选择

艰难的决定。。
选择我还是选择你？。。
真的没有两全其没的结果吗？。。。

我不能那么自私吧。。。
终究。。
我不可能成为你等待的人。。

好无力。。。

好吵。。
想念你的心静不下来。。
忙碌时还没那么严重。。
一旦静下来，头脑里的声音，让我好冲动。。
明明知道不可以，但却管不住自己的心。。

理性与感性的斗争。。
真的让我好无力。。

我想你了

就算还喜欢着你又怎样。。。
看见却不能靠近的距离，我又能怎样。。。
不想再继续痴心妄想，但我却又做不到。。。
害怕再次与你断绝联系，尴尬的见面。。
我到底该怎么办才好。。

这几天没什么睡。。。每晚都提心吊胆的。。害怕半夜听到敲门声，就连电梯的声音都能把我惊醒。。。真的该找个办法解决这个心结。。再这样下去我的身体真的会撑不住。。

终于决定了要先换电话。一样一样慢慢来。

survival...

today is feeling really bad... woke up with cough, sore throat and flu... the awesome 3 brothers.. = =" then my knee getting worst. i don't remember i bang into anything or fall down, but my knee is very pain. like sprainked.. i have no idea what had happened...

really not in good condition... today no break for me.. really hope i can survive thru...

seem like i'm not going to survive thru....

permanent 10-10.30 is not going to work if they kept putting me in kitchen... is like i had been working in kitchen 3 out of 5 days this week... not that i dun like to be runner, but more than twice a week is quite burden to my body... i'm feeling so weak today and serious cough triggered sore throat. i just hope tmr i would be able to speak with this pathetic voice of mine...

insufficient sleep make me lost appetite. i supposed to eat but i just cant eat... hunger make me harder to fall asleep... like a action-reaction cycle.. gosh... i need some quality sleep!!!

努力说服自己我们只是朋友，一切都只是我想太多，太敏感。
除非有奇迹发生，但我知道奇迹是不存在的。
还是闭上眼，继续催眠自己吧。。。

Big Surprise!!!!!

Thank you for giving me this awesome gift~
If I didn't realised the photo had been shifted, i wouldn't find such a big surprise~~~

I am so surprise!!!!... And I really appreciate this.... sincerely....
although this is just a simple note, yet this meant a lot to me...
Thanks for being such a strong support to me.

I believe I will be able to sleep well with a big smile on my face tonight~
Thank you!

first week in pgp

虽然有些小插曲，但是我还是很高兴可以跟你一起住。。



first week in pgp is a plesant stay. i like the feeling that having someone expecting me to come home and have small talk with me every night. it makes me feel my existance and destress. although there are endless problem everyday, but i feel relief before i sleep and wake up feeling refresh. i appreciate the stay. really~

and no. there is no grown feeling so far. and i am satisfy with my self control. i know u wanted pure friendship. and i'm trying my very best to achieve that... i knew i will never be the one. this is a good enuf reason for me already..

i think i'll be permanent working 10-10.30 from now onwards... for safety reason and also to prevent spot check. unless they are so sick to spot check in early morning or midnight then i should be safe.

jiayou jiayou!!! fight for survival!!!

I wanna be...

someday i will be strong enuf and good enuf for someone to rely on...
I wan to be stronger and more confident.

first night is not bad~ nothing happen. i was too tired and exhausted for moving stuff and mensus... really exhausted... but i did sleep and had quite a quality sleep. nothing is on my mind, so nothing should goes wrong this time.

hmmm... something did happened actually.. i was locked outside of the gate and cant go down and cant go in coz i forgot to bring my fon and key... = =" excellent way to make me learnt not to go outside of the block without fon or key..

did some spring cleaning this morning and went out for some daiso time. now i'm exhausted again.. lol...

i will be someone who can rely on someday. althought i think the person might not be u...

我是什么？

我想做空气。
至少空气还会被你需要。只要是人，不吸空气会死。

而我到底算什么？
因为我觉得现在我对你来说我只是垃圾而已。
而垃圾只有被丢掉的份。。

move in

this mix feeling is so....
confusing...

next monday i'll move from my house to pgp but not my own room yet coz the earliest i can check in is 29 july.. but i'm still moving to pgp. temporary having new roommate, tzyyjiun

i am happy yet worry. this is very challenging to me... is like a final exam for my mental... to see how well i can control myself. i have to drop all my feelings before move in. seriously... if i ever cross the line, i might really end up sleeping on the street someday...
i know her too well.

and i'll work longer working hour than usual after move in. really hope i'll survive thru...

please give me a reason

everyday i woke up feeling weak and restless..
i need a good reason to keep going..

i kept asking myself what do i wan?
how to make myself happy and keep myself cheerful everyday
same reason doesn't help much..
I wan to go to work because i am enjoying it not because of the money.
i wan to have fun with my colleagues and have easy day by joking ard..
not because of the financial burden..

i've been ill treat myself so much...
i hate this state of myself much.
not for the money please...

please..
just give me a good reason for my all my endless tiredness and fatigue..

照片

最后我还是选了这张，虽然我比较喜欢另一张。。
尽管我笑得再灿烂，但因这张你脸上露出了尴尬。。
你的生日，应该把最美好的留给你。
而我也可以以它时时警惕自己。。
决不重犯。

i ain't going to get myself another "What do you want?" from her..

Yesterday was my another half day of off for the week. I split my offday into 2 days for her birthday and my own day. so I celebrated her birthday, and she accompany me for a movie.

We went for a meal at ichiban boshi and went to watch fast and furious 6. I am really enjoying~ I love to watch movie actually, but i always dun have time for myself. and after 2 weeks of no off day, i'm actually very very fatigue ady... so i deserved a nice rest~

my heartbeat was actually racing during the movie time. not sure is because of the racing scene or because i am fighting with my desire.. i knew i couldn't and if i really did it, there will be no next time. what i will get is just another "What do you want?". I controlled myself and i'm glad i made it. i feel relieve and i still enjoying the time spent with her. i'm contented with this already. i dun need anything else more than this anymore..

Thanks for the awesome movie~

pain...

It just lost all the reason of the pain and suffer i been through...
why am i so cruel to myself? does it really worth?
i'm really sick actually... so fatigue until my body is collapsing...
i really believes that i spent so much on salonpas, may be even more than what i have earned.
all the part timer are so brave to aeroplane sushi tei or late for work. i think i'm the only one who so obedient and guai guai report to work everyday.. = =" which make myself so suffering...

now my old wound came back liao.. my ankle is swollen and really bad. but i'm going to work tmr... what the hell is wrong with myself??