i get worked up when i saw her commenting my status.

i dont know why.

i secretly have this instinct telling me that she now KNOWS the whole story

and she just tries to get on my nerve.

it is bullshit if she tells me that she does not know anything.

you told her didnt you?

what confusion, misunderstanding.

at first i thought i was fine when i heard it the first time.

but these past few days, it got me thinking about it again.

the logic only applies when i had a RELATIONSHIP with you.

if lets say you dump me and you chose her over me.

the reality is we never had. we never even got the chance to go that far.

what possible reason you had to tell her things about me?

you want to show her that i am pathetic for not getting you?

and she is damn lucky to have you instead?

come on!

how old are you?

i am probably wrong but you and her can laugh at me all you want.

people there know better.

people who were there before, saw it and they certainly know better.

i maybe the loser now.

whatever it is that you have planned, YOU WONT WIN!

a love letter that was never sent.

moving out and moving on.

two things i'll be doing in due time.

moving out of this hellhole.

mostly on weekdays.

weekends i'll be back to pay my dues.

moving on because i was too late.

too little too late in fact.

for ignoring you for too long.

for listening to other people instead of my own heart.

for being too hard inside.

for lacking in confident in other people.

instincts have been coming rapidly yet i never learn from my mistakes.

i have no one to blame but myself.

i would be lying if i dont feel sad.

but she made it crystal clear to me.

i dont blame you, not at all.

this is not my first time anyway.

it happened before with mr A n ms P.


with that,

MOHD SHAQIB IZWAN B MAT YUSOFF, aku doakan engkau berbahagia dengan ZAINURIN HANAFI.
AMIN!

when hell freezes over...

what a controversial title isnt it? LOL

i just think that my blog is too icy to be thawed hence the surprising proverb.

though it is somewhat irrelevant.

for those who knows that im no longer employed in the meantime *sob*

im going to have to rely on MF for some of my expenses.

classes have been great except one (and may add one more)

it is certainly a chaos to have to be doing two different term papers for a course

simply because there are two different lecturers. i would say, 'pppfffttt'

im hyperventilating as we speak.

and FYI, im moving out soon.

will let you know how it goes.


p/s: you had me at menunaikan solat *wink*

;(

if i hardly say exactly what is on my mind and my heart, am i considered as hypocrite?

need feedback pronto.

daunting july.

my weekends in July were robbed off of me.

sports, extra classes, adjudicating debates (though inexperience).

i get to have the last weekend to myself.

watching movies and shopping.

i was not really complaining.

especially for the sports part.

because when she asked me whether i was there to watch or to root for you?

my usual answer would just be "just watching." nonchalantly.

however, another thing happened elsewhere.

in my heart.

i was happy seeing you.

i know, i know. i always say the opposites from how i actually feel.

does that make me pretentious?

you decide.

what does it mean when your loved one whom had passed on, visit other people in their dreams, but not you?

i know i can never understand that feeling until i experienced it myself.

the dark is pulling me back in.

come and take me away.

Last time I talked to you
You were lonely and out of place
You were looking down on me
Lost out in space

Laying underneath the stars
Strung out and feeling great
Watch the red orange glow
Watch it float away

Down here in the atmosphere
Garbage and city lights
Gonna save you’re tired soul
You’re gonna save our lives
Turn on the radio to
Find you in satellite
I’m waiting for the sky to fall
I’m waiting for a sign

And all we are
Is all so far

You’re falling back to me
The star that I can see
I know you’re out there somewhere out there
You’re falling out of reach
Defying gravity
I know you’re out there
Somewhere out there

Hope you remember me
When you’re homesick and need a change
I miss you’re purple hair
I miss the way you taste
I know you’ll come back some day
On a bed of nails I wait
I’m praying that you don’t burn out
Or fade away

And all we are
Is all so far

You’re falling back to me
The star that I can see
I know you’re out there somewhere out there
You’re falling out of reach
Defying gravity
I know you’re out there
Somewhere out there

You’re falling back to me
The star that I can see
I know you’re out there


You’re falling out of reach
Defying gravity
I know you’re out there
Somewhere out there

You’re falling back to me
The star that I can see
I know you’re out there somewhere out there
You’re falling out of reach
Defying gravity
I know you’re out there
Somewhere out there

You’re falling back to me
I know, I know

You’re falling out of reach
I know

throw in the towel

resistance is futile.

that is what they used to tell me.

which is why i still join in the bandwagon.

simply because i am a make-love-not-war kind of person.

i dont like confrontations

and the only confrontations i have ever done are in dreams.

yes, in dreams. whereby i subconsciously telling people off.

never in real life. pathetic i know.

self defence mechanism.

no matter how much i detest myself at times,

i wont let anything bad happen to me.

especially in rare circumstances.

such as in studies. i always play it safe, always.

you can never find me adventurous in eating even.

i think i have been through a lot.

emotionally.

just when i wanted to hang my hopes up,

something always deter me.

like when i participating in the jungle trekking.

climbing the hill with zero stamina.

i was at the point of passing out.

but i keep pushing myself.

not to faint or show signs of emergency needed.

i only realized then that i am not quitter.

unfortunately for me,

i am a quitter in that department.

i quit easily.

maybe it is because i do not have any actual experience to overcome it.

and with that, i withdraw myself.

can i choose not to name this?

i recently confessed to her that i actually like you. ;)

i dont know why i did that but the feeling has been there for a while.

i am just in this denial that people think i chose you over him because you are more good looking.

all this while, people around us have been telling me what a match we would be.

how we look alot alike.

how we smile the same way.

how our name starts with the same syllable.

how our fathers' names start and end with the same letter.

so she said "if those arent the indicators, what else?"

you do look like my paternal father figure.

which is why i kinda detest you in the first place.

but one thing is certain,

you have been the one chasing me, not vice versa.

i dont have to make any first move

i dont have to give any heavy hints

i definitely dont have to do everything

for whatever it is worth,

i chose you because you seem like someone who can save me.

like s used to say,

people need others to save them occasionally.

or something like that.

i probably need you to save me. *blush*

open wound

I’m on the floor
Counting one minute more
No one to break the silence

Staring into the night
All alone but that’s alright
It’s the feeling deep inside I don’t like

There is no excuse my friend
For breaking my heart
Breaking my heart again
This is where our journey ends
Your breaking my heart again

Here in my bed
Counting the words you’ve said
They linger in the shadows

Coming home late at night
Drunk again but that’s alright
It’s the look in your eyes I don’t like

giggity giggity goo!

i think i am more a hugs-and-pecks-on-cheeks kind of person ;)







i can always detect how a guy feels towards most of my friends and they were almost always bulls eye.







but when it comes to my own situation, it left me baffled.







what is not helping is the fact that i am probably being pursuit by dos muchacho(s).(if i am not making this thing up in my head)







p/s: seven is my new favourite number ^_^

not mini figurine.

the joy of not having your own transportation is that you get to meet a lot of interesting people.

for someone who is so used to walk about and catching the next trip for the public transportation, i have always loved it! (though i throw my darts at them sometimes)

so, as many as mundane munster alone understands, getting out from my neighbourhood to the nearest city spot can be overwhelming due to the fact(s) that i have to cross the MRR2's ocean of vehicles and also because of the lack of convenience.

my usual plan is to just get a cab. despite listening to numerous horrible stories/news about cab driver and the passenger, it never deterred me from getting into one.

it always starts with a friendly chit chat that eventually subsides into silence. however, the last time i was in a cab was probably the best moment i ever had, ever.

the cab driver somehow read my mind (and my heart for that matter) about marriage and all. he started explaining his stands on the issue of letting his children, especially young ladies, to go out having fun.

he was such a sport for giving the green light for his daughters, just as long as they remind themselves not to get into too much hanky panky. siap bagi pegang tangan okeh? not more than that obviously.

two of his sons are now married. he told me that if the sons told him things, he only believes 3-4% of it but if the daughters-in-law, he believes them 100% because according to him, he has to protect them since no one else can.

one of his advice was: perempuan kena "kedekut" sayang. (this is my favourite of all) <3

he has another two single sons. boleh tak nak kawen dengan anak dia semata-mata nak dia sebagai ayah mertua? LOL

i was smiling all the way to mundane munster's house.

and the best part was, when i was about to step out of the cab, he reminded me to take care of myself and do not forget whatever he said.

i will never F O R G E T pakcik, N E V E R.

i.want.out

dearest T,



i am so sorry i cant marry you.
you see, i come with a package.
with me, it consists of baggage.
the baggage is hardly replaceable.
as i know that you have issues with people with baggage,
i am afraid it is time for me to let you go.



with love,
yours truly.

live my life.

whenever school break comes around, i always find myself with nothing to do at home.

this causes oversleeping, further malnutrition and also not forgetting poor hygiene habits (i do wash my face and brush my teeth though)

i wanted to learn dancing. seriously.

probably ballroom dancing. or tap dancing.

it can even be tango.

capoeira is a martial art combined with some dancing movement. cool!

learning another language is also on my list.

preferably italian. guess when you eat too much of pizzas and pastas, it kind of stuck. LOL

wanted to break a sweat but no company. sigh

i need more ENERGY actually. my maternal voice says i pampered myself too much. whatever that may mean.

been thinking about buying trampoline and swiss ball everytime going out with mundane munster, tapi tak pernah beli. pppffftt

do you have any other suggestions for me to kill the time?

The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Your Guardian Angel

iloveyousomuch!

archilles heel.

whenever you are around, i will never get out of the room because i do not want to even catch a glimpse of you. that is how much i loathe you.

whenever you are around, i will lose every inch of appetite i normally have because just the fact of you breathing the same air i do makes me sick to my stomach. that is how much i despise you.

whenever you are around, my heart rate will always go on this sharp rise to the point of it almost bursts through the thickness of my skin. you might not have done anything that inflicts me, as what you have always claimed your entire life. you are too ignorant to see the catastrophe you have caused thus far.

never underestimate what i will or will not do. you did not see that one coming did you? yes, of course you can sell that sob story to everyone else who knows nothing about you but at the end of the day, you deserve everything that happens to you!

this will destroy me, eventually. despite having to repress it to the deepest core of my soul and turning a blind eye to every help needed, your self-destructive nature is turning viral.

why so serious?

i consider myself as serious.

i do.

i juat cant pretend.

it never work anyway.

i am serious in everything.

to the extend it gets the best of me sometimes.

which i regret occasionally.

however it may sound uptight to you,

it is hardly the case, really.

because in my world,

i do the best i can to enjoy it.

my way.

i am serious when i am upset.

i am serious when i am furious.

i am even more serious when

i

am

in

love ;)

one thing i have learned from looking at how you handle your relationship is that you rather bend than argue.

this is coming from a woman who used to be so rebellious that you are even touted as someone cold and heartless.

you bent simply because you want to keep the relationship.

you are too afraid to move on if you lose him.

no man would be given that kind of satisfaction, if it was up to me.

the one and only crucial reason why i dont do double.

fuck off.