A new addition to our family

No, this new addition to our family is not what you are thinking; it is a baby guinea pig. His name is Fred. It has been so nice to come home and hold him and listen to/feel him purr when I pet him. He hops around the room like a rabbit and is so fun to be around. It's fun to have a little guy to love.

Our 3rd try of In Vitro was not a success in many ways, but in others I feel it was a success. I successfully gave myself a shot many times (which I thought I'd never do in my life). I did not have a blood clot despite being at risk. I learned to handle physical, emotional and psychological stress in ways I didn't know I could before. I drew closer to my husband and my Savior. I understand a little of what others feel when they go through this process. I learned to laugh about people who send references to conference addresses made over 30 years ago that are about premarital sex although the person sending them thinks they are about In Vitro in some way. Some people may judge and/or don't understand these type of trials, but I've learned to love them still and hope they can understand some day. I absolutely loved the General Conference talk given by Neil L. Andersen about the importance of children. He talked about how others should not judge one another on the subject of children. He said these decisions should be made with sincere prayer and acted on with great faith. I am comforted by this statement because this is what we have always done. I've learned many, many personal spiritual lessons from going through all of these things.

I received the news that our In Vitro didn't work after the first blood test this time. This was a relief to not have false hope for a week. Medically, we don't know why In Vitro hasn't worked for us. It could be from genetics from any one of us or my brain will not let an embryo stay attached to my uterus for some reason. We have felt blessed that we both have problems :) and that we can support each other and go through this together. I feel hope from the fact that we haven't been given a "never" to the possibility of me carrying our own baby yet. Tyler has said that he feels he will love an adopted baby much more than he thought he could now that we have gone through all of these little :) trials. I feel I have to say "little" because I know so many people go through many harder things than we do, especially our Savior and His sacrifice for us. At times I get bugged by the financial strain this has put on us, but that thought quickly leaves when I know we would have always wondered what would have happened if we didn't choose this route. We feel blessed that we could financially afford it.

After many years of trying we feel emotionally drained at times, but we feel overall peace. I have had many tender mercies from the Lord and many prayers have been answered and comfort from the Lord and others given. I have had great blessings from priesthood holders. I have a testimony that I know that God did not want this to work at this time. He does not want us to have a baby at this time. There is a purpose for trials and we will find out His reasons one day. We have tried our hardest. He knows we have always tried hard to be better people and live the Gospel. He knows our hearts and knows the desires we have always had in our hearts. The Lord has felt every bit of heartache we have had to endure. This is the truth for any trial or tribulation. I take comfort in knowing these things. We will receive promised blessings. For this I have hope and faith. I know God loves us and wants us to have joy and His blessings are eternal.

I am feeling back to normal now, as far as hormones are concerned. I like to think drugs and hormones won't affect the way I act. But they ultimately do. It stinks. I cried way too many times this round. I cried when waiting for the doctor's office to call me for one last blood test. It was to make sure my HCG levels went to zero. They didn't call me back for 30 minutes and I kept seeing couples coming in and being called back before me. It just got to me and I started crying. Then, a bunch of people came out to comfort me. It was embarrassing. Also, a cute older man at the temple was helping us with some temple sealings of my ancestors. We went to do this on the day we received our official "no". The sealer told me that there were a lot of posterity with the same last name. He then asked me in front of everyone if we had children. I said no, not yet. He then told us "You better get going on that soon because you have some examples to follow". I was not offended, he was a nice old man, but because of the timing, I started to cry. I tried so hard not to cry that I had to put my hands over my extremely quivering mouth. I just didn't want to let my ancestors down. But a sweet sister came over to me and asked me if I wanted a tissue. What an angel.

I just finished reading "Beloved Emma", a book about Emma Smith, wife of our first prophet of the restored church, Joseph Smith. She was a remarkable person in her life on earth. Reading about her trials and hardships made mine seem less apparent. She went through a lot and I am so grateful to her. I recommend this book to anyone (thanks tracy for letting me borrow the book).

I will not be writing about this subject for a little while because we will probably have to finish paying off our medical bills before we do something again. Thank you again for all of the thoughts, prayers, fasting, dinners, treats and every other service anyone has done for us. They have all helped to comfort us. I wanted to end with a great quote I found from an article in the Ensign July 1998 by Dallin H. Oaks. He said "Like the mortal life of which they are a part, adversities are temporary. What is permanent is what we become by the way we react to them." I want to become like my Savior and I hope I can always better react to situations like Him. I'm not perfect and far from perfection, but I know if I strive to be better each day, I'm on the right track. And that is what matters to our Heavenly Father. :)