Once a year works right???

I figured I need to blog sooner or later and right now is as good as any.  2 kids are down for a nap, one child is at school and the other one is playing quiet.  :)
I am having a difficult day today.  So maybe that is why I am blogging so I can get it all down and not bottle it in.

This post is not going to have pictures and will be LONG so if you don't want to read that is ok.  I promise to post pictures in the next week.  I also am sorry for any grammatical errors!!  :)

Well, one week ago today I had a miscarriage.  It was the hardest and most painful thing that I have  experienced.  But I knew that it was coming.  I knew from the minute of conception that something was wrong.  I felt sick almost immediately, very unusual for anyone to feel sick 2 days later.  I started throwing up a week later.  I knew something was wrong or that I was having multiple babies.  But the multiple babies did not feel right.  I took a pregnancy test 2 weeks later and it was positive.  I freaked out a little.  I wanted to be pregnant and have another baby, but I knew that something was wrong.  I was still feeling sick and throwing up, so my body was telling me that nothing was wrong, but in my heart I knew.  We didn't tell anybody about me being pregnant, not even my mother...which if you know me that is strange because I tell my mother everything.  But I wanted to be sure before I went public.  I waited until 11.5 weeks to go in and see my Dr..  I wanted to make sure that we could hear the heart beat.  But when there was no heart beat, my own heart stopped beating for a moment.   I expressed my concerns to my Dr. and he wasn't too concerned about not hearing the heart beat.  He said that only about 60% of the time they hear it that early, but I knew there was no little baby in there to hear a heart beat for.  Everything else measured and looked normal.  I was measuring right on track.  He suggested that we could go get an ultrasound or wait it out and see what happened, and by my next appointment we should hear the heart beat.  We opted to wait it out, due to the fact that we would have to pay for the ultrasound ourselves.  It would not be covered by ins.
So I asked my Dr. what to do when I start bleeding.  He said"IF" you start bleeding.  You should not do it next week (2 weeks ago) because he would be on a cruise and wouldn't be around.  But he was optimistic that I would see him in 4 weeks and we would hear the heart beat.   Glad someone was.
As Dave and I get into our car, I immediately broke down and start bawling.  I cried the whole way home knowing that my heart/mind would be in constant state of worry until something...anything happened.
One week went by and nothing happened...I was now 12.5 weeks.  I swear that I was feeling the babies movements, one side of me would get really excited that there was a baby in there, but the other side of me would cautiously warn me that there is still a chance that there isn't.  I tried not to get my hopes ups... I would tell myself that it was just a gas bubble and not a baby.
Saturday September 8th...it all started to happen.  We were at a benefit concert at some friends house and I went to use the bathroom and I was spotting.  I knew something was happening.  The spotting continued into Sunday morning till about 11am.  After that nothing happened.  I had spent all morning lying down and resting.  I continued to lie down (in hopes that it would stop it...but knowing fullwell that it wouldn't)  About 5 pm I went to use the restroom and there it was...full blown red blood.  I sat there and cried, knowing that what I had thought all along was coming to past.  Monday morning I call my Dr. and I tell him that I waited for you! He tells me that he is sorry and that he wished that this wasn't happening, he also tells me that I need to go get an ultrasound done.  Stating his apologies, knowing that we would have to pay for it.  But he wanted to be sure that there was no heartbeat and that there wasn't some other type of pregnancy happening.
I finally called my mom, who is serving a LDS mission with my dad in CA and told her what was happening.  I miss my mom so much, but I am so glad that I can call her whenever I need too.  
Dave leaves work and meets me down to get the ultrasound and sure enough...no baby.  There was never any baby.  I had the type of pregnancy that is called a Blighted Ovum.  Meaning that my body was pregnant, but there was never a baby in there to grow and develop and come home with me.  I didn't cry because I knew that from the beginning something wasn't right.  Plus I think that I was in a little shock at the loss of hope and the thought of another baby.  I am grateful for the comforting spirit to warn my heart and mind though.  It made it a little easier to handle the loss.  The Dr. asked if we wanted to have a D&C or have it naturally.  He suggested to have it naturally because I was already bleeding and it would happen in the next few days.  Since the D&C wouldn't be covered by ins. again we chose to wait.  We went home and Dave took the day off to be there and support me.
Tuesday morning at about 4:45 am I woke up with the worst cramp ever.  I rush to the bathroom to see if anything happened.  Nothing, so I go back to bed.  5 mins later the same thing.  Then again 5 mins later, and again and again and again.  This went on for an hour before I got up and went down stairs to watch t.v to try and distract my mind.  The pain was getting harder and stronger.  The contractions...which I am calling them because it is exactly what my contractions felt with my other children births...started getting closer together.  They were happening so fast that I only had time to take about 2 deep breaths before another one would hit.  The pain was so bad I I swear I cried out..."wheres my epidural"  I was in tears and in pain...not only physically but mentally too.  I was going through labor and nothing was to come of it.  I finally went and woke up Dave so he could come and be some sort of support for me.   Even if it was to just hold me while I cried or to rub my back or to let me lay on him in pain.  I didn't care I just needed him.  Then about 15 mins later...snap...the pain was gone and the tears had stopped and reality hit as I walked to the bathroom to say goodbye to the loss and the hope of a baby that was never there.  My heart goes out to those who have lost a child to stillbirths.  I only experienced 13 weeks of the hope for a baby and not 7, 8, 9 months for the love of the baby that was inside me.
I had a friend tell me that even though I say there wasn't a baby, it was still a loss...and a loss is HARD!  She is right!  It was hard!!  It wasn't easy and it is something that I never want to experience again.
But the fun wasn't over...
The next day, I woke up feeling great.  Dave went to work and I got the kids off to school.  My dear friend offered to come over and help me fold laundry or clean or what ever I needed done.  She left my house a round noon.  I got the kids lunch and was picking up a few things and I had a tickle in my throat and so I coughed.   WARNING POSSIBLE TMI   When I coughed I felt something like I gushed some blood...which happened sometimes..like when I stood up gravity would take hold. Or that I had just passed another blood clot...which too happened often.  Alot of things get passed/delivered when you have a miscarriage or a baby.  So I went to the bathroom and whatever it was that happened it didn't happen completely.  It was still inside me and sticking out about an half of an inch.  I tried to pull it out thinking that it was another BIG blood clot, but it was more of a fleshy feel.  So I freaked out..my cervics is falling out, my uterus is falling out..which I know can happen. "I am going to have a hysterectomy, I won't be able to have anymore kids, my family isn't complete yet."  These are all thoughts that went through my mind.   I called my Dr. and he said that my "stuff" isn't falling out.  But since I couldn't get 'it' out then I needed to go and see him ASAP and not to drive for 2 reasons...1. Emotionally, I was in no state of mind to drive and 2.  Incase I hemoragged.  SO I call Dave who was at the State Fair 45 mins away.  He said he would leave ASAP.  Which meant the soonest he could get here was in 1 hour and my Dr. was another 20-30 mins away.  But I didn't want to wait that long and felt like I couldn't wait that long.  So I called my dear friedn who had just been to my house to help me.  I call her in a panic and in tears not knowing what to do.  I had 2 sleeping kids and other kids that we still at school.  She said, give me 5 mins and I will have it all worked out.  So she did.  She found someone to watch our kids so she could take me to the Dr.  We get there and they are trying to work us in as soon as they can.  5-10 mins later they get be in and I get in the room and am waiting for the Dr. and I start freaking out and thinking of all the worst things.  The Dr. comes in and ask me how I am holding up emtionally?  I start crying beacause I don't know what is happening and my husband isn't here yet.  He hugs me and comforts me and then asks me to lie down.  I start shaking so bad that I thought I would not be able to stay on the table.  When he starts to examine me, he tells me that it is just my placenta.  I hadn't passed my placenta yet...which I thought I had, but they must have been some mighty big blood clots.  And I mean BIG blood clots.  Just then Dave walks in and I lose it again.  But it was a happy and relief cry.
When the Dr. tries to take the placenta out it wouldn't come, so in further examination he finds that my cervics had already closed and pinched part of the placenta inside it.   Feeling like I was in an operating room hear the Dr. ask for this, and that, and this and that.  I was worried on what was happening.  I asked him and he said that since my cervic has closed pinching my placenta, he needs to open my cervics back up so he could take it out.  OUCH!!!!!!  DOUBLE OUCH!!!! After that I was bleeding a ton.  I lost about a unit of blood and the Dr. wasn't liking that the bleeding was not stopping and was thinking that I would need a D&C right then....WHAT? not putting me under????  Luckily the bleeding started to slow down and the D&C was not needed...Thank you!!
After a few days of recovery, yes I was sore from the open of my cervics back up,  and awesome friends and neighbors who took care of me when I needed it and brought in dinners and watched my kids and a mother in-law who came up that same night to help.  I am finally feeling better and back to normal. My heart still hurts but I know that all things are meant to be and that everything will work out in the end.  Now to loose this extra 13 weeks of weight gain!! Till I get pregnant again! 

Thanks for sticking around!

Maybe I should....

Maybe I should love more?
Maybe I should laugh more?
Maybe I should think happy thoughts more?
Maybe I should enjoy today?
Maybe I should play more? Maybe I should blog more?
Maybe, maybe, maybe....the real question is, AM I DOING IT???

Probably not like I should, but by darn I am trying!
(well maybe not the blogging bit)

Life is what I make of it right....I choose to love it or hate it!!

I love it!!!!

Life with a 7 year old, 5 year old, 2 year old and 5 month old. What is not to love right!!

Right!! :)

7 year old
*1st grade and loving it
*loves flag football ( and very good at it, people say it is a 1 man show, but not on purpose, he is the only one that will do anything)
*loves friends
*loves the wii
*a great helper, when he wants to be.


5 year old
*kinny gartener and loving it (fyi he will repeat kinny garten again next year...like his big brother((best decision ever)), both summer b-days so they will be the oldest)
*he too loves and is awesome at flag football
*loves to color
*loves cars
*he too is a great helper when he wants to be

2 year old (well on sat. she will be 2)
*loves ring a round the rosies
*great with baby brother
*loves her daddy
*very mischievous
*too stinkin cute for her own good(first broken arm in the family...she only had to wear it for 2.5 weeks)

5 month old
*rolls every where
*very inquisitive
*smiles at everyone
*can almost sit up
*sweetest little thing


Yum...I married someone delish!!

Good bye!

Good Bye Grandpa!! We love you and are so happy for you and your reunion with grandma Naomi and Helen!! Thanks for all the memories and for living with my parents so we all could get to know you better and have lasting memories!! Enjoy heaven!

Heres to the past!

Goofin' around, that what them boys do best.
This is what happens when your face gets caught between the wall+moms foot and treadmill.
Sledding = a few red faces and tears.
Christmas Eve jammies!!
New baby!

Birth Story

Last preggos picture! (6:30 am)

Right after delivery

My biggest baby

Getting ready to leave the hospital

Had to see if he looked as cute as his brothers and daddy in a beanie! Yep sure does!

So this pregnancy was the first pregnancy that I was scheduled to be induced. I have never been induced before and the only reason I was getting induced was because my wonderful doctor was going out of town and we didn't want to have another doctor deliver my baby. My induction day was 6 days early. The induction date was April 7th...if you have been keeping track or read my last birth story, you will notice that all my kids have been born with a 7 in their birth date. Child #1 June 7th, #2 Aug. 27th, #3 Sept. 17th. I did not plan that at all. They all came on their own...6 days, 4days and 7 days early. So when my doctor schedule the induction for the 7th, I had to giggle. But who knows, them babies come when they want.
On April 6th I had a Dr.s appt. and he checked my cervix and I was dilated to an almost 2 and was 80% effaced so he went ahead and stripped my membranes....I was prepared this time for the pain. (no screaming) When I had #3 he did the same thing and I had her that night, so I thought that I was going to have him on the 6th. But I wasn't having any regular contractions, ya they hurt but they were not regular at all so I didn't really think that he was coming on the 6th, he wanted to be like his siblings and have a 7 in his birth date. My mom drove up that night from St. George so she didn't get a call at 2 am and had to wake up and drive then. My niece was staying the night to be with the kids in the morning since we had to go to the hospital really early. So at 5 am I woke up and called the hospital to see what time to show up...did I get any sleep that night...no. I was nervous about being induced since I have never had to before. They told me to be there around 6:15 to 6:30. So I hopped in the shower and got ready to go.
We got to the hospital just before 6:30 and we sat around until 7:30 when they finally admitted me. When the nurse checked me I was almost a 3 not quite but almost. I told her that once I get to a 4 I move really fast. I don't think she really believed me. They started me on pitocin at 8am and she said that she would up the dose every 20 mins and check me every hour. At 9am my cervix hadn't really changed...(curse word). So they kept upping my pitocin and when they got to 12 the little mans heart rate would drop and so they dropped the pit back down to 8 so my contractions weren't coming so frequent.
10 am I was at a 3, 11 am I was barely over a 3. So I thought, "good hell this is going to be a long day and since I am here in the stinking hospital with crap on me and it is hard to walk around and with his heart rate dropping they want to keep me monitored, I am going to get my epidural so I can labor in comfort." So I asked for the epidural at 11 am and they came right away, which has never happened before either, I usually have to wait for 20 to 30 mins. Oh well, lets just do it. Not that the contractions weren't bearable, they were I could have gone alot longer without the epidural, but at the rate I was progressing, it was going to be a long day.
And with my history of pushing (3hours, 1.5 hours, 45 mins) who knows what was going to happen.
At 12 noon still the same barely over a 3. The nurse informed me that my doctor would be there within the hour to break my water (on his lunch break). Sweet lets get things moving!!!! So I am laying there on my right side chatting with my mom and my hubby and I can't really see the clock so I am not fully aware of the time, but I felt some leakage (sorry if TMI) but I did that with the others too, so not a concern. Then I started to feel the contractions a little more differently, so I turned to look at the clock and it said 12:50. I thought maybe I should call the nurse to come and check me, but I didn't since the hour was almost up anyways. 2 more contractions went by and they too felt more like something was happening, so at 1 pm I said to my mom and hubby that I think I need to call the nurse to come and check me, and at that same time the 2 nurses walked in because his heart rate dropped and they wanted to put oxygen on me, I told her to check me first since there were 2 nurses, she said she would but it still took her a min. But when she did she got the biggest shocked look on her face and kindof stuttered..."Oh um, you are complete, I better go call your doctor." Mind you I am in Provo and my Dr. is in Spanish Fork...10 miles away. If he hadn't left yet there was no way I was going to wait for him. But when the nurse walked out of the room he was walking down the hall, so she let him know that I was complete and ready, he changed his clothes and came in. While they were 'prepping' for the delivery, my water broke (compared to my other kids the gushing wasn't there, just a little pop of water) I told them that my water broke, the nurse didn't really believe since they didn't hear or see anything on the floor, but when my Dr. looked he assured her that it had. When they were ready with the prepping I started to push at 1:15 ish.
When I started pushing I didn't feel right, I had them turn off the epidural as soon as I was complete, so I knew that wasn't it because I was starting to feel the contractions. After about 4 contractions I knew what was wrong, I was still laying down, the nurse hadn't moved me up. So when they told me to push like I was having a bm, I couldn't because when I am having a bm, I am sitting not laying down. So I asked if I could sit up more, my Dr. said "yeah, put a pillow behind your back too." So I did and 3 contractions later he was born at 1:31 pm. And we found out where the rest of the water was...he was blocking it. After he was born the gush of water came and if you were standing any where near you got wet.
I hardly tore so the stitching was almost minimal. The epidural was almost gone and I felt great and the baby was fine and wanting to nurse already, so while they were cleaning him off I was nursing. It was amazing! My fastest and easiest delivery to date!!
After I got stitched up my Dr. finally admitted me to the hospital to have the baby. And was back to work by 2. In and out in 45 mins Nice that I accommodated him and his work schedule eh!
So if you have been keeping time. I went from 3 cm dilated to delivery in a hour and a half. Not bad if I say so myself! I was just so excited that I didn't have to push for forever.
Recovery has been great. I only needed Ibprophen in the hospital, healing has been wonderful, I have been up and doing things that I didn't with the others because of the stitches and swelling. I am feeling great and the baby is doing great. He is a champ eater and a champ sleeper. So far the kids have adjusted very well. The older boys are great with him and love holding him and helping get diapers and wipes. Our little girl (18 ms) loves him to death, loves holding him, she is really sweet with him...so far. We will see how long that lasts.
I am so greatful for this little man, he is such a sweet special spirit that I am so glad came to our family...even though I cried when we found out we were having another boy. I am so overcome with love for him that the reasons for not wanting another boy are null and void. He is just too wonderful!

I know, I know...

Hold out just a little but longer and I promise that I will have an updated blog soon!!!

Baby #4

Back to planes, cars and trucks
Still a little in shock
Would have bet $$$ on a girl
Because of all the times I had to hurl
But other plans are made for us
And now we have another baby boy over whom to make a fuss!!!