Ya, how about a post after another three month break? I would be totally amazed if anyone still even reads my blog, let alone check in on a daily basis.Rest assured though I still check in on your blogs once or twice a week.
To be honest with you it's all very odd to me and I'm having a hard time getting back in the swing of things with blogging again. When I couldn't blog because of the trial, all I wanted to do was blog. Blogging was and will always be an outlet for me. I felt like so much of my "new life" was happening and things were changing and going on all the time. There was also so much going on with the trial but I wasn't allowed to share any of it with you. On my blog I had always been 100% honest with you all on my feelings, and what was going on in my life. You may not believe me because of the lack of posts lately, but it was very hard for me not to blog and communicate with you all during that time. Ask any of my friends and family and they will tell you that I cried many times and was always so upset over not being able to blog. However, as soon as I got the "green light" to go a head and start blogging again after the trial I was "stuck". I felt like there was SO much to tell you and SO many pictures to show you. I knew I wanted my first post to be about Ry's and I's wedding. That post was fun and easy to write. I also knew that I wanted my next post to be an explanation as to why I had to stop blogging. I felt like I owed my readers an explanation. So I wrote both of those posts relatively easily. After my last post exactly three months ago I had total faith in myself that I would once again start blogging on a regular basis. Can I have a big YA RIGHT on that one! If you all consider a post every three months to be "regular" well then I'm a great roll! :) Heck even my mom asked me a few weeks ago when I was going to write a post again.
I'm not really even sure why I haven't written a post. You would think with not blogging in a year and all that had changed in my life during that year it would be easy to sit down and rattle off a few posts every few weeks or so. Truth of the matter once I told you all the "big" stuff that had went on I felt like for the first time since I had started my blog my life was "ordinary" and I was in a very very very good place. It was actually hard for me to sit down at the computer, think about events that had happened in my life during my break and play catch up. To me it just seemed kind of dull and boring, minus the post I got to tell you about our amazing wedding. I started blogging three months before Shawn passed away and then after he passed my blog took a turn and I think I grieved very publicly on here. This blog was my outlet to grieve and to get my emotions out. To tell you about what I was feeling. Most of all I had TONS of time to blog, I wasn't working, I wasn't doing anything besides blogging, and grieving and going back and forth to Ohio to see my friends. As time went on and I started healing and getting my life back on track it did become harder to blog, simply because I didn't have the time to sit down at the computer for a hour or so to write. I was upset over that as well. Then by the grace of God, I met Ry and my whole world changed once again, and changed for the better. I can not even begin to tell you how lucky of a girl I am to have him as my husband, have him in my life and to be loved by him. But once I met him I was even busier. I had gone back to work full time, I am very active and present in his children's lives, Ry introduced me to so many new friends, we are just plain busy and I love it! Wouldn't change it for the world. There have been tons of times where I have thought about a blog post in the middle of a work day, but then by the time I get home and get stuff done it's 9:00 at night and I don't feel like sitting on the computer. I know these all just seem like and probably are excuses for why I haven't blogged in so long, but they really are the truth.
Actually, now that I have written that, and have reread it I actually think my problem is trying to bridge this blog to what my life was to how it is now. Since the trial has gotten over my life has seemed so drama free, and that God for that as well. That was a long ass four years I will tell you that right now! I no longer cry every day, I no longer have nightmares, cry myself to sleep, or hate getting up in the morning. I miss Shawn and still think about him every day and he will always be with me and a part of me, but those sad and grieving feelings and thoughts no longer consume me like they once did. Today, I'm happy, I'm so in love with Ry, I love being his wife, I love being a step mommy to his two wonderful children, I love going out doing things with friends, taking the kids to their practices, watching their sporting events and taking care of the house. My life is ordinary now and I love it!! I think I just wasn't sure the direction that I wanted my blog to go in. I knew I wanted to keep writing it and still do. I just need to figure out how to do it and mesh what was with what is now nicely.
I think the conclusion that I have come to while writing this very post is simple. I will continue to share things with you all no matter how ordinary or unordinary they seem to be as long as you all want to read about my life. As I always have I will continue to write about my life and what is going on in it. I will write about joys and my fears (believe me when I say I have them) (heck that might be another post all its own), I will write about a new recipe I tired, or about a vacation that we took. Basically I will get back to writing about my/our lives and what is going on. I will try so very hard to write on a more regular basis...really I will...I will try!
After such a long unordinary period of my life, I'm happy to say that I LOVE my ordinary life and everything that comes with it. After the drama of the trial and everything that it brought I'm happy to have no drama, I'm happy to just be me, I'm happy to be Ry and Jen, and I'm happy to be living our life no matter how ordinary it maybe. I'm grateful and blessed beyond words for "ordinary" and for "happy"
P.S.
I hope this wasn't a long winded crap filled post with excuses and that you all understood what I was trying to say :)
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Monday, July 23, 2012
An Explanation
I've been getting emails and comments asking when I was going to be posting again. A few saying it was "mean"of me to post something as big as our wedding without posting another update sooner. The only thing I can say is I'm sorry. The only reason for not blogging as often as I once did is simple...I now have a life again, a job, a family and it seems as though this summer we have been on the run. I also have so many things I want to tell you I'm having a hard time deciding what and how I should tell it all to you. I've sat down on my computer a few different times to write a post and I just can't decide what to write. Call it writers block if you want to. I really think I just need to get back into the swing of blogging and writing posts again. I probably will never write multiple posts in one week again. I would love to, but I'm just too busy now. However, I am going to try really hard to write one post every week. If something big happens or I have a spare minute I will try and do more, but for right now I think once a week would be a good place to start.
This is going to be a post explaining to you or trying to explain to you why I had to take a break from blogging for almost a year. This might be another long one. But before I do that I want to thank each of you for the sweet comments you left on my post about our wedding. I'm so happy I finally got to share that day and our engagement story with you. Thank you for all of your kind words and thoughtfulness, as always they were greatly appreciated. I received a few comments asking me who the baby was in our family picture and if he was perhaps our baby. I'm sorry to disappoint those of you who thought Ry and I might of had a baby, but the sweet little boy in the picture is our nephew, Ry's sister's baby. I'm very close to Ry's sister and I do call the baby, "My baby", but he really is our nephew. So sorry to disappoint you guys ;)
Okay, now for the reason why I had to stop blogging. I hope I can get this out with it making sense and not being a bunch of jumbled up thoughts, while at the same time not telling you everything about this due to the extreme personal nature of it all.
As many of you know Shawn died of a massive heart attack at the very young age of 31 in August of 2008. In May of '08 Shawn began experiencing shortness of breath and chest pain. From May til the day he passed we were in and out of the doctor. Two days before his death we were in the ER because he was having shortness of breath and chest pain. Neither our family doctor or the ER doctor thought it was anything too serious. To be honest with you I was scared out of my mind, and was beginning to doubt both the ER and our doctor. However, I put my trust in them and followed their directions. I remember driving to work the morning Shawn died and praying that he would be okay. I honestly thought his shortness of breath and chest pains were being caused from a tumor or something pressing on his heart. I didn't really ever think he was having heart attacks or had any heart problems.
As you know not only did he die from a massive heart attack, a heart attack nicknamed, "The Widow" maker, but he was also having mini heart attacks in the months before his death. His autopsy said that he had a heart attack 24-36 hours prior to the one that killed him.
Within a few weeks after Shawn's death people started asking me and telling me I should look into a wrongful death/medical malpractice lawsuit. At that point and time that was the last thing I wanted to do. It was only weeks after his death when this was mentioned to me. There was no way I was going to be involved in a lawsuit, be pregnant, and have a newborn all at the same time. Also truth of the matter be told in my mind, a lawsuit wasn't going to change anything, Shawn was not going to come back.
It wasn't until months after when I received his autopsy in the mail that I decided to go ahead with it. The autopsy stated that he had several "mini" heart attacks and another bigger heart attack 36 hours prior to the one that killed him. That was the information that made me change my mind about the lawsuit.Clearly in my mind Shawn didn't receive proper medical care from either the family doctor or the ER, which didn't even run a test saying he was having a heart attack that could of saved his life. I didn't do it to bring him back, I knew nothing could bring him back and I 100% did NOT do it for any type of money or to get rich, the money was the farthest thing from my mind. I decided to go ahead, hire a lawyer, and forge ahead with the lawsuit to fight for Shawn. Fighting for him, his life and the poor medical care he was given. Doing this was the last thing I could do as Shawn's wife and it was honestly one of the hardest decisions I have had to make. I also did it because I did not want any other wife to live the pain I was living as a widow. I did this to help other people as well.
Eleven months after Shawn died I hired my lawyer and the suit was filed. It was supposed to be a "quick and simple case" It was supposed to be "civilly" talked out between my lawyer, the lawyers for the defense and the insurance companies and it was never to go to a jury. Well needless to say this was not the case. It was an extremely long, extremely emotional, extremely drawn out process that two months shy of three years ended up going to a jury trial in June.
I had to stop blogging once my lawyer and myself realized that this was not going to be as "simple" as expected. Trust me on this when I say I fought with my lawyer over stopping. I didn't want to, but in order to protect the trial I had to. Through my deposition in preparation for the trial people found out about my blog. My blog was no longer "mine", it was now for all lawyers involved to see, to read and to judge. It was getting to hard to have silly little posts, about books I was reading, things I liked, or clothes I bought. This was not the type of blog I wanted. I had always been open about my life and what was going on in it on my blog. It was getting harder and harder for me to write these posts and not really tell you what was going on in my life. You see, while going through this process, I wasn't even supposed to really be dating let alone, engaged or married. However, as the trial kept getting postponed and drug on and on, I still had to live my life. I needed and wanted to live my life, to find and be happy again, but I couldn't share it with you in fear of what others would say about it and how it would effect the outcome of the case. So as it got closer for the trial to start I finally listened to my lawyer and stopped blogging.
As I said earlier the trial finally happened in June after three and a half years and three cancellations . For all involved I'm not going to share with you the outcome of the trial. In the end and in the much bigger picture of all things the verdict of the trial is not what was most important. Trust me when I tell you it has taken me 3.5 years of hell to come to this realization.What does matter is that I fought like I have never fought before to do what was right, I fought like hell for Shawn and to protect his name. I fought like hell to do my best I could do as my last "job" as Shawn's wife. In the end at least to me my fighting for Shawn is what mattered. I will tell you a little about my part of the trial. Keep in mind all of this took place in Ohio, so I was away from Ry and the kids this whole time and that was awful as well! My parents were there with me every single day and then the day I had to testify Ry's sister came down to be with me as well. Even though Ry wasn't there with me, he was a HUGE form of support!! I could not have done any of this without him. Times when I was bawling so hard I couldn't even breath he was able to calm be down like nobody else could. Even though he was not with me he was my rock through the entire process. We talked tons during the day, every morning before court, every break, every lunch, after dinner and before bed. I am so extremely blessed and beyond grateful to have a truly amazing wonderful man and husband in my life!!
Being involved in a trial is nothing like you see on T.V., probably because there are many more emotions when you are involved in a trial for someone you love. The legal "drama" is tiring, the emotions that are felt during a trial like this are draining in every sense of the word. This trial lasted 8 days and I have never been so tired in my life. Court usually lasted 6-8 hours a day and a few nights after court I would head to my lawyers office and continue to work on things. It was emotionally and physically draining in so many ways. During the course of the trial lost about 17 pounds, I just could not eat. I was way too nervous and too emotional. I would not recommend this diet to anyone ;)
My lawyers had several witnesses, several of which were fellow coach's who worked with Shawn and who were with him in his office when he died. We also had two expert witnesses. They were much easier to listen to than our friends. When the coach's took the stand it was like reliving the day Shawn died over and over again with each of them. Each witness was asked questions about Shawn, the type of person he was, how he was as a coach, what they noticed when Shawn started getting sick, what happened in his office the day he died and what happened once we were all in the waiting room waiting or the doctor to come in and talk to us. I have talked to each of these guys many times since his death, but I have never really asked what happened in the office. I had my ideas, but it was just something I wasn't sure I wanted to know. Hearing each of them tell their story of that moment was gut wrenching. I honestly have not cried that hard or that long in years. Every day I cried the first three days of the trial I bawled with each witness.
I had to take the stand as a witness as well. Believe me when I tell you I was dreading this like I have never dreaded anything before! I had to retell our story, the story of when Shawn first started not feeling well. When we went to the doctor, what was said. I had to tell about myself, my family. There were pictures of Shawn and I that I had to explain to the jury what they were. I had to talk about what type of man Shawn was, what type of husband he was. I was asked the last memory I have of Shawn, the last phone call. I also had to tell the jury what happened the morning that he died. Many of the things I had to tell the jury were things that I have told very few people. What Shawn looked like when I saw him on that stretcher is something I will never ever forget. I never wanted anybody else to have that image in their head. All of this came out when I was on the stand. I also was asked questions about my new life. When I started dating, when and why I got remarried. What Shawn would think about that. I got through most of my testimony without breaking down, but when I did, I let it all out. I think I probably cried too much, but my parents, Ry's sister and my lawyers all told me I did a great job. After I got off the stand I went and sat next to my mom and Ry's sister. I totally broke into a thousand little pieces. I know it was something I had to do to fight for Shawn, but seriously taking that stand was the second hardest thing I have ever done in my life, next to the day I buried him.
After I got off the stand court was let out for the day. I walked out of the court room and had a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. Taking the stand was the one thing I did not want to do in all of this. When I found out I was going to have to I freaked out! For the first time in 3 plus years I was able to breath, the hardest part for me was over. I fought my fought and did what I had to do for Shawn. By testifying and answering all of those personal questions I did the last thing I needed to do to honor Shawn.
After I testified the trial continued for another three days. I got to come back home to Ry and he kids during the weekend. Let me tell you that was the longest 6 hour car ride ever! I could not wait to run into Ry's arms and just have him hold me. The emotions of that week were off the charts and I just needed to have my life back and feel peace with him. I did just that as soon I got out of the car. Being home if only for the weekend was wonderful!
Like I said it went three days into the next week. I was finally able to come home on Wednesday night. As I stated earlier I am not going to say what the jury said. In the end it's not important. However, I did it as awful, stressful and as emotional as it was I can gladly say after three plus years it is all over! As with Shawn's death I learned from this experience. I learned that I can get through just about anything, and that I'm a much stronger person than I thought. The weight is finally off of my shoulders.
I hope you understand why I had to take a break and I hope you understand why I have decided not to tell you the verdict. Guilty or not guilty doesn't matter and it doesn't change anything. I fought for Shawn and his life and that is what matters.
I am beyond grateful to have the support of my parents/family,my amazing new husband Ry, Ry's entire family who has welcomed me into their family with open arms, and some pretty amazing friends to once again help me through this difficult time. Without each of them I would not have been able to do any of it.
This is going to be a post explaining to you or trying to explain to you why I had to take a break from blogging for almost a year. This might be another long one. But before I do that I want to thank each of you for the sweet comments you left on my post about our wedding. I'm so happy I finally got to share that day and our engagement story with you. Thank you for all of your kind words and thoughtfulness, as always they were greatly appreciated. I received a few comments asking me who the baby was in our family picture and if he was perhaps our baby. I'm sorry to disappoint those of you who thought Ry and I might of had a baby, but the sweet little boy in the picture is our nephew, Ry's sister's baby. I'm very close to Ry's sister and I do call the baby, "My baby", but he really is our nephew. So sorry to disappoint you guys ;)
Okay, now for the reason why I had to stop blogging. I hope I can get this out with it making sense and not being a bunch of jumbled up thoughts, while at the same time not telling you everything about this due to the extreme personal nature of it all.
As many of you know Shawn died of a massive heart attack at the very young age of 31 in August of 2008. In May of '08 Shawn began experiencing shortness of breath and chest pain. From May til the day he passed we were in and out of the doctor. Two days before his death we were in the ER because he was having shortness of breath and chest pain. Neither our family doctor or the ER doctor thought it was anything too serious. To be honest with you I was scared out of my mind, and was beginning to doubt both the ER and our doctor. However, I put my trust in them and followed their directions. I remember driving to work the morning Shawn died and praying that he would be okay. I honestly thought his shortness of breath and chest pains were being caused from a tumor or something pressing on his heart. I didn't really ever think he was having heart attacks or had any heart problems.
As you know not only did he die from a massive heart attack, a heart attack nicknamed, "The Widow" maker, but he was also having mini heart attacks in the months before his death. His autopsy said that he had a heart attack 24-36 hours prior to the one that killed him.
Within a few weeks after Shawn's death people started asking me and telling me I should look into a wrongful death/medical malpractice lawsuit. At that point and time that was the last thing I wanted to do. It was only weeks after his death when this was mentioned to me. There was no way I was going to be involved in a lawsuit, be pregnant, and have a newborn all at the same time. Also truth of the matter be told in my mind, a lawsuit wasn't going to change anything, Shawn was not going to come back.
It wasn't until months after when I received his autopsy in the mail that I decided to go ahead with it. The autopsy stated that he had several "mini" heart attacks and another bigger heart attack 36 hours prior to the one that killed him. That was the information that made me change my mind about the lawsuit.Clearly in my mind Shawn didn't receive proper medical care from either the family doctor or the ER, which didn't even run a test saying he was having a heart attack that could of saved his life. I didn't do it to bring him back, I knew nothing could bring him back and I 100% did NOT do it for any type of money or to get rich, the money was the farthest thing from my mind. I decided to go ahead, hire a lawyer, and forge ahead with the lawsuit to fight for Shawn. Fighting for him, his life and the poor medical care he was given. Doing this was the last thing I could do as Shawn's wife and it was honestly one of the hardest decisions I have had to make. I also did it because I did not want any other wife to live the pain I was living as a widow. I did this to help other people as well.
Eleven months after Shawn died I hired my lawyer and the suit was filed. It was supposed to be a "quick and simple case" It was supposed to be "civilly" talked out between my lawyer, the lawyers for the defense and the insurance companies and it was never to go to a jury. Well needless to say this was not the case. It was an extremely long, extremely emotional, extremely drawn out process that two months shy of three years ended up going to a jury trial in June.
I had to stop blogging once my lawyer and myself realized that this was not going to be as "simple" as expected. Trust me on this when I say I fought with my lawyer over stopping. I didn't want to, but in order to protect the trial I had to. Through my deposition in preparation for the trial people found out about my blog. My blog was no longer "mine", it was now for all lawyers involved to see, to read and to judge. It was getting to hard to have silly little posts, about books I was reading, things I liked, or clothes I bought. This was not the type of blog I wanted. I had always been open about my life and what was going on in it on my blog. It was getting harder and harder for me to write these posts and not really tell you what was going on in my life. You see, while going through this process, I wasn't even supposed to really be dating let alone, engaged or married. However, as the trial kept getting postponed and drug on and on, I still had to live my life. I needed and wanted to live my life, to find and be happy again, but I couldn't share it with you in fear of what others would say about it and how it would effect the outcome of the case. So as it got closer for the trial to start I finally listened to my lawyer and stopped blogging.
As I said earlier the trial finally happened in June after three and a half years and three cancellations . For all involved I'm not going to share with you the outcome of the trial. In the end and in the much bigger picture of all things the verdict of the trial is not what was most important. Trust me when I tell you it has taken me 3.5 years of hell to come to this realization.What does matter is that I fought like I have never fought before to do what was right, I fought like hell for Shawn and to protect his name. I fought like hell to do my best I could do as my last "job" as Shawn's wife. In the end at least to me my fighting for Shawn is what mattered. I will tell you a little about my part of the trial. Keep in mind all of this took place in Ohio, so I was away from Ry and the kids this whole time and that was awful as well! My parents were there with me every single day and then the day I had to testify Ry's sister came down to be with me as well. Even though Ry wasn't there with me, he was a HUGE form of support!! I could not have done any of this without him. Times when I was bawling so hard I couldn't even breath he was able to calm be down like nobody else could. Even though he was not with me he was my rock through the entire process. We talked tons during the day, every morning before court, every break, every lunch, after dinner and before bed. I am so extremely blessed and beyond grateful to have a truly amazing wonderful man and husband in my life!!
Being involved in a trial is nothing like you see on T.V., probably because there are many more emotions when you are involved in a trial for someone you love. The legal "drama" is tiring, the emotions that are felt during a trial like this are draining in every sense of the word. This trial lasted 8 days and I have never been so tired in my life. Court usually lasted 6-8 hours a day and a few nights after court I would head to my lawyers office and continue to work on things. It was emotionally and physically draining in so many ways. During the course of the trial lost about 17 pounds, I just could not eat. I was way too nervous and too emotional. I would not recommend this diet to anyone ;)
My lawyers had several witnesses, several of which were fellow coach's who worked with Shawn and who were with him in his office when he died. We also had two expert witnesses. They were much easier to listen to than our friends. When the coach's took the stand it was like reliving the day Shawn died over and over again with each of them. Each witness was asked questions about Shawn, the type of person he was, how he was as a coach, what they noticed when Shawn started getting sick, what happened in his office the day he died and what happened once we were all in the waiting room waiting or the doctor to come in and talk to us. I have talked to each of these guys many times since his death, but I have never really asked what happened in the office. I had my ideas, but it was just something I wasn't sure I wanted to know. Hearing each of them tell their story of that moment was gut wrenching. I honestly have not cried that hard or that long in years. Every day I cried the first three days of the trial I bawled with each witness.
I had to take the stand as a witness as well. Believe me when I tell you I was dreading this like I have never dreaded anything before! I had to retell our story, the story of when Shawn first started not feeling well. When we went to the doctor, what was said. I had to tell about myself, my family. There were pictures of Shawn and I that I had to explain to the jury what they were. I had to talk about what type of man Shawn was, what type of husband he was. I was asked the last memory I have of Shawn, the last phone call. I also had to tell the jury what happened the morning that he died. Many of the things I had to tell the jury were things that I have told very few people. What Shawn looked like when I saw him on that stretcher is something I will never ever forget. I never wanted anybody else to have that image in their head. All of this came out when I was on the stand. I also was asked questions about my new life. When I started dating, when and why I got remarried. What Shawn would think about that. I got through most of my testimony without breaking down, but when I did, I let it all out. I think I probably cried too much, but my parents, Ry's sister and my lawyers all told me I did a great job. After I got off the stand I went and sat next to my mom and Ry's sister. I totally broke into a thousand little pieces. I know it was something I had to do to fight for Shawn, but seriously taking that stand was the second hardest thing I have ever done in my life, next to the day I buried him.
After I got off the stand court was let out for the day. I walked out of the court room and had a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. Taking the stand was the one thing I did not want to do in all of this. When I found out I was going to have to I freaked out! For the first time in 3 plus years I was able to breath, the hardest part for me was over. I fought my fought and did what I had to do for Shawn. By testifying and answering all of those personal questions I did the last thing I needed to do to honor Shawn.
After I testified the trial continued for another three days. I got to come back home to Ry and he kids during the weekend. Let me tell you that was the longest 6 hour car ride ever! I could not wait to run into Ry's arms and just have him hold me. The emotions of that week were off the charts and I just needed to have my life back and feel peace with him. I did just that as soon I got out of the car. Being home if only for the weekend was wonderful!
Like I said it went three days into the next week. I was finally able to come home on Wednesday night. As I stated earlier I am not going to say what the jury said. In the end it's not important. However, I did it as awful, stressful and as emotional as it was I can gladly say after three plus years it is all over! As with Shawn's death I learned from this experience. I learned that I can get through just about anything, and that I'm a much stronger person than I thought. The weight is finally off of my shoulders.
I hope you understand why I had to take a break and I hope you understand why I have decided not to tell you the verdict. Guilty or not guilty doesn't matter and it doesn't change anything. I fought for Shawn and his life and that is what matters.
I am beyond grateful to have the support of my parents/family,my amazing new husband Ry, Ry's entire family who has welcomed me into their family with open arms, and some pretty amazing friends to once again help me through this difficult time. Without each of them I would not have been able to do any of it.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Wedding Bells and Happily Happily Married!!
So I know I have tons of stuff to tell you but I thought I would maybe start out with the most important and certainly the biggest blessing in my life since I last blogged in June. I hope you all don't mind if I go out of order for the year, but I have a sneaking feeling you all might want to hear about this. This will be long and has 28 pictures...but once again, I think you will want to see them ;)
One summer night last July Ry and I were sitting out in the garage going through tons of my stuff that I had taken out of storage. As we were going through stuff we were talking about each of our lives, what we had each been through, and where we wanted our lives to go together. We knew we were in love and we knew we loved each other and wanted to only be with each other, but we each also weren't a hundred percent sure we wanted to get married again. Actually, truth be told several months earlier we both said we were very happy living with each other and neither of us had any intentions of getting married. We both had been hurt, been through a lot and didn't want to go through any of that ever again. Like I said, we were so in love but things were good, we had been with each other for a year and a half and were very happy at the point where our relationship was at. Looking back I now I think in the back of our minds each of us were maybe starting to think about possible marriage again, but like I said we were good and we didn't want to "rush" anything. However, I had no idea that a few hours after our conversation my life would change forever once again, but it would change in such an amazing way!
We worked in the garage until the wee hours of the morning. We are both night owls are were having fun going through stuff and talking. However, we had to be up early in the morning for an all day event we were attending of our friends. At a little after 2:00 a.m, I looked at Ry and told him we needed to go to bed because we had a long day in front of us. I went inside and got ready for bed and Ry joined me a few minutes later. We were in bed talking and I was almost asleep when all of a sudden Ry jumped up, turned on the light and said he wanted to show me something. I remember thinking to myself..."God what in the world can be so important you need to show me right now?" He got up and went to his dresser, opened the drawer and took out this small box. I still had no idea what it was.
The next thing I knew he was standing at the edge of our bed, with this blue box in his hand. I had since moved to the edge of the bed as well. Ry opened up the box and inside was the most beautiful ring! He then said to me, "Baby, do you like this?" I was totally 100% shocked to say the least!! I opened my mouth and replied with, "Of course I like it, it's beautiful, but what the hell is it?" He then said, "If you like it and you say yes it will be your engagement ring." I was still totally shocked!! Ry took the ring out of the box and handed it to me. He then said that he loved me with all of his heart and he had realized that we had each been through so much and I made him so happy he wanted to marry me. With that he took the ring from me and put it on my finger. I was still in shock but I very very very happily said yes!! Ry then told me that if I didn't like the ring I could take it back and get a ring that I wanted. NO WAY was this ring going back, I was so in love with Ry and with my ring, I was going to keep both of them forever and ever!! Of course the ring was too big for me. (I have the world's smallest fingers) I was super surprised, super happy, and could not sleep a wink that night! So much for being refreshed feeling for our event that day. A few days later Ry told me he had other plans on how to propose to me, but he decided to just do it spur of the moment instead of something big and elaborate. I'm so glad he asked me how he did...I think it was totally romantic in our own way and was totally us. I will remember that night forever and ever!!
We got up a few hours later and went to the golf outing that were were attending for our friends that day. Since my ring was too big, Ry didn't want me to tell anyone about our engagement. I agreed not too until we got my ring sized but it was so hard not too. Every time I turned around that day I wanted to tell someone. I only told our parents, and my two best friends in the morning before we left. It was also kind of funny because at the even that day people kept asking us when we were going to get married and we both just kind of sat there and smirked at them. Later that night we were supposed to meet a few of our friends. I begged Ry to go to the store so I could just buy one of those cheap ring guards so I could wear my ring and tell all of our friends. He agreed!! So as the next few nights and days went on we told our friends we were actually going to get married. Everyone was so happy for us. Happy with what we had each been through and now had found each other and we given a second chance at happiness. We have the best friends and family!!
A few days passed and we hadn't really talked much about dates. We kind of said when we want to do it we will. We really didn't put much thought into a date. We said it might be weeks, months or even years. We were just happy being with each other. However, as more time passed we realized that we really did want to be married and there was nothing really holding us back from doing it sooner than later. We were both in our mid 30's new what we wanted and also wanted to set a good example for Ry's two amazing kids. So with that by the middle of August we had set a date for three months away!! We got engaged on July 29 and we had a wedding date of October 29! It was fast, but it all made perfect sense and just felt right in so many ways. We were 100% blessed in every way!
We knew we both wanted a very small wedding. We each had big weddings before and we knew we didn't want that again. We wanted it to be immediate family and that was it. We wanted the day to focus on us, the kids and our new family and not so much the "traditional wedding" My parents have a house in Traverse City, right on the bay. We asked them if we could get married up there. They loved that idea and with that we began planning our simple yet very special day. We decorated with pumpkins, fall leaves, and sunflowers. Ry's daughter J.J. got to pick the color of her dress and from there we chose the wedding color. She picked an adorable dress that was shades of dark teal. So once we found my dress I had the original ribbon removed and out a dark teal ribbon on it. We found dark teal shirts for both Ry and Lil Man to wear with black suites. Everything fell into place perfectly. I found an amazing minister who let us do our wedding our way. We met with her a few different times. Our ceremony was truly original and Ry and I did it all ourselves. We also knew we wanted the kids to be involved every step of the way. Our minister did something called a Hand Ceremony, where the four of us came together, held hands and she talked about what it meant to become a family. We also did a sand ceremony where each of us picked a color of sand and took turns pouring it into a special case. This represented the blending of our families into one new family. Ry and I also go to pick the versus that were read and we both wrote our own vows. I can not begin to tell you all how amazingly perfect our wedding day was. It was everything and more that Ry and I wanted.
The only little hitch in the day was the weather. It was cold...actually freezing! I know...that's what we get for planning an outdoor wedding at the end of October. It would not have been a huge deal except for the fact that a week before our wedding I had the worst sinus infection/bronchitis/laryngitis bordering on pneumonia that I have ever had. Yes friends only one week before our wedding I was sick...as in off of work for a week in bed sick!! I started feeling better about 2 days before we got married, talk about timing.
The day of our wedding we woke up and it was cloudy, with a few little snow flurries in the air. Our original plan was to get married outside under an arch in the back yard over looking the bay. It was about 38 degrees around noon, and the wedding was to happen at 4. Since I was just starting to feel better we kind of decided we would move the furniture out of the living room and have the ceremony with the fire place as our "back drop" I'm not going to lie, I was kind of bummed out. I really wanted to be married outside with the beautiful bay behind us. We all decided to get ready and around for the ceremony. All of our family met at my parents house and we all changed our clothes, and got into our wedding attire. At 3:30 I came out into the living room in my dress and Ry's Grandpa was standing at the widow looking out. Remember I said earlier in the day it was cloudy and kind of windy as well. I came out into the living room, looked outside one last time and realized that it was sunny, bright sun as a matter of fact and the wind had died down a bit too. Ry's Grandpa looked at me and goes, "Looks like someone was watching out for you, knew what you wanted, and made it happen for you" Ugh...that still tears me up. But I think he was right...I think the sun coming out and shining bright was Shawn's way of saying that he was with us all that day and hat he approved. I really do think Ry and Shawn would be great friends. So with that we decided to have our wedding outside and it was awesome, and amazing all wrapped up into one!! It was a day I will never forget and was exactly what Ry and I wanted!!
Now are you ready to see 28 pictures from our day. Trust me, I could of posted all of them, but figured nobody wants to look at all 500 of them!! So here are a few! I tried to upload them in order but for some reason blogger kept messing them up, so they aren't in order of the day...sorry
This was taken at the restaurant where we had our small dinner reception. In this picture is both of our families. My parents, sister, brother and sister in law. Ry's parents, his sister and her family, Ry's brother and his family, Ry's Uncle and Grandparents. The only person missing was Ry's other brother and our dog Bo.
This was the arch that we got married under. See what I mean about wanting the bay behind us. Beautiful huh?
The back of my dress. This was the second dress that I tried on and I fell in love with it instantly! I didn't want the traditional long white dress, but I still wanted something classic. It had a pale blue bow and ribbon on it, but once we found the color we took it off and my mom put this new one on.
Bo was even part of our special day too. He had a tie, was in a few pictures and was even with us during the ceremony. Actually, Ry, myself, the kids, and Bo all walked down the aisle together.
J.J. and Lil Man all dressed up in their wedding attire.
Our cake that my sister made for us.
My dress, shoes and garter.
Close up of my dress. I seriously loved my dress!!
This is quite possible one of my favorite pictures of our wedding day. I love it!!
Our family!!
First hug as a new family!
Holding hands during the hand ceremony.
Our rings
J.J watching us exchange rings. The look on her face melts my heart every time. She was so happy for us that day.
Lil Man, almost ready to walk down the aisle.
Lil Man turning away for the kiss. He thought and still does think that kissing is gross so he turned his head.
"The old person's pose" We joke that we are going to take the same picture in 30 years and see how we have changed.
Us during the sand ceremony.
The finished vase. We now have this in our bedroom.
My shoes...loved them as well
My shoes, our rings, garter, and flowers
First official family picture!
Ry and I. Also one of my favorite pictures of the day.
Us under the arch after the ceremony.
The four of us on the steps a crossed the street.
All of us walking back to the house.
Ry, myself and Bo.
And a picture of our rings in my bouquet.
So there you have it a look into our wedding!! Are you all shocked and surprised? As I've said before our wedding day was perfect and was more than Ry and I could of ever imagined. It was exactly what we wanted!! I would of loved to share this all with you earlier, but as you know I could not. (More on that in another post)
There is much more going on in our lives as well...all that coming in posts in the future...stay tuned!
Boy oh boy did it feel good to write that!
One summer night last July Ry and I were sitting out in the garage going through tons of my stuff that I had taken out of storage. As we were going through stuff we were talking about each of our lives, what we had each been through, and where we wanted our lives to go together. We knew we were in love and we knew we loved each other and wanted to only be with each other, but we each also weren't a hundred percent sure we wanted to get married again. Actually, truth be told several months earlier we both said we were very happy living with each other and neither of us had any intentions of getting married. We both had been hurt, been through a lot and didn't want to go through any of that ever again. Like I said, we were so in love but things were good, we had been with each other for a year and a half and were very happy at the point where our relationship was at. Looking back I now I think in the back of our minds each of us were maybe starting to think about possible marriage again, but like I said we were good and we didn't want to "rush" anything. However, I had no idea that a few hours after our conversation my life would change forever once again, but it would change in such an amazing way!
We worked in the garage until the wee hours of the morning. We are both night owls are were having fun going through stuff and talking. However, we had to be up early in the morning for an all day event we were attending of our friends. At a little after 2:00 a.m, I looked at Ry and told him we needed to go to bed because we had a long day in front of us. I went inside and got ready for bed and Ry joined me a few minutes later. We were in bed talking and I was almost asleep when all of a sudden Ry jumped up, turned on the light and said he wanted to show me something. I remember thinking to myself..."God what in the world can be so important you need to show me right now?" He got up and went to his dresser, opened the drawer and took out this small box. I still had no idea what it was.
The next thing I knew he was standing at the edge of our bed, with this blue box in his hand. I had since moved to the edge of the bed as well. Ry opened up the box and inside was the most beautiful ring! He then said to me, "Baby, do you like this?" I was totally 100% shocked to say the least!! I opened my mouth and replied with, "Of course I like it, it's beautiful, but what the hell is it?" He then said, "If you like it and you say yes it will be your engagement ring." I was still totally shocked!! Ry took the ring out of the box and handed it to me. He then said that he loved me with all of his heart and he had realized that we had each been through so much and I made him so happy he wanted to marry me. With that he took the ring from me and put it on my finger. I was still in shock but I very very very happily said yes!! Ry then told me that if I didn't like the ring I could take it back and get a ring that I wanted. NO WAY was this ring going back, I was so in love with Ry and with my ring, I was going to keep both of them forever and ever!! Of course the ring was too big for me. (I have the world's smallest fingers) I was super surprised, super happy, and could not sleep a wink that night! So much for being refreshed feeling for our event that day. A few days later Ry told me he had other plans on how to propose to me, but he decided to just do it spur of the moment instead of something big and elaborate. I'm so glad he asked me how he did...I think it was totally romantic in our own way and was totally us. I will remember that night forever and ever!!
We got up a few hours later and went to the golf outing that were were attending for our friends that day. Since my ring was too big, Ry didn't want me to tell anyone about our engagement. I agreed not too until we got my ring sized but it was so hard not too. Every time I turned around that day I wanted to tell someone. I only told our parents, and my two best friends in the morning before we left. It was also kind of funny because at the even that day people kept asking us when we were going to get married and we both just kind of sat there and smirked at them. Later that night we were supposed to meet a few of our friends. I begged Ry to go to the store so I could just buy one of those cheap ring guards so I could wear my ring and tell all of our friends. He agreed!! So as the next few nights and days went on we told our friends we were actually going to get married. Everyone was so happy for us. Happy with what we had each been through and now had found each other and we given a second chance at happiness. We have the best friends and family!!
A few days passed and we hadn't really talked much about dates. We kind of said when we want to do it we will. We really didn't put much thought into a date. We said it might be weeks, months or even years. We were just happy being with each other. However, as more time passed we realized that we really did want to be married and there was nothing really holding us back from doing it sooner than later. We were both in our mid 30's new what we wanted and also wanted to set a good example for Ry's two amazing kids. So with that by the middle of August we had set a date for three months away!! We got engaged on July 29 and we had a wedding date of October 29! It was fast, but it all made perfect sense and just felt right in so many ways. We were 100% blessed in every way!
We knew we both wanted a very small wedding. We each had big weddings before and we knew we didn't want that again. We wanted it to be immediate family and that was it. We wanted the day to focus on us, the kids and our new family and not so much the "traditional wedding" My parents have a house in Traverse City, right on the bay. We asked them if we could get married up there. They loved that idea and with that we began planning our simple yet very special day. We decorated with pumpkins, fall leaves, and sunflowers. Ry's daughter J.J. got to pick the color of her dress and from there we chose the wedding color. She picked an adorable dress that was shades of dark teal. So once we found my dress I had the original ribbon removed and out a dark teal ribbon on it. We found dark teal shirts for both Ry and Lil Man to wear with black suites. Everything fell into place perfectly. I found an amazing minister who let us do our wedding our way. We met with her a few different times. Our ceremony was truly original and Ry and I did it all ourselves. We also knew we wanted the kids to be involved every step of the way. Our minister did something called a Hand Ceremony, where the four of us came together, held hands and she talked about what it meant to become a family. We also did a sand ceremony where each of us picked a color of sand and took turns pouring it into a special case. This represented the blending of our families into one new family. Ry and I also go to pick the versus that were read and we both wrote our own vows. I can not begin to tell you all how amazingly perfect our wedding day was. It was everything and more that Ry and I wanted.
The only little hitch in the day was the weather. It was cold...actually freezing! I know...that's what we get for planning an outdoor wedding at the end of October. It would not have been a huge deal except for the fact that a week before our wedding I had the worst sinus infection/bronchitis/laryngitis bordering on pneumonia that I have ever had. Yes friends only one week before our wedding I was sick...as in off of work for a week in bed sick!! I started feeling better about 2 days before we got married, talk about timing.
The day of our wedding we woke up and it was cloudy, with a few little snow flurries in the air. Our original plan was to get married outside under an arch in the back yard over looking the bay. It was about 38 degrees around noon, and the wedding was to happen at 4. Since I was just starting to feel better we kind of decided we would move the furniture out of the living room and have the ceremony with the fire place as our "back drop" I'm not going to lie, I was kind of bummed out. I really wanted to be married outside with the beautiful bay behind us. We all decided to get ready and around for the ceremony. All of our family met at my parents house and we all changed our clothes, and got into our wedding attire. At 3:30 I came out into the living room in my dress and Ry's Grandpa was standing at the widow looking out. Remember I said earlier in the day it was cloudy and kind of windy as well. I came out into the living room, looked outside one last time and realized that it was sunny, bright sun as a matter of fact and the wind had died down a bit too. Ry's Grandpa looked at me and goes, "Looks like someone was watching out for you, knew what you wanted, and made it happen for you" Ugh...that still tears me up. But I think he was right...I think the sun coming out and shining bright was Shawn's way of saying that he was with us all that day and hat he approved. I really do think Ry and Shawn would be great friends. So with that we decided to have our wedding outside and it was awesome, and amazing all wrapped up into one!! It was a day I will never forget and was exactly what Ry and I wanted!!
Now are you ready to see 28 pictures from our day. Trust me, I could of posted all of them, but figured nobody wants to look at all 500 of them!! So here are a few! I tried to upload them in order but for some reason blogger kept messing them up, so they aren't in order of the day...sorry
So there you have it a look into our wedding!! Are you all shocked and surprised? As I've said before our wedding day was perfect and was more than Ry and I could of ever imagined. It was exactly what we wanted!! I would of loved to share this all with you earlier, but as you know I could not. (More on that in another post)
There is much more going on in our lives as well...all that coming in posts in the future...stay tuned!
Boy oh boy did it feel good to write that!
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Hello Blogging Friends Guess What....I'm Coming Back!!!
I come to you today with some really good news...actually lots of good news (over the next few posts!)
First and foremost I get to start blogging again!!!! Yes, you read that right, The Tale of Two Coins will now be updated on a very regular basis starting right now!
Well, actually I will do my first post soon. I have SO many thoughts in my head right now I need to kind of "organize" them and figure out how and exactly where I want to go with my first official back to blogging post. Believe me when I tell you I have LOTS to tell you and LOTS of pictures to show you. It has been a long time friends. I have been through a lot since I stopped blogging. A huge roller coaster of "things" have happened in my life since I took my blogging break...many good, some bad, and some in between. I have many new and exciting things going on in my life. I'm going to take today to collect my thoughts and figure out the direction I want to go with my first post and then I will sit down and write it. Just a warning to you all it might be very long!
I plan on doing this "return" post possibly as early as tomorrow, and for sure by early next week. Like I said lots has happened and changed and I want to make t a good post. So for now I leave you with this little post and say one more time....I'm coming back to the blogging world!!!!
Thank you for checking in on me, emailing me and sticking with me waiting for me to return!
First and foremost I get to start blogging again!!!! Yes, you read that right, The Tale of Two Coins will now be updated on a very regular basis starting right now!
Well, actually I will do my first post soon. I have SO many thoughts in my head right now I need to kind of "organize" them and figure out how and exactly where I want to go with my first official back to blogging post. Believe me when I tell you I have LOTS to tell you and LOTS of pictures to show you. It has been a long time friends. I have been through a lot since I stopped blogging. A huge roller coaster of "things" have happened in my life since I took my blogging break...many good, some bad, and some in between. I have many new and exciting things going on in my life. I'm going to take today to collect my thoughts and figure out the direction I want to go with my first post and then I will sit down and write it. Just a warning to you all it might be very long!
I plan on doing this "return" post possibly as early as tomorrow, and for sure by early next week. Like I said lots has happened and changed and I want to make t a good post. So for now I leave you with this little post and say one more time....I'm coming back to the blogging world!!!!
Thank you for checking in on me, emailing me and sticking with me waiting for me to return!
Monday, March 5, 2012
I'm So Sorry , An Update!!!
First of all let me start off by saying a HUGE HUGE hello to each and every one of you. I have missed you all so much...you have NO idea!!
Second, let me tell you how sorry I am for not blogging in a really really long time. November was the last time that I have done an update and I'm so sorry for that. Today like I have done every day since November I got on my blog to read each of your blogs and to read any comments that may have been left for me. I have to be honest I was a little "bothered" when I read the last comment. It was from an anonymous reader who said:
" not to be rude, but if you don't have any intention of returning to this blog, maybe you should say so instead of leaving all of your readers wondering. I hope all is well. Miss your posts."
I am SO incredibly sorry for not blogging in such a long time and I'm even more sorry if my readers are thinking that I am "playing" with them by not posting. I love to blog and I miss it! However, at this time I am still going through something dealing with Shawn that very little people would understand. Well, many do understand but a few do not or do not want to understand.
I want to blog...I really really want to blog, I love it and it and I find great joy in doing it. There are SO many things...good things...really good things that I want share with each and every one of you. I feel that you have all been through so much with me. You have been there from the very beginning of my blog, you have been there for me through the worst time in my entire life, and you have been there for me when good started happening in my life again. I want to be able to share my whole life with you as I have always done. I want to be able to talk about Shawn, to talk about Ry and all other things going on in my life. I want that more than anything. I want to sit down un-edited, and write about my life as I always have. I would love to be able to sit down and write a big long post about everything! Actually, I have already started it in my head and trust me it will be lots of posts to get you guys all caught up to speed with my life.
However, as life would have it, I am still not able to blog. This is NOT my choice, please believe me and I hope you understand this! Or rather it has been suggested that I not blog. I have been going back and forth with this decision for some time. A part of me wants to say screw it, do what I want to do and blog and share my life with you, and another part of me feels like I need to be somewhat smart about this and not start blogging yet. I emphasis the yet part. I'm not sure how much longer I will hold out and not blog. I just miss it too much and I know that some people have found comfort in my blog and that hurts me more than anything to know that somebody is living what I went through and can not find comfort here. But like I said, I need to be somewhat smart about this and do what is best for now. That decision could literally change any moment, this has been a true roller coaster people and I have not enjoyed it at all.
The truth of the matter is for the time being I don't feel like my blog is "mine" I feel there are some people who may be looking at my blog and judging me for all the wrong reasons. Reasons I will explain to you all as soon as I can. I want my blog to be written in my words, written in my true feelings without feeling like I have to hide what I want to from people. A few of my readers have emailed me asking why I don't go private. Well, I don't want too, for one it seems like a lot of work to send all of my readers emails and invites for a private blog. Secondly, I want my blog to be out there in the blogger world for everyone. You never know who a person will run into and my blog might be a form of support for them. I do not want to lose that for them!
So for now I'm still not blogging. (not my choice) Like I said, this could literally change at a moments notice. All I ask is that if you would like from time to time please stop by and see if there are any new posts or updates. I'm kind of flying by the seat of my pants here on this one...the reason for not blogging has been a roller coaster and I can not wait to get off the ride.
Also please please please do not feel, and I hope you do not feel that I am "playing", "toying with your emotions", or have no intentions of coming back. I would never do that to my readers and I have EVERY intention of coming back as soon as I possibly can. However, unless I decide to be all wild and crazy I need to do what is best. It could be soon or it could not be until mid summer...hopefully no later. I don't blame any of you if you do not want to "stick" around and wait for me, that is a choice each of you need to make. As soon as possible I will be back and I will explain all of this to you. All I ask for is your continued good thoughts, patience and prayers.
Also please know that I still read your blogs each and every day. I just don't log into to comment very often, because it just makes me all the more tempted to write a post of my own.
Many readers have asked if I can give a little hint as to how things are going. Yes, I can. Things are going well, very very well. I am extremely happy, in a very good and healthy place in my life and it feels amazingly wonderful. And yes, I'm still with Ry and he is amazing too!! I really do have lots and lots of very exciting things to share with you all and pictures like you would not believe! Oh I can't wait to share the pictures and moments of my life with you from the last year. When I do come back be ready...you will have lots and lots of posts and lots and lots of my life to go through!!
Oh and for those of you who have suggested I'm pregnant or have had a baby...sorry to disappoint all of you, but that has not happened and I'm totally fine with that. But much other good has gone on in my life.
Please stop back and visit and I promise with all of my heart as soon as I can or make the decision to I will be back to the blogging world. Hopefully sooner than mid summer, but that is my deadline if all else fails.
Thank you for everything
Second, let me tell you how sorry I am for not blogging in a really really long time. November was the last time that I have done an update and I'm so sorry for that. Today like I have done every day since November I got on my blog to read each of your blogs and to read any comments that may have been left for me. I have to be honest I was a little "bothered" when I read the last comment. It was from an anonymous reader who said:
" not to be rude, but if you don't have any intention of returning to this blog, maybe you should say so instead of leaving all of your readers wondering. I hope all is well. Miss your posts."
I am SO incredibly sorry for not blogging in such a long time and I'm even more sorry if my readers are thinking that I am "playing" with them by not posting. I love to blog and I miss it! However, at this time I am still going through something dealing with Shawn that very little people would understand. Well, many do understand but a few do not or do not want to understand.
I want to blog...I really really want to blog, I love it and it and I find great joy in doing it. There are SO many things...good things...really good things that I want share with each and every one of you. I feel that you have all been through so much with me. You have been there from the very beginning of my blog, you have been there for me through the worst time in my entire life, and you have been there for me when good started happening in my life again. I want to be able to share my whole life with you as I have always done. I want to be able to talk about Shawn, to talk about Ry and all other things going on in my life. I want that more than anything. I want to sit down un-edited, and write about my life as I always have. I would love to be able to sit down and write a big long post about everything! Actually, I have already started it in my head and trust me it will be lots of posts to get you guys all caught up to speed with my life.
However, as life would have it, I am still not able to blog. This is NOT my choice, please believe me and I hope you understand this! Or rather it has been suggested that I not blog. I have been going back and forth with this decision for some time. A part of me wants to say screw it, do what I want to do and blog and share my life with you, and another part of me feels like I need to be somewhat smart about this and not start blogging yet. I emphasis the yet part. I'm not sure how much longer I will hold out and not blog. I just miss it too much and I know that some people have found comfort in my blog and that hurts me more than anything to know that somebody is living what I went through and can not find comfort here. But like I said, I need to be somewhat smart about this and do what is best for now. That decision could literally change any moment, this has been a true roller coaster people and I have not enjoyed it at all.
The truth of the matter is for the time being I don't feel like my blog is "mine" I feel there are some people who may be looking at my blog and judging me for all the wrong reasons. Reasons I will explain to you all as soon as I can. I want my blog to be written in my words, written in my true feelings without feeling like I have to hide what I want to from people. A few of my readers have emailed me asking why I don't go private. Well, I don't want too, for one it seems like a lot of work to send all of my readers emails and invites for a private blog. Secondly, I want my blog to be out there in the blogger world for everyone. You never know who a person will run into and my blog might be a form of support for them. I do not want to lose that for them!
So for now I'm still not blogging. (not my choice) Like I said, this could literally change at a moments notice. All I ask is that if you would like from time to time please stop by and see if there are any new posts or updates. I'm kind of flying by the seat of my pants here on this one...the reason for not blogging has been a roller coaster and I can not wait to get off the ride.
Also please please please do not feel, and I hope you do not feel that I am "playing", "toying with your emotions", or have no intentions of coming back. I would never do that to my readers and I have EVERY intention of coming back as soon as I possibly can. However, unless I decide to be all wild and crazy I need to do what is best. It could be soon or it could not be until mid summer...hopefully no later. I don't blame any of you if you do not want to "stick" around and wait for me, that is a choice each of you need to make. As soon as possible I will be back and I will explain all of this to you. All I ask for is your continued good thoughts, patience and prayers.
Also please know that I still read your blogs each and every day. I just don't log into to comment very often, because it just makes me all the more tempted to write a post of my own.
Many readers have asked if I can give a little hint as to how things are going. Yes, I can. Things are going well, very very well. I am extremely happy, in a very good and healthy place in my life and it feels amazingly wonderful. And yes, I'm still with Ry and he is amazing too!! I really do have lots and lots of very exciting things to share with you all and pictures like you would not believe! Oh I can't wait to share the pictures and moments of my life with you from the last year. When I do come back be ready...you will have lots and lots of posts and lots and lots of my life to go through!!
Oh and for those of you who have suggested I'm pregnant or have had a baby...sorry to disappoint all of you, but that has not happened and I'm totally fine with that. But much other good has gone on in my life.
Please stop back and visit and I promise with all of my heart as soon as I can or make the decision to I will be back to the blogging world. Hopefully sooner than mid summer, but that is my deadline if all else fails.
Thank you for everything
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
A Quick Update For You :)
First I want to say a GREAT BIG HELLO to all of my blog readers and friends!!!! I hope each and every single one of you are doing well.
I am so sorry to say at this time I am still not able to blog and that really bums me out. However, over the last few weeks I have gotten several emails and comments on my blog asking me how I am doing and when I will start blogging again.
To answer your questions...I am doing GREAT!! Actually better than great if there is such a thing! Since my last post in June there have been many, many, many things I want to share with you. Some are just small fun little things and some are great big major things. I also have TONS and TONS of pictures to share with you all.
As far as when I can start blogging again, I'm not 100% sure. It's kind of a week by week kind of thing. However, it also might not be until the middle of January, so please be patient with me and keep checking back for updates. As I've said before I can't really get into it now, but hopefully soon I will be able to explain everything to you all and it will all make sense to you as to why I had to stop for a while.
Know that I miss you and miss blogging so so much!! I check in on all of you every day, but really have not commented all that often and for that I'm also sorry.
Thank you so much for checking back with me and for leaving me emails and comments over the last few weeks it means a great deal to me!!
As I said in the start of this post. I am GOOD, GREAT, and very HAPPY!! I have lots and lots and lots to share with you and I can not wait to spill the beans on each and every part of it.
I hope you each are doing well and I will continue to check in on each of you. Keep looking for updates or for a real post I hope I will be back sooner than 2012!
I am so sorry to say at this time I am still not able to blog and that really bums me out. However, over the last few weeks I have gotten several emails and comments on my blog asking me how I am doing and when I will start blogging again.
To answer your questions...I am doing GREAT!! Actually better than great if there is such a thing! Since my last post in June there have been many, many, many things I want to share with you. Some are just small fun little things and some are great big major things. I also have TONS and TONS of pictures to share with you all.
As far as when I can start blogging again, I'm not 100% sure. It's kind of a week by week kind of thing. However, it also might not be until the middle of January, so please be patient with me and keep checking back for updates. As I've said before I can't really get into it now, but hopefully soon I will be able to explain everything to you all and it will all make sense to you as to why I had to stop for a while.
Know that I miss you and miss blogging so so much!! I check in on all of you every day, but really have not commented all that often and for that I'm also sorry.
Thank you so much for checking back with me and for leaving me emails and comments over the last few weeks it means a great deal to me!!
As I said in the start of this post. I am GOOD, GREAT, and very HAPPY!! I have lots and lots and lots to share with you and I can not wait to spill the beans on each and every part of it.
I hope you each are doing well and I will continue to check in on each of you. Keep looking for updates or for a real post I hope I will be back sooner than 2012!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
A Break
I'm so sorry to have to tell all of you this, but right now for the next few months I need to take a break from my blog, well actually from writing posts, I will still be reading and commenting on all of yours.
I'm going through something that is making it very difficult to blog. I love to blog, oh I love to blog. However, I feel like my blog is not "mine" right now and I feel like I can not write what I want to write about when I want to write about it. I'm so sorry for being so vague in all of this. Hopefully, by the end of summer or early fall I will be able to get back to blogging and perhaps even be able to share why I had to stop.
I have thought about this for a while now, about stopping posts for a while versus just being selective as to what I write about, but I want to right about things and not have to feel as though I'm "editing" my thoughts or feelings. However, as many of you have noticed I have been posting very sporadically. It's getting harder and harder for me to blog, to write what I want. Blogging has been very important to me ever since I started it in May of 2008. I have met many great people through blogging, it has been a way for me to heal, a way for me to share my thoughts, feelings and emotions. I can not even begin to describe to you how my blog has helped me heal. I hate to walk away from it now because I know this blog has helped people who are going through similar stories to what I have gone through. It really does make be sad and to be honest a little upset to stop, but at this point and time I guess I need to do what is best for me and at this particular time has to be to stop posting for a while.
Please know that I am good. I'm in a good place in my life and I'm happy and I worked my ass off to get to the point where I am in my life today. I'm grateful and blessed for what my life was and I'm grateful and blessed to be to where I am today. Nobody can take either away from me.
Thank you to each and every one of you who have given me support, love and encouragement over the last three years. Your kindness and love has meant more to me than you know. I will still be reading and posting on your blogs, just taking a break from mine. Like I said earlier I hope to be back to blogging by early fall. Also, believe you me, I will be remembering all that's going on in my life both good and bad in hopes of sharing it with you in the near future. I hope I don't lose all of my readers and I hope when I get to a point when I can write again you all will be back.
Thanks for everything and I will be back in a few months.
I'm going through something that is making it very difficult to blog. I love to blog, oh I love to blog. However, I feel like my blog is not "mine" right now and I feel like I can not write what I want to write about when I want to write about it. I'm so sorry for being so vague in all of this. Hopefully, by the end of summer or early fall I will be able to get back to blogging and perhaps even be able to share why I had to stop.
I have thought about this for a while now, about stopping posts for a while versus just being selective as to what I write about, but I want to right about things and not have to feel as though I'm "editing" my thoughts or feelings. However, as many of you have noticed I have been posting very sporadically. It's getting harder and harder for me to blog, to write what I want. Blogging has been very important to me ever since I started it in May of 2008. I have met many great people through blogging, it has been a way for me to heal, a way for me to share my thoughts, feelings and emotions. I can not even begin to describe to you how my blog has helped me heal. I hate to walk away from it now because I know this blog has helped people who are going through similar stories to what I have gone through. It really does make be sad and to be honest a little upset to stop, but at this point and time I guess I need to do what is best for me and at this particular time has to be to stop posting for a while.
Please know that I am good. I'm in a good place in my life and I'm happy and I worked my ass off to get to the point where I am in my life today. I'm grateful and blessed for what my life was and I'm grateful and blessed to be to where I am today. Nobody can take either away from me.
Thank you to each and every one of you who have given me support, love and encouragement over the last three years. Your kindness and love has meant more to me than you know. I will still be reading and posting on your blogs, just taking a break from mine. Like I said earlier I hope to be back to blogging by early fall. Also, believe you me, I will be remembering all that's going on in my life both good and bad in hopes of sharing it with you in the near future. I hope I don't lose all of my readers and I hope when I get to a point when I can write again you all will be back.
Thanks for everything and I will be back in a few months.
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