Stress

It’s almost 6 months since I started the application process and yet no results. Throughout the process I have tried to put away the possible outcome and work diligently on the applications. Sometimes I start to think – what the reason I am doing all this? I have invested a lot of time during which I could have done something better – maybe. What happens if this entire process is moot?

When I started I thought that I would be able to complete 7 applications at least. Now I have completed only 3 applications and working on the last 2 applications in my plate. How much earlier I could have started? 6 months and I still feel that it is not enough to complete 5 applications. I still don’t understand how one can find time to complete 7-9 applications and that too in 2 rounds.

I still wonder that whether I could have done a better job with my applications. It’s like shooting in the dark since I don’t know my competition. There is always “better” – but how much “better” is good? It is very important that I go for my MBA this year and maybe that’s the reason the stress on me is slowly augmenting.

This time I have decided that I will not slack at work even if I get admitted since I don’t want the MBA thing to affect my performance in the next 6 months. After all, after an MBA, we all need to look for a job and maybe in the next 6 months I will be able to accomplish something significant – who knows? I remember that last time the process really affected my work as I was dilly-dallying about going to school or not.

Update

It is 7-30 in the morning here. I just woke up after a long night. I am usually trying to get up at 5-30 everyday and work on my application, but yesterday was Christmas so we all went out together after a long time and hence I was tired at the end of the day. I am eating like a glutton, as I miss Indian food badly – who doesn’t like mom’s own home cooked food; it is heaven compared to McDonald’s or Pizza Hut. Slowly, the temperature is also going down but it is nothing compared to the cold in CA. I have almost got used to the lifestyle here. I met a lot of old friends, especially I met some of my school friends after a gap of almost 10 years. Strangely most of them have completed their MBAs and have taken up marketing jobs here. But the usual trend in India is that most of the people go for MBAs after fresh out of college or with one or two years of experience.

I have re-worked on my Kellogg essays as we felt that the short answers section was totally crap. It took me an arduous 5 hours to finish the drafts once more – I re-wrote almost all the essays. Wharton is in a respectable state as we have done some initial reviews and have come to the conclusion that it may not need much work. I may be submitting my applications after I return back because of some last minute changes I may make. I can hardly wait for January for the results of Michigan.

I think I was taking too much of a risk in the Kellogg essays, which I realized later after I re-read some of my old drafts. It’s always wise to take a calculated risk – too much of risk may be actually detrimental to the application. Anyway, it feels much better now. I still need a lot of work on Wharton Essay 5 and 6 – especially the weakness essay. This is another essay, which stumped me initially, but some moment of introspection helped me to gather my sanity and my courage to reveal the actual weakness in my application – I also mentioned it in the assessment essay of Kellogg. Last time I remembered that in the assessment essay I had actually given a rosy picture of myself without mentioning any weaknesses (It is obvious that the admission committee member would be able to find at least one weakness in any application.) Let’s see how it works out finally.

One thing I realized that my blogs have been thoroughly honest – no sycophancy, no external glitz, no drum beating (though I believe that most of the MBA blogs are similar – poweryogi, joey, futurembagirl). Blogging is not an easy task and we all realize that.
I usually tend to speak my heart out in the blogs and hence may sometime generate controversy. As I said before I have tried to write without any pretensions or prejudices, such that the future applicants would get an honest insight into the MBA application procedure.

Progress on Wharton

I just finished my first drafts of Wharton. Shall I call them first drafts? – Nope, I think they were already in considerable good shape and I am feeling particularly elated today. I am almost finishing my quest to business school and I sometimes think that what will I do in the next 6 months after my vacation is over. The preparation will begin and at the same time I have to wait for the result of Wharton, Berkeley and Kellogg till March. I will wait for the results of my First Round – MIT and Michigan before I decide where I want to apply in the Third Round. If I get into any one of these either schools (I am still not counting MIT out) I will apply to Harvard or else I have to pick a school where I have a good chance to get admitted.

I was particularly stumped by Wharton’s weakness essay, and then I thought that it would be smart to be honest rather than craft some inane stories just to fill up a space. This essay is like a Catch-22 situation – if you are very honest than you may actually augment your weakness and if you are not truthful you are insincere. So the act of balancing is the most difficult part.

The next thing I have to do is go back and visit Kellogg essays and ponder on Ria’s feedback before I incorporate the changes. I will finish Kellogg first before coming back and re-visiting Wharton. I have enough time to work on either. Here, I am getting up early everyday at 5-00 in the morning using jet lag as an alibi ;) to work on my applications. It’s another balancing act where you have to juggle your family and your work.

Growth in India

As my plane circled over, a dense cloud of black smog shrouded the city. As soon as I landed I can smell the fumes and the pollution corroding our lungs. Add to that was the cacophony of the bustling streets and the noise generated by the millions in one of the most densely populated cities in the world. As I walked out of the airport I expected the city to have developed a lot in the last 2 years – who can forget the cover on BusinessWeek, “Growth in India.” But where is the growth? I can only see a few shops or modern buildings have sprung ubiquitously here and there. The infrastructure was still the same – as soon as you start walking on the streets a sense of claustrophobia grips you. Ok!! I get the picture, the middle class is still unaffected by all this rampant growth – it has only added to the digital divide. The hi-tech growth has hardly touched the majority – you can argue look at the growth of the cellular industry, the television, the cable –but we still forget that only one in three houses has a telephone and probably one in five houses has a television set – what about the rest?

In a day or two, I realized the pangs of living in a third world country – poor sanitation, miserable living conditions (not so miserable to the populace), oblivious of technology, red-tapism, corruption and outdated administrative methods. So, the question arises, how can we make this country prosper? What is the solution? Inhibit the Population Growth; more aid; create manufacturing jobs; more Venture Capital and Product Innovation? Maybe this should be my thesis topic for MBA research. But I still love this place, how can I undo the beginning 24 years of my life I spent in this city? But it only worries me that we tend to forget what we have gone through ourselves. We forget that we have a role to play in the development of our own country. Though we will find it difficult to forego our luxuries, we should do whatever we can to make this a better place….
(Though I feel like a hypocrite myself. And I have this tremendous feeling of guilt writing it myself – but how can I run away from reality?)

Vacation

OK!! My vacation officially starts from today – I will be off for the next few weeks peacefully relaxing and working on finishing the last two applications left in my plate. I will have enough time to regurgitate and compose my thoughts and putting my best into these two. At the same time I will be meeting my friends and family, socializing at day and working at nights. I will stop thinking about the three I have already submitted and just give my best for Kellogg and Wharton. I have also patched up at work and things look brighter. Hopefully when I come back I will get the results of all my efforts for the last six months. Some will be good and some will be bad. Ohh!! We know the entire process is a crapshoot and we can only inspire one another and move on. So folks, best of luck to you all, especially the Wharton applicants for Round I – I will root for you. I will try my best to blog occasionally but undeniably the frequency will go down.

Peace.

Heart

Last night I was very frustrated as I saw the big checklist dangling over my desk containing all the work I need to finish before my vacation starts. Hardly I could concentrate as the pangs of unfinished work paralyzed me mentally. As usual, to rejuvenate myself I was flipping through the television channels when I suddenly hit upon John Lennon. “Imagine” was the documentary (needless to say one of my favorites). After watching the piece for a slim 15 minutes I felt invigorated. Music does wonders to me – especially when it touches my heart. “Imagine” – the title was so appropriate, being a biography of John Lennon – one of the most influential musicians of the last century. [“Imagine” the song was voted the best song of the century.] And then this entire energy from nowhere empowered me to work till late at night, helping me to finish my first drafts of Kellogg and most of the pending work. Marvelous!! Isn’t it?

I am in a much better situation, hmm!! Much better mental situation. I feel happy and excited. I am starting to work on the first drafts of Wharton though most of the content has already been decided. I am still stumped with the “weakness” essay but I am sure I will have some magic wand mystifying me before the end of the night.

While writing the Kellogg essays one thought constantly pounded me in the head, “Is it worth taking the risk? Shall I play it safe?” And then the Chinese proverb hit me:
“He who deliberates fully before taking a step will spend his entire life on one leg.”
At the end of the exercise, I was stunned.
Moral: If you have a heart, you have a way.
Without heart this entire exercise of application and introspection is moot.

Creating a Brand

I am buried; you have to dig me out from the piles of notes I have collected for the Kellogg essays. I think it helps if you mentally chalk out a plan for the essays before you actually start writing it. Then you have to look at the entire package holistically to judge whether you are covering every facets of your application. Are you representing “yourself” or the “branded you”?

Do we ever consider that if we fail to sell ourselves we may never sell a product? Seriously!! I am not kidding. Don’t you find this uncanny similarity between yourself and any other commodity in the market? It’s like the admission committee is your client and you are submitting a bid for a position in the class. Whatever people may say – “Don’t write what the adcomm wants to hear from you, rather write what you actually are.” – think, what differentiates the admits from the rest of the applicants? If the marketing gurus start following this philosophy, all the corporations would go out of business soon.

So here I am trying to create a brand and sell myself as the most exclusive product on the market – “Big Bang for your Class Seat – Simply Irresistible” - my campaign catch line.

The only question is – Will it appeal to the affluent or the middle class?

Back to Reality

OK!! I am back after 4 days of intense partying and immaculate inebriation. Along with it were the long drives and self-discovery among nature. I had a good time after such a long time. I really enjoyed my vacation thoroughly.

Back to Reality – still 3 applications left to go. I have to admit that I blew my Kellogg interview – I would say that the law of average played a role in this case – I cannot be perfect in all my interviews – some has to go good and some has to go bad. As I said before I cannot be a winner always, I need to be a loser at times.
The Kellogg interview was very sullen – one sided conversation as if I was speaking to a wall. I won’t blame the representative taking the interviews – he or she has 30 minutes to collect all the important data. And imagine doing the same monotonous job day in and day out. In that way, alumni interview is an advantage as you have time to indulge into some deeper conversations. Or maybe on-campus interviews are supposed to be like this. Other than that the visit was a blast.

I am suddenly realizing the indifferent attitude of my boss towards me. He knows that I have applied/am applying to business schools – so he has already counted me out from a project supposed to start next year. I don’t blame him; if I were in his place I would have done the same thing. But what happens if I don’t go to school?
It’s better not to think about it and hope for the best.

I am suddenly considering dropping Harvard from my list and replacing it with another school where I stand a better chance. I am still not sure what I should do. Will I repent forever if I don’t apply to Harvard? Do I stand a chance in Harvard if I don’t get an interview invite from MIT? Maybe I should only think about Kellogg and Wharton for the time being and do a good job with these applications rather than wasting my time vacillating.