1001th.

This blog has served me well since 2004 and that's exactly a decade of blogging. A blog full of memories that I'm super thankful for. Thank you for being such an awesome confidant :')

So as I hit a thousand posts, I decided to shift. Till then!

1000th.

"For quite some time now, I’ve had this immature notion of hating the things that hurt me. I’m not exactly sure, but I feel like this comes as a sort of defense mechanism in order for myself not to get hurt. Yes, I am afraid of pain. I don’t think anyone would like to experience pain just because. Past experiences have definitely played a large part in this fear. It’s not a joke to get hurt. Being so emotional, I find that I get hurt a little easier, a little quicker, and (sometimes) a little deeper than others.

When you experience pain — and I don’t mean pain from getting a wound or a scratch, or pain from stress and body aches — when you experience the sort of pain that wakes you up from your sleep, the one that rips your soul and tears it to a million pieces, the kind that keeps you up at night, crying the life out of yourself and surrendering every part of your being into whatever there is – the universe, oblivion?, to Him – when you experience the kind of pain that envelops you in darkness, unable to see light and thinking that you never will… When you experience that kind of pain, it’s not easy to venture out into the world and experience new things and meet new people and love.

It’s not easy to trust fully again. It feels frightening trusting anyone or anything other than yourself and your experiences — because that is what you know and once you’re hurt again or you think you’re about to get hurt, you shut off your emotions, your thoughts. Because it’s easier not to care, right? No emotions, no pain." -TC

Courage.

I guess I've tried hard enough to make things work, all these are getting way too tiring. I can't do this for my entire, can I? And I know for all these to stop, everything has to come to an end. And I always wonder if it's ever gonna be the best option around. To be honest, I don't think I'll ever know. But I guess sometimes you just have to be courageous right? Don't stop yourself from doing things or making decisions just because you're afraid of changes.

I know if I ever make a decision, life is gonna be different, it is gonna be empty. I am gonna feel lost.

I guess I just need to be brave.

This song,

reminds me of you.

I miss us.

Hello December.

November was one hell of a ride, things happened and school was at its busiest period. I could hardly breathe. It's been a month since things happened, and I don't know exactly how to feel anymore. But I'm glad that November is over. Just hoping that December would be much better, much much better. Things will still remain as it is, and I'm not sure if time can fade everything because it still hurts to even think about it. Very much.