Tag Your It!

Once again another week without posting. I know you are all totally shocked. To be honest nothing really has happened this week worth blogging about. Actually there was one thing but when I sat down with my laptop to write about it I ended up falling asleep instead. So stay tuned for that post, it will be coming shortly. I didn't really thing this thing was a big deal at the time, however now after it's over I realized that it was a big deal and I'm kind of proud of myself for doing what I did. Are you all in suspense now?

Yesterday when I was reading blogs I came a crossed a fun little blog game. I haven't done one of these in a while, so I thought it would be fun to do it today. I've also noticed that I have a few new readers so it might be fun for them as well. Here it goes,

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

I don't really think so, but I do have the same middle name as my mom

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Hhmmm, for a change this is a hard question, I really haven't cried in a while. Strange for me isn't it?

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?

At times I do and at times I don't.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?

Ham

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

One baby in Heaven. However, if you count my dog Bo then yes I do. There are times when I think he is more work than kids.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

I would think so. For the most part I'm a very nice caring and considerate person.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?

When the time is right I can bring it.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?

Yes

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?

Possibly if it was one of those types where two can jump at a time.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Yes, otherwise you can ruin them. It's a little something Shawn instilled in me.

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?

After what I have been through I would say I've become a very strong person. I handle myself differently now and I don't put up with much crap. Shawn always used to say I was stronger than I gave myself credit for. Guess he was right!

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Depends on the season. If it's fall time I LOVE apple pie ice cream. Any other time of year I'm a fan of Snickers, or Mint Chocolate chip. However, I will eat just about any kind of ice cream.

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

Either their hands, teeth, or eyes. It's a toss up.

15. RED OR PINK?

Pink

16. WHAT IS THE WEATHER LIKE OUTSIDE?

Hot, Hot and really sunny!!! Finally I think summer is here!!

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK?

Diet Coke. Also since Mexico I've become a fan of Malibu and Diet Coke. So yummy and tropical tasting.

18. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?

Black Nike flip flops, the most comfy shoes ever made.

19. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?

A fruit cup and a protein bar.

20. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?

The Detroit Tigers game on TV.

21. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?

Teal

22. FAVORITE SMELLS?

Home made bread, right before it rains on a hot summer day, and babies.

23. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?

One of my best friends Megan

24. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?

College football, but I watch a lot of every sport.

27. HAIR COLOR?

Medium brown with blond, Carmel, and honey highlights.

28. EYE COLOR?

Dark Brown

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?

Yes..

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Either Mexican or Steak I like them both so much I can't decide!

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

Happy endings

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?

The Back Up Plan with Jennifer Lopez. Crazy funny if you haven't seen it yet.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?

Green

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?

Summer ALL the WAY!!

35. HUGS OR KISSES?

Both

36. CAR OR TRUCK?
I have a SUV.

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?

Trying to finish up Eclipse before the movie comes out.

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?

I do not have one..

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?

Dancing with the Stars and The Bachelorette

42. FAVORITE SOUND?

Rain on the roof when I'm sleeping at night.

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?

Either

44. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO TO NEXT?
To the beach again.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Yeah I don't think so. I can make some mean chocolate chip cookies does that count?

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

Michigan

**I tag anyone who wants to play along..

If you do play along please let me know so I can read your answers..

A Little Business, A Wedding Anniversary and Just Breathe

I'm sure many of you have noticed that I have not been blogging as much as I used too. If you have noticed that, then you are 100% right. I have reasons for this, unfortunately, at this time, I can't really get into much of my reasons. All I will say is that there are people who are now reading my blog, who I never intended to be reading it. For now, this has changed how I will write my blog and what I will be posting about. To be perfectly honest with you, I HATE that I have to do this, but at this particular time it is something that I must do. When the time is right I will explain...I promise. This is my blog, my place to write down my thoughts and feelings, no matter what they are, happy or sad. I have put myself out in the blogging world 110% and have shared my story with each and every one of you. Through my blog and what I have gone through with losing Shawn I have had the opportunity to meet and to help so many other young widows. I have also been amazed at all the love and support that I have received from each and every one of my readers. I'm blessed and grateful to have each and every one of you in my life and reading my blog and I hope that you all decide to "stick" with me through all of this. A few people have told me that I need to stop blogging. I refuse to do that, I am today because of what happened to me the day Shawn passed away. I want to share my story, I want to share my "new life" with you all, and I want more than anything to keep blogging. So after giving it much thought I have decided to do just that. I will still be blogging about my life and what is going on, as well as other stuff. However, because of "situations" beyond my control, and people reading my blog that I never intended to read I'm going to have to "watch" what I say for the next little while. It sounds strange to me knowing that my blog is read by thousands of people over the world, and I have never once felt threatened or "violated" by any of them. Now, for some reason I feel as though this has happened in a round about sort of way and I really do hate that I have to watch what I blog about. I feel that there are many things that have been happining to me, that I typically would have shared with you all but can't as of now. Again, I promise when the time is right I will.

For the time being please, please know that I'm well. Things are going good and I'm happy, busy, but happy. Things with Mr. X are great as well, and he continues to be amazingly supportive of everything that I have gone through the last almost two years of my life. Over the next few weeks things will be slowing down a bit, so I will be having more time to comment on your blogs as well. Please don't think I haven't been reading, because I have, just very little time to comment. Like I said though, this have changed allowing me more time.

Tomorrow is kind of another big day for me. Nine years ago tomorrow if Shawn was still alive we would be celebrating our ninth wedding anniversary! It sounds strange to me to think that we would have been married for nine years. That is such a long, long time, especially in today's society. We by far did not have the perfect marriage, but we did have a great marriage. A marriage that was full of love, support, and respect for each other. We sure had our fair share of difficult times, but we always made it through it with our love. Just as I can remember the day Shawn died like yesterday, I can also remember our wedding day. It was a beautiful, bright blue sky day,there wasn't a cloud in the sky, and for May it was hot. We were surrounded my our family and friends. I also remember not being nervous at all. I tell people I wasn't nervous because I knew marrying Shawn was the best choice I had made in my life so far. We were both young when we got married, probably too young. However, we grew up with each other, we both changed and we helped each other change to become better people over the course of our marriage. On my wedding day if someone had told me that I would never see our ninth anniversary with Shawn, and if they told me that he was going to die seven years into our marriage, I would still marry him. Even though I have been through hell and back the last 20 months I would not change one minute of my life or my marriage with Shawn. Loving Shawn, and being Shawn's wife were two of the greatest things I have ever done. Being loved by Shawn and having his love and support have made me the person that I am today. I would not be "me" today without Shawn. Even though I didn't have the happy, grow old together ending that I dreamed of when I was a little girl, I am still so happy, blessed and grateful to have spent 12 years with Shawn, seven of which we were married. Shawn and I had the best journey together, and I know Shawn will always be with me and in my heart no matter what my journey has in store for me as I continue to live my life. You know the saying, "To better have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." Well, in my case that is 100% true. I am so happy that I got the opportunity to love Shawn and to be Shawn's wife. Those two things have so far been the greatest gifts in my life. No matter how much time passes, no matter what my future has in store for me, I will always love Shawn. Every May 19, I will always think of Shawn and the day that I married him. Tomorrow I will go to the cemetery and take flowers out to Shawn's grave. I will probably sit there and have a little "talk" with him. I will tell him thank you for loving me, I will tell him that I still love him and that I miss him. I will also thank him for instilling in me the strength that he did to help me the last 20 months of my life. I'm not sure how tomorrow will be or how it will go. Maybe I will be okay, and maybe I won't. The one thing I've learned is that you don't know how you will react until a day happens. However, I know that I will "celebrate" our anniversary in my own way, and I know that I will always love Shawn and that a part of my heart will always, forever and ever belong to him.

Okay, now onto a song my friend Lora told me about last week that I seriously have not stopped listening too. Lora and her husband Chris went to the Pearl Jam concert last week in Cleveland. The are total Pearl Jam lovers. During the concert Lora called me and told me that she was crying during one of the songs because in a way the song reminded her of me. It's a song called Just Breathe. Lora asked me if I had heard it and I didn't think I had, so I youtubed it and instantly fell in love with the song. It is totally amazing. I'm not even lying when I tell you I think I've listened to the song about ten times a day. Below is the video, please watch it and really listen to the words. I think it will really touch a lot of you.

Here are the words in case you didn't feel like listening to the video:

Yes, I understand that every life must end, aw-huh,..
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, aw-huh,..
Oh I'm a lucky man, to count on both hands
the ones I love,..

Some folks just have one,
yeah, others, they've got none, huh-uh

Stay with me,..
Let's just breathe.

Practiced are my sins,
never gonna let me win, aw-huh,..
Under everything, just another human being, aw-huh,..
Yeh, I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world
to make me bleed.

Stay with me,..
You're all I see.

Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see,..
No one knows this more than me.
As I come clean.

I wonder everyday
as I look upon your face, aw-huh,..
Everything you gave
And nothing you would take, aw huh,..
Nothing you would take
Everything you gave...

Did I say that I need you?
Oh, did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see,..
No one knows this more than me.
As I come clean, ah-ah...

Nothing you would take,..
Everything you gave.
Hold me till I die,..
Meet you on the other side.


So on the night before what would have been my ninth wedding anniversary, I have listened to this song over and over again. I will love Shawn for ever and he will always hold a special place in my heart, and one day I will meet him on the other side.

A Little Sprinkle of Thoughts

Once again it's been a week since my last post. I don't know what it is but I just can't seem to get it together. I know it's not an excuse, but I've just been really busy. It seems like I'm always running and never in one spot long enough to sit down and write. Trust me when I say this....I have LOTS to write about and a few things I really want to get off my chest. I just need time. Don't we all? Kinda funny when you think about it, a year ago at this time I was posting almost every day because I had too much time, now I'm having a hard time posting once a week. Life has a strange way of twisting and turning on us huh? I hope with my lack of posting I haven't lost any faithful readers. After Shawn died, I know the tone of my blog changed. However, through this blog I have been able to help so many other people and for that I'm grateful. I also love sharing little bits, or big bits of my life with you all. Oh, and let me not forget the support and love I get from all of my readers. You have been great. I really do miss writing my posts and I think as of this moment, I'm going to start making a much more conscious effort to post at least a two to three times a week. You think I can do it? Stay tuned to find out. Now for my random thoughts I want to share with you.


* A HUGE HUGE thank you from, Jennie, Devin and myself to everyone from my blog who has donated to Devin for his Jump Rope for Your Heart Program. Devin's original goal was $50.00, much to our surprise he reached that goal in a matter of a few hours. Jennie and I kept raising the goal and within about ten hours each goal was met! Devin's new goal is now at $800.00!!! He is at $700.00 as of this morning. Jennie was talking to Devin's gym teacher yesterday and he was telling her that he had NEVER seen a student raise so much money, especially a child of Devin's age!!!! Way to go Devin!!!! Jennie and Devin also made a Youtube video of Devin talking about Shawn and way he wants to raise the money. Please take a few minutes and watch the video, they both worked really hard on the video. Just a head's up, you might want to have a tissue by your side, the video is kind of touching, or at least I think it is. I get all teary every time I watch it. I'm so proud of Devin and all his hard work he is doing in honor of Shawn. I know Shawn is smiling down at Devin right now.



*Okay this is big news too....Jennie is getting MARRIED!!!! We are all so excited we can hardly stand it. The wedding is early this fall in a woodsy location in Ohio. It is going to be a beautiful fall themed wedding. As of now there are eight bridesmaids including one of my other best friends Lora. (you all remember her don't you?) We are going to have so much fun!!! Jennie is letting each bridesmaid pick their own dress. Her only stipulations are the dresses have to be tea length, and the color has to be in the champagne to mocha color scheme. It's going to be gorgeous! I was so happy when she told us the colors, I happen to think mocha and champagne colors make beautiful dresses, especially for a fall wedding. I think I'm going dress shopping this weekend so stay tuned for pictures if I happen to find a dress that I like.
Oh, I don't know if I mentioned this or not, perhaps in a way earlier post, but my little brother is also getting married in April. A few weeks ago Erika his fiancee asked my sister and I to be bridesmaids in their wedding. Wow, two weddings in one year, looks like I will not be eating many ice cream cones this summer!

*This is really exciting as well. This summer I will be going to two different concerts and I'm so excited about them both. In late July, Creed and Theory of A Dead Man are coming to a local casino for an outdoor concert. Mr X, myself, Mr. X's sister and her husband are all going, we are going to have a great time! Also I just found out that Lady Antebellum is coming to our local fair!!!! I'm super excited about this one too. I totally love ALL of their songs. I have both of their CD's and I listen to them both all of the time. I think my mom, sister, a few of her friends and Mr. X are all going to this one. So in the span of a three weeks I will be seeing Creed, Theory of a Dead Man and Lady Antebellum. Yes, I listen to a wide variety of music.

*Bo, I just don't really know where to start with him. Okay, let me just come out and say it. I think he has officially hit the teenage years! For whatever reason the last few weeks he is doing things that he hasn't done in a LONG LONG time. A few weeks ago he randomly got off my parents bed, lifted his leg and peed on a towel on the floor. A few nights before that he started chewing on shoes, something that he hasn't done since he was a puppy. And the latest happened the other night while at Mr. X's, he ate an entire pot of flowers that Mr. X's little girl had planted in her girl scout class. I have no idea what is getting in to him. A few people suggested that he is acting out because I'm not home as much any more. I don't know if I believe that or not. With the exception of Sunday's when I spend the day with Mr. X's family, Bo always comes with me and he loves playing with the kids. It's a good thing that he is so darn cute, other wise I'm not sure what I would do with him. On the other hand his allergies are doing really well. (knock on wood!)

*Just a little side note and I'm going to keep it simple for now, but I just wanted to let you know that things with Mr. X are still going good and I'm so happy that he "gets" and understands what I have been through. He truly has been great, and I know Shawn would like him so much.


* I think I mentioned a while ago that I had stared doing a Pilates DVD. I'm totally loving it and loving the results that I'm getting from it. Mauri Winsor isn't lying when she says that pilates creates "long, lean muscles" It's also very peaceful because you have to focus on your breathing so much because your core burns the entire time.

Well, I do have more to say, but I have to get in the shower and get ready for work. I'm going to try my hardest to post more often, I really do miss it. However, just so that you all know, I may not comment as often as I used to, but I do read all of your blogs every day. I'm going to work harder at commenting again soon. I hope you all have a great day!!