single and partially available hehehehehe...

Now its the first day of 2011. I just figured something big and I told her about it. I'm happy... in however awkward this had started... its definitely going in the right direction. Its during the absence of one person, that you realized... the one thing that you've been looking, that you may really need this time... is just right in front of you.

And the best part, you get a better response from the other person. It seriously overwhelmed me... and I didn't expect all these coming... thxs so much babe :)

Today is a start of a brand new year... and I had a mini heart attack right before I went to bed - with words written and feelings I thought one could never express on a public blog. Thank you dear, really. Even when career progressions are getting challenging at this point in time, I believe that if a person is truly important to you, you will find a way to make time for them. I also don't succumb to the fact that time is not of the essence, at any moment, chaotic or not, even when two people fall in love... that is the time.

I just hope that in whatever circumstance, none of us gives up. My BFFS! Don't give up on something you really love and want. You've come too far to let it go and you've invested precious time to only see how it could take you further.

Bro have taught me a lot, shown me things I never really took seriously... Sometimes I think we're so alike in terms of character and mentality. Some qualities each of us have to make us complements out of the spaces in between. I can't express how I feel esp. in here; its quite ...., but my actions have always spoken louder. Only you know... and you are amazing just the way you are.

That aside, school wise, I will only start all over again when everything has settle down, but am crafting out my career options now. In whatever I do, I will do it well.. to the person whom I'm seeing, I'm just being accountable to you! To you who is graduating this year... I'm always thinking of you my dear bro. And to my best friends, good friends and mentor, I love all of you! Always cherished!

Like I've always advocated, we need to talk... like communicate face to face, not just fucking sign language that flash up on my inbox..Anything else, we definitely can't consign it to oblivion like it doesn't matter. Usually, we become so competitive and flustered in the middle and I really like it that way cause it purges the bad.

I'm shutting down, literally. I can feel like my body's sedated and I am lifeless, been going around way too much... I'm not complaining, but for tonight, I'm gonna focus on myself, just for tonight :)

Now that 2011 is approaching, I'm thinking about everything that has happened, the way my life has changed... entirely. The irony is that it takes a lot of hurt to realize you can actually love someone else so much better, or to pull yourself away furthur because you're scared. Right now, what we really are is somewhat along these lines, cause after our past relationship(s), we realized such bad treatment is plunging us down. People leave for a reason.. and usually, the person that leaves is the one that has been pushed rock bottom.

Truth be told, I am so much happier now. We never argue, we never fight back. The only thing we argue about is misconception...well, miscommunication most of the time. Hehe, i love the way we are..

Also, I'm a believer in fighting for the things you really love and want because, everyone wants the good stuff and everyone wants it badly. If you don't fight for it, you won't get it.. as simple as that.. Although you might have feelings lurking somewhere, you can never get back what you've lost. You've lost it forever...

the days are merely coming to an end. thank you for making this 2 months of my stay here a fruitful and memorable one. i hope we would have such a chance to enjoy this way soon; then again. and wish everything goes smoothly in army for you. just 1 more day for you to enjoy with your loved ones, we shall have a blast tmrw. haha.

sometimes... I just wished...you....

For u.

I can't wait to set the record straight with you, not for anything else but ONLY on the plans we will have for 2011, together. Together I mean ... at the end of everyday (of the new year), we're still gonna be sticking around so its better to KNOW our absolute expectations. Yea, I merely crossed 21 ...but I clearly understand we're in different worlds... but yet on the same page and that...is... priceless.

I will need to weigh everything out on my own! To see what is good for me and of course you. And because I really care for you, I will only allow goals to take priority. I love this... alone time speaks forth so much more clarity. I can't wait to clear up the 6months course and plans for 2011 need to be written and submitted to mum for review by the 3rd week. Not because I NEED to submit it but I feel better being accountable to somebody.

I'm so happy with how my life is taking direction now, I've got my BFFS, good family and I met a great person who opened horizons in my little life. 2011 is gonna be so exciting.. cause right now, my life is whatever I make out of it. I have no time to waste.

And no matter what happens, you'll always be a fond memory :)

WHILE MY HAIR IS STILL WET.. DECIDED TO BLOG INSTEAD. .

Met wit coussies and had a fun time driving their cars around especially Rodday whose parents are out of town and we have 2 different cars to play around for the day! its the same quarterly. well , have been staying in mum's fren place for quite a while and it's time we will come to say a "GOODBYE" soon.hmm, more or less and yea, I am so anal to the dynamics of this house already. Although it would be nice if my love ones could stay over but essentially, work takes priority and I was understanding about that :)

Met Rodday for late lunch at Holland V (again)! I really love that place apart from Dempsey and Robertson Quay. Anyway, wanted to try the eateries at Chip Bee Gardens but it only opens from 7pm.We had Thai food, really fucking spicy food both of us couldn't take it. So disgraceful to asians hahahh..

An affargado vanilla bean at NYDC totally killed the good mood! Totally! But yea, we had a good talk. The perfect sunday - its a hallmark! Affirmative!!

waking up at 2am later to prepare stuffs for mummy before she sets off again. gonna miss her like hell loads..

Now i need to sleep.

You have to give up certain things to gain certain things...in life, everything is always about earning. This is the hardest part; not about being involved, but letting go.. and usually these things that you have to give up are the paragons of everything. Decisions decisions, I hate making them!

New beginnings? This year end 2010 is very different for me. I'm planning what I want for 2011 and I will make them happen! Working and course isn't easy .. its go gonna make or break me apart. Indefinitely, I still wonder how 2011 will be like..

Certainly the imbalances have presented itself awkwardly and at the end of this road, I realized we're on our own.... no matter what, only I can change the lopsidedness, adjust the statements and respond affirmatively. Only me. Dad has his ways I know, hurtful but yea move on. So during this period, my shortcomings are obviously hitting the rooftop.. and thank you buddies out there for being there...and you, although we have our ups and downs, I still love u very much really.

I'm given a lot of responsibilities right now and juggling between work and course this 2011, it is so stressful and mum's been so  busy. We'll work it out! And definitely I've learnt the art of dividing working and personal life. Its good this way, it really is :)

omg omg I can do this I can do this... I am sacrificing the whole of dec.. like everyday and every minute just to start work in 2011. 

most prob counting down in KL this year if not Imma book a hotel with all my relatives and frens drunk in it hahaha. Hopefully KL....it'll be an eye opener :)

I'm preparing for my course now and its so draining..... mentally. Need to distress. And no matter how busy you are.. there's always time to attend to someone you really like or love.I love my BFFs for being there, you know who you are :)

omg, kill me now...December is hell!

Love is just so temporal, it will eventually subside...and when it does, when everything takes off for you, your career... when you have everything... money, fortune, fame... you will then make the decision. Thats when I know if you really want to be with me.

We're all busy marking something for ourselves, I am... and when I established something for myself, I'll be coming for you... Amongst all things, the mess others will create and have created , I'm glad you and I have the same understanding.

& thats what I mentioned way earlier.. this is the level I can reach with nobody else, only with you, thats why I chose to be with you.

so don't say you love me yet :)

Some relationships fail because some things change. I guess one moved... and the other probably stayed complacently the same? Or maybe it was just too late to know things were taken for granted? I am in no position to scrutinize what really went on, but I do know that ALL relationships breaks hearts; one way or another. There are winners and losers... Yet I believe everyone is moving onto their new lives and all of us will be happier.

I am not allowed to drive out today .. all because me and mum had this huge fight. Anyway hope it'll be fine when she's back on friday.. Hate people messing with my prerogatives... but my car is back in my arms :) 

Heh! Manage to reach back home last night at about 9pm having a good long drive back from KL. its darn good, esp when u're enjoying that every minute with your good friend.  Purpose of this trip is to get my 5D MARK II. OMG!!! so happy and i think i am very fortunate though i got hell nags from mum...

On Monday afternoon 3pm, me and dennis :) headed up to KL and we reached the place at abt 7pm. Got ourselves stay put at Bintang hotel. Initial plan was to get my camera settled and head back Singapore but had a sudden change of plan as my body battery is running flat. We, then decided to go to the stretch of long crowded seafood place for a good dinner.. our stomach were grumping like hell that point of time.

Aft dinner, we walked back to the hotel and thought of having an early sleep that night. But then, just opposite the hotel , we saw a pub with hell sexy gals dancin'.And.. that hotel is the hotel beside ours called "federal hotel". we went up and had an enjoyable time in the R&B live band pub. 

Thereafter, we went back hotel at abt 12am. 

Dennis, thank you for this friendship. i reckon this friendship will the best one ever. Thank you my good friend, brother. :)

The very next time if i asked whether u have read my blog.. and yr answer is "NO"... your name will appear

Pain grew silent but it runs deep. bad when you try to delete a person's contact only to realise you can actually memorise that person's number.

I asked if you read my blog.. u said u didn't. i felt like you were lying to me. But neverthless.. here u go:

i feel so bad for rejecting you but im sorry, i decided to keep u out of my life. It hurts too much with you in it.

For so many years that i've been with u. Yes, we've really went through ups and downs and i've enjoyed our friendship. Ever since you've changed, everything was different. How i wished you were like your old self.

i decided to shut u off because after several thoughts, i know being just a normal friend wouldn't work because you simply wouldn't allow it to happen.

Therefore, for time being... i might want to shut u off from my life. 

I NEED TO WRITE THIS OUT:

For a friend who will just know you for years and never get a chance to analyse your inner self, there would still be your good friend.(Their friendship with u is still shallow)

For a friend like me, or some smarter that left you.. i hope you put in effort to change because along the road down, you might not know who to turn to in future when u need help.I've also spent my time that previous day talking to you till about 4am.Those that you know will be good enough for you to change and reflect right now.

There are too many inperfections, to whom is concern. 

So.. yesterday I had lunch with my mum at Fairmont Hotel. Did last minute shopping with mom at msia.She was at her usual Estee Lauder store and trust me, it... was... really... boring... when ladies are shopping for their make-up stuffs. I was directing her every move not to buy cause mommy doesn't really do much make up.  Then after that, we drove to Muji at paragon cause we both needed toiletries. I managed to coax mommy to leather jacket from ARMANI X. Awwwww my birthday present! I was already eyeing on it yesterday it was too costly, but thanks mom, you're always the best!

Then after, headed to meet usual clique out for some hell fun photoshoots at Mount Faber and MBS. Tell you, its so fun OMG. hahaha... ok,and then i need to grant my grumpy stomach with his food he wanted. He was starving the whole day without food till about quite late night.OMG. FML.

Ok, and soon i will be uploading the pics after they're done.. guess you guys jus cant wait!!

I slept in the whole day.....

Anyway,  Big Oat Paragon for fish and it was awesome, with more awesome desserts. Yesterday I already gave in to JJ for asian food so now, western FTW. I hate chinese food actually. Hehe.. Anyway, definitely a great night today.  Its so good when we can have the WHOLE place to ourselves cause we can talk shit and do anything no one's gonna bother. I'm happy we're back to where we were, I'm so happy my best friend is back and we still talk like old times. The best part is that I can just look like shit and all of us comment at how shitty we all look and still have a good time! 

APAD (A PICTURE A DAY)

For whom is concern

We all have something to hide. Some dark place inside us we don’t want the world to see. So we pretend everything’s okay. Wrapping ourselves in rainbows. And maybe that’s all for the best, because some of these places are darker than others.I know it hurts. But it’s life, and it’s real. And sometimes it fucking hurts, but it’s life, and it’s pretty much all we got.

I'm not saying that I've giving up. I'm just trying not to think as much as I use to.

Photography is what you see with your eye and it goes so quick, that you don't even have to see it. To photograph means to paint with light. Mistakes are part of it. They are the poetry, the painterly quality. And for that you need a bad camera. If you want to be famous, you have to be worse in something, than anybody else in the world.

So always being sacastic..?

Sarcasm is a body's natural defense against stupid.

If you aren't going all the way, why go at all?

Before i forgotten , These are part of my birthday presents! Hahahaa...

Marina Barrage with Cousies

Omfg.... I overspent!! Totally obvious right; and it was on my last stop at ArmaniX -_- , while waiting for Rod to pick me up. Omg kill Rodday now!! Anyway.. I had a fun time today, I was suppose to be alone but JJ offered to accompany me and we had some cousins BFF bonding time! Unexpectedly! Had dinner at Crystal Jade then he left while I waited for Rod, drove down to Robertson Quay for some dessert. Last night was lava cake with Rebecca,Alicia. today another round! Sinful much!! But I loved it... however, was rather tired today so I went home straight after. 

i feel so bad for rejecting you but im sorry, i decided to keep u out of my life. It hurts too much with you in it.

For so many years that i've been with u. Yes, we've really went through ups and downs and i've enjoyed our friendship. Ever since you've changed, everything was different. How i wished you were like your old self.

i decided to shut u off because after several thoughts, i know being just a normal friend wouldn't work because you simply wouldn't allow it to happen.

Therefore, for time being... i might want to shut u off from my life. 

I NEED TO WRITE THIS OUT:

For a friend who will just know you for years and never get a chance to analyse your inner self, there would still be your good friend.(Their friendship with u is still shallow)

For a friend like me, or some smarter that left you.. i hope you put in effort to change because along the road down, you might not know who to turn to in future when u need help.I've also spent my time that previous day talking to you till about 4am.Those that you know will be good enough for you to change and reflect right now.

There are too many inperfections, to whom is concern. 

APAD

APAD (A PICTURE A DAY)

Omg, I just took a really good look at my alcoholic birthday presents. Up till now I don't know who gave me the bottle of Bacardi Gold, so whoever it is, please own up! Now! And Vivi really gave me a sexy bottle of white wine with 24k gold leaf! How noob could I be, I thought it was like glitter but its real gold leafs, bloody hell!

So how was everyone's halloween? I saw a girl in lady gaga last night at Klapsons... didn't catch Bieber! Like quite fun ah. I think next year I shall do halloween parties. Its sunday today. I'm not at Dempsey I'm at the five start hotel :),But I reckoned later I'm gonna drop by holland V cause I'll be so restless here. Just got of the phone with L, talking about christmas party! Am gonna organize one at my place... probaly at london. and could bring my bull out for a good run with u guys!

sentosa spooktacular!