有你在乎我就够了。。

我曾经握的太紧，放得太松，如此轻易地失去了我所爱的人。

现在我只想让你成为我的世界。除你以外，我的心容不下其他人。。

不管是心动还是冲动，我这次不想放手。。

现在还没牵手，但我知道我不会放手。
因为我真的感觉得到她的心在我这里。。
这种奇妙的经历，我说不清楚。。
没想到真的会有人在我动情之前就已经喜欢上我。
我真的幸福
很幸福。。

与你擦肩而过，我自认我已尽力了。
你对我的残忍，我不再想记住。

这次，我不想负了她。

如果有一天你不再是我的牵挂，你是否还在乎。。

如今，我竟然只能对这些小朋友聊天来减轻我的痛苦。。你对我的残忍。。。你真的舍得。。

能不能让我再倔强一次？
再让我固执一次。。
再为你疯狂一次。
不管你怎么对我，不管你怎么忽略我，不管你会不会看见我，我都想再为你奋不顾身 不顾一切一次。

我知道我傻。
但为了你，我宁愿傻下去。

真的爱你。我可以什么都不介意。。
只要你想要，只要你说出口，我不会说不。

或许是我气量不够广阔，不够大方吧。。。

喜欢听你的笑声，但你却不是因为我而笑。我甚至没有见过听过你笑的那么快乐。。能让你开怀的不是我。

喜欢与你共度的时光，喜欢你的存在。但你的人在这里，心却不在。。 又有什么意义呢。。

我知道我不该计较，不该在乎。。但我真的难过。我到底算什么。。。只是出外游玩的kaki...

What am I to you..

没关系。。。真的没关系。。。

早就知道你等待的人不是我，不该抱有任何期待。就算明白也接受这个事实，只是偶尔还是会难受我也没办法。没关系的。痛就流泪，一次过哭得够。。哭完就别再为同一件事流泪了。

你要的不是我

就这样待在你身边，就已经足够。

终于盼到你回来了。。。

I am driver of the day!!

Today is the first time I drove car to genting~~ I really like this new car of my bro-in-law, so powerful n high. Get me this shorty a better vision of the road. So nice~~

Today is the second day of roadtrip with my family. Another fun n interesting day~~ I like the fast n furious feeling when drive on road. N this car is so steady, I can't even feel I was speeding until my dad prompted me. So fun driving, but so tired too.. Especially during night time. My vision is playing tricks with me.. Fortunately, everything went quite well today. I am pretty satisfied so far~~

Took a family photo today. Will update it soon.

Day one with family trip at kl. Early in the morning went to my favourite noodle stall at Sri lalang, then ard afternoon went to kl eat fish head bee hoon. Then went to Ikea for crazy shopping~~~ really enjoy it because I saw so many new n cool stuff~ so many inspiration and I bought a few racks for my room. Hahahaha.. Then night went to doraemon cafe to eat dinner. Super long queue, so we went to pasar Malam at ss2. I did enjoy myself with a little bit of food hunt~~ overall is quite fun but tiring.. Lol... Day 1 ends here..

I am so not prepared for the family trip... Didn't bring my stuff back, din prepare my luggage, just bring myself back with nothing. Clumsy and panic. Lol...

I took 10days of leaves. Since sushi tei does not need me now, I give myself some decent off day. Enjoy my life abit. Some day off without having you on my mind.. Hopefully I can made some happy moments memories with my family in this short trip..

Good night world..

:价值观的不同。

用钱可以解决的问题就不是问题，可是问题是没有钱，所以问题本身就是问题。

我的同事都笑我太拼命了。每天做10full是会累死人的。后来他们都改口说我太需要钱～我也不否认。因为我真的需要。势利啊势利。。。但却不是我势利。

既然用钱可以解决的问题就不是问题，那我就向钱看齐，解决问题。

如今我变成这样，我都觉得自己可悲

我真的已经累到不行。。。一个礼拜四天做runner真的很累。。。

现在整个身体都不是我的，累得根本就动不了。。。

I guess you probably can't understand why am I working so hard during every vacation. I wun blame you for this because you dun need to worry about finance. But for me, I really need to plan before hand before I make any decision..

Sem 2 is always heavier to me in term of finance burden because all the loan I took is only sufficient to cover the school fees and living expenses for first sem. Which means I have to cover the remaining of the outstanding fees and full amount of the living expenses of sem 2 by myself. I need at least $900 to cover the fees, $1700 for the hostel fees and at least $1500 to cover my living expenses for 3 month. I can only earn ard 2k during this short vacation. In order for me to have this 2k, I need 4 solid week of working. As in, 6 working days per week, everyday work 11.5hours. Sound so easy, but I fact, this is quite challenging..  The uncertainties of falling sick, urgent leave and unable to secure schedule may causes varies in the expected salary that I needed. I really need this amount of money, I need it so badly simply bcoz I am self sustaining. If I sound materialistic to you, I admit it. I can't help. Reality had forces me to behave like this.

This is why I am so mad when you told me that you do not want to go road trip with me if you dun get to drive even when I have car for you to drive. N do u think I will go road trip without you on tat day? You knew It is not possible. N I would just waste my offday just like tat. I had planned my schedule and i had requested my offday to fall on tat day. It may seems easy to you, but not an easy process to ask for leaves during Christmas season. Furthermore, my personality dun like uncertainties and changes. I like to follow the plan that I planned. But it seems so miscellaneous to you. Changes are so easy and impromptu.... Perhaps this is the characteristic of Gemini... Of course I would made arrangement to accommodate your changes at the best that I can. I definitely can. Worst case is just ponteng work, but it would stained my reputation. 

You see, It is not the matters of money or time or whatsoever, this is the matter of integrity and trust. I am loyal to my job and I am loyal to my colleagues. I can't leave them to work extra hard when I am able to help out and share the woe with them. You know I will sacrifice everything for you, but u should know I have other roles to play in my circle. I can do anything and everything for you, and I will do it if you ask me to, but I hope you would at least take a second to think for me next time before you make changes in your plan. I am not forbidden you to do changes, just let me know before hand to allow me to make changes to accommodate it and remember It always causes ripples effects either big or small.please... Dun take my caring for granted.. You know I do not need to do these in the first place... I did it because I cherish the moments with you and appreciate your time...

或许生活平顺的人都没机会习得珍惜的奥义。一切都当作理所当然，轻而易举。。

其实我真的很气。。气人性的丑恶，气丑恶的势利。。但我最气我自己。是我没本事。如果我有车有钱，或许现在一切都不一样。但我后来发觉，其实人都是这样的。。人往高处爬，当然有吸引力的东西就容易把人吸过去。我只是个穷学生。或许自食其力已经不流行。自立跟生或许也不是吸引人的资格。 我虽然没有金山银山，但我有志气。我花我用我自己的劳力赚来的钱养活我自己 ，没车没房算什么？

你不需要我，你不屑我的付出，我都知道。你轻易用一句话就抹杀我的自尊。我真的没办法站起来。。。就算追不到你我也不要作贱自己。你看不到我的好，我认了。你不把我当一回事，我也认了。无论我说什么做什么，你都不放在心上，我也认了。你想怎样就怎样。我什么都认了。如果这是你想要的，我没资格再说什么。你可以不珍惜我，但请别再糟蹋我。

原来我并非非你不可。你如此对待我，我竟然什么都感觉不到。不管是已经免疫了，还是麻痹了，都已经不重要。因为心死了，其他的感觉都已失去。

原本一切美好的，瞬间一切都毁灭了。
我只能笑我自己傻。。
一切只是一场笑话

我好恨啊！！！
你为什么可以这样对我。。。

Reading into every word u said is silly. I dun even need your love.  I'm not even on ur list.. That's silly. Too silly.

N now I'm actually feeling nothing at all.. Perhaps my heart already get used to all the disappointment u gave me

我好累。。。累得想哭。
怎么突然间那么累。。
真的一点力气都没有了

Yesterday day was an awesome n fantastic food hunt trip!!! Super exciting and enjoyable~~ 

I'm so happy because I ate a lot of good n nice food~ I always love food hunt coz eating nice food made my day~ lol..

 

We ate Korean fry rice cake, kimchi pancake, takoyaki, Japanese fried noodle pancake, dorayaki, egg tart, camembert cheese cake, transformer berries cake, original royal pudding from Paris baguette, waffle, cafe latte, Kilkenny, ho chi mint cocktail, chicken wraps, roasted duck spring rolls.. A lot a lot of food~~~~ I finally get to explore orchard, especially takashimaya. I bought myself a cooking recipe and a book at kinokuniya, went to muji, bought Garrett popcorn for Mel n chien. Went to ion and loof~ so much so much fun!!! My off day is well spent with food hunt with my dedicated tour guide, yee chien~ wakakaka...

Then I miss the last bus to go back to pgp, so I took cab. The uncle prompt me so many funny questions. Lol.. He ask me am I foreign student since I stay in hostel. Then he asked me how much is the single room that I having. Then he ask me do I have gf? Do I bring my gf crash at my room or shared the room with my gf? I was like... ???????? I dun have gf. Then he say, u should get a gf mah~~ then u wun feel so boring to study. Lol lol lol... I dunno the uncle is open minded or he just can't identify my gender. So funny~~ I din even try to lower ny voice. My voice is so feminine... perhaps my outfit cheated him~ Lol...

What a wonderful and interesting day...

Today i had a surprise surprise day~~~ early in the morning, mel bought me venti toffee nut latte~ absolutely brighten up my day~ i was like flying over moon and super excited about it for whole day~~~ feeling energetic and high in spirit during work~~ i really love all these small little moves that mel did. even a short text telling me she took the gastric pills that i prepare for her, and i am so happy about it! 

another big surprise is during my lunch break. I was about to eat my lunch, then i received text from chien that she is waiting for me in front of sushi tei for lunch. i was holding my chicken katsu don and my yasai salad... lol... immediately gave away my rice and head out to eat thunder tea rice~ i am very surprise indeed. but i more appreciate her effort to come all the way from pioneer to vivo just to eat lunch with me. hahahaha... glad that i have friend like her~

what an exciting day for me~~~ i am the most blissful ppl in the world~~~ so many ppl love me in their own way~~ i feels loved~~

I can't blog tonight.. Coz I need yo wake up super early tmr... So ya.. Good night world~~

I am exhausted... My legs aren't mine.. I'm limping and walking like a crab... Coz my spine hurt so bad... Probably I walk too much today... Really too busy... Madness of Christmas season...

I feel so blissful each and every time I see the photos.. Probably this is the first time and only time we stand so close to each other... I didn't realised on the spot. Lol.. How fortunate I am~~~

I am glad that you finally think of me in emergency. Although is not physically 'me' there, but I really glad you listen to  my advise and took the pills. I'm so happy that it helps. How much I wish I could b more helpful to you, but I guess you dun even need me. Is okay~ I am fine to b the last on your list. As long as I'm on your list, I dun mind..

Today I am still in the overwhelming mood~ so actually I am actually working with extremely delightful mode. Is like I am not really feeling annoyed or tired for the two third of my working time. I suddenly feeling tired around 8 because the restaurant is really busy today.. Dunno why so busy... Is like all the customers came and goes at the same time, then order at the same time.. It makes us very busy n tiring... But anyway, I still survived... One more day to go then offday... Jiayou jiayou!!

Did you realized yesterday was the first time you hugged me? Although is just for photo shot, is just a few seconds, I am really happy about it! Perhaps it doesn't even considered as hug to you, but all these small little moves make me so happy!! Haha.. I understand you dun have any meaning behind it, yet I still grateful that you did it. Happy that you willing to put some effort on me. Haha. Can't think too much. And I wun. You never fail to surprise me~ 

I'm beat... Good nite world