blindsided?

you and i dont have much in common.

you are very happy go lucky as if your life is always filled with bubbles of happiness.

meanwhile, i am the kind of person who wears my heart on my sleeves.

and yet, we enjoyed each other's company so much.

i am not asking more than what we already have.

because for me, it is better if you dont understand =)

and i did the unthinkable for you, one which i have never done in my entire life by far.

thank you so much for being you!

p/s: went hysterical kena ngorat dengan abg teksi. funny and bewildered! LMAO

hummed over and over and over again.

It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

;)

walking down the memory lane-ish.

dear green shirt in ikea,

you are such a feast for the eyes.

although you were not aware of my kind stare at first,

you came around eventually.

for the fact that you returned it with the same generous amount of watch.

thank you so very much, you certainly made my day ;)

-----------------------------------------------------

as i was walking with my dearest mother

looking for the supplement i need for being so weak and fragile,

i noticed a stare from across the hallway.

it was you.

you whom i had a very tough time getting over.

you whom i thought i had the courage to approach.

you whom i finally gave up after getting bitten by the reality's bug.

you still remembered i assumed.

since you were the one who catch a glimpse of me first ;)

when our eyes met, it sent a long lost cheer to my heart.

though it happened in a split second, it made me feel like a little child.

okay. since i have unresolve issues with my father, that makes me a bimbo then?





damn you, barney!






p/s: the barney mentioned here is referring to barney stinson from HIMYM, no relations to barney the purple dinosaur. thank you.

behind closed doors.

the eid's eve was full of surprises.

well it wasnt that surprising,

but because there were 2 revelations.

one is for the man.

i would like to express my utmost gratitude to you for no longer proving me wrong.

two is for the kid.

i hope i would never ever pull off something like that.

this year, not much excitement happened.

not even the giving duitraya session.

sigh.

a slap in the face.

you said that you didnt see any of the things that i worked on?

just because i dont stand out, doesnt mean im not doing anything.

of course yea, i didnt get any employee of the month's award.

i did lots of thing, it was just i wasnt given any stamp of approval saying i did a good job.

and all those things happened BEFORE your arrival.

so STOP JUDGING ME BECAUSE YOU DONT KNOW ME THAT WELL!

ppppfffftttt~

cloak.

if i didnt know any better, i would think you are avoiding me.

sigh paranoid demons, please go away.

shoo.

less is more?

paiseh.

in my not-so-brimming-with-happiness life, i always manage to be in certain situations which makes me appreciate it once in a while ;)

yesterday, i decided to tag my uncle along to his house to visit dearest second family to talk about the pressing issue at hand LOL. i was late because the bus came late. well, it was my fault to leave at such critical (read=peak) hour. :P

we agreed that i waited for him at the departure wing so that it will be easier to return to BB. without clarifying it beforehand, i was so sure that he would be driving his black honda city. as i got out from the automatic glass door, i saw a black honda city stopped abruptly at the roadside. my head was thinking, "okay i better go to him."

i saw a man in the car which makes me even more confident that it is him. as i paced quickly to the car, my heart said this, "what was his plate number again? i dont remember. ah it is him, it couldnt be anyone else." so much for self-proclaimed clairvoyant huh?

when i was about to put my small bag at the passenger side's seat at the back, i looked up to see it wasnt my uncle at all. it was some random indian guy waiting for someone as well. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

i was so damn embarassed that i called my mom and sis and told them what happened. i was laughing so hard that my both cheeks hurt. dear friends, please dont do whatever i did. dont be too sure of everything, ask appropriately. dont be over-confident.

nevertheless, it managed to make me smile for the rest of the day ;)

my fb is flooded with newsfeed from the students.

gosh! i need a new account.

so the roadtrip was excellent.

except for the fact that i didnt bump into him there.

so much for not exchanging number huh?

i think im going to do it nonetheless.

of course all advice and recommendations are welcome,

i will do it my way.

and nobody is going to stop me this time =)

sounds suspicious?

shattered. for now.

my worst expectation has been confirmed.

you are not talking to me because apparently you think that i didnt do my job.

have you ever tried asking me FIRST before jumping into conclusion?

you didnt inform me about the changes either.

so all i did was add up the points.

and you know what?

i hate when these things happen.

because i know how you would react.

because i have seen it all.

because i know all your so-called "methods" of making the other party feel down.

because i did join in your bandwagon.

because i didnt do anything to stop myself from further despair you cause.

why did i ever let you get to me?

why did i let myself feel very bad?
_________________________________________________

you are pathetic.

you go all out on getting others' approval and attention.

whereas they dont even care about you.

you are turning into her.

the person you have been bitching about.

the person you loathe ever since she took your bestfriend away.

the thing is, she was N.E.V.E.R your bestfriend.

you hurt so many people and you can question why you have been having so many obstacles in life?

that is because you never realize it.

all you ever bother to do is to highlight others' faults.

please get your self dignity back because you are lacking of it.

kicked out of wonderland.

i think i have reasoned out a lot.

i sacrificed a lot.

i disregard everything else.

but boy, was i wrong.

maybe it was never wise to think so.

maybe i was meant to be thrown into that position.

no matter how hard i try to be with it,

i just cant.

i am afterall a failure as some people would like to think.

why did i let them get to me?

sighhhhhhhhhhhh

tear duct on auto

a friend of mine told me that one of our senior colleague has a very unique of looking at L.O.V.E

"cinta hanya mainan perasaan. aku tak cintakan isteri aku tapi aku rase tanggungjawab."

*glass shattered"

jade is semi precious minerals mainly worn by my chinese friends whom believe in its remedy to heal.

unfortunately, the feeling of jaded doesnt derive from the stone.

not as what i like to think of it.

he asked me to start collecting material for my writing

the fact that he has faith in me, made my life worth it ;)

i want to quit but i cant.

again, doubting myself is like second to nature to me.

i want to do things. a lot of it.

i want to support a child.

i want to serve the poor food.

i want to learn sign languages.

i want to experience living in a foreign country just for the kicks.

i want to open a secret recipe/pakli kopitiam franchise. the latter is preferred.

i want to be a handywoman :D

i want them to join me. =)

i hate second-guessing myself.

hope some of your charm dust wiil be rubbed off on me.

i may have lost a possible well articulated acquaintance. sigh.

mode: ambitious ;)

distinctively you.

with you, i can be someone im not, someone better.

with you, i can be on top of the world and attentive.

with you, i can be a total girlie girl. ;)

i know im on my way of digging a posssible grave,

it doesnt matter, just as long as im happy.

i miss talking to you, though i dont really show it. =)

eyes sore and/or conjunctivitis

everytime i see your name appears, my hands feel like scratching the lives out of my eyes.

that is how sickening it is.

i used to care a lot about you.

i do, i seriously do.

you are like a brother i never had.

but what you did was hurtful.

though you did not have any intention whatsoever to do so.

or so you claimed.

despite of knowing that i may never forgive her,

you crawled your way back.

i will still care about you but not as i was before.

things have changed.

call me bitter, call me unreasonable.

i dont give a damn anymore.

she was right.

i am only as good as being given the compliment but not good enough to be considered as the real deal.

and she was talking about you, mister!

i think i could be a very good telephonist.
but only to those considerate people.
regardless of the amount of perspiration i had to endure.
despite of my deep and sometimes coarse voice.

WTH? hahaha :D

im all worked up.

all thanks to my own stupidity.

okay so i am a tad clumsy, isnt everyone else?

but why do i have to react negatively to it?

like if i accidentally smear some of my moisturiser on the bed.

i get all tensed and keep cursing myself.

this will go on for quite a while until im satisfied.

my "quite a while" sometimes last a few days. sigh

i guess it started since i was small

because i would always be blamed for being clumsy.

it is not a trait you should have apparently.

and they made such a big deal that i carried it along up until now.

like i am currently slapping myself for not checking the shampoo i brought back to KL.

and it managed to almost empty the whole bottle.

dhla beli mahal, tu la gatal sgt nk reboding blk *_*

just like what has been bothering me recently.

damn you little bitch!

i will make sure you pay for it!!

a hidden figure.

you know when some time in your life whereby you think you lost all hope to hold on to.

well, i am there literally.

i guess im just tired of saving myself.

i wanted to know how does it feel to be saved, so badly.

but the question is,

am i willing to let go of it all?

am i willing to take the risk and, jump?

am i confident enough that there is someone out there who would give their hands and limbs just to be there for me?

life IS drama =)

the demarcation...

why, in the world, would most guys i know called me "kerek"??

what is the real definition for it?

can somebody fill me in on this?

this is the only reason why i love him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f38Ne96R3iE

beautiful mist.

this year i hope i'll be happier and more cheerful for my f3 angels.

love them though they can be a pain in the @$$ sometimes.

well, most of the time :D

im in catch-22 *_*

things definitely have minds of their own.

they tend to do/happen unexpectedly.

it is almost like they have this burning desire to make us crash and burn.

like they attain greatest joy watching us fall from the highest ground.

i guess postponing is the best solution there is.

*sigh