seriously i tink my room-mate is e most microscopic person i ever met in my entire life and y would i ever talk to such person b4..

Here's my reply to ur msg..whether u c it anot it's ur problem..

When i'm angry wif u,does it ever cross ur small little puny mind tt it's nt jux wat happened in hall tt leads to tis. Do i look like i do things lyk u who is always so insensitive to ur surroundings n only tink e world revolve arnd ur small little world. Do u ever stop to think what u had done?

Do u think u hav changed?u told me u changed since sec sch. I tell u tt's bullshit and it's ur way of thinking of comforting yourself. Because actions speak louder den words.

I tell u why. Still rmb how ur still being treated as non-existence n nobody in e class wan 2 b ur frenz. But still u noe y gt ppl still talk to u?because philips(sec3&4 form teacher) asked us to do so. If nt,do u tink ppl will bother abt ur existence. I'm sure u noe then how ppl in cckss used to hate u tt much,including me as well. Dun mention e students, u ask e teachers. I'm sure tt dey giv e same reply but i'm sure u still duno e reason y till now because u still e same old irritating person..

You tell me u wanna make philips who said tt ur math can nvr make it to take back her words wif ur jc math or watever ur 'scholar' grade. Let me tell u tis. Do u tink philips really mean tt when she said tt? Hav u ever used ur 'scholar' brain tt can even study aerospace engineering to teach abt wat she meant by tt?..no teacher in e world would say tt to their own students. She was pointing to ur attitude abt things. Does it ever cross ur mind tt ur attitude is e most disgusting thing abt u? Can u widen ur perspective regarding ur so-called multiple reflection?if u can get so gd grades,i dun c any reasons tt u r so bad at analysing urself or ur eq resembles tt of retard..

U tell me u treat me as ur 'best' frenz. May i noe wat's ur definition of best frenz,perhaps frenz 1st?

Everytime we ask u out,u say ok den may i noe wat time u reach everytime. 30min?1h?..sometime u organise things den make everyone wait for u. One time u ask me meet u at 4pm,den at 4.10pm,u msg me sayin u now helpin ur mum to do household, meanin at 4.10pm,u r still at home where i'm lyk a retard at e venue waiting. U can reach n treat it lyk nth happen lyk tt. Does our time seem less precious compare to ur n we hav to wait 4 ur arrival lyk e emperor?we nvr say anything doesn't mean we lyk it. Do u ever change ur habit?no,it's gettin bad to worse. I can tell u now,even if we're on talkin terms,we wont ask u out anymore seriously. Don't tell me i'm ur frenz even. I tink tt's a big joke.

U r always doing makin ppl irritated. Tt time i gave ur no to e hall com,u say u bu shuang abt tis because i gave it without ur permission. Halo can i ask u sth:wat's ur ground for bu shuang?u can give my no to ur gf without my permission as well even b4 i noe tt it's ur gf. Did it ever occur to u tt i was doing wat u hav done to me? U noe how it feels but why did u still do it? Because u only care abt ur own selfish feelings. Ur selfish self only portray so much of u..

U can be so thickness skinned at times. I lend u use my stuff for once and u can continue to use it without my permission n even nvr let me noe. How thickness can u be??.. Lend u detergent once and u use for weekly,now use my broom n tink i still duno.. Nt talkin terms wif me still use my stuff for wat? So shameless..

And do u noe ur such a dirty freak?u hang ur underwear under e fan wif no windows. u can go n exercise n come back n sit under e fan without bathin until ur dry?did i ask u to go bathe?wat do u take me as?joking?if u bathe,u put tt dirty shirt on ur seat behind ur ass till morning. U slp on no-bedsheet mattress without blanket n sneeze lyk mad. Disgusting freak. Wat u treat e hall as?ur army bunk? Stinkin up e whole room.. Wat a considerate person u r..

As for e msg u sent me,do u even think through all this before u even send me tt msg??i will reply u thru here.

In e msg,u state tt we hav an agreement tt u can study in e nitez n ur makin minimal noises. 1St thing i clarify u studied till 3am n tt's ur problem but den ur makin alot of noises unknowingly. Every few seconds, u shift ur chair,drop a pen,drop things on ur desk,crack ur bone,type lyk typin on typewriter. Can i let u noe tt ur desk is hollow lyk ur mind n watever sound u make is amplified??R tis noises called minimal n necessary??u said u use com light to study. Did it ever occur to u tt ur com sideways gt a blue beam of light tt was shining at my eyes where i was slpin?did u ever observe tis at all?u tell me how would i ever slp in tis condition? I'm talkin abt slpin only. Nvr even studying.

Whenever ur in hall,i nvr can study at all seriously. U everytime tink ur making no sounds. Plug out ur damn earphone n listen to wat sounds ur makin b4 sayin things lyk 'i dare to say i was makin minimal sounds'..u cant get e answers for ur qns,wat u doing?press calculators lyk mad,crash papers,throw pen n liquid paper hard on e table..do u ever consider all tis 'silent' actions of ur generate sounds??

And stop always think tt ur e only one giving in to others. U nvr stop to think how others giv in to u. Do i look at i slp at 12plus?u can ask my army frenz,family. Dey will all tell u i slp at 11plus latest. because of ur study habits, i hav to stay up later because i cant slp even though i'm lyin down on bed. But den morning i cant slp later because u alway put alarm den nvr wake up n kip delayin it every 10min. U tell me tt not disturbance,unwanted noises?u cant take cold still nvr wear enough clothinq to slp n make alot of noises by suckin in ur mucus. Do u noe how irritatin tt is?4am in e morning makin tis kind of noises. Because of lack of slp, i hav lumps growing on my ear area and hav to c doctor regarding tis. Doctor even suggests tt i hav to go do some surgical to remove e content inside. May i noe if u wanna pay for my medical bills?..

U comment on wat i post on fb is uncalled for. U tink i nvr noe wat will happen if i post on fb? Do u tink tt i will b as microscopic as u..i shall nt tell u y i post..go figure out urself. Btw tt's my freedom of speech n u hav no rights to question tt. N did i ever nid to state ur name n tell others to let others noe who my room-mate is??..beside watever i post is up to my freedom n watever u post is up to u. Jux lyk watever image of me, u post to ur gf,or whoever is ur freedom. U post too. U can dun care n b so selfish. Why cant i?

U say i can tell u outright. Everytime i tell u,do u ever take in any considerations?perhaps initially yes but den u will still be back to u. Tt's u. E one tt nvr change since sec sch. I talk to u afew times but does thing change?no..still as shitty as b4..wat's e use of talkin to u again when things wont work because u r always thinkin of ur own self..

U say by removin u frm my fb is uncalled for. Seriously i nvr regarded u as a frenz since i noe u. Look at ur definition of frenz. I definitely wont wanna fall into tt criteria of ur. And seriously i jux feel so insulted to still put u in my frenz list n i duno e reason y i still put u dere. Moreover i dun nid to ans to u for my actions. I dun hav to report to u!!

U can continue ur own ways,we shall c wat happen in future..

Finally I'm in university. It's already week 4. I just feel I'm kinda of stressed up at the moment. My mind couldn't seem to register anything inside no matter how much effort I put in. I couldn't do simple calculation without any mistakes. It's just so unbearable. How I wished I didn't stop studying to go NS 1st but I didn't have any choice either.

At times like now, I occasionally felt really stuck up inside. The scene of me holding onto my grandpa's hands ensuring him that I would do well for my uni made me feel so upset looking at the kind of standard I had been producing in school. I really felt that I needed to put in extra extra more effort but then I'm really tired. I tried to exert more but then it just made me more and more tired. I didn't know how to organise things anymore. My life is in a mess and I never felt that lost before.

I never got to know anyone in my course yet except a few whom I already knew. I just wanted to do finish what I had come to uni for and just get away. I really wanna give up alr but it's just week 4 only. 9 more weeks. I'm not really enjoying life at the moment. Other than studying, I don't really have any other activities that I should be doing at this age of my life.

The only thing that keeps me going is that promise I make and I hope that 4years down the road, I can fulfil it and will not have any regret..

PERSERVE YUDING! YOU CAN DO IT!!

sry was unable to post for such a long time cox my com died on me. TOTALLY CRASH.. now i'm without any connection to e internet except by using my hp to do tis posting..

Life was very routine and i'm trying to keep myself very busy so that i will not think so much but still everytime i will still think of my grandpa.

This coming saturday marks e 49day since my grandpa passed away. I keep thinking of e past.

I was at a mrt station for one of the week. There was this ice-cream man standing there. A grandma bought her grand-daughter ice-cream n ask what her grand-daughter likes. It just reminds me of how my grandpa used to do that. I still remember how i used to tell my primary schoolmates how gd was my grandpa and he would get everything i want for me.

I really miss e times now. I never show how i feel to others because i don't want them to worry abt me.

Life is tiring but then university is coming soon. Work will be coming soon but then i just hope work ends tomorrow. Fat hope

Today was pure tiredness.

Last week, I didn't realise that I chiong 20hours of OT for my whole work. Definitely it was tiring but then the week passed real fast. I didn't have any spare time to think about stuff that made me feel upset. Practically, I was working almost the entire week.

I tried to enjoy my weekend. After work on saturday, I went to watch Being Human with my family. I was hoping that probably after watching a comedy show, I would be a bit more happier. Yes, the show was funny at point of time but it was temporary. After I came out of the cinema, I was like out of that virtual world and back to reality. Everything was back to as it was. Nothing changes. Just felt sadness though nothing was particularly in my mind.

My aunt treated my whole family to SAKURA. It was ok but not really that nice. I ate a lot till my stomach couldn't take it. I felt like vomiting at times but then after eating, I just felt really better as in my mood.

Sunday-I didn't want to go out at all. I was at home all day. Better to say I was on my bed the whole day. Sleeping the entire day. I thought I had a dream but then once I woke up, I forgot it immediately. Couldn't sleep at night. Just heard people shouting that Man U won. I'm a United Fan but then my ah gong was not there to celebrate it with me anymore. Whenever I hear of Man U, my mind just links to the past memories. I wouldn't want to say it out because I think it would be better if I keep it to myself.

Today-working was disastrous. I was feeling the effect of the Zzz monster the whole day. My headache worsened throughout the day. I didn't know what I was talking about at times. Hope I never create any trouble for anyone. Left exactly on the dot. NO OT for me today. Enjoyed a meal whipped up by my mum. Now perhaps I have to treasure people around me more and appreciate the things they have done for me more.

This week have to chiong for the OT. Most probably starting tomorrow. Perhaps got chance for incentive this month but then have to see my luck. Next month onwards I have to start to clear one of the things that my ah gong has asked me to do. DRIVING. Hope I can get it asap. Please ensure that I can finish it asap because I still have other things that I promise him that I will do.

WISH ME LUCK..THANKS..

GTG..have to try to sleep now..Hope tomorrow would be a good day..


It was heartening to have friends to back me up when I'm down. I really appreciate the SMSes, the wall posts, the calls, the visits from you all. I will not feel alone. I will try to walk out of this shadow to the best of my ability. I will try to become the YD that was once so motivated in his life to be fully focused on whatever he did. I just need a little bit more time and concern. Thanks everyone..