我看不到曙光。。。
总觉得，随时失去生命并没有什么大不了。。
死就死吧。
这样悲观的我到底在为什么努力？
到底在争扎什么？。。。
总觉得，随时失去生命并没有什么大不了。。
死就死吧。
这样悲观的我到底在为什么努力？
到底在争扎什么？。。。
Saturday, May 14, 2011
"Get myself back"
i like this song very much... the first time i heard this song, i just cant stop listening to it, although i dun understand the lyrics at all... undeniable, i am always wanted to b myself.. but throughout my 21 years of life, how long i am "myself", the real me? i doubt is longer than 1 year... sad... always wearing different masks make me lost my real personality. i miss myself... may b i became a better person as compared to my past, may b i had became more successful as compared to my 一无是处 past... although changes is good, but i felt that i m no longer the "me" that i am.... sometime.... i hate who i am...
these days.... i m very down... i m too stress and restless.. mainly because my body refuse to cooperate with me as i wanted to chiong yet my brain kept protest and sailing all the time. i was very restless yesterday. i wake up, then i stare at the ceilling of my room, i cant wake up... i was lying on my bed the whole day... i can say i m enjoying my sleep when the rain is so heavy... i do nothing at all... whole day.. in that moment, i do find that, this is me. the real me... lazyness.... simple minded... or i should say, blanks in mind... free from all the troubles... although it is just that moment... i hate myself even more... "man r contradicting creature" i wanted to b myself, yet i hate "myself" more when i became "myself" back. I really lost myself.... who m i? what m i?
i like this song very much... the first time i heard this song, i just cant stop listening to it, although i dun understand the lyrics at all... undeniable, i am always wanted to b myself.. but throughout my 21 years of life, how long i am "myself", the real me? i doubt is longer than 1 year... sad... always wearing different masks make me lost my real personality. i miss myself... may b i became a better person as compared to my past, may b i had became more successful as compared to my 一无是处 past... although changes is good, but i felt that i m no longer the "me" that i am.... sometime.... i hate who i am...
these days.... i m very down... i m too stress and restless.. mainly because my body refuse to cooperate with me as i wanted to chiong yet my brain kept protest and sailing all the time. i was very restless yesterday. i wake up, then i stare at the ceilling of my room, i cant wake up... i was lying on my bed the whole day... i can say i m enjoying my sleep when the rain is so heavy... i do nothing at all... whole day.. in that moment, i do find that, this is me. the real me... lazyness.... simple minded... or i should say, blanks in mind... free from all the troubles... although it is just that moment... i hate myself even more... "man r contradicting creature" i wanted to b myself, yet i hate "myself" more when i became "myself" back. I really lost myself.... who m i? what m i?
Monday, May 2, 2011
well... it had been a while since the last time i blogged... mainly is because i m very very busy n exhausted since the past month... TPIs had occupied my whole month since mid April.. non-stop meeting n events until today... tomorrow is my only chance to rest and charge my battery...
although TPIS is quite mafan n tiring, but i really know a lot of freshies... i remember their name summore =) it is so interesting to remember their name n shout their name out of sudden when they dun even know who m i. XD xD XD some of them r quite friendly to me while some of them r not. but i really enjoy myself playing around with these freshies... they alwas bright up my day =)
today had a Istana Outing at Orchard area.. wake up super early coz i m suppose to commit as i going to stop all my TPIS commitments start from May... so ya... overall is quite interesting coz i "flirting around" with my china freshies... a lot of good looking girls this time... n they r fooling around with me also.. damn epic... i really felt no regret to accompany them since week -1until today... they r really interesting n nice =D hope to spend more time with them but i dun think i got the chance anymore... sad...
i feel very very uneasy and shy when someone stay too close to me. as in step into my "private" zone. today... someone is hugging my arm for the whole day in public... = =" i know she dunno i m "special" in some way, so i try to walk away so that she is outside my zone... really dunno la... may b her culture love to hug ppl?? dun really understand how she think...
i dunno what i want. rcently, ppl around me r all couple.... i really felt very very hurt after break... i m silly n stupid... let a playgirl hurt me so badly when i know she never serious in me....hope this busy sem will numb me so that i got no extra memory space to sad for that...may b i should really let it over... no point cry over spilt milk... she wouldn't come back to me also... stop wasting my tears....
hopefully i can survive before i fly off... this term is blok teaching which is alreally very very packed schedule n because of gambit, my term become 4 weeks. which means i need to submit my mgpg final delivery by week 5. n do my bscg presentation before my class test. and submit my gaud assignment by this coming friday... i think i m going to b zombie from tues onward.... what a miserable life i have....
although TPIS is quite mafan n tiring, but i really know a lot of freshies... i remember their name summore =) it is so interesting to remember their name n shout their name out of sudden when they dun even know who m i. XD xD XD some of them r quite friendly to me while some of them r not. but i really enjoy myself playing around with these freshies... they alwas bright up my day =)
today had a Istana Outing at Orchard area.. wake up super early coz i m suppose to commit as i going to stop all my TPIS commitments start from May... so ya... overall is quite interesting coz i "flirting around" with my china freshies... a lot of good looking girls this time... n they r fooling around with me also.. damn epic... i really felt no regret to accompany them since week -1until today... they r really interesting n nice =D hope to spend more time with them but i dun think i got the chance anymore... sad...
i feel very very uneasy and shy when someone stay too close to me. as in step into my "private" zone. today... someone is hugging my arm for the whole day in public... = =" i know she dunno i m "special" in some way, so i try to walk away so that she is outside my zone... really dunno la... may b her culture love to hug ppl?? dun really understand how she think...
i dunno what i want. rcently, ppl around me r all couple.... i really felt very very hurt after break... i m silly n stupid... let a playgirl hurt me so badly when i know she never serious in me....hope this busy sem will numb me so that i got no extra memory space to sad for that...may b i should really let it over... no point cry over spilt milk... she wouldn't come back to me also... stop wasting my tears....
hopefully i can survive before i fly off... this term is blok teaching which is alreally very very packed schedule n because of gambit, my term become 4 weeks. which means i need to submit my mgpg final delivery by week 5. n do my bscg presentation before my class test. and submit my gaud assignment by this coming friday... i think i m going to b zombie from tues onward.... what a miserable life i have....
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