i slept thru the day...

i woke up at 7am this morning and went out for morning jog... exhausted... i think i didn't go out for jog after napfa... very tired.. after lunch i just KO.. went for a long nap from 2pm to 7pm.. i ask my sis, "is it raining outside?" "No. It's 7pm now.." I jump down from my bed coz i got appointment with my friends @ 8pm.. i'm beat...

i found my new hobby.. bathing...  klg is so hot... cant take it.. so i was like bathing 3 times a day... with cold water summore.. klg is really like steamer... sit there with 2 fans blowing at me i also can sweat like raining... T-T

had been 6 days here... i do not know how long i can stand...
why is this feeling torture me so badly...
if i know how to give up, i wouldn't b so painful now...
girl... what can i do to let u know how much u mean to me?...

I am so dead....

yesterday was my roommate's 21st birthday celebration. as a roommate for 3 years, I did go and support her from start to end. it was at a ktv. she booked until 12.50am, so ya.. was there until late night.. after tat send her sg classmates back to her aunty's chalet near my house and accompany them until my roommate came back from bath.. she took 2 hours to return to her aunty's chalet... i reaches home ard 4am and sleep after blogging... was exhausted and got serious cold..

woke up by 4pm today and still feeling very very sick.. after took my flu medicine, went to church for service.. the medicine is drowsy, so i sleep thru the service and voila~ i'm screwed... my dad annouced the youth fellowship will begin by 1st sat of may. which is this sat... i got no idea on what to do... = =" nice... really nice... how could i influence them to be devouters when i am not devouter? haiz... forget it...

i'm planning to go back to sg on wed evening and back on thurs afternoon. need to settle some stuff there.. and sun need to go back to sg for NUS interview.. will back on mon afternoon coz tues is my first day of full time working.. very busy....

i'm on fever now... hope it will go away tmr.. flu, sore throat, cough and fever.. not a good sign.... i need to b stronger...

i hate this when i couldn't do anything at all... why is all these happen again?...

am i really thinking too much? are you fine my dear?... I cant b sure because i afraid i do not know anything at all.. may b what i see from the surface is not what exactly happen.. are u ok?.. i am worry about u....

I told you "I'll be here for you" and i really mean it. you know i'm just 1 SMS away... text me, and i will try my best to be there for u..

you are a precious gem to me. i'd do anything i could to protect you from any harm. you mean the whole world to me. your emotions can easily affects mine... aren't u know?..

my heart is bleeding when i see you r in pain...
what can i do to let you know how important you are to me?...

girl, i really love you...

i never thought of this to happen...

i thought feeling fades.. i thought i did convinced myself to give up... i thought i am fine... i thought i wun feel anything... all my thought... were wrong...

this feeling doesn't fade, it expands and overwhelmed me... Once again, i fell in love to your smile again.. I regreted... I should at least try...

I lost a precious gem... not because i busy picking up stones...
just because I lacks of courage...

girl, you owned my heart...

it had started.... oh well....

yesterday was a tiring day for me... was sneezing since i woke up in the morning. not feeling good about it. the air at klg is very different from SG. the air here is damp and humid.. so it's much hotter and easier for my nose to turn into tap. and it's bad for my migraine too..

well.. i spend my day watching some outdated movie which i didn't get to watch, and read my new toy, <The Hunger Games>. I was trying to improve my english, so i check each and every new words that appear to me in dictionary. so my reading speed isn't very fast. just taking my time to understand the meaning of the words. 

after tat go shopping with my sis. she come to my house everyday. she is waiting to deliver, so she need some walk everyday so that her body is strong to deliver. so ya... i have 1 new stalker to spy on me now... how nice my life is~~~

at night we went out to celebrate Mothers' day and my mum birthday. supposed to celebrate this much earlier, but last time i came back we didn't have time to do so. We went steamboat BBQ restaurant. i was eating slowly coz of my gastric, but just dun want to let them know. when everyone is done, i just started to eat.. LOL... eating ice cream with BBQ stuff when everyone else is eating their dessert already. i enjoy family dinner a lot. Ever since i study at SG 3 years ago, we don't have much chance to eat together as a family.. so every time we have the chance to do so, i'll be very happy. so it's a very enjoyable time. 

my dad told me to start the youth fellowship ASAP.. i replied, first sat of May. so i'm screwed... it's not easy to be devouter where i din go to church since like long time ago... i cant even remember when is the last time i attended youth fellowship.... hard to recap what i did in the past... haiz.... tons of preparation need to do...

I wanted to learn guitar from my dad, but he's a busy man.. what to do? 

i am tired....

well... i din sleep at all since yesterday... was chatting with my roommate until 2am and she kept the light on until 6am. i need to go out from my house by 8am... so ya.... which means.. i din sleep at all and wake up by 7am to prepare.... T-T i am beat...

another reason that i'm so tired is because my luggage is super heavy.. both my luggage and backpack are so heavy... i can barely feel my shoulder coz of that... too numb...

today went out with my sis.. shopping... bought Hunger Games Series~~ Woohoo!! My first step to improve my english.. I'm excited to read them tonight!

done with happy stuff, my parent start to haunt me to take over youth fellowship.. i have no idea what to do with them... haiz... really no choice?? i am so tired.. can i just dun care about all these?

tmr i need to go find my boss and discuss about when to start working.. read my book abit then sleep..

sleep sleep sleep...

is a wonderful day with ppl that cares about me ^~^

today is my last day at SG before i come back again for UNI or full time working. why i say so? i had sign a bond with MOE for tuition grant. the grace period to start serving the bond is 6 month. so if i din get enrolled to NUS, i must come back to SG by aug to find a full time job and serve my bond.. so no matter i study or working, by aug i must back to sg..so ya~

this morning i move my mattress and 2 boxes of my stuff to my aunt's house then come back n clean the room again coz my roommate is coming back from taiwan by today.. after that rush out for cliques gathering.. is a very very awesome day!! I really love outing with them^~^ talk about stupid stuff that we did on year 1 and chat.. update each other about our future plans and jokes around.. and tons of food!!!!! Hahahaha... it's really nice~ I want to have more outing in the future!! Wait for me to come back in 4 months time!!!

my roommate came back with 3 big boxes and 2 big luggage.. overweight... = =" but she is damn smart, she go and ask around to "tumpang" her luggage with stranger, so at the end she no need to pay a single cent for the overweight.. damn zai!! salute! anyway, she bought me a lots of stuff and very very nice to me.. since today might b the last time i stay with her.. kind of sad actually... by tmr she will sleep in this room alone and eat alone and do everything alone... sad...

welcome to hell... nice... haiz.......
really need to find stuff to do and planning how to avoid all those stalking by my family... shall start with exercise... hmmmm....

good night.. i dunno do i have chance to say good bye to u.. but if u happen to see this post, thank you for everything.. i am very happy to know you and i really appreciate the time chatting with you. thanks for being my friends in the past 3 weeks. i knew i made you angry and so pissed.. i apologize, I'm sorry... I'll still be here, well.. will b in m'sia actually.. but u know i'm just 1 sms away.. text me if you need my help. once again, thanks a lot for everything... stay safe and take care... bon voyage at bali.. All the best for your future!

Good Night Singapore... Good Bye Singapore...
and Good Bye all the good time i had...

considerate. i think it's very important to think in the shoes of the one v care..

Saw a couple at the bus stop just now. is a butch and a sec sch girl. the girl is like keep asking "真的不去学校啊?" "去学校干嘛？去了你又不学习。" after a while, the girl ask again, "真的不去吗？" “都说了几百遍了，你还要说几遍啊？” “我好像很坏，又不去学校。。” I am not pissed. I'm just look down on tat butch. if this girl dun wish to go for lesson is fine, but the girl is like begging to go for lesson, yet this butch din't really think in her shoe. date can go after lesson isn't it? which is more important cant she see? i really cant understand...

is this what a relationship suppose to be like?.. i'm confused.. i dun have the right to judge anyway.. just put on my headset and walk away...

today is so tiring.... i got ton's of stuff to settle.. T-T

early in the morning waken up by sms from the freshie's mum n cant sleep back after reply her sms... i slept like 4.30am the nite before.. so i only slept for 5hours... damn shaggg...

woke up rush to sch to settle the course withdrawal case coz if dun settle today must pay 25% of sch fees... so is very very urgent.. then the CM of Food Science not there, cant settle.. need to wait until she come back.. so i go collect my gown and send to my cousin's place.. after tat rush to ICA to settle my student pass... wait for 3.5H and go to counter, the officer say "Why you didn't write your apology letter? Write now!" I was stunned.. huh?? apology letter? what?? nice.... dun even know what to write sia.. just bullshit a few words then submit.. so now i must leave sg b4 thurs which is just inline with my plan, i'm leaving on wed early morning.. so it's doesn't matter.. after tat rush back to sch again to pay the fees for course withdrawal. super rush and i was like running around the campus to get the thing done... ==" i already very shag, after all these torture i was super shag....

not only these, i still need to move my luggages to my cousin's place.. rush back home to settle the BBQ catering thingy and rush out again with big bags, small bags to my cousin's place... my cousin is very nice today, she treat me korean cuisine at joo chiat.. pretty nice place! i'm not korean culture fans, dunno how to appreciate their food, but it taste good! so i'm satisfy ^~^ tat was my first meal of the day... whole day rush here rush there... i dun even have time to eat anything... after dinner i take bus home.. this time i really fell asleep. exhausted... i think i fell asleep unconciously, when i open my eyes, i reach TP already.. walk home and watch bleach... finally finale le... been 6 years ady... kind of lost after watched the final espisode.. nvm.. is time to sleep... i really tired and tmr need to move the rest of my stuff to my aunt's house...

tonight is the last time that i sleep on this mattress.. will miss it a lot..

don't cry.... your tears r very precious....

do not judge if u don't know anything

I'm leaving soon.. i think nobody here can understand how i feel... it's so depressing...

home is not really a home for me.. is more like jail or rehab centre... i long to go back because living outside alone is not easy.. been outside for too long... is good and comfort to go back once in a while... go back for 1 or 2 days is nice, but more than 1 week is more like torture... as u know what occupation my dad is and my sis is.. go back for 4 months is like forcing me to be devouters and go back to straight.. do u know what that means?.. i really have no idea how am i going to survive thru this... my mum had told me to prepare to take over youth fellowship and be advisor for them once i go back.. am i really fit to be?? i dun even have a choice. do you know i always under spy when i'm at home? it's so difficult for me to get out of my home without tagged by my mum or my bro.. i even need to find my best friend to cover for me whenever i go out to meet my date. FML i been caught once, and i been trapped until now... going back, means i lost all my freedom... how can i be calm when i knew what is going to happen next?

saying goodbye to sg life is so painful...

我想。。我并不勇敢。。

我没办法不想念你，但我却也没办法发短信给你。。我知道你还在生我的气。我想。。我这次真的是太过分了吧。。用这种方法揭穿你，明明知道魔羯座的人不能受这种侮辱， 我却偏偏还是做了。我被你讨厌了。。

我把所有的信息都删除了。。与其是说我不想留着你的信息，不如说是我没有勇气看到你的名字在我手机上显示。。。我想。。。如果再有一次的联系，我可能就脱不了身了。。好不容易下定决心要放手，再一次的联系我真的就会一直陷下去了。。

对你的感觉已经超越我自己的想象。无法自拔都不足以表达。。我不可能会有机会表白，我也不打算表白。就让这一段没结果的感情悄悄的过去吧。。

一切都不重要了。。。随着我的离开，让这些感觉都一起消失吧。。。
很抱歉。。我真的很抱歉。。。

kena aeroplane lo... i supposed to be at m'sia de leh... = =" i miss my niece la...

yesterday the freshie just told me dun want to rent the room liao coz want to withdraw from TP offer. damn... so late only tell me.. i should go back to m'sia...

so now i am so bored... alone at home... watching anime and eat junk food..

i'm so tired... out of sudden, i'm feeling weak... it's feels like so down and i couldn't cheer up.... coz i lost everything?.. i am not sure... there is no reason for me to stay here anymore... is tat so?.. i am really confused...i should just let it go... but why cant i do so...

I thought i was wrong, i told myself "it is not gonna be you, that's impossible!!!" but i think i just caught u...

if recently u never use blogger, u wun noe blogger has something new called blogger stats. it tracks down when is the view, which country the view from, which operating system is being use and which platform is being use.

this blog used to be a private blog.. it's being kept private for at least 3 years.. so those who know my blog are usually my cliques(who also follow this blog) or the admin(my ex-gf). nobody else. because once upon a time, there is a church fellow trying to catch me on what i wrote in blog, so i never tell this blog address to others. i only put this blog address on twitter. until now, only my best sista(christine) and 1 of my friend(tricia) know my twitter account. and there is no way to search my blog from google.

i ask you regarding my age, because on tat particular day, i did check my blogger stat. usually i do not do that. i discover it just by coincident. i saw the stat and i am shocked. coz tricia wun read my blog at 2am. i just want to confirm i was not wrong. as i said, my social circle is very small. my friends are either colleagues at sushi tei, or my classmate. i got no other friends in sg.. My CCA friends are not that close to me, so they do not know anything personal about me, especially blog, to me is a very private thing. In my cliques, 2 person using iphone, 1 person using android, 1 person using blackberry. all of use using windows, no one using macintosh. tricia owns ipod. i'm very sure the iphone users in my cliques(larry and sher) do not read my blog. so i am pretty sure...

i really wish is you, and i know it's you.. tat's y i ask question that only can found answer from my blog. seem like you flare up... i choose not to reply... i choose not to disturb you twice especially now i know you are in bed already... i am sorry that i sms at the wrong timing, but i was really wish to know.. at least before i go... i apologize.. i'm sorry...

but now... it's not important anymore... you wun visit here anymore.
i'm not attention seeker. all along, all the care i shown towards you are coming from my heart. I really care for you.. now you don't owe me anything anymore. you can choose to ignore me from now on. i dun think i will pest you anymore since you already attached. there is no need for me to stay alert in the middle of night anymore. i wun stalk you anymore. dun worry.. i dun mean to cause trouble to you.. i'm sorry. sorry for all the inconvenience caused.

glad to be your friend... although it gonna be past tense soon... thanks for accompany me for 3 weeks. thanks for tolerate all my pest and disturbance.. thanks for everything.. sincerely thank you to be my friend..

so now you are officially attached, i think is my time to give up. i never wanted to be third party. never ever. i only take actions when my target is single.

i'll still be here..
you can still find me if u need anything
as i said, i'll always be here..

I just lost the entire world of mine

height?... really nice.... there is no way for me to grow taller with my current age...

it's a very bad habit of Scorpio that revolve his/her entire world around the people that he/she love. Once lost it, the entire world collapsed..

Why am i a typical Scorpio?...

i will sleep on the floor from today onwards..

my brain is still painful.. hate the sun.. i think i had mop this floor more than 10 times since thurs.. i just move my mattress down on the floor and change the bed sheet for the bed. later i need to move all my stuff out from the wardrobe and clean my room again... yeah... again... i already gave up on counting how many times i did this "spring cleaning" within this week.. shagg.... = =" when i am so sick summore.... i think i had throw away half of the stuff that is in my room.. all expired food and papers.. gosh... i'm going to be so dead tonight... T-T

well... i did see you today... after 3 weeks?..

i wasn't prepare to go out today... woke up with serious headache and slight fever... woke up by the raining sound outside of the window... "nah... i'll just go to sch on monday..." was shocked and jump down from my bed when received your sms.. and i think for like 5 min.. if i go to bath now should b in time to avoid to see you.. i was really wish to avoid seeing you when i'm in this sick state... before i walk out from my room, i was telling myself, "no worry, you wun see her. you are just going out for a walk, for some fresh air.." then i just wear what is in my wardrobe. to be exact, i only have this outfit in my wardrobe coz the rest are in my luggage. this is the shirt that i always wear when i need to take bus to go back to klg... is it a good choice? i do not know.. but i know today i din wax my hair, i din wear contact lens, i din wear my boots. coz i'm just going for a walk... i stay like 10 min walk from sch, why should i dress so nicely when i din expect to meet you in the first place... and... i did regret about that..

i'm sick... i'm not suppose to go out on this hot day actually... it make me feels more suffering under the hot sun... actually, i dun go out when the sun is still up.. is either i go out when the sun is not so hot like 8am/9am or when the sun is down. is like vampire, i dun like hot sun.. it'll make my migraine go worst under the sun...

well... i don't know what to say... now u saw me... and i saw you. the face that i long to see.. hmmmm.... i don't know... just out of my expectation, i am too surprise when i saw you... "you are damn tall" i am actually complimenting~ i think with your heels, it's at least 20 cm difference between your height and mine. are you disappointed? i believe so... when i saw you, i sense the disappointment in your eyes... yes, i'm not good looking. i'm just common right? not outstanding like any other butch. i knew that. well... i think i wun get any reply from you anymore, right?...

you are too skinny now, dun go for diet.. just stay healthy. you looks weak n exhausted. do rest more if you can.. glad to see you with your date today.. which means you are cool now~ i can stop worry for you coz you are very 幸福... she is very tall and very good looking. I know I'm not your type, and i never will.

thank you for the honey lemon.. it's the best drink for my throat now... I cant drink coffee actually, it'll make me feel dizzy and i cant focus. so i dun take any coffee. I only drink tea if i need something to keep me awake.. As i said, i din ask for return to help you... I din expect this treat actually.. thanks a lot. i really appreciate.

i understand my limit, i wun go any closer. no worries. i will still be here... as friend...

nice... the plan to go back to m'sia is cancelled. coz i need to wait for the freshie to move in and wait for my roommate to come back from taiwan.. so.. i dunno what to do.. nice.... i'm so tired... dunno what time to collect the gown.. = =" gosh... hope when i wake up, the sky is still bright... time to sleep... night...

I have been ask my gf once, "我们之间除了激情，还剩下什么？你有喜欢过我吗？"..

I think she didn't answer.. coz there is no answer....

That's why i am so scared... I dun wish what left behind is just "needs" not "love".. I thought we been together because we knew each other well, because we have feeling towards each other, because we love each other... not "only" because of the intimacy that we had. I am very serious about this.

I hate my appearance once. because of my hairstyle, she hate me and she want to break up. i change my hairstyle to more TB style, she felt uneasy to be with me... then i started to give up on tat, just let my hair grow on it own.. soon my buddies dislike me, coz i looks too girlish.. = =" FML...
i just want to be who i am, so now i choose what hairstyle i want, and i like how i look. I told my buddies that "帅帅的也是可以很美，美美的也是可以很帅". so i choose to be like this. this is my choice, i have no regret in this..

Yup. I'm a stalker, but I only stalk the ppl that i interested in. Yes, you are right, "good looking people are never stalkers. cos theres no need for them to stalk." I admit that I'm not good looking and I will never be one.I'm happy with how i look, because this is what my parents gave me and how God shape me.

"欣赏美丽的东西并不是罪".

I'm confused... please dun give me hope but destroy them afterall..

i received a call from my friend's supervisor.. is regarding the job vacancy...
she told me about the job shift, salary..

then she ask me, "Are you singaporean or PR?"
"Nope, I'm malaysian"
"In this case, i need to check with my HR manager first. I'll get back to you tmr 11am, is it ok?"
then she ask again "Are you chinese or malay?"
"I'm chinese."

I'm like... wth... do "Sophia" really sound malay to you?..

Anyway, I'm glad to hear that i stand a chance, really happy with that.. but all my previous plan is messed up if i did get this job. this is not a full time job, is kind of per hour rate temporary job with normal office hours applied.. but this is what i wanted. i really need some time for myself.. not like what i having now... 12pm to 10pm.. can consider as i do not have life at all..

my buddies keep asking me to go back to vivo.. since katong doesn't need full time staff, go back to vivo instead... i am very confused... kind of forgotten the reason why i wanted to quit... but if i really want to earn money, vivo is a perfect place.. the OT is definitely there... i dunno.. very confuse... 

another big problem is i am homeless.. argh... i shouldn't agree to let the girl move in so soon right? end up i am homeless now... wth... all my fault too, who asked me to b so kind, just because she need to go to sch on monday, then i need to kick myself out from my room by sat... = =" summore i dun get a cent at all.. stupid sia... if i got this job, i'm doom... sleep by the street ba... sometime i really hate myself... damn stupid... never plan properly... ARGH!!!!!!

now i'm moving my luggage to my cousin's place, then her father will help me sent back to klg tmr. next time i must keep my luggage as simple as possible, too much trouble... heavy... dusty... messy!! sat need to do this one more time.. may b mon need to come back n take my mattress.... = =" why i buy mattress??? idiot sia....

argh.... what a nice weather... yet i still need to wake up..

now heading to vivo to have lunch with my buddies.. they r my support and my closest friends at sg... cant meet again in next 4 months... kind of sad...

i'm still coughing.. today is worst than yesterday, i got a very deep sexy voice.. = =" i hope it can be better tmr, coz is my last day.. i dun want to MC... afternoon need to send my luggages to 2 different places.. hope i dun need to cab there... T-T broke liao...

i am waiting for my friend's reply regarding job vacancy... i dunno what is gonna happen next... homeless + jobless... =/

i am feeling sad... after i saw my room left with few bags of my stuffs, i'm feeling kind of lost...

I had stay at this place for 6 months.. although is not the longest stay, but i have most feeling here.. may b i spend most of my time here coz is final sem, i do not need to camp at sch everyday...

i'm leaving in 2 days time.. tmr move house, fri go to work, sat go sch collect my grad gown and i need to say bye to this place...

i'm so tired now... i dunno what to blog about...

oh ya.. i watched hunger game.. as u said, is kind of overrated...
i need to sleep now.. tmr is a long day for me...

are u still angry with me?....
i called not because u r late for work, i called is because u have a important lunch date...is my fault... i'm sorry...
can you forgive me?

我们可以不要冷战吗?..

我只剩下两天半。。
我已经把我的房间让给TP的freshie了，所以我会回来的机会更小了。。
因为回来没有地方睡，所以我应该都不会回来。。

我们可以不要冷战了吗?..
我真的很想跟你聊天，但我怕你还在生我的气。。。
一整天没有你的消息，我很慌。。

Definition of Stalker

A hot girl who follows you around and shows up at your door is a friend.

An ugly girl who follows you around and shows up at your door is now, according to most, a stalker.

A hot guy who gives you flowers is a romantic.

An ugly guy who gives you flowers is a stalker.

Yeah... That's very true right....

i'm not crying, my heart is.. that's not tears, it's just water..

i was hesitating whether should i call or i shouldn't.. i made a very bad decision...
i dunno what is gonna happen next, but it shouldn't be any worst than now..

my heart is breaking apart..
i shall stay strong, pick up the pieces n glue it back...
no one will save me if i dun save myself..
that's reality...

I'll stop everything i did, and behave myself..
i made my promise, n i will fulfill it no matter what happen.

I'm not going anywhere.. I'll still be here.
I'll hide my existance...

I believe she is the one who can make you really smile from your heart...

I wun mind... as long as you are fine, I am ok with everything and anything.
i just want you to be happy

The more i care, the more it hurts...

I could even feels the pain when i breath
Can i just stop this pain?

i can't... it's too late...

i wun nag if i dun care..

i couldn't feel anything now other than pain
i chose this, i have no regret
but...
it still hurts...

I will behave myself from now on...

Once again, i had proven my 6th sense is very accurate....

I knew something is gonna happen tonight, just that i do not know what would it be... When i saw your tweets n your msg, everything is clear and i knew this is the end...

I knew it from start isn't it? She is very important to you and you really care a lots... because it hurts you so much each time it happened...

Seem you had made your decision, and I will honor it with my sincere blessings..

I'm not leaving, don't worry. I'll still be here...
I'll always be...

我讨厌自己的对号入座。。

一次又一次的让自己相信有可能，有机会，有希望
但却一次又一次的承受失望，受伤

“Don't blame why others keep hurting you, ask youself why are you allow it to happen again and again”

我是不是该把自己保护起来？不再相信爱情？

I like the way you called me "Stalker", because i knew you are refer to me...

you are right... I didn't do anything at all...

“光说不练谁都可以。”

我只是不想做第三者。不想在你还在挣扎“继续”还是“结束”的时候插上一脚。

如果我现在表白，你有可能会接受吗？

我想可能性很低。。

她能把你伤得那么重，她在你心里一定有一定的重量。

如果是我想太多，可以请你告诉我吗？。。

因为我真的在等待。。。

等你决定了，我再表态也不会太迟。

因为我有信心我可以等下去。。

现在，我只想做你的朋友。想再多了解你一些。。

我想做你可以依靠的人。。。

I got a feeling that you wouldn't need my accompany tonight...
but I will still stay awake for you
no matter what happen, I'll be here.

I would stop my stupid acts before i become nuisance to you..

I have no confidence that you would have the same feeling in me like what i have in you... I'm just a very common human being... too common that you wouldn't possibly notice me in a crowd.. i have nothing to impress you... I'm nothing...

I think i am thinking too much...
when i knew there is no possibility between us in the first place.. 
daydreaming...

too silly of me.

is hard to believe that i only know you for 14 days....

my girl, you owned my heart..

我想要把你捧在手心细心呵护

.............

i feels so pain.... the pain come from my heart.... this feeling is tearing me apart... I blame myself...  why i couldn't do anything?? what did i do? NOTHING! how useless i am?! what a big Failure! So disappointed in myself.

i always say "I'll b here.." but when u needed someone there for you, where m i? how much i wish i could bear all the sorrow for you... i rather all these torture is on me, not you...

how i wish i could b the one that you can rely on..

i'm just a stupid idiot...

is hard to express how happy i am now... i just found a gem...

i am really happy to chat with u tonight.. i noe i said a lot of stupid stuffs and ask a lot of stupid questions... but u still choose to answer them... thank you...

you are such a nice girl... with unique personality and style. dun judge all your unique point as your weakness.. people are meant to be different from each other. if we are all identical, we are no longer human, we are robots...

don't let those ppl who dun cherish you hurts you... you worth to be care, you worth to be cherish, you worth to be treat like princess...

you are a diamond in disguise...
only the smart ppl know how valuable you are...
so, just let the stupid ppl get out from your life.. they r just too stupid to realise how special you are...

Shall i? or i shall not?

ehemm... my name is Sophia Yuen, born on 2/11/1989. Typical Scorpio. Christian. I have 3 siblings, 1 elder brother(married), 1 elder sister(married), and 1 younger brother(14 years younger than me). My dad is pastor, so do my sister. I have a very lovely niece who just turned 1 years old 2 months ago. I stay at tampines, soon will move back to m'sia. I live at Kluang, Johor, M'sia. I worked as IT technician, salesperson, waitress, namecard designer and clerk before.

Currently is single n available. I had 3 ex-gf n 1 ex-bf b4. first gf is my junior in sec sch, born on 1991. i court her for 1 year. date for 3 years. broke up 1 week b4 i study at TP. reason is she cant take the pressure anymore. 2nd gf is my friend's friend. born on 1994. know her for 1 week and date for 1 month. broke up bcoz she just want to experience les relationship. 3rd gf is my US internship colleague. born on 1989. date for 3 weeks. broke up bcoz she betray me to get together with another guy in my team.  bf is when i was 14? cant remember... he is a guy from my church youth fellowship. broke up bcoz he delete my blog without my permission. i felt insulted.

hmmm... what else? i dunno... i always dun consider myself as a butch. coz i'm bi. i still like guys, just that the guys i met always cant meet my expectation. tat's the reason i don't have bf. but to girls is different. there is no criteria to b my gf, as long as the feeling is true and i am serious about it, i will do everything i could. so one of my butch buddy said i'm half a butch. LOL...

anyway... this is my self intro.. hope it helps u to understand me more..

no matter how much i care, it doesn't make a difference, isn't it?

my body is complaining again.. sore throat is getting more n more serious... i think my fever is source from that... tmr i must go to work... no work, no income. no matter what, i need to wake up n work...

actually i was struggling whether should i ask you for help, but the i dunno how should i ask...  is ok... i manage to sort it out myself... now just need to wait for reply...

i'm leaving soon... i'm desperate....

4 months.. a lots of thing can happen... i'm countdown-ing... how long i can still put in my all for u... where i dun even know have u ever notice my feeling towards u.. well... 4 months is a very long period... may b when i come back to sg, u dun remember me anymore... may b i am not butch anymore.. may b i am not who i am anymore... may b... there r too many may b....

i really hate this... what m i thinking about??? i thought i dun care anymore? there r so much uncertain, i shouldn't expect much.. just cherish every moment now.. that's my first priority.

i will do whatever i can for you. no matter what u need, when u need, i'll be here for you.  no matter u know or don't know, it doesn't matter. no matter u r single or attached, i don't mind. 我对你的付出从来就没想要有回报. i'm lock on to you. that's how silly i am..

phew.... finally....

since 12pm i was at sch drafting my statement of intent... bloody hell.. i dun even know what statement of intent is... took me a few hours to start writing the head.
= =" then the body is hard, no content... wa... i'm really want to die... then no lecturer was online.. not on msn nor fb.. when i need them most, they r not there... nice.... luckily i got friend from US r online... luckily he is willing to proofread for me and help me with my sentence structure... now i realised that, networking is good!!! seriously, i need to improve my english.. no matter what cost, i must improve it before uni start.. otherwise i will b suffering again in uni... after struggling for 4.5 hours, my statement of intent is done.. then go printing, the paper at AS sch printing shop is like crap sia... frus!!! after i print a few page, i just gave up.. i went back to library n find printer to print.. luckily is better than tat.. rush to buy stamp from Eng sch and rushing to post the docs.. it must reaches NUS by monday... so when i settle everything, is already 6pm... nice... phew....

my body is aching again... seem like i havent recover... while i walking home just now, i felt my back is very pain.. i think i had sat at lib for too long.. same posture for long time, it hurts...  now i'm lying on the floor... hoping the pain go away...

new mission.. learn english from scratch...

i hate this.. really hate this.... Mr Fever please leave me alone.. i still have tons of stuff to settle... please spare me some time..

i'm like spamming panadol activefast since evening... i felt my body is hot like hotpan, i think i had spam half box of panadol.. gosh...

i'm spending whole day to sort my portfolio out and retype my resume.. havent touch my essay summore... desperate... why my english is not good? i'm so stuck now.... tmr must send out the document.. i'm so stressful....

whole day without ur news make me feel so empty.. so hollow inside... cant find my heart... seem like my heart 离家出走 again.. it refuse to come back to me...

i'm falling deeper n deeper... it's too late to let go.... how silly i am...

woke up at this hour, i felt insecure...

once again, i told myself, no matter how much effort you put in, nothing is going to happen. there is no chemistry.. hence, there is no possibility...

i cant say i love when i dun understand what love means anymore. i had given up my hope on love.. what i know and what i do is cherish every single moment now.. no matter good or bad...

the distance between u n me grown wider n wider... i do not know how much longer i can hold on.. i'm trying my best to persuade myself to let go, yet i fell deeper n deeper every time i tried...

i take 1 step closer, u take 1 step backward.
i know u will never fall for me... but why am i still waiting.... too silly of me...

this morning i received a call, wake me up from my sleep.. is an agent... she asked me to give her your number so that she can contact u directly, but then i reject it. is my fault, i'm too careless, din realise the post is posted by agent. before i reject, i stun and look at my fon... may b 15 min? i was thinking should i ask u instead? but i know how terrible is agent's pesting skill.. so i just reject..

n i went to bath... i felt very weak out of sudden.. it takes me too much of strength to lift my hand and dry my hair... i felt so heavy... i do not know why... i packed my stuff n ready to go to sch, but i felt very dizzy... so i lie on my bed and i rest.. when i woke up in the afternoon, i am fine when i am in bed, but when i stood up, i felt dizzy again... it happens too sudden.. i realised i always have this problem when i am extremly stressful.. is like a danger alert that sent from my body to inform me the stress level had touch the maximum limit.. but there is nothing i could do to destress at the moment...

so i thought i was sleeping too much, so i need to go out for a walk or something.. may b for some air... then i go bath again, iron my clothes, planning to go ION.. hopefully can surprise u if i arrived orchard before u off.. but then when i reaches tampines mrt, i am very hungry so i went to have my dinner.. everything seems fine.. so i thought i was too hungry which cause my dizziness. but the truth is not the case.. i walk a bit ard century square and prepared to go take mrt, a while later i was covered in cold sweat and started to have blur vision.. i was terrified... hurry up buy panadol and go home..

bath third time of the day, my body temperature went up n i am shivering in my blanket even i had wear sweater... i'm sorry... i cant keep u accompany tonight.. i am too sick now...

i sense something isn't right, n i asked a very bad question. then the conversation ended...

this morning i was so scared.. i was worried about will u still chat with me.. worried about r v still friends... i was so scared until i could hear my own heartbeat..

then i went to work, i keep checking my twitter so that i could noe u r fine, yet nothing shown up... is like i lost signal of you... tat was terrifying... but i couldn't do anything about it..

i just stop trying... i noe your answer if i ask.. i wun ask.. i'm not ready for another wound in my heart...

when i clock out, i saw your sms on my fon, i was so surprised and overwhelming. like a big rock just removed from my shoulder.. i never thought u will sms me... and you said wanted to surprise me if i work on tat day.. i don't know what word can describe my feeling.. speechless.. i was really glad. but unfortunately, i am off on thurs...

i am so happy to hear from u.. especially when u willing to share your problem with me n ask me for comments.. i am really happy.

when i got home, i realised u actually replied my sms in less than 1 min.. i noe something went wrong.. this is not the normal you.. the last time u did this is when you are bored and down.. i asked a stupid question, n u told me u r hurt.. i am so worry... extremly worry... u wun tell me what's had happen.. but i really want to let u know tat i'll b there.. although i noe u do not need me at all..

how silly i am... i never felt this way before... a single word from u, is able to tumble my world upside down...

i'm awake.. just in case u need me, i'll b here...

my heart beats very fast...i'm very scared... really scared. but there is nothing i could do now... i afraid, this might b the last time u chat with me...

i cant trust myself anymore. i had told myself, not this time. but yet, i fail again. i shouldn't trust my self-control anymore. i shall just drop this intent and let it go... i know no matter how much i do, nothing is gonna happen. but i just couldn't help... i dun wish to see you sad... there is nothing i could do to pull u away from sorrow.. i just couldn't help... i'm just silly...

not everything will go smoothly in the way we wish...

i have to admit this. these few days is nt easy for me.. i would had died if my heart is not strong enough.. it affects my mood and i cant help to worry about you.. it had became a habit of mine to check my twitter and rss feed every 10 mins.. it drove me crazy when i know i cant do anything about it... silly right?

what can i do to make u feel better?...

today was a interesting day.. i spend my days with my buddies at east coast park. after v had our lunch, we decided to play rollerskate at ECP. actually i like to play rollerskate very much, just that i dun have chance to do so... we rent the skate for 3 hours, i thought it will b too much time to play, but then i only skate ard 1 hours.. the other 2 hours is to teach my friend how to skate.. =/ when i skate pass the bump, i fell down and land on my knee with the support of my palm, but the skate move slightly... so the worst part is my elbow is twisted and dislocated.. painful, but i din seek treatment immediately.. tmr morning it would swollen i think... i'm so tired...

2nd Day..

well.. is april fool... hmmm.... i got scam, n a long long day facing computer....

i woke up late, so i din get to go church.. the first thing that came across my mind is,"gosh... the ghost cd not done yet!!" i woke up in terror and continue what i left off last night.. i really dun like chinese OS.. so hard to understand... all my tools not compatible summore... sienz..

so i got scam while i jay-walking to sch. donate $5 to 2 old man who claim they dun have money for lunch. =/ then all the sch gate r closed, i walk all the way to east gate just to get into tp. = =" reason that i appear in sch, coz i need super fast internet to download the stupid ghost cd iso. after tat rush to my aunt's house n start my comp reformat marathon.. T-T i dun like chinese OS. seriously!! damn crapy sia... 4 drivers, drove me mad like to kill ppl... all my tools not working.. even after i backup all the drivers before format. the driver just refuse to get into the system. =( anyway, the hardest part is the ghost. ghosting on win 7 is super hard. troublesome to b exact. haiz... anyway, i spend 4.5hours there reformat the comp and get nagged by my aunt for 4.5hours. seriously... i am mad...

i bought my first gold of my life. birthday present for my mum. i thought i could get a ring or bracelet with $100, at the end, i cant get anything with tat budget. so i up my budget abit, i bought a pairs of ear ring with $150. a very small one.. =/ anyway, i am happy. at least i like it. dunno my mum like it or not la...

when i reaches home, i start stalking~ hehehe... nah.. just add the super cool girl that i saw yesterday on fb. i remember my roommate told me her name, so i just do search n boom. found her. a few minutes later, she accept my friend request. then a few minutes later, i saw her post at my fb home. comments n comments then i fb msg her. she asked me regarding room rental. so... may b i am too helpful dy, i offer my help for the room thingy.. n i was checking for rooms since 3am. so now i am beat.. i need to sleep le...

nite world...

第一天

今天我真的是对自己很残忍。想要把自己的精力全部榨干。。。
现在我真的是身心俱疲。。。好累。。。

早上醒来醉醺醺的的时候，发现睡过头了。。T-T 结果迟到了。。
本来要早早去等你的，可是你还是比我早到了。。
因为没去过budget terminal，所以笨笨的迷路又迷路~
走了半小时的路还是找不到，结果又搭德士。。才发现再直走半小时就到了。。笨死了。。
不知道我的出现是不是造成你的困扰了。。我没见过你妈妈，今天第一次见到~她一定问你很多很多吧~~其实我想带多一会儿的。。但是你既然开口了，我也会识相，乖乖走路。我有在机场呆多一下下，过了半小时我才离开的。心里是很失落，心突然间很累。。

过后就回家修电脑，好久没弄了，有点生疏。花了很多时间才找出问题，然后又匆匆忙忙的赶出门去看我室友的毕业concert。排队啊排队~~真的见识到新加坡人的疯狂。。六点半就一大堆人在排队。。。但是这个等待是值得的。表演真的很好看~~~值回票价~~

看完表演我有一股冲动，我有四个月在居銮，我想学跳舞。看着台上跳舞的人，我觉得很帅很帅~~很羡慕吖~~~
可是我老了。。怕跳跳跳骨头会散掉。。= ="
突然灵光一闪~我也可以学弹吉它。可以叫我爸爸教我^^
总之，我的新目标是，我要在四个月里面学会其中一样。

看完表演完后跟大家一起去吃宵夜，回来继续弄电脑。
弄到现在都还没弄好。。我快疯掉了~~好累啊。。。