2016 你好

2016 你好
不知不觉地已经到了春天，樱花绽放的季节了。（说得好像我这里有樱花似的）

在大地回春，万物复苏，绿意怏然的4月里，我已经开始飞了1个月有余了。
不知不觉间，我已在这片沙漠里独自地生活了3个月了。老实说，在来到这片陌生的土地之前，我对自己是各种地不信任，不觉得自己会生存下来，尤其是我这种心思特别敏感的人。不过，到现在，坐在电脑前敲着键盘的我，着实过得不错。

在这个空间里，我不会分享任何我工作上的事情，我只会在这个陪伴过我青春成长的博客里抒发一下自己的心情。

我觉得，很多的时候，我变了；变得冷漠了，变得敏感了，变得... 不坦诚了。在这个尴尬的年纪了，我们需要变得八面玲珑，要变得很会看别人的眼色再随机应变，我们活得比以前更小心谨慎了。以前我们总是肆意地说，大人们是如何虚伪，带着面具做人的人如何不值得我们尊敬；可是现在大了，我们需要适应，也需要做出改变和妥协，到最后，我们已渐渐地变成自己以前最瞧不起的人了。

2016年的我，今年24岁。现在在迪拜工作，单身，没有过大的理想与目标，只希望可以趁着年轻在世界各地多看看，趁着年轻多赚些钱，趁着妈妈变老之前，带她去她想要去的城市旅行。24岁的我，渴望爱情，却同时害怕着爱情的到来。害怕再一次把自己捂热的心交出去，却受到了各种伤害，就像上一段恋情一样。24岁的我，独立也无需依附别人地生活着，虽然现在没有太多的积蓄，但是自己想买的东西，是买得起的。24岁的我，可以一个人去旅行，一个人去吃饭，一个人去看电影，一个人逛街，我很喜欢这种独立的生活，同时也在埋怨着自己的良人什么时候才会出现。那个可以陪我去旅行，陪我去看电影，陪我去吃饭，陪我去逛街的男人。24岁的我，做着一份不算特别体面，但是特别光鲜的工作，因为工作原因，我必须长期地都待在外国；也同时托了这份工作的福，我拥有了环游世界的机会。24岁的我，骄傲着也寂寞着，不知道未来的道路将会向何处行使，倔强地迈着一步又一步寻找着所谓的未来。自己一个人的旅程很寂寞，有时候甚至会感觉到痛苦，可是24岁的我决定不将就，只做一些自己觉得有利于自己的决定。不因寂寞而恋爱，不因一时头热而恋爱，这一次我将好好地听我心里给的答案。喜欢一个人，便说出来，向那个人表达出自己的爱慕，不再为面子而畏缩。24岁的我，不想再像以前一样原地踏步，这一次我想跨出第一步，慢慢地走向自己应该去的方向。24岁的我，已实现了小时候的梦想了，虽然这不像自己期待的那般，但是我不后悔。24岁的我，长大了...


爸爸，你看到了吗？

Decemeber 2015

Hey pals, good day.

I know it has been ages I drop by here and bother to say hi. Firstly, I have to apologize that it has been a crazy year and my lappie decided to black out for no reason. So yeah, I'm back again and today I have tons to update here.

Everyone knows that only 15 days left till Christmas 2015. Well, this year is kinda special for me, probably a little peculiar in any case, I'll be celebrating Christmas on the flight to Dubai this year :D

It will be a new chapter of my life as I'm moving to Dubai in 15 days. I'm sorry that I do not tell and notify a lot of my friends about this great news. Probably as I'm ageing each year, I'd love to keep everything private to myself and my dearest friends and family. Facebook & Instagram will be my greatest helpers to view my life in Dubai by then. Let's see if I have enough time to bring this blog alive, but like I said, I'm more prefer to keep things to myself lately, ergo do not have any hope or faith I will update here. Lol.

Hmm, gosh it's really been a long time I didn't start writing anything. So I do not know what to write now. geez. Well, I guess I'll stop here. Bye



MERRRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR in advance :)

Greeting before 2014 ends!

A belated Christmas wish and Happy New Year, pals! 

Just thought of updating the rusty blog before 2014 ends. I have anything much to update about, basically my job has occupied most of my time. I assume that I'm having a super healthy lifestyle compare to those days I'm still unemployed. Well, like I said, I do not take this job serious as I won't be working long for this company because I still persist to pursue my dream. It might be a stupid decision for you, but it's meaningful for me, that I'd about to achieve my childhood dream. However, let me blog again about that if I succeed in the interview in Jan. 

Besides that, if you're curious about my relationship status, yes, I'm still unattached. Frankly, I don't have any hard feeling towards that, because I do enjoy my single life most of the time. Hey, please lah, I don't think anyone will like their singlehood during the festive season, and most of your friends are attached, posting lovey-dovey photos with the bfs & gfs. Not saying that I don't want to find a boyfie now, but just seems like the right time is yet to come. What I want to do the most now is settle down, especially the interview thingie, everything is left hanging, I do not to get attached before it settled.

Stop blabbering！ Merry Christmas once again and happy new year!

if you were given a chance

Updates for my job offer! Yes, Eff Jay rang me this afternoon, telling me I'm officially accepted and going to commence my work on next Monday. I'll be definitely lying to you if I tell you I do not give a shit about this new job. Hey, of course I do, I'm a fresh graduate, okay? Give me an example who doesn't give a shit of their first job. So, I might update here about my working life soon if my time allows to. 

Okay, I have some thoughts creeping in my mind again, and yes, all these fancy thoughts love to pay me a visit at night, particularly midnight. I really hope I can change this bad habit after I start working as I still hope I can still function well the next day. This time, the thought of 'reborn' is growing. I do have to say, I have watched a lot of Chinese fiction on this subject. People reborn, time travelling and also, they were offered to go back to their younger age, exactly like how a reset button to your life. It's not the first time I think about this. If I was given a chance to travel back to my younger age, what would I do? Will I accept it happily and change whatever flaws I have now? I would say a yes before I have some conversations with my friends earlier on. 

What made me change my mind? I believe everyone has flaws in their life, something they would want to change if they have the chance. Yes, I do have this thought sometime, especially I'm weak and lost. But hey, we should accept who we are, right? All the obstacles we are struggling make us the better people we are today. We've been learning how to deal and overcome this hardship all this while. So, does putting a reset button to your life make you better and happier? I can't give you a concrete answer, but I can guarantee that we are more stronger than we think. Tell me, are you happy now? Don't you feel content when you have friends and family with you? If I was given the chance to travel back, yes, I would study harder and be the smartest kid in class, enroll into a well-known University and made my parents proud of me. Just think of it makes us happy, right? Now see and think clearly, if you study harder and enroll into a well-known University, will you still get to know your closest friends now? Those who always by your side regardless of anything, those who offer you warm hugs and pat you in their shoulders. People is a greedy mankind, we always wish for more and regret after a decision has made. Here, I am telling myself to be content and satisfied what I'm having now. Although I lost him, he will watch me up there. And I have mom now, I would do whatever it takes to take care of her and love her as I promised him. 

Dad, I miss you a lot.

Some thoughts

Hello there! Yes, I got hired by Eff-Jay Benji recently, but I haven't get my offer letter yet due to the CEO is on leave. (I assume)

Well then, I would like to share some thoughts over a book I've read , I mean I'm reading, called 'The A'. (doesn't want to mention the name and get bashed from the die-hard fans afterwards) So yeah, 'A' refers to the first letter of the Hebrew alphabet. It also has another meaning which is dealing with spiritual growing and self-discovery. Half of the book was finished, and I have some thoughts and my mind is running wild. So, I think of wording them down before I exploded. Just letting you know beforehand, the thoughts are negative, and I do not agree most of the perceptions of the book which told.

I do believe that we would have to grow spiritually in some day or some time and I can definitely tell. I am not sure whether is it my age, I do not feel a connection between myself and this so-called spiritual journey, or I should say pilgrimage. For now, in my personal opinion, pilgrimage is for somebody who is greedy and hunger for a salvation. They all have guilt, and they need a salvation to wash away the guilt they are carrying. I can see that the author is eager as well. He wants to know the past of his lives and understands the meaning of life. It sounds like an utterly holy behavior, but it's not for me. I saw his greedy and inappreciable thoughts through his words and journey. He has everything, literally everything that most of the people might not have or experience before, but he never appreciates it. What he's been doing is indulging... and doing things that don't make sense. Moreover, his pilgrimage has brought suffer to people, when he, himself needed this salvation, a spiritual growth.

I experienced something called 'A' before, like the book mentioned, but I do not seek for the underlying meaning of this deja vu, and the roots of its happening. I just simply accept what has happened to me and move on. Move forwards to the life awaits me. However, the author considered it as a sign, a sign for his spiritual growth, which makes me sort of... uncomfortable. He indulged in his past, neglected the present (to the part i'm reading) and worried for the future. I see him selfish in certain point, that he couldn't just look straight to his life with excitement and joy.

However, there are something I do very often, similar like him. I always position my head under the shower, listening the sound of the water, cut off everything outside the world, transmitting me to another world where only me exist. It's a ritual for me, unlike his spiritual thingie, I seek for a peace of mind. Somewhere I can completely not worrying all the time, and have my own little time.

To be fair enough, I think I should finished the book before I comment anything. So, let's see what will be going on.

Annyeong, mina-sama. (korean/jap mix intro)

So there's it! I think that I might have some luck on job hunting. As you know, I'm going to Aussie soon and I wouldn't want to seek for a job until everything is settled. Also, my S'pore dream is still growing, I do not want to give up the opportunity that all of my physical conditions allowed. Well, the interview is on January'15. Meaning that, I have to be a lazy bone until then. It's not that I'm yearning for having a long holiday at home, but practically I actually thought that the interview will be held on December, so that I do not have to rest for so long and care about how people and friends think of me (for not working). Frankly, I guess I'm undergoing some sort of pressure that was given by myself on this matter.

However, in the midst of uncertainty, I received a call from FJ again and they tell me exactly that they wanted to recruit me. Okay, here's the story behind. About 2 to 3 weeks ago, my ex-colleague who is currently working for FJ text-ed me and asked me if I keen for looking a job in FJ, what she wanted to tell me is she wants me to work for her as she knows my personality and working attitude very well. Well then, I was struggling on the matter of either choosing to follow your dream or this job which she offered. Plus, I did not have a clear mind back then, I was trying to drag along and untangle my thoughts. Deep down my heart, I felt like I should reject the job offer, but I didn't. (what a bitch) I still handed in my resume, and unfortunately they were considering between me, a fresh grad and other girl with related experience. Okay, not saying that I don't mind for the result at all, but it actually reliefs me from the pressure of making job decision and I can persist on pursuing my dream, what I wanted to become since 7.

So now, FJ called back and they show interest to me again for this job. I guess I would not have any courage to reject such a good offer again. I'll give it a shot first, and keep pursuing my dream on the other side. That's all for my update.

Let me tell me my another durian runtuh story of the 'O' bank next time.

Hello there!

Hello there! it's been awhile, as Instagram and so other social photo sharing app is uprising, blogger seems like going to the end of its service. Well, I'm here, coming back after 8 months, searching info from my previous post and decided to write a post here for saying hi to my good old memories, or better to say... my innocent time.

Well, there's nothing much to update. My degree study has finally come to an end, and I reminisced my blogging time since 16 to now, freaking 22. fml. I'm now rotting at home, reading books and watching movies most of my time. And, yes! I'm going to Sydney, the-damn-places-where-my-busybody-relatives-stay. Frankly, it is not an anticipating destination that I would like to travel for 8 hours anymore. Going to Japan will going to be so much better. Okay, put an end to all these blames. I'm going there soon for Tiff's wed. I guess that's it for today. (ps: I feel odd to draft my feelings on this platform now, thanks for twitter!)