对你的眷恋只是昙花一现的梦境。。
好想伸手，握着，但手中却什么也抓不住。

你是梦幻。不真实的幻象

A few days of short break away from sg probably is the essential amount of time that I needed the most now... Some quiet time for myself..

I think this would be the right time for me to explore the "ME" that I will enjoy spending my time with.. I should love myself more than everyone else.. Rather than letting others to decide the value of me.

Losing the ppl I loved had blown down all the happiness that I built up so far.. Everything has gone down to ashes.. Nothing left behind other than the hollow heart with no soul, flesh with no self-confidence...

I want to be happy being myself. Feeling great even without any companion. Dress up everyday just to make myself feeling confident. Smell nice just to make myself feeling comfortable. I wan to enjoy the time with myself. I wan to be happy again.. I wan my smile back on my face again...

When could that day happen to me again...

守在电话旁等待你的信息是多么的煎熬。。。你不会知道，因为你不知道我的在乎。。

暗恋就是那么难熬的。

Week 3 is always super tough.. The learning curves suddenly hyped up and accelerate so fast that I am already left behind... Toasted ady....

I suddenly feel so weak and so scare... The maths always gave me so much stress... I think I seriously have to put down my work and work on my maths le.. Perhaps week 4 will b the last week that I work ba...

N yeah... 舍不得... But I have to reschedule my life according to the priority. Working is not the first priority now. Neither is relationship. So I must buck up n pull myself up. Ready for the hell like study life coming...

I have to let go. I cant hypnotize myself anymore

暗恋最好的地方就是不用理会对方喜不喜欢自己。没想要在一起，所以也就没有那么多压力。默默付出也许很傻，可是我很快乐。

我的心太吵。。。
喧闹不肯静下来。。
我想休息，但它却一直离家出走不肯回来，眷恋在别人身边。。

我想先搞清楚我自己到底哪里值得，再从新出发。。
这一段仲夏之梦。。。
已成为过去了。

我累了。。。好想好好休息一阵子。。。
我的心也需要一些时间来恢复。。
喜欢和付出，我现在都没有能力。。

对天蝎来说，纯友谊到底存在吗？

刚才回家的路上，我一直再挣扎。。
转outram还是buona？。
我想去见你。。
但我知道不可以。。
去了让你难堪，何必呢。。。

赶快清醒过来。
面对现实。

Face the reality.
Face the truth.
Face the fear.

Drowned in emo songs again...

I will still be here for you.
I promised you I will stay in your life , and I will. No matter what's happened.

move on

我不知道你看到我的post过后会有什么反应，但我希望你可以move on。
过去的事已经过去，我不想再提也不想追究谁对谁错。
只要你幸福，其他的都不算什么。
别让过去影响你现在和未来的快乐。

move on
别让我再次成为罪人，别让我的牺牲都白白浪费了。。

你值得更好的。

其实只要你现在是幸福的，我怎么样都没关系。。。受点委屈，我没关系。。

I appreciate your effort to concern about me.. But I am not ready to talk to you yet.. I hurt too bad...

Everything is just lies....

Im feeling stupid. Like an idiot... I thought u n I are from the same horoscope, should be able to think similarly... But, no... Perhaps I am wrong.

I hate lies.. I hate being betrayed..
And all these while...
Are just lies...

I am so disappointed in you....
But I even more disappointed in myself.
Because I failed to make u have trust in me..

我又开始疯狂买食物了。。。这就是我开始感觉压力的预兆。。

才刚刚开始上学第二天，我就精神紧绷到不行。一上完第一堂数学，我的脑就充血了。老师好像在讲火星话，写法文。。看不懂，听不懂。。。才第一课，我就半条命了。。真的该花多一些时间来搞清楚这些火星文。。。晕啊。。

接下来的第二堂还听得懂一些。比较熟悉的东西。一些学过的，所以还没那么紧张。可是有project。form team最麻烦。没熟人一起啊～～～～poly就是那么惨。一起进大学的同学少到可怜。哪像jc的全部一大群一起上学。。。凄惨。。

一放学整个人累到快跨。动太多脑力比动体力还累。。压力到喘不了气。。结果就买了一大堆零食来囤仓。。我看我吃一个月都吃不完。。。这个坏习惯迟早要改掉。。。唉。。。

Again... Money matters...

I hate to go home. Each time I went back, I came back to sg with tons n tons of financial burden. I already have so many things to worry about for my study, yet I still need to think about how to made money... This is so heavy... I have no choice but to face it..

Some how I just hope home is a place that like a haven for me... Perhaps a place for me to rest.. Not a deathpit that kill me again n again with all these stress and burden...

I just wan to survive thru this sem again..
FIGHT FOR SURVIVAL!!!!!

如果爱到最后只剩下痛苦，那当初为了“给你幸福”而爱的意义到底在哪里？。。。

放手让你走，是我最后的温柔。

既然你想要的幸福我没办法给你，我又何必苦苦纠缠？。。与其让你那么难过，为难，我何不让我自己一个人承受就好。

还你自由，因为你值得更好的。
未来，有更好的等待着你。。
我只是一个曾经爱过你的其中一个而已。。

如今，你我不再对彼此有感觉。
或许是注定，我和你只可以是我和你。
是时候放下，转身，向新的方向前进。

感谢你曾经让我感到无比幸福。
因为你，我相信爱情。

我说过，如果有一天你不再喜欢我或者有人比我更爱你， 我会大方祝福你。

如今你说不喜欢我，也有个比我更适合你，更爱你的人在守候。我会大方祝福你。
祝你幸福快乐。

句号。

我和她之间，画上了句号。
干妹妹。

我也不知道为什么我会开口问，也没想到她会答应。就在那短短几分钟内，我们之间的关系直接从暧昧变成姐妹。

或许我只是需要一个借口把她留在我的生命中。。既然已是姐妹，那也就一辈子了。界线更清楚，我也不再confused了。

还是一样可以关心，但现在的关心已不再带有暧昧。
还是一样在乎，但不再因为喜欢而在乎。
像对待亲人般的照顾，就是我唯一留下来的方法。

只要你快乐，你过的好，你过的幸福，我就欣慰了。。现在有骑士在你身边守候，我还有什么借口不放手？。。
我祝福你。

我的承诺，我守住了。

The worst day had come.... 

The day that I pray hard not to happened...

You made a decision.

Finally u said it... 

"You should let me go..."

If this is your final decision, I honour your decision.

Today was hell like day for me.. So torture... Ah b kept asking me what had happened, n I am so pissed at her, so I ignore her as much as I can. Like a jerk... But I can't help it.. I am really too angry at her. Coz she interfere my relationship first. I knew she did it out of her concern on me, but i still pissed. If she never tell you so much, perhaps now I still able to love you silently. But now, you had officially made the decision that you wanted me to give up, I have no excuses to stay anymore... I'm painful.. But what can I do... Nothing. None at all...

I promised i will not leave your life. I will fulfill my promises. But allow me to disappear for a while.. Before I can really face u with no desire n fondness at all, i really need to get you out of my mind entirely... The love rooted so deep, it is so painful to pull it out entirely... But I have to... If that's what you wanted, I will grant your wishes.. If be friends is what you wanted, i will be your friend. If close friend is what u wanted, I will b your close friend. However, I know we will never be lover. So I need to get rid of all my love towards you... Entirely..

My mental had accepted the fact that you are no longer like me. So my mind know we are only friends. But I am unsure about my heart. It still struggling to accept the truth that i already lose you... Tmr will b an exam-like kind of hangout for me.. If my heart can face u calmly, then v should b fine. If not, I really need some space n time to cool down... I need to step back until I stepped outside of the friend zone.. Bear wit me for a while... Please....

I'm not a robot, I can't let go so fast... It took my soul away when you left my life... Now my heart is only left with empty shell that had broken into zillion pieces... It takes some time to put it back...

It's not easy.

Someday... 

Someday I will b alright...

Dun worry..

No one would understand how painful it is for me to go to sushi tei now..

To face my buddy who break my relationship with my love one,

To face my love one with poker face like I dun feel a thing at all...

All the sorrow...

I need to hide, but I do not know how to...

疏远。
我唯一能为你做的，就是疏远你。

往后我不能再看着你了。。
就算真的要看，也只能看你的背影。
以后不能再关心你了。。
就算真的想关心，只能默默的在心里记念你。
再也不能再用现在这种心情思念你了。。
就算真的想念你，也只能把思念藏起来，静静的放在心里。

现在容许我再为你流一次泪。。
容许我再为你心疼一次。。
容许我为自己逝去的爱情哀悼一分钟。
我以后都不可以再爱你了。

你自由了。

是不是我配不上你？。。

是我长得不够好看？不够富有？不够体贴温柔？不够聪明？学业不够好？还是因为我是女生？。。。

不管是以上哪一项，我都认了。。。
事实，就是你不曾喜欢我
就算真的有喜欢，也只是朋友间的喜欢。。
所以我只能接受事实，做你的朋友。。

模糊不清的界限，我好挣扎。。。
理性告诉我停下来，我的心却一直向着你奔去。。。
我和你之间是如此靠近，却是那么遥远。。。

只是朋友而已。

我们之间有一条跨不过的线。

朋友

只停留在这里。。

就算我很喜欢你，很在乎你，也终究跨越不了。。

其实最伤的不是你不喜欢我，

而是你对我的喜欢只是朋友间的喜欢。

所以一直以来是我误会了。。

是我误会了。

如果你不曾喜欢我，我至少还可以狠下心放弃你。。

但朋友间的喜欢，我进退两难。。

你不想失去我，我更不想失去你。。

只能远远看着的距离，或许就是我和你之间最近的距离了。

当爱已变成负担，继续等下去是对还是错。。

如果我不能给你幸福，放你走是不是更好一点。。。

我真的很怕我继续坚持会伤害到你。。。
我该怎么办。。

my world fall into complete darkness when i saw your text...

i was so shocked and stunned...
nearly stopped breathing..
i dunno what to do, dunno how to react...
dunno what had went wrong...

lost....

i thought u r giving up on me...
i thought you are going to stop me from loving you..
i thought you are going to avoid me...

so painful... my chest was so heavy...
the vision is getting blur..
n i just couldn't stop the weeping...

i fell too deep.. love too much...

i dun care about the title. never care before.
as long as ur heart is with me, i'm on your mind, i dun care about anything.
if bear the title of gf is too burden, too stressful to you, you dun need to.
i still love you as much as i do now.
with or without the title, i will always be the same.

i will not give up on you...

unless you found someone who love you more than i do and you do not have any feeling towards me anymore...
before that happen, i am not giving up on you...

Every little new things about you made me feel so surprised~ I love the uniqueness you have. I am amazed by the exciting life that you had before you met me.. 

But I am so worry....

Worry that someday you will get bored of me.. Get tired of me... I can only pray that the day will never come...

I love the way you are... I will not try to change you or stop you from doing anything you wanted to do, as long as you think it is good for you, I wun say no.

I respect your rights and I honor your thinking.. If you made a decision, I will support you no matter what decision it is. But if you trying to do anything that will hurt yourself, I will not allow it to happen.

I love to understand you more through your life story.. I cant go back in time to take part in your past, but I do believe all the past experiences built up who we are today. Do share with me about your story, I love who u are today, I will definitely accept who you were in the past. I wun judge you because only God can judge us.

Thx for spending 13/14 with me~ thx for giving me a perfect full stop in 2013 and a wonderful beginning in 2014. I will do my best to give you a blissful life in 2014 with everything I can =)