreciate it: In life, there needs to be a balance between yin and yang. Like we have the Goddess of Mercy (Guan Yin), we also have (Lee) Kuan Yew. No get it? Never mind.)

For the longest time, we use an auxillary power battery to power the gadgets in our cars. But for the longest time, we know that oil and non-renewable energy reserves are running out. So, why aren't our cars carrying solar energy panels on the tops and sides so that solar energy can be harnessed to power the lights, the radio, the whatever and possibly run the car too?

That's just an example.

People complain that developing technology is expensive. But compared to the amount of money that you're paying the oil companies, who are in turn paying the oil barons, wouldn't those money be well spent?

People are afraid to break out of their comfort zones and innovate because of many reasons. One over-riding factor for that is financially driven. One does not have to go to far to see how Big Pharma is touting their branded patents as opposed to acknowledging that generics work as well (or even trying to hamper other competitors developing generics) to admit that a market economy is really only for the rich.

But now, many of the rich are also getting poorer. But most of them are still rich beyond compare.

Beijing Olympics are around the corner. The Chinese have shown themselves to be a resilient people in the face of the disasters they had and are still facing. They should also realise that even if it were not for bad karma over Tibet - thanks Sharon. Luckily you didn't say it of the oil rich nations or they'd have stoned you already - they had been disaster magnets. The rain in Spain, at least this year, stayed mainly on the yellow plains (China).

There was this recent news article about how parts of China are already in the doldrums, with many people out of job. This is the Olympic curse. In the years leading up to the games, the frantic pace of building new infrastructure - mostly white elephants *after* the games - spurs the city's economy to boom. The projects' completion means the demise of the construction sector. During the games, thousands are hired as PR folks. After the games, the people are happy to keep a half-filled tummy.

So, we should add to the list of IM, FM and FM. If China the lumbering giant takes a misstep in its path of economic growth, I am sure we will all be dragged under this time. And perhaps all for a good cause.

Without consolidation, without destruction, without catastrophes, how can there be new growth? And how do you think oil had come about in the first place?

You can die laughing...

Fatal hilarity refers to death resulting from the physiological effects of laughter. Use of the phrase was first recorded in 1596.

A group of crows

What do you call a group of crows? I remembered reading about this some months back but when I faced this question last Sunday, I was suddenly stumped.

Ok, to help all of us along, choose the correct answer from below.

What do you call a group of crows?

(A) kidnap
(B) gang
(C) party
(D) murder
(E) bandit

Like dull blows from a sledgehammer...

Anyone can put the 26 letters of the English alphabet to form words. But not all words exist.

Anyone can put the above words to form sentences. But not all sentences make sense.

Anyone can put those above sentences to form an essay. But not all essays make sense either.

Interesting how some people can fly under the English radar for so long and now land on the chopping board where I am performing butcher duties. I have no idea whether I am chopping their insensible answers out because reading these essays are like receiving an endless bevy of dull blows from a sledgehammer to my head.

Sooner or later, I'm going bonkers.

Didn't you teach them to read and write?

I have this uncontrollable urge to want to scream at my ex-colleagues - teachers, English Language teachers in particular - and ask if they had done their jobs properly.

From what I can see from those stacks of scripts waiting to be graded, I don't think so. Incidental learning is as the name suggests. How it is really carried out depends on whether an incident has happened. Since you don't see teachers submitting incident reports, other than the disciplinary types in which only wh-words and past tense are taught, students learn next to nothing.

So, they come to university and viola! Many know nothing about accurate reading, proper writing and correct grammar.

And yet they think they are excellent communicators.

Ten Hours

That's how much sleep I had yesterday. I feel so much more awake this morning.

I can almost bet you the other fallacy is the decrease in libido as one ages. Explain the need for viagra and the term "dirty old man" if otherwise!

Age and Sleep

I always under the impression that as one gets older, one needs less sleep. That had been my understanding since 20 years ago.

But it is not happening to me!

I am older now. And I've never stopped needing at least 10 hours of sleep to be fully awake and functional.

The sleep loanshark has probably run out of pigs' head to hang at my door to intimidate me into paying. I bet you I'm just going to go into hibernation mode if this sleep deprivation is not going to get addressed.

Unfortunately, Bangkok is so dangerous now and KL too. Sigh.

The steely look of determination

Conducted two tests yesterday and was amazed to see the steely looks of determination on the test takers' faces. Can't help feeling sorry for them. For it is not what they know that disappoints them.

Their disappointment stems from their not knowing and thus, not performing up to the required standards. But YET think they have it, they have done excellently and they have been discriminated against.

At some point in everyone's life, each has to learn that for things subjective, it is perception that matters. And most of the time, "our perception" is just a poor representation of what we really think (which, for the record, are vastly different in most cases). For all other things objective, skills and mastery matter. And subjectivity and objectivity are largely disjoint concepts.

Well, we all trudge along and lose our jarring bits... Life!

Let those who drive and talk on their cellphones DIE

Hands-free cellphone use while driving won't make the roads safer, studies show. Why? Brain overload.

Scientists say that when mixing cellphones and driving, the number of hands available for the tasks is not the limiting factor.

Instead, it's a driver's attention and processing capacity. These are often stretched beyond safe limits when someone juggles the complex tasks of negotiating traffic and conversing with another remotely.

Worse than being drunk

"There are limits to how much we can multi-task, and that combination of cellphone and driving exceeds the limits," says David Strayer, a University of Utah psychologist who has found that by many measures, drivers yakking on cellphones are more dangerous behind the wheel than those who are drunk, whether the conversation is carried on by handset or headset. More...

There you go! The people who allowed talk-driving ought to be shot. With TF's phallic gun, no less. Screw them all, senseless bunch of idiots!