My blog has been way too neglected. Life has been a hard balance the last few years. Looking back 4 years, I am in awe of what we have survived and the miracles that have occurred in our lives. The Lord has stood beside us and led us through some of the darkest times imaginable. There were times I wanted to curl up in a ball and pretend that none of the challenges we were experiencing were real. I learned to be more empathetic. I learned that prayer is essential. I learned to ponder before I prayed. Remember the days when you knelt down to pray, said pretty much the same thing each morning and night, and then forgot about it until the next time? I have learned that prayer is similar to a breeze on a beautiful warm day. It's comforting and refreshing. The feelings experienced during prayer move around you in such a way that you see possibilities, that burdens become lighter (like the breeze) and you feel hope. Despair is pushed out of the way. Prayer is renewing. Prayer is reflective. You see yourself as the Lord sees you and you realize that as His daughter, the answers to your heartfelt prayers are waiting for you to receive. You learn to slow down your thinking. The rush of panic you may feel over a problem is gently calmed, allowing you to gain perspective. Why would we deny ourselves the opportunity to have these feelings? If I have learned anything these past few years, it is that the Lord has been waiting for me to settle down long enough to talk to him in prayer. I need the peace of understanding and I need to build my relationship closer to him. As we draw closer to the Lord in prayer, but we will see more clearly all the many blessings that have been given to us.
More challenges await. Each day brings with it another test (or two, or three). I don't want to live my life waiting for the "other shoe to drop." I want to experience happiness. The happiness I'm looking for is the perspective that everything is okay, despite the challenges. My wonderful Stake President said something to me a few months ago that continues to rush into my mind when I'm stressed. "It's enough!" I had been so much on a treadmill of solving problems that I was feeling discouraged and that my efforts weren't enough. I wasn't cutting myself any slack. There was always something more I needed to do to help others. I felt weighed down by fatigue, weighed down by the magnitude of the challenges, and weighed down that there were things I couldn't bring myself to do. Thinking about my Stake President's counsel "It's enough," he wanted me to realize that the Lord was pleased with all that I was doing. That He expected no more from me and that I could let go of the worry that was continually keeping me sad. This wise counsel has been so comforting. I know, without a doubt, that the Lord is mindful of each of us. We need to cut ourselves a little slack and focus on the value the Lord sees in each of us. It will keep us from feelings of discouragement when there is so much to do or the trials are too hard.
