tell you guys a story..
theres this boy..
he got this favorite toy car..
wherever he goes.. he will bring his toy car..
he likes this toy car very much..
everyday he will play with this toy car..
when he was playing this toy car..
his mind is just toy car..
no other things..
but this toy car have a problem..
a problem that this boy doesn't know how to solve..
every time when the toy car got this problem..
the boy will cry helplessly..
he did whatever he could think of..
using superglue..
or masking tape or whatever..
you name it..
it lasted only for awhile..
the boy thought of opening up the toy car and see..
he tried to fix the root of the problem..
some how he cant..
he doesn't knows what to do..
and when he brings the toy car to school..
his friends call him to throw the toy car away..
boy boy went home and of course he didn't throw the toy car away..
cause its his favorite toy car..
he cant bear to throw away..
no matter how big the problem is..
he'll try to fixed it..
sometimes its really hard but he just bite on..
boy boy was very very very sad..
sometimes.. he blamed himself..
he blamed himself for not knowing how to fix this problem other than throwing the toy car away..
sometimes its so hard to throw your favorite things away..
he always believed that things will be fine and there will always be a solution..
its just that sometimes he thinks that its very unfair..


what you said yesterday its kinda hurting..
whatever it is..
this is what m gonna say..
i just don't care how long i'll wait..
and so what if i have to wait..
i don't know what will happen next..
no body knows..
when i give.. i don't expect anything in return..
this is relationship.. not investment..
and don't think that this feelings will be easily gone..
cause i know it wont..
can't we just be like what we are now?..
i already said take your time..
cause i don't expect you to stand up so fast..
so what if its a long time..
its not always the end product..
it all about the process..
you don't have confidence now doesn't means that you don't have confidence later..
how long are you gonna avoid things?
its not false hope..
false hope is what you think..
both of us knows our feelings for each other..
i dont see a reason why things won't turn out fine..
i know its all about you..
your confidence and stuffs..
remembered what i've said to you during your exams?
everything will be fine..
if you face it and deal with it..
you can't probably cause of this fall and won't learn walking again..
i know this is a hard fall..
its a hard fall to let you learn..
in a positive way.. not in a negative way..
all things doesn't ends in a bad way..
things are how YOU WANT it to be..
not what IT WILL be..
things are not complicated..
its all basic shapes..
just the matter of how people look at things..
and what kinda things people want to mould..
m bad at words.. m straight forward..
m sucks at consoling people..
i don't think before i say..
m trying very hard.. really..
i kept quiet doesn't means i've got nothing to say..
and that also doesn't means that i've already accept it..
i believe that as long as you try.. things will be fine..

if this path is really the dead end like assumed..
then we'll walk till it shows 'dead end'..
i wont care what the signage says and where the path will takes me..
what matter most is as long as m with you..

work this coming week will be shit..
working almost everything and i still didn't got my FYP ex done..
and this coming week can only see her for just a day?..
which is on weekend..

everything seems so messy in my mind now so don't know what to write..

work today really shyt..
of course it got better while working with fish..
at least we still joke now..

anyway kinda not in the mood to post now?..

things will get better isn't it?..
i really hope so..
life is full or ups and downs..
but why more of the downs?
life's not like photoshop..
you cant hit ctrl z if u wana redo sth..
'you only live once.. live life to the fullest..'
wow how do i do that? m trying.. really.. real hard..

she had paper today..
don't know what i can do to help her other than telling her to think positively..
serious m sucks at consoling others..

today was damn rush..
didnt went for school today but went for the ad seminar which was at Orange Grove..
before that went to Toa Payoh for a haircut at Ben's aunt's salon..
mom followed but don't know why..
just kinda bit bastard as she told Ben's aunt that i've got class..
i mean she can just take her time right..
what will the lady think.. haix..
so damn inconsiderate..
but anyway still get my haircut done..
met Jiahao and the rest at bus stop opp Far East..
talked to Jerome, Shimin, and Gerome.. lol..
abit weird but.. lol.. still talk.. aiya you know i wont start talking..

kinda constructive going there..
did learn something so yea..
during the QnA i just walked out of the room half way cause m so damn late..
was rushing back home to get my things cause i thought i've got time to go back and take..

took a cab to Bugis..
and got our face done..
this is the first time m doing the shit together with them..
what to do.. its a teamwork thing..
so heard alot of swearings and stuffs from fish as usual..
and when we walked to the carpark, all the eyes were like looking at us..
but at least they didnt really recognise us.. (except for those push carts). .

got to the place and as usual all the people there looking at us..
and Jovi asked me did i really paint my face willingly..
so did Shidah, Shinyi and Yy. .
got in..those kind of eyes again..
i really hate that.. but whatever..
i cant see them clearly cause i didnt wear specs so still alright..

Taboo.. that place.. it was so much like a club rather than a pub..
i really don't like that place but still..
got in first thing is looking for..
and she didnt stand far from the entrance so yea..
Mandy was there so chat abit with Mandy and after that she went off..
felt kinda bad though.. cause she felt so leftout i think..
saw Sally Phua.. Nana.. Juliet (tai tai look lar).. the whole of LP and alot more..

was kinda feeling sucks cause of my face..
but then..
went to eat.. was damn hungry so took quite alot of things..
at first for the whole shop.. but in the end i ate it.. LOL
NAC was beside us and i saw Jovi..
was thinking i wanted to go over to talk to her.. cause of Asmarni..
but in the end i just went to talk to her..
she was talking about Jovi and me..
and again those kinda things..in malay?..
was quite pissed but anyway just let them say whatever they want then..
i just won't want to care and i don't need Jovi as a back up or stepping stone..
took picture with Jovi.. but the paint beside the mouth came off..
so its abit not nice..

went back inside and practically sianx..
cause i really don't like this kinda place..
whatever.. or maybe theres alot of people..
got to the dressing competition thing..
got West mall.. buying team... Lp and Bj..
in the end LP got first..
anyway not sad or whatever..

after that went home straight..
Shuxian msged..
said something that stunned me.. but.. anyway.. yea..

got home.. and the movie issue came in..
its really.. haix.. abit sad rather than angry.. well..
i just don't know its a good thing or not..
for this kinda things to happen..
was told shes transfering on Mon.. kinda u know..

okay m tired and thought of things that i wont want to think..
so bye..~

watched Best Friend's Girl yest..
wanted to kill Ger at first cause she said its nice..
but in the end didn't really want to.. just feel like strangling her..

before the movie went Dynasty to sing..
was eating ice at Far East..
with Weiyang, Mich and her..
sung for 2 hrs..
then Weiyang went to meet his friends..
so left the 3 of us..
bought tix for the movie and then headed down to eat dim sum..

ordered a table full of dim sum..
in the end was damn full..
Mich looks very tired.. cause she had 2 F and yest she worked 1/2m..
so went to the park above the car park and rest..
i bought something home cause mom's birthday..
so went home to bath also though quite worried that i leave the 2 of them there..

bath for like 5mins and rushed out to find them..
they were like gonna sleep like that..
Mich napped for awhile and then cabbed down to Cathay..
quite stupid cause its so near..
so went into the theater.. Mich slept..
then after that she sleeps also..
but not long later the show finished..

Mich cabbed home after that..
left me and her..

absencemakestheheartgrowfonder <-- this nick really.. i don't know whether is it true or not.. maybe ta me.. yes but.. today her brother came shop.. i was doing shifting.. Weiyang was serving him.. then when i walked out i saw him talking to her brother.. then Weiyang said 'this is 'her' brother'.. i of course know thats her brother.. then after they paid.. Wy asked me something which i really don't know what to say.. hmm think thats about all.. i still cant accept it..

cant it just go with the flow?
why things cant be like that?
its not about waiting..
its about how you tell me..
and i just don't know why..
or maybe its not don't know.. is choose not to know..
i just hope time can just stop this morning..
everything remain as like that..
some how.. i can't..

changed my blog skin..
kinda childish and abit sissy look?
maybe prefer it to be childish look cause m childish? haha..

well DnD's comin i don't know what to wear..

tomorrow is mom's birthday if m not wrong..
she kinda cried just now..
but.. haix.. seeing her really explains why m so childish..
or maybe i've gt no feelings?

hmm if someone were to stab u..
i think i wouldnt bear to see u got stabbed..
what is that thing that upset u about me?
tell me straight then..
i won't want to beat around the bush..

1st day sleeping without listening to your voice..
m really not used to it..
times with you keep flashing back..
time passes real slow..
i really don't know what to do now..
so lost..

think shes just someone that walk passed my life.. (end of chapter)

i really don't know what to say..
since it came so naturally why can't just go with the flow?
so your not so soon will be when? (i don't understand)
why must everything be so complicated?

maybe its a one sided thing all along..
or maybe i just think too much..

don't you understand theres a difference between friends and crush?

its all back to 0.. yea
and now as friends..
its not what i want..
its what you want (i don't mean anything here)..
of course can still be friends..
why not?

i really thought that things will be different..
but now.. the conclusion is still this..
all along.. i have been trying to run away from the fact..
thinking that the conclusion will end..
somehow it really ended..
i really don't know what to say..
abit pissed and very sad..
this is the answer that m fighting for all along..
well done jiahan..

m tired.. mentally and physically..
maybe more on mentally..
someone can just stab me from the front and i promise i wont retaliate..
but make it quick..

i tink its still long..