1 more day of intense FYP this week before I take a break for the weekend. Finally got one or two things done this week. With one more things being asked to be shelved aside by my professor. Apparently next week is demo week and we've been pressed to hasten our fyp testings and to build our prototypes for the testing demo.

Had been in school till 6 near to 7 everyday in the lab. Then after that it's dinner with diah at pgp everyday. Finding myself attracted to the chicken rice over there. Somehow these 2 nights i had been staying till quite late over there. WIshing that i can just sleep over there since i have to get to school anyway and their place is really in school! Last night it was because i had helped diah with her chinese and i didnt want to delay any longer in helping her with the script because it would only mean more and more work for us all and we wouldnt be able to concentrate on other things. Today finally we were done with the recordings after countless attempts. SOrry girl!!! haaha.. i really didnt mean to make mistake and make u laugh! but we had fun recording it yah!

I was pretty "drunk" the whole afternoon after my 2nd cup of coffee! I was really sleepy and couldnt think much during my fyp experiments. Before the recording i fell asleep on diah's bed while waiting for dinner time. And after the recording, went over to Ong's room and found myself glued to the bed! There was attempts to kick me out of the room but of course my dear friend is not that bad and heartless to kick me out. I know one person who will (*wink at nat*). I was tempted to really stay there for the night but yah i was not prepared for it. Didnt even bring a set of change and since tomorrow is another day of FYP, i cant possibly not change out of my clothes. After much lingering around and trying to recover from the coffee effect, finally got my butt off the bed to go home. But not before we had our supper. How can we, supper buddies, not have supper before i go right. =)

Oh well im looking fwd to the end of the day tomorrow. =)

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.

1 John 4:9

Someone once told me that how do we know what is love. It is God who showed us what is love. Love is unconditional and sacrificial! We had no idea what is love, until the Son of God whom the Father sent to earth, as man, died on the cross and redeemed us by fulfilling the Law. Who are we and how much do we　ｒｅａｌｌｙ worth that God was willing to send His Son to diｅ　ｔｏ　ｂｒｉｎｇ　ｕｓ　ｃｌｏｓｅｒ　ｔｏ　Ｈｉｍ．

What Law am I refering to? The law was all that commandments of what was to be done and not to be done. Like all that ways laid down by God during the time of　Ｍｏｓｅｓ．Ｔｈｅ　ｗａｙ　ｏｆ　ｈｏｗ　ｔｈｅ　ｗｏｒｓｈｉｐ　ｉｓ　ｂｅｉｎｇ　ｃａｒｒｉｅｄ　ｏｕｔ，　ｓａｃｒｉｆｉｃｅ，　ａｌｌ　ｔｈａｔ　１０　ｃｏｍｍａｎｄｍｅｎｔｓ．　It is the law that everyone cannot fulfil due to our sinful nature. The law that the Jews at that time were strict about keeping it. The law was becoming more of an obsession and was taking over God in the people's lives. There was a great distinction between the clean and the unclean. But no matter whether we are clean or unclean, we were all sinful in nature. However the Son was pure and blameless, without sin. He died on the cross for us to go down to hell and redeem us all! His sacrifice brought us close to Him. He is the Way to our salvation and the only Way to Heaven. He also showed us that His love was unconditional. He loves the unclean as much and made them clean. Everyone is clean in His eyes and they are all His perfect creations and what matters was He was very pleased with us His creations.

I think it's really true that we first dont know what is love and God showed us what is love. It made sense. Maybe we'll think tht we first know love because our parents loves us and protect us. Their love is unconditional and sacrificial. But who showed them how to love first?

The question ｗｉｌｌ　ｏｎｌｙ　ｌｅａｄ　ｔｏ　ｏｎｅ　ａｎｓｗｅｒ．

had been feeling weird and over-sensitive the whole day. Probably pms, but instead of short-tempered i'm just feeling guilty and that something is really not right throughout the whole day. It's weird and even now I cant quite describe what is it.

Did anyone felt the eathquake this afternoon? Yeah there had been 2 earthquakes in Indo. Just this afternoon and last night. Diah felt the tremor last night... Apparently this afternoon one was much worse, but none of us felt it. =p Apparently it could be felt in Jakarta...

Anyway there's so much work to do for FYP, i can see my morning and afternoon being drained by it..

Simply Happy, No Worries!

If Only.....

Just right after i posted the last post, my answer came...

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Jeremiah 29: 11-13

Suddenly feeling quite melancholic and just had the urge to listen to Buble's Home.

Another summer day
Is come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aerorplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believe in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

For some reason, i just wanna stop moving on and go home. There's a part of me that is afraid of what lies ahead. Am i ready for the next step? I dont want more responsibilities. I am selfish and egoist. I want what is of me, and accountable to me. I want "me" time, but i know that's just all a foolish thinking. The world just doesnt work that way. Just as a part of wants to be all alone and having space, another part wants company. Just as a part of me dont want to have anyone to be accountable to and let me rule my own life, a part of me knows that it is impossible.

What a life would it be when we have no rules, no need for money to live, no need for education and most of all no one who will hold our actions accountable. Just as a part of me thinks its wonderful, the logical part of me thinks it would be a chaotic world.

If i could have a one wish and it can come true. I wish the time would stop and for once I can stop thinking about what i have to do next.

Today marked the 15th day of the Lunar New Year.. It's sort of the end of the celebration of Chinese New Year. We, the hokkien lang, celebrate this day by having another reunion dinner. Our family (my SG relatives) was pretty traditional a few years ago. We would all go to my 4th aunt place and she'll make delicious delicous popiah! After a 2 year break of cooking cap goh meh dinner for us, today she did and thankfully only a few of us made it. I came over partly cos I have not gone to pai nian at their place and my cousin who is staying in America came over for the New Year with her kids. Elaine's family and I went over for dinner. Well the popiah was so good I couldnt stop ravishing 5 popiah down my throat! It was so good! But we were complaining about the skin. This time round pretty bad quality since it has many many holes and it got torn easily. At first we were pretty worried, whether our popiah wrapping skill had really gone bad. Afterall, it was really a long time since we last ate. We even forgot the order of putting the stuff. Of course the order doesnt matter. But it was for the fun of making the popiah.

Remembering that it's Cap Goh Meh, it's always celebrated back in Indo, of course it is still a hokkien lang thing-y. And we even have a special dish comprising of lontong, Indonesia chicken curry (kare ayam) , Indonesian grilled chicken with chilli sauce (ayam bumbu rujak), bamboo shoots (rebung) and chicken hearts and gizzards with smelly bean and chilli ( sambel petai rempela hati). All mixed together with a few dash of some spices. I have been thinking about eating this the whole day! I've been tellin Ong that I miss home. I've been messaging my bro about this Cap Goh Meh thing. I've been talking to my sis about how much i miss mum's lontong! It's pretty ironic in a way now that i've been talking about the dish. It's pretty much indonesian and malay thing, but it is used to celebrate a CNY festival. I guess it's all the influence and the creation of the Chinese immigrants back then and then it's been passed down from generation to generation. Just remembering the dish brings back the warmth of family.

No doubt I can only relate my family with food stuff, remembering that all of us have our dad's tastebuds. Only going for the best kind of food. So food becomes pretty much a way for me to remember my family. Mum's cooking especially. It brings back even more memories for me as I grew up in our little hut! Though, mum always had to work hard every day, she never failed to cook for us. The simplest things that she made leaves a deep impression in me. Like my favourite steam pork with pickled cucumber, was really my favourite sunday breakfast. Then every sunday, we would always have porridge for sunday breakfast before church ( we still do till today!). But to me when my mum cooked my favourite dish, sunday becomes a special day! More complicated cooking like loh-mee, no one can beat my mum's loh-mee. I dont even like the SG ones. It's way too different to be called loh-mee. And till today, i havent managed to want to learn that recipe because it's truly hard work! a lot of cutting and it has to be precise cutting, so i dont really have the drive to want to learn just yet. Even our family friends and relatives do crave for my mum's loh mee. They would all be so happy when my mum makes this dish and share it with them.

I guess food becomes not only something to fill our stomach but it has reached something deeper in my family circle. Maybe not only my family, but others too. Sharing food makes food more delectable and gives us more than the feeling of full, but satisfaction and joy. and it all comes from a simple thing called food. Though the feeling may not be lasting, but the memory is a lasting one.

Phewww... test was quite okay for the MCQs part... but those short-answers questions... I'm not too sure! At the top of the paper was written " Partially right answer will not get any marks" . So I really have no idea if mine are mostly partially right or not. Such cruel lecturer do exist.

Anyway It's 3 or 4 more weeks towards the end of FYP! Truthfully it sounds scary cos at the moment, I have not really accomplished anything!!!! I am hoping next week (recess week) I can get 2 to 3 things done then at least I have something to report to my prof. At least i dont have to go to other labs to do my plating anymore since I have my chemicals at last.

My sis just told me that my parent's would be the only ones going to Japan now. My cousins have actually decided not to go so there's actually a few more tickets! It's in April and it's too near to my exams. If it's 4 days i might want to go, but they are going for 10 days!!! I cant leave. SO i encouraged my sister and bro to go but they too will be having mid term tests. So the 3 of us cannot go at all!!! Oh Man! Then she went on telling me the places that my parents would be going. Tokyo Disneyland!!! Universal Studio! Underwater World! Oh man... i wanna go! Im dying with envy. Then the main highlight will be the blossoming of the Sakura trees... Aww man, I would really wanna go there to experience it and capture it all with my camera. Haiz. If only they are going in JUne! But it would be summer by then. So sad... oh well anyway we have to be satisfied with a family trip to Bintan in June. Apparently it'll be a big group of us going again! Oh man i cant wait, even if it's bintan.

Currently also thinking of planning a trip to travel around Indo with my indo associates! =p... Looking forward to tat one. Such a shame being indonesian yet have not explored the wonders and the beauty of Indonesia, like Candi Borobudur and Lombok. Jogja and Semarang. Each place has beautiful culture. Rather than travelling the world it would probably make sense to travel around home first. Afterall, when we go overseas and people ask us about our country, we should know a thing or two to answer right.

With all these trips, such a bummer to be thinking about finding work. The next 2 days NUS organised a really huge size career fair down at our school. Friday Ong and I would be going down to drop our CVs and to see and find potential jobs. I havent been feeling excited about finding a job on my own. Truthfully my grades suck and i dont know if I can even get through the interviews. But i know this little worry, I can leave it to God. Ultimately He's planned everything out for me. So i should really trust Him and let Him direct me.

Shit!!! i had no idea this week is test week!!!! All the while i thought that i only had one test.... Today it proved me wrong! I have another test coming and it's closed book!!!!! at least the test today was open but the coming test is closed!! sharks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been sick from the first night of CNY till today. It's been alternating between food poisoning, diarrhoea, flu and now back to diarrhoea. It's been almost a week and I havent had a day where I'm healthy! Amazing. This is really the first time.

Anyway I had a great time back home despite falling sick half the time. But being there with people at home makes a lot of difference. Spending time with my sis, spending time at my own house, spending time with bro and parents really makes a lot of difference. And although i dont feel empty here but the feeling is really different when I'm with them now.

At least the short break helps me to get away from school work too and all that stress. But the moment i came back, reality comes back and i have to face it. The work is piling up and i dont have much time left to be dilly-dallying. Must spend more time on my readings (tonnes to go through), my webcast lectures (more to go through each day) and of course the endless number of chinese homework. Even the coming 1 week break, i have more or less planned what to go through and what to study each day. that's the only break i have to catch up on FYP and my studies. The pressure and stress is sure building up but i know I can let God take care of the pressure and stress while i concentrate on doing my best for Him.