Sunday, September 28, 2008
haha omg i cant believe that i am blogging at this time now, afterall i haf been leaving this thing to rot for abt a yr i think... but after reading some people's blog i decided to just post for fun, cause i am abit lazy to write in my ocs journal (and yes ocs does make u write in ur journals to keep ur brain alive). haha if u are really reading this post whether u accidentally came across it or been visting my blog for updates for some weird reason please DO TAG!
anw life in army has been really repetitive and for once i really feel sick and tired of going thru my life, its quite a weird mix of feelings really cause even how repetitive school is u dun get sick of it somehow. going on to professional term soon as an INFANTRY officer, dammit man tot i wld be an arti officer lol but well like wat my mother says, its all fated so ya just haf to accept it.
in a very random note, i haf been staying at my childhood fren's hse for the past 2 wks (as in during my leave, not awol), and i haf to say i really forgotten wat it is like to be a civilian. sounds extreme but its really true. i forgotten how it feels like to take ur time in everything we do, do what we like and take time in admiring everything and anything that is beautiful in the surroundings. even a simple cycle along ecp when we decided to go carl's jnrs to eat is much more enjoyable than anything i haf tried to do in the past book outs (with probable exception of playin hockey and hanging out wif the np gang). ya i noe it sounds super sad and retarded but i guess i adapt too well at times, my whole system now is locked on to the army life so i really forgotten how it feels to be a civilian and mixing wif guys 24/7 doesnt turn u gay but makes u feel lost around females, stupid rite?
last time only hrs and days were counted and precious to me, now every single minute and second seems to be more important to me than anything else in the world. time, as every army guy will say, is the upmost treasure we can ever haf in these 2 yrs whether u are a men or an officer. it also came across to me that i haven keep in contact wif some of my classmates for xtremely long time alrdy, feels weird to even wantig to start a convo or talk anything to them, i feel very guilty on my part too zz. well i guess this is part and parcel of the whole sianz of army and stress of uni cycle. last time we used to be able to talk relatively well and abt anything, now its even hard to maintain 3 msgs to each other lol...not to mention even chatting on msn no longer than 10 mins.
well too many thoughts alrdy, cant pen it down really... dunno how to say also... maybe i shall post another random post nxt time when i haf time... oh rmb if u are reading this, PLEASE TAG, haha thnx
picard was here @ 3:07 PM
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
when u kill a man
you steal a life
his wife's right to a husband
rob his children of a father
when u tell a lie
u steal someone's right to the truth
when u cheat
u steal the right to fairness
when i met uu stole my right to love othersrandom post...
picard was here @ 1:54 AM
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
hello i'm am crazy benson.
sorry i havent been blogging.
been busy mugging my ass off and yes, i did well for prelims.
i got two big A.
i simply love studying.
whoohoo.
oh i went to play hockey on saturday, i think.
ha i have short term memory loss you see.
i have no date-concept.
i am old.
very old.
like some old cheekopek uncle.
i was panting like nobody's business after the game.
sweating tons such that i could fill the elephant's pool with my sweat.
ohyes i sweat and not perspire because i'm a pig.
hahaha.
i love suntanning as well.
this way i look more like a roasted pig.
i adore crapping as you can see.
but i like cars more.
you get what i mean.
hahaha
okay i shall head back to my lovely books that are calling out to me.
i cant live one day with studying.
even when i sleep, i dream chem.
mr yeong would be glad to hear this.
:D
picard was here @ 8:14 PM
Sunday, August 12, 2007
haha let me see... i am blogging at this unearthly hour because i suddenly feel like it...and some people like yinqi keep complaining i nvr update and their blogs are v alive and kicking! ok so here i am to update abt my boring and muggerish life and i put a larger font for easier reading, i just realised its really damn hard to read or else its just my eyesight getting worse...basically i haf been staying back to mug in the library wif the hockey muggers like daniel and charles for the past few weeks, and its truly amazing (even to me) that i can actually bother to stay back lol. i guess its just that i have nothing else to do except for mug...and i really haf to catch up wif work and stuff so ya hopefully everything is prepared before prelims cause i still got hell alot to do zz. and i am still abit in touch wif hockey! that day help out at some nyp tournament event wif tiru and i had to umpire, really really really tough job man especially when u umpire those "derby" matches. its really terrible when u have to make a controversial call and stuff, summore i so short then like damn good to bully liddat zz... ytd also went down to nyp to play awhile wif charles and a few other nyp frens... haha its was good except very out of shape but had a good feel wif my new stick! haha now charles is also tempted to get one before testimonial match and next year's tournament, considering that we might actually be promoted to division 2, cool man. next yr nyp also "importing" loads of new players, will really be competitive for first 11 places but the good thing is most of the players imported are all midfielders and strikers and still got space for me as a defender! but still have to perform no matter wat, i feel like inside the premiership where clubs try to buy the best players and stuff. we try to "buy" players from more influential clubs in div 3 and if possible from premier league. haha it will be cool if one day i ever get to touch the premier league or even div 1, but really its all about drive and passion to play hockey i guess or any sport. it was said on the start of the premiership just now that youth players bring in creativity and pace to the game because of no fear and passion for it, or else it will be boring and just long crosses from one end of the field to the other (like liverpool just now, boring game actually, sorry to all liverpool fans but its a fact). talking abt ultimate sianness, school is still in fact boring wif all the revision lectures and stuff, i really not learning anything except probably bio and abit of math, or else i think chem and econs is just bullshit revision lectures and no point seriously.
i had this random thought that day tho: in the course of our whole life, we always lead life by ourselves, not wif frens or family. even though it may seem that we share weal and woe wif our frens now and sometimes joy wif our families, but deep down in fact we are just living life alone. in a few yrs from where we are now, we are just gonna have a complete different circle of friends. guys are going ns and mix wif other guys, girls will break off contact wif ns guys and socialise wif university people... even tho we might say we can still keep in contact, things are nvr gonna be the same again i think. are u still gonna spend ur time wif that fren the same way u spend it wif him or her a few years ago? then another 10 yrs from then, we are just gonna be in the working world, working wif our fellow colleagues and bosses, every year employees and employeers change, so actually ur social circle also gradually changes unconciously... quite scary when u actually think abt it. in life maybe we just will only have like less than 5 frens we will noe thruout our whole course of life and that is if we are lucky and actually haf one. or else in my opinion we are just living life alone (excluding marriage and stuff). as for ur family, we grow up and begin to trust them lesser and lesser. increasing quarrels between kids and parents are just a way of life... there is no way we can ever go back to being the same kid we are. haha all these is just random thoughts, believe all u wan.
was watching potc these few days too late in the night and famous captain jack sparrow saying - what is it u wan most? how often do we ask ourselves this question? if we ever do haf that special compass that captain jack owns, will the compass point only in one direction, in a few different directions or just keep spinning? well i noe that what we wan most always change as life goes by, but without an aim or desire can we really live life to the fullest? it is alright to change ur utmost desires and wants, there is no right or wrong...but will we end up as confused individuals seeking nothing but assume we know wat we want like a spinning compass? life is short and fast as wat charles told me ytd, it is not easy to say that we dun regret this or that. well for me, i only want 3 things so far. the obvious is of course good A level results (haha who doesnt), next i want to be an outstanding hockey player (haha that will have to wait quite long considering my size!), lastly... haha maybe that is wat i will want most in a long run? who knows...
school is going to be more and more strainous i suppose so we all have to take a break once in awhile and relax, sit and fantasize abit its okay. it helps to relax for me and puts a smile on my face once in awhile, recollecting all my amibitons and lessons in life. but i guess the most important question we must always ask ourselves to bring us forward in life, to give us more hope, to drive us and motivate in whatever we do, to set us thinking in a proper mindset is - what is it we want most?
picard was here @ 2:31 AM
Sunday, July 15, 2007
confidence and moral - the 2 most important things in any aspect of life i learnt ytd. we lost semis ytd 4-2 to strongchem zz it was the most unluckiest match i ever participated in...call me sore loser or wat but even strongchem felt the same way. the umpire can really go bang wall, where got 1 match give 2 penalty strokes zzz just like that we lost 4-2.... in the middle of 2nd half we were trailing 3-1, it really took hell alot of self belief that our team can draw and the next minute i knew, i score thru deflection to give some hope to the team. budden the stupid umpire had to give a stroke after that for some lame excuse...wth just liddat we totally go down. final whistle blew, all i could do is lie down and tear in silence... after all the hard work and unluckiness we had thruout the season... it ended wif another unlucky match. finals was this close to us, budden i guess this is how life goes. i haf to thank the nyp team for accepting the ajc (not acs) guys into the team and for all the great coaching and experience they gave to us. from a useless team positioned 4th from the bottom last yr (without us of course =X) and now 4th from the top... next yr it will be first and first in playoffs too.
now with official competitive hockey coming to a end, i haf nth else left wif me except for studies...
how i wish i have u back, i dun wan to lose u too...
picard was here @ 9:59 PM
Monday, July 02, 2007
one can never have it all - this is wat i learnt in the course of past 2 weeks. when u gain one u have to lose one just like cause and effect. it is difficult to often understand why u are so unlucky in this and sometimes u just wish that u trade ur good traits for something u are damn unlucky or suck at it. but however we must often remind ourselves that we should cherish wat we have and dun make stupid wishes or deicisions.
lets see...if nyp wins 2 more games we go into semis for sure and face a easier fixture and probably a place in the finals
which i really hope u will come and watch and my studies aint too bad so ya should be able to cope so far I HOPE. but i am freaking tired. tired from all the trng and matches and studying all ovr again. but much more tired fromm all the suffering. suffering in my and ur silence, suffering from all the things that i see and hear. my leg is already partial dead and injured but my heart is totally torn apart.in short no 1 can have it all, maybe for a short while but not forever. sometimes these little things make us feel life is unfair but we should often look at the other way. well this is a damn random post and half of it i dunno wat am i writing. i feel freaking lost and empty
picard was here @ 8:46 PM
Saturday, June 30, 2007
i dun wan to be like this foreveri dun wan to suffer in silencei dun wan to be painful cause of ur silencei dun wan to put on fake smiles and laughtersi wan to stop cryingi wan to know wat is happening and whyu cause so much pain in meyet u are also the one that completes my life
picard was here @ 7:56 PM
