Well... i felt being insulted today...
I love YOG. because it brings me unforgetable once in a life time experience.
It also make me experience a lot of different stuff.. Everyday is a very fun day for me during YOG duty.
That's y i so sad it is over... I miss it a lot... hence i treasure everything about YOG.

I felf insulted. because u insult it! WTH!!! wha do u mean by did everyone look at u when u wear YOG uniform in bus? What's wrong about it? Why cant i wear this uniform? this is my uniform wat! I had fulfilled my duty and I worth the name of "Workforce". I have the right to wear it when i want to wear it! I think everyone in our team have wonderful experience and colourful memories regarding YOG except u. because u dun even enthu to this and u dun like ur duty at all. is like u waste ur 9 days without gaining anything. such a shame!

U think about it urself. what did u put in ur effort most in ur life? if i m not mistaken, NONE!
because u dun even cherish urself.

Yeah!!!! I got her reply this morning ya! although is short n sweet reply, i still very happy about it. but i think i dun have any chance to chat with her on fb le... coz our morning is their midnight, our afternoon is their early morning(5 to 6+ am) our night is their afternoon and our midnight is their night time... haiz... time difference too huge la... so sad... i cant do anything about it..

today i m really very very very tired... dunno why... but just too tired until my eye cannot open n my legs are trembling... flu + headache... but for the $$ sake, i decided to go work. today got 26++ ppl working.. so shouldn't b very bz n tiring day.. monday is different story le... coz is weekday.. most part timer wun work on weekdays and is monday... OL like to come my workplace on monday... = =" why my life so suffering leh?? haiz.... i want to get some rest la....

now my rental is clear as i work 5 days in Sushi Tei. then extra is my allowance.. may b i dun work so much ba.. 10 days should b enuf le ba... i'm so tired...

I think i really stop working for too long le... tat's y i feel like dying after work everyday... if possible, i really dun want to work so much... life is too short... this is my vacation sia... yet i m schedule to work everyday.... n very hard to get a half day off... WTH... i'm not even protected by any insurane lo... = =" working indeed make me lost a lot of things... it make me miss the once in a life time YOG closing ceremomy as well... Damn It!

anyway... i have no choice at all. I only have 2 choice. 1 is i enjoy my life, no working, but my family suffer. 2 is I work hard, no vacation, my family enjoy their life. I cant b so selfish right... so i really left with no choice.. but sometime i really hope i can be a bad child, be a selfish individual for a while... there are so many things that i never experience before.... one day i must go europe!! working or study is fine... but before that i must made big money...$$$$$$.... haiz.... may b this is another dream of mine tat can never achieve ba.... haiz....

Well... i still in quite good mood today.. Coz when i login to my fb this morning i saw reply from linda! So excited!! I always thought i m just a random guy that passes her life just like tat... i dun even expect she would reply my message and ask me question about me... WOW!!! but when i think back ar... may be is just European tradition to ask "Ei Toi?"after answering every question. Ei Toi means 'and you?' so... may be is just i think too much?? anyway, I m really in good mood today! although my body is very tired and complaining when i drag myself to work now.... I am really very happy! Hope to get her reply tmr morning when i opened my eyes... :D

今天真的很难过。。

我不知道为什么。

但我知道跟YOG有关。

还剩下两天。。

全部就结束了。。。

我真的很舍不得

真的很希望我能参与到最后

但我做不到。。。

今天真的没胃口吃任何东西

早餐没吃到一半

午餐也没吃完

晚餐只吃了两三个寿司

一点都不像平时的我

为什么。。。。

我会那么舍不得。。。

为什么？

我真的好想哭。。。

真的。。

I never believe in "fate" until today.

I think reality is cruel indeed.

Happiness is something that you must grab it for.

depending how brave you are as well as how enthu you are...

for me, i think fate never make my life better.

because i m not brave enough, that y i regret now...

just one more sentence is needed. yet i dun have the courage to ask for.

i dun even left my name.

idiot me indeed...

time will washout everything...

slowly, i m not in her memory anymore.

i think by this second, she already forgotten me.

coz i m just a random person who approched a world champion for photo taking.

now i noe how coward i m...

well...

fate never make my life better.

she will always in my mind, as she is my first love.

nobody is able to replace her as long as i still have breath...

i'm sorry for everyone... i deserved a lonely life as this is prohibited love...

i think i need a new place to start everything over again...

a new place that nobody know me, nor my past...

but where would tat new place be?

I have the same feeling again... the feeling tat i fall down unconciously around 5 o 6 seconds...
hard to breath and abnormal heartbeat.. i going to rest well from now... nobody should call me nor disturb me until i wake up from my rest.. i still want to live for longer..

最近因为YOG的事情，忙的我喘不过气来。。 不知道是不是因为压力的关系，所以身体一直很不配合，整天这里痛那里痛，折磨的我快死了。最近因为肾很痛，所以喝汽水的次数大大的减少了。。希望我不是肾出问题才好。。。

说真的，我很讨厌这种感觉。。被玩弄的感觉。。。当我舍弃了才来后悔有什么用？说出口的话，是不能够收回的。I say what i mean. I mean what i say. 这是我做人的原则。既然质疑我所说的，那就质疑到底啊！干嘛又靠近我，干嘛说后悔？有人教过我，“第一次是不知道。第二次是不小心，第三次是不应该。” 这次我问了你三次。。不是我狠心，但我问了三次。清清楚楚的问了三次。 你三次都明明白白的拒绝了我。很抱歉，我有我的自尊。三次就够了。。我已无力再尝试。。或许我真的不适合这种轰轰烈烈的恋情。

“相爱没有那么容易，每个人都有他的脾气。
过了爱做梦的年纪，轰轰烈烈比如平静。。“

yesterday just finish an anime, dragon n tiger. A very meaningful anime. is about true love. i like it a lot.. unlike normal anime, a lot of fighting n emphasis on deternination, bravery, courage,friendship etc.. This anime is very funny but very sad and able to lead ur emotion like rollercoaster... although i already old, cant go back to teen's days, but i do hope this can happen in my life... unfortunately, story of anime is never happen in real life...

in the past, i m really a very caring person like ryuji... but now... i dunno how to care about ppl nor care about myself... my life is like robot's life... linearly follow the preset command to achieve goal, everyday do the same thing over n over again... is like no life at all...

I had abandoned my feeling on u since yesterday when u said u r straight. hence, please dun near to me for time being... i need time to calm down.. if u r unable to accept my feeling, please dun give me any hope on u.. is suffering...

我觉得。。。

我像白痴一样。。

是被影响了吗？

想要好好休息一下。。

找个人依靠一下。。

一下下就好了。。

但我真的好像白痴。

在作不可能的白日梦

好。。

我放弃。

因为我累了。

完美主义的我，应该不适合轰轰烈烈的同性恋情。

因为再次经历分开对我来说是件痛苦的事

乘现在，感情还不深的时候放弃

应该不会有太大影响吧。。

因为我发现

我喜欢上你了。

该怎么说呢？

我又被拒绝了。。可能是因为我不珍惜吧。。

没办法。。。当时我真的没感觉。。

不好意思。。。

现在到你没感觉了。。

其实这何尝不是好事呢？

哈哈哈。。。

我只想说完刚才我没机会说完的话。。

其实我真的不是一个好人。

孤僻，自负，完美主义，固执。。。。

而且我什么都没有。

因为我没有办法给你任何物质上的享受

现在的我，只是一个穷学生。

还要靠我家人养我。

所以我什么都没办法给你。

我只要求一个月。为什么？

因为我不许下我没办法完成的承诺。

我认为，现在的我，只有能力全心全意待你一个月

一个月内，我保证我会全心全意喜欢你，珍惜你，疼你，保护你，

尽我所能得让你感到幸福。。。

一个月后的事，未来的事，我没有办法预测，我更没有办法承诺。

如果一个月后，你甩我，我也会认命。

因为那是我的错。是我没有能力在一个月后留住你。

我不是一个随便的人。

每一段感情我都是认真的。

在决定要不要投入感情之前，我有很多考量。

因为我们是同班同学。如果以后分手，过后可能会做不成朋友。

在未来的一年半，我们还有很多合作的机会，我不想合作时有不必要的尴尬。。

虽然这是最坏的打算，但是这些都是必要的考量。。

可能。。我花了太多的时间考虑。

错过了时机。

对不起。。

今天，

我想了很多。。

鼓起勇气问了你一连串的问题。。

知道了你的立场和期待后，

问了你是否愿意做我的女朋友。

虽然我是officially被你拒绝了。

但是我想，

缓冲的时间是需要的。

一个星期后，我还是会问你同样的问题。。。

好好考虑一下吧。。。

today is a tired day...
i never so tired b4 like today... wake up in the early morning should b a easy habit to me already, but i still very very tired when i woke up... may b because of the drugs i taken... no wonder my mum prohibit me to take them when i rush my GADV... thx mum...

today i smell something not right.. the atmosphere is not right... i dunno what happen... but i can feels it.. sher, jia you.. i dunno what happen to u, but i hope u r alright..

n i met suzuki sensei today... kind of surprised that she is the subject leader for essential jap this time round.. dunno is fortunate or unfortunate... she is nice indeed.. but she is strict also... high expectation teacher... so... i kinda frighten by her after her conversation with tricia... n the syllibus is not as easy as i expected... kanji??? although i can write simplified chinese, but i cant write traditional chinese.... n the hirakana n katakana is confussing.... until now i only can differentiate a i u e o... what a failure i m... n tmr i need to convince kala, jonathan chee, as well as jonathan pillai to approve me taking 4th CDS. i think this is not an easy job... but i dun want to have any regret before i tried my best... so ya... tmr i goin to write emails..

there is one thing that i regret today. i shouldn't change my pants. haiz... now i left with no choice le.. only can wear long pants throughout YOG... haiz... i will miss my previous pants... really...

i stay back after IN3D. surprisingly, george yam come n help me do UV mapping. because i acts like an idiot. who tried to map each n every uv to the picture. while he just use a plan picture to get the effect. ya... i m relly an idiot in 3D... well.. this is not my strength anyway... as long as i can pass, i can enjoy myself, i m content.

then i addicted to new song again! aha! Get back myself from namie amuro?(forgot her surname ady) the melody is nice! very nice... when i heard the intro, i love this song! then i go c the translated lyric... i get confused. = =" i dun understand what the lyric tried to say... is confussing... this is one of the reason i want to learn jap.. so that i can understand what the song is about... although i love the melody of the song, without knowing the meaning of the lyrics, it is meaningless to me... going to buy the CD if it is launched in SG. even if i buy online also need to wait for 2 weeks for thr skymail. just buy it locally n can listen immediately. haha! and then i can flip the dictionary to know the meanings of the song.. hahaha... idiot me...

never let urselves down. just do ur best, the result is not that important anyway... just enjoy the learning process... this is what my dad told me..

CMSK is such a pain..... can u imagine that??? I had spent 50 bucks just to get a stupid brochure printed? What a waste of money.... I should write it in my feedback...yet i submit it too early... 2 weeks a go i had complete the survey...

Nvm....
this sem is going to end very soon... I m goin to give myself a week of holiday before i stuck by YOG and exam... left the most painful IN3D... which i struggle a lot in this subject... I will transform into a perfectionist when i hand on this subject... although i noe i will never b the best n this is not my strengthl i still want it to be perfect... just like the impact u left to me...

at this moment,
i noe... i m weak... just like a normal human being...
because i m sick... because of exposed to the rain for around 30 minutes...
i will never be as strong as i wish to...
i m always weak..