recently i was so lazy.. no mood to write blog entry.. too many stuff for me to worry now... especially the NUS admission stuff, is too confusing and i don't know who to ask.. now trouble by job also, no time to do my stuff and no time to study for proficiency test also... die die die..

finally~~~ I had waited for this letter for soooooo long~~~
all my hard work are worth^^

but i am so confused... why i got so many award? i thought is only gold medalist?

lost again from a familiar place...

i went for my interview this morning... i was so nervous and i didn't sleep well although i tried very hard to sleep.. i woke up 7am, but i was so tired and fall back to sleep.. woke up and take cab to NUS by 8.30am. i reached NUS by 9.30am which is 1 hour before my turn. went up and wait outside the room makes me more nervous. i met the candicate before me and he shown his portfolio to me. i was terrified and my self confidence dropped a lot..

when i go in, i was totally blank and all the script i prepared were useless... then they ask me to demo my portfolio to them, all my demo were course project, so i was like... damn.. i was promoting GET then selling myself to NUS. damn!! then their com is damn lauya.. don't have visual studio and cant connect to internet. so basically.. i didn't show much of my work.. T-T i think i had screwed this interview. may b i shouldn't hold any hope to this... get ready for the worst plan, working...

then i went home to pack all my stuff. i need to return my key to my landlord before i leave sg. i started to move all my stuff out from everywhere and my room is so packed.. T-T i had moved my stuff 3 times. and i still left so many stuff to bring home.. omg... why i got so many stuff... after 2 hours of packing, returned my key to aunty and say goodbye to blk 853. sad to leave this time... really like this place... after tat i take cab to send my stuff to my cousin's place and head home. super tired...

today is my sis's birthday. v had a feast once i reaches klg. all seafood and fish.. @.@ but i ate abit abit. cant dun eat anything.. was looking forward for my sis's baby, but still not yet deliver...

i really miss u.. i do not know what i can do.. you had exit my life without any trace but i just couldn't get you out of my mind.. i withdrawn myself from yout tweets and i am regretting now...

if i could borrow courage, i'd do it now...

i never felt so stress before. too stressful until i don't know i am shivering or trembling... i take this interview too seriously, i think... that's why i am so scared n nervous about this.. i noe i am not a smart nor creative person, that's my disavantage.. but i am hardworking and determine, i believe practice make perfect.. nah.. what am i saying now... make no sense to myself.

是我的就是我的

this is the quote u gave me. yeah... if i am supposed to study this, i will get this. i'll leave this to god now... I had done everything i could do or prepare... the result is beyond my control.. no point i keep worrying it and nervous is not going to bring me to anywhere either. i choose to believe in your quote. and it make magic tricks to me.. magically ease my mind and i will go to bed now.

i told u before yet u never believe in me.. i am telling u again, 你的话总是带有安宁的力量。你一句话就可以让我的心马上安静下来。

thank you for allowing me to call you... thank you for the quote.

it's good to hug by sista..

i went to meet my sista, christine after few months of disconnection. n every time i go to her house, i always got special drinking training from her... today v drink ice wine, blue lagoon and green drop.. cocktail n wine that is not more than 20% alcohol. i drunk after the second glass. v using shot glass, i didn't drink like a shot.. i drink pretty slowly yet i still drunk... =/ but it's good gathering time with her.

when i arrived at her house, a warm n tight hug is awaiting me. yeah.. i admit i really need a hug after so many things... at least she is still there for me. no matter what other ppl think pf me, i always know she is still there to support me.. this is what true friend supposed to be.

just to sit there and chille out is good enough to ease my mind... watching the koi in the pond and drink... this is the life that i always wanted...

thanks for always b here for me... i really appreaciate.

the trip to malacca is so expensive...

my bro brought us to malacca, n v got accident when v just arrived at malacca. very suey, my bro's car just came out from painting the day before.. the crash is very serious. the first car had rear bumper drop off, the middle car is a sandwich, and my bro's car is the third car got radiator broken. very jialat.. the car cant drive coz the car will overheat when the radiator mulfunction. then v leave the car in the middle of the road like a boss. cause a very long traffic jam on the main road. then a lot of stuff happen...

v reaches malacca at 5.30pm, but i reaches home by 2.15am.

i got my hair coloured. but i forgot to take photo... so wun upload my most recent photo.... i'm so dead.. tons of stuff to do tmr. i hate youth fellowship!

我把一切都删除了。。什么也没给自己留下。
就这样吧。。。
我真的累了

i choose to let it end...

It had been 1 month since the day i fall for u. and it had reaches my limit of patience for a relationship that will not have result. or i should say, this time round is far beyond my ability to wait... the longer i wait, the clearer i see the distance... is this the distance of background? or is this the distance of culture? the social world you came from is the world that i never seen before.. i'm like a begger from rural place and u r like a princess from wealthy kingdom.. my self-esteem had fell to the extreme low point and i couldn't pick it up anymore... i could never be in the same status as u.. i have to give up.

i hate being helpless.. i had tried my best to build up myself not to be worthless. i cant accept to be treated like worst than dust. i have my pride. i will still be who i am. i will still be where i am, just that you pass me by.. you don't gave a damn of it.

i stopped believe in miracle. i don't believe in miracle

i can fool everyone else, but i cant lie to myself...

i'll back to sg tmr... early in the morning..
need to collect my salary, buy some clothes and research for interview...

i'm scared... yet no one could understand... everyone thought i am top student, so i should be well trained for this kind of interview. i'm not. i didn't undergo any special training other than what we learnt from CMSK... i'm just same as everyone else... but no one could hear the cry from my heart....

in my home, i must b strong.. there is no place for weakling. argh... it's complicated... i don't know how to explain the atmosphere... i cant express myself in this place.. they will not  understand me either.. no point i telling them my problem... so i need to act like i'm fine. like i'm ok with everything.. even when i am actually shivering because of fear.. in their eyes, i'm perfect girl. i hate this

i need a break. just let me run away from reality for a day or 2... this is so heavy.. too burden until i am suffocating...

this interview is very important. it will determine whether i am "Yes" for uni or not. if this end up with a "No", all my plans need to reschedule. i will work until i get my PR before i can study again. financially unable to continue my studies... i'm on my own now... it's my own future, i need to take full responsibility for it.

it's so heavy...

i am going to give up... there is no point for me to keep torture myself for a fantasy that will never come true... i could never cross the barrier that lie between you and me.. no matter how much i love you, you would never take a second to look toward me... that's reality... 是我配不上你...

i'm trying my best to sleep... but i cant...