♥
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Can't you understand that i wanted it that way..just so that those things are more precious?
I wanted it to be from YOU.
I could just take it from shinta and that is all but i wanted more....
but it's okay. After this cry I'll be fine.
♥
Monday, November 26, 2007
I felt it once before.at least once which left a scar in my heart...
No way i can tell you how to deal with it and how you could feel better. Cos you did the same thing to me and the hurt you are experiencing now was how i felt last time.
don't you remember the time when i called you up and i was all excited and happy til you disappoint me by saying 'ga enak aja' when i asked you why you weren't talking?and then i said ok,i shall not disturb you anymore and you hung up on me.
Yeah..history does repeat.
♥
omg I think you're somehow like a drug. I hate it that it makes me so heavily addicted...i just can't control it. Is it that hard not to have you in my mind for at least an hour???
It seems THAT hard right now.
My dad just talked to me about goin to Oz to study again. and I realised he never fails to talk about it-when i am not feeling well. He'll start saying 'how are you going to study there like this?? you have toothache, u call mama, ur body itch, u look for her...' =.=
that's not true..........................................!
anyway, i think i can forget about eating ayam penyet again. It makes my stomach so upset...that yes,im back to eating porridge.
I have decided that it would be better that i make this blog a private one after today.
OHya...i somehow started to open up the box and look at our neoprints. I realised it's freaking one year ago that we took those pics!!!why is it that i still feel your closeness at times?
you are so far yet so near..i really crave..crave to meet you and just feel you.
♥
We chat for the second time since i unblocked him. It was sweet....
in the first place, I had to block him in order to move on...it's unfair to me if i dont give myself chances and solution and ways to move on.so well, half way chatting i accidentally close the window of our conversation. DARN. its the com's fault actually....huh,i wanted to save it and re read it perhaps next time. Anyway.....we talk about quite serious stuff. I dont know if he really meant it, i feel that he did...but,part of me just can't trust him fully anymore.
How can it be that he wants to be with me ..as in spend his life with me as a soulmate when right now he is dating a girl? Does that mean he loves us both or...??? it's confusing..lots of questions in my mind right now.
I wanted to ask every questions in my head...but too bad you kept going brb.
I wanted badly to make evrything be really clear to the both of us.....but dint have the chance just now.agh.. and i showed him 2 posts from this blog.
i dont know when i'll be ever ready to let him know everything here...
to be honest,i wanted to keep chatting with him and not sleep......but we couldnt of course.
and before we ended it off....he said those words to me.
but what exactly does that mean? and where are we heading to?.................
i'm scared im taking the wrong steps again.
♥
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Im feeling so lost suddenly. It's all in my hands and all is in my control. But why can't I just do whatever I'm supposed to do? I really need guidance for everything.... I hate everything. Its all bcos of him. I shldn't be blaming anyone i know..but myself. I'm going crazy.. I really need to break down at some point of time of the day. EVERY single day. Im exhausted... Oh Lord, I need you.
So much of my work is undone. Im feeling so small and scared. I feel so damn lousy.Yet i have to see him...leading a good life and moving on as if it has been years since he last talked to me. I hate how it is right now. Cos it seems that i'm alone stuck in this whole damn situation. I know my friends have given me all the advices they could ever thought of. They even have to say it all over again just to console me. There's nothing more they could say....it's all heard by me. Yet i'm still at square one. There's just a hole in my heart. Whatever i do right now just can't fill the missing jigsaw. I dont know what to do........ all i could do is just to sink into sadness....
which is not a solution at all.
how long more would i be stuck in this situation?
♥
Friday, August 17, 2007
Pictures of you and her are showcased everywhere. I know you're happy, well it's a good thing.
I am not sure what is your intention of sending me that song...'always on my mind'. But one thing i'm glad and yet....about is that. it's, you WERE always on my mind.
haha...i should be laughing instead of crying. I know i shan't reply your email. Cos i guess there's nothing more to say that would be meaningful to you.
It's not the same as before.
Life is not just about him.
♥
Friday, August 10, 2007
This time I've made things crystal clear to him. Everything shall end here for now. I told him not to keep in contact anymore because i need his help to move on and carry on with life and to concentrate in my studies in this short period of time left. I hope i've made the right choice and everything will turn out better for me from now on.
I should be glad that he seems to know what to do, not even replying my email. I think that would be better for the both of us. :)
it is already too clear in fact, that we cannot be together anymore. i think he's those type that would fool around even after getting a wife. I know i shouldn't stereotype...well, i just hope i'm wrong.
I shall get back the life I used to live after O's. For now, let me be anti-social. Cos i just cant bring myself to mix around too much..I have something against guys right now. This better be a temporary thing!
NO MORE TEARS SHED FOR YOU
♥
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Right now,im joining most of the people...which is being totally single. be it available or not, i shall cherish this moment and look at it positively. Lesser worries, tears to shed, and lots more carefree. So really, what's so bad about this current status yea?
I should use any spare time available right now to read more books, to enjoy life more (in a different way) and of course, to spend more time building real friendships.
The reality right now is that, those are just memories. It was really, really beautiful and unforgettable. But, time would heal all wounds. I believe even the worst cut would be healed slowly... leaving a mark, which would fade away over time. So from now on, I know exactly what to do..
They can say anything they want to say, try to break me down, but i won't face the ground. I will rise steadily, sailing out of their reach.
♥
Yes, i am joining you to finish this really dumb race, love. :)
Lord, give me the strength to go through these all. I can't do it alone,without You. I know I must do my best in everything for you because you always give me the best.
Thank you, for giving me friends who are always with me, be it in times of happiness or even sorrows that i am going through.
♥
Thursday, July 26, 2007
I know tonight is not gona be easy to fall asleep and let my mind and body rest. I know all the tears and stuffs would be back again this time. I dont know what's up with everything...i know it's actually simply WHAT"S UP WITH ME???!
he's not mine anymore.
he has all the freedom to do whatever he likes....
to flirt, to like, to love someone else
and I don't have the right to feel sad,angry,jealous or anything close to that.
but why is it till this point of time i just cant drill those facts into my stupid head?????
and why the f*ck must he give me all the freaking freaking and i really need to say FUCKING false hopes again and again and again and all over again and again and ....i really wanna know when it would come to an end.
You know, it was healing....i thought it would be mended completely soon. Again, im fooling myself...again and again and again and again.............................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! come on....i have only less than 3 months to my major examination which will determine where i'll be in the future. I dont need someone like him to ruin it. I know that....but would someone first numb my heart?
i am a real loser. That i have to admit.
♥
you're doing this to me again. i shall not believe you any more........................................................................................................................................................................................any f*cking sweet talk or whatsoever..im going to puke. Im sick of being treated that way...
maybe it's seriously time for me to focus on my studies and nothing else at this present moment. nothing, cindy maria.
let me cry bcos of you for one last time. I can't hold it back any longer.
♥
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Can't you understand that i wanted it that way..just so that those things are more precious?
I wanted it to be from YOU.
I could just take it from shinta and that is all but i wanted more....
but it's okay. After this cry I'll be fine.
♥
Monday, November 26, 2007
I felt it once before.at least once which left a scar in my heart...
No way i can tell you how to deal with it and how you could feel better. Cos you did the same thing to me and the hurt you are experiencing now was how i felt last time.
don't you remember the time when i called you up and i was all excited and happy til you disappoint me by saying 'ga enak aja' when i asked you why you weren't talking?and then i said ok,i shall not disturb you anymore and you hung up on me.
Yeah..history does repeat.
♥
omg I think you're somehow like a drug. I hate it that it makes me so heavily addicted...i just can't control it. Is it that hard not to have you in my mind for at least an hour???
It seems THAT hard right now.
My dad just talked to me about goin to Oz to study again. and I realised he never fails to talk about it-when i am not feeling well. He'll start saying 'how are you going to study there like this?? you have toothache, u call mama, ur body itch, u look for her...' =.=
that's not true..........................................!
anyway, i think i can forget about eating ayam penyet again. It makes my stomach so upset...that yes,im back to eating porridge.
I have decided that it would be better that i make this blog a private one after today.
OHya...i somehow started to open up the box and look at our neoprints. I realised it's freaking one year ago that we took those pics!!!why is it that i still feel your closeness at times?
you are so far yet so near..i really crave..crave to meet you and just feel you.
♥
We chat for the second time since i unblocked him. It was sweet....
in the first place, I had to block him in order to move on...it's unfair to me if i dont give myself chances and solution and ways to move on.so well, half way chatting i accidentally close the window of our conversation. DARN. its the com's fault actually....huh,i wanted to save it and re read it perhaps next time. Anyway.....we talk about quite serious stuff. I dont know if he really meant it, i feel that he did...but,part of me just can't trust him fully anymore.
How can it be that he wants to be with me ..as in spend his life with me as a soulmate when right now he is dating a girl? Does that mean he loves us both or...??? it's confusing..lots of questions in my mind right now.
I wanted to ask every questions in my head...but too bad you kept going brb.
I wanted badly to make evrything be really clear to the both of us.....but dint have the chance just now.agh.. and i showed him 2 posts from this blog.
i dont know when i'll be ever ready to let him know everything here...
to be honest,i wanted to keep chatting with him and not sleep......but we couldnt of course.
and before we ended it off....he said those words to me.
but what exactly does that mean? and where are we heading to?.................
i'm scared im taking the wrong steps again.
♥
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Im feeling so lost suddenly. It's all in my hands and all is in my control. But why can't I just do whatever I'm supposed to do? I really need guidance for everything.... I hate everything. Its all bcos of him. I shldn't be blaming anyone i know..but myself. I'm going crazy.. I really need to break down at some point of time of the day. EVERY single day. Im exhausted... Oh Lord, I need you.
So much of my work is undone. Im feeling so small and scared. I feel so damn lousy.Yet i have to see him...leading a good life and moving on as if it has been years since he last talked to me. I hate how it is right now. Cos it seems that i'm alone stuck in this whole damn situation. I know my friends have given me all the advices they could ever thought of. They even have to say it all over again just to console me. There's nothing more they could say....it's all heard by me. Yet i'm still at square one. There's just a hole in my heart. Whatever i do right now just can't fill the missing jigsaw. I dont know what to do........ all i could do is just to sink into sadness....
which is not a solution at all.
how long more would i be stuck in this situation?
♥
Friday, August 17, 2007
Pictures of you and her are showcased everywhere. I know you're happy, well it's a good thing.
I am not sure what is your intention of sending me that song...'always on my mind'. But one thing i'm glad and yet....about is that. it's, you WERE always on my mind.
haha...i should be laughing instead of crying. I know i shan't reply your email. Cos i guess there's nothing more to say that would be meaningful to you.
It's not the same as before.
Life is not just about him.
♥
Friday, August 10, 2007
This time I've made things crystal clear to him. Everything shall end here for now. I told him not to keep in contact anymore because i need his help to move on and carry on with life and to concentrate in my studies in this short period of time left. I hope i've made the right choice and everything will turn out better for me from now on.
I should be glad that he seems to know what to do, not even replying my email. I think that would be better for the both of us. :)
it is already too clear in fact, that we cannot be together anymore. i think he's those type that would fool around even after getting a wife. I know i shouldn't stereotype...well, i just hope i'm wrong.
I shall get back the life I used to live after O's. For now, let me be anti-social. Cos i just cant bring myself to mix around too much..I have something against guys right now. This better be a temporary thing!
NO MORE TEARS SHED FOR YOU
♥
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Right now,im joining most of the people...which is being totally single. be it available or not, i shall cherish this moment and look at it positively. Lesser worries, tears to shed, and lots more carefree. So really, what's so bad about this current status yea?
I should use any spare time available right now to read more books, to enjoy life more (in a different way) and of course, to spend more time building real friendships.
The reality right now is that, those are just memories. It was really, really beautiful and unforgettable. But, time would heal all wounds. I believe even the worst cut would be healed slowly... leaving a mark, which would fade away over time. So from now on, I know exactly what to do..
They can say anything they want to say, try to break me down, but i won't face the ground. I will rise steadily, sailing out of their reach.
♥
Yes, i am joining you to finish this really dumb race, love. :)
Lord, give me the strength to go through these all. I can't do it alone,without You. I know I must do my best in everything for you because you always give me the best.
Thank you, for giving me friends who are always with me, be it in times of happiness or even sorrows that i am going through.
♥
Thursday, July 26, 2007
I know tonight is not gona be easy to fall asleep and let my mind and body rest. I know all the tears and stuffs would be back again this time. I dont know what's up with everything...i know it's actually simply WHAT"S UP WITH ME???!
he's not mine anymore.
he has all the freedom to do whatever he likes....
to flirt, to like, to love someone else
and I don't have the right to feel sad,angry,jealous or anything close to that.
but why is it till this point of time i just cant drill those facts into my stupid head?????
and why the f*ck must he give me all the freaking freaking and i really need to say FUCKING false hopes again and again and again and all over again and again and ....i really wanna know when it would come to an end.
You know, it was healing....i thought it would be mended completely soon. Again, im fooling myself...again and again and again and again.............................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! come on....i have only less than 3 months to my major examination which will determine where i'll be in the future. I dont need someone like him to ruin it. I know that....but would someone first numb my heart?
i am a real loser. That i have to admit.
♥
you're doing this to me again. i shall not believe you any more........................................................................................................................................................................................any f*cking sweet talk or whatsoever..im going to puke. Im sick of being treated that way...
maybe it's seriously time for me to focus on my studies and nothing else at this present moment. nothing, cindy maria.
let me cry bcos of you for one last time. I can't hold it back any longer.
