do u know how forgetful i am???? i forgotten u never spend your christmas at Kluang.... is a routine or i should say is a tradition of your family that you must go vacation with your family during christmas period... unfortunately, i had forgotten it... hence, i am very sad and very down when u din online, din reply my sms din even update your fb.... seriously... i am very sad... i even have the feeling that i lost you... again.....

i thought everything will begin to change when you say "v are still friend"... no longer with the thick thick wall between us nor the pacific ocean separate us... but the truth, is not what i thought.... the wall is still there... the ocean is still there....

i noe u hate me... so much that you cant even hear my name... as u really really angry with me.... because i m just the black dot in your life.... polluted your perfect life... as well as your perfect past... i knew... i dun dare to ask for your forgiveness... i knew.... wo mei zi ge yong you...

as u said... u never love me... since u have no feeling toward me at all, i rather u hate me... at least... u would remember who i am.... although.... u hate me to bone....

how u know i dun miss u? i miss u all the time... and i get hurt all the time... i remorse.... the pain... shouldn't bear by u..... i m sorry....

i noe u want to let it go... me too.... i thought i had.... but i got no confident to say i already get over until the day i lost my last breath.... forget is easy.... but not for this case..... because the harder i tried to forget, the clearer i remember them.....

i hate myself too... hate a person is tired.....

if u are tired, i will hate myself double or triple for u...

so just let it go..... tomorrow is still belongs to u....

future is still waiting for u....

your future is in your hand,

and your life are still unwritten...

I knew you aren't talk about me in the post, but i just cant help it.... i m just zi zuo duo qing...

wow... that is tired... maya make my brain upside down, and unity kept drive me crazy. conclusion: ONGD FAIL! Reason: we only improve our programming skill and maya skill but understanding nothing about networking at all. so ONGD FAIL!!!

today quite tired actually... coz recently is too stress indeed... i know my problem and i just dun want to face it.. migraine + backache + insomnia = stress. i noe that... but i cant do anything about it also~ just get used to it la... but i think today's talk is nice, although is too noisy and brief, but i think is nice. coz i think i get enlightenment??

Today stay at sch do ongd, but i still cant get the network thing up too... so frustrated... i need a table at home!!!!!! sitting on ground and do typing on lappy is a kind of torture to my back... i think by end of this year i will bcome hunchback? really tired of staying at sch until so late just for the crap table....

i feel guilty when ppl say i m hardworking.. because i need the table!! and sometime i didn't study at sch, i just watch anime and csi at sch coz sch network is super fast for pps~ wakakaka... if i m the hardworking one, how about zy? imba sia.... so scared to work with him la... he keep doing his ONGD since 4++ until i left he still stay back n do the network stuff.... omg.... as long as i can get my basic stuff up i content le... dun want to compare with his anymore, make me super duper stress...

tonight i must sleep earlier... ton for too many days continuously le.... if dun rest well, i think i might reach aging stage in 2 years time.... sleep sleep sleep!!!!

recently is so buzy..... but i done nothing at all... i think i m too stress which make me feel tired always... migraine just wun let me off at this moment... when the weather is hot, i really hate to move around nor think... bcoz my brain is very very pain.. which make me more lazy than before...

although i want to b full power for this sem, but my body just refuse to cooperate with me... this kind of feeling.... is terrible....

luckily, i din made any decision that may regret myself.. although i really almost asked the question. but i didn't. phew... because nothing had changed.... i thought something may change... but reality tell me that, personality is not that easy to be changed. i shouldn't have any hope anymore, just focus and strike my best... I dun want to torture myself anymore~

I m very happy that linda reply my message~ because last week she din write me anything... so i think i m quite lost.... coz since YOG, v never stop contact each other more than 3 days?? always have message or email.... so when i check my inbox, there is no new mail from her, i am quite sad... anyway, is my fault also... coz i 4got to reply her mail, so she is waiting for my reply also~ hahahahaha.... left 2 weeks... i cant stay up until 3am for her anymore.... since sch reopen, i never chat with her again... so sad.... hope term break can chat with her~ time to sleep!!!

i knew it... i know myself too well....

now my hand is super tired and pain... because i played game. tonight i suppose to study hard for test tmr, but end up i having fever and play games until now.... i think i did study a bit... but i think it does not goes into my brain... very hard to say that i remember anything, but.... i think i sure cui tmr... coz i havent started to write the ONGD report... as well as the elearning stuff..... WTH i am doing????? i dun know what i suppose to do next... i think my determination fail me.... may b i should stay away from Jet lim, coz he giving me too much pressure that i dunno what to do.... emergent event???

haiz.... i dun even know what m i thinking... i always make decision that will make me regret... whatever....

actually... i want to write on yesterday stuff, but i think... nvm.... better dun write... later i regret again.... just let it be....

kinda is really busy and tired... especially today... coz of 2 days early report to tp rawks, i m really exhausted. so, today i din go for tp rawks... coz i got fever and flu... T-T

by 7 i wake up n prepared for tp rawks, but by 8 i sent sms to my leader that i dun want to go le, then i go back to sleep until 2pm only wake up... finally got a little bit of energy to move. today is my relaxing day. i dun plan to do any homework / sch work today. just give myself a break after chiong so many day for ONGD... FxxK!!! i hate ONGD because of jet lim. because he is those kind of ppl will compare the outcome of everybody and grade the best. i dun really like him sia... i noe i m not the best, but i wun be the worst.. but then, this time round, i really felt so helpless abt it... coz zy's work definitely is the best among all... nick n jon really change a lot sia... they really put in a lot of effort this sem. i think they will b the best team this sem. a little bit of disappointed.. haiz... but i think i had did my best. so i wun pressure myself much for this.

YA~~~ I went to EXPO just now. this is the first time i went to expo since the first day of staying at sg. well, there are quite a lot of exhibitions... got sport one, food fair, watson fair, bridal photos fair, and mom n tot de.. my main target is the food fair la.. so v go in and eat tester... hahahahha~~~~ but not much leh... may b both of us looks quite young, so they dun give us try... but i ate all brand of bak gua~~~ LOL... v stand there and stare at the aunty, so she give us the bak gua. i wearing color lens today, so i think i look like vampire^^, the food there is not cheap actually, is almost the same price as usual one, just that here got more variety. i think the next food fair i will go again~ coz i love eating!!! LOL...

i think i m the dumbest one in the class o the cohort.. i never thought i m the smart one in my life. coz i need more time than normal ppl to understand a simple thing. so i think i m the person who would never comment other ppl is stupid. coz i dun fit to say that. if i m smart one, i wun be so struggle and forbid myself for playing games... haiz... i love playing games!!! just that i dun have the self control to stop myself from playing.... the comming 4 weeks, i will stay in sch as long as i can... hope i can catch up in gmaps soon... if not i sure die...

my holiday isn't a holiday... i been working on unity since last night after jap lesson... n my lappy din rest since tat either.. tmr i got tp rawks. but a lot of ppl told me tat, tp sux... is like v going to con ppl tmr.. it is so... great.. AI teach us cheating is good, n TP rawks ask us to 'persuade' ppl come tp. i m tired indeed.. coz unity crashes whole night... i dunno what else i need to do for the script.. coz it had too much to do... seriously, i hate ongd. it make me look so dumb. n i did the GET junior survey. i wrote NONE for the subject u most confident in. i dun like this sem...

i want to go food fair at expo!!! i want to watch harry potter!!!! if i got 48 hours per day, i can do everything!!!

life is so pain... today i m very tired.. i hate working so much...
do u know how tired is working as sushi tei @ vivo? it make me exhausted and cant concentrate on the next day... i dun wan to work anymore!!!

great... i just reformat my lovely N900, n all my message n bookmarks are gone... it is good in some way also... i no need to view some blogs as i dun have the address anymore, n bad because i forgot to note down several inportant msg in my lovely N900... T-T nvm... is over... so i just accept it... as least my N900 is working fine now, i m happy le..

today is quite enjoyable day for me.. coz i think i get enlightment?? by Suzuki sensei. today i have lunch with Suzuki Sensei at Sushi Tei. actually plan to have lunch with her last tues, but she not feeling well so postpone. v chat about studies and further studies... off coure, she speak a lot of jap to me, and i can only understand what she said, but cant reply in jap... coz i really dunno how to reply.. = =" my vocab is too limited... "either smart or not that smart, as long as both can achieve the same destination, although u take longer time than the other, it is successful." i like this very much!! just accept the fact that i m not born with talent in certain stuff, coz i might b talented in other stuff also. and i know i had put in my best, i shouldn't have any regret or not satisfied feeling. she is a Bachelor in English Literature. may b mastor?? she took english literature as Uni's major. i was like... WOW!!!! n she been to USA when she was 18. I think she enjoy english very much.. n she like language.. she shown me a good example in studies. although v r slow learner, but v have strong foundation from repeating practice and revision... i really very appreciate today's lunch time... i shall polish my jap harder to prepare for the next lunch after this sem end. by that time, i should b able to chat with her in basic jap... she look quite bored coz she need to speak a lot of eng to me..

turbo engine start 2 days le... my back is aching... n i lost my creative ear-pieces.... damn sad la!!!!

everyone have their own secret that does not want to share with others.

i m just a normal human being. what is so special about me that i must share each and every one of my info with everyone? cant i have some privacy also? i hate this!!

my life remain the same with or without friends. isn't the same with urs? or u cant live without me? i dun think i m so important to anyone yet.. n i dun really have good friends in sg.i still survive until now. i dun see the problem behind this. this is how i treat my friends. like o dun like is depends on u. i wun force ppl in any way. i m very demanding to myself, but not others. this will be the last time i declare this. i m not part of the family. ever since 2.1, i already said i m out from this game. so dun demand me to behave o think like u do. i dun think like u think.

soon i will b in battle mode. i have no time to think about friendship prob. finance already make my brain die half, i got no extra brain power to waste on useless matter. if u dun like my "freedom to speak" u may delete ur cookie or bookmark or ask me to expel u from this blog. i wun beg u to read my blog anyway.

time to rest.. reformat my n900 soon... = ="

well... this is a bad time for me... i think this is the second time in my life that i regret to make friends... because even friendship is also a stress to me.. how come???

the first time is sync... i regret because i give her too much pressure until she hate me so much that v din contact for 1 year... until now, v still cant chat properly with each other... i regret that i cross the boundary... but i never regret that i know her.

this time... i felt like to say "vulgar"... now i m the one to b blame... nobody's fault. is just my fault. i m sick of entertaining u ok? is this reason good enuf? i have no comment in anything.

now i not only shut the door. i shut the gate as well. plus lock summore. u happy??

wow... this is a horrible week... i din even rest well for one night since monday... is full with celebration schedule... omg.... why 21 so big deal?? is just like a normal birthday to me, but it means a lot of things to other ppl... so now, i m very very very tired....

i noe u tried to keep a distance from me.. obviously.. from ur msg, i can sense ur fear... i understand myself also.. if u give me one more msg, every effort v did in the past one year will b wasted... really.. just one more msg, i m very sure that i will break down... coz u r too "attractive" to me... may b i shouldn't use this word.. haha.. anyway... thx a lot for replying my msg.. although i really worry about u, but i cant do anything for u also..

last... happy birthday to myself.. thx all ppl who celebrate my birthday with me!

i thought i made myself very clear that this is not a relation problem. this is the trust matter. dun tell me u dunno u had fail me. i dun c the sadness in u at all. coz u doesn't appreciate me anymore.. i dun c the reason i staying back there. v r not clique, but v r friends, not stranger. anyway, if u dun talk to me, i wun talk to u. this is my policy.

i will wait until tonight. if still no respond, i will take it as a "no" from u all. then i will arrange other things to occupied my free slot.

为什么人与人之间就必须搞得这样水火不容呢？

我不是很明白这个道理。。但是我却是其中的一环。。。

做自己。说起来简单，做起来却是超级的难！！！

我曾经一度迷失自己。。

到一个地步，我分辨不出哪一个才是我自己。。。

根本就没有自己的想法，总是一味的满足别人对自己的期望。

搞得我好累好累。。。

那种生活简直不是人过的。。。

可是幸好我找到了让我用于做决定的方向。

虽然我从一开始就知道，这个方向是错的。

但我还是执迷不悟，一直陷下去。。

虽然我找回了我自己，但却害别人失去自己。

后悔，但已经没有转会的余地。

过去让它过去~~

我不知道我会不会后悔。。

但我想知道你们的想法。

如果你们想跟我庆祝生日的话，请告诉我。

sms也好，fb也好。

可是我的时间全部排满了。

星期一放学后我就没空了，星期二上课一整天，星期三约了人。

如果你们有心，我会安排时间。

但场面会不会尴尬我就不知道了。

这几天，其实我很累很累。。精神上的累。功课上的压力是越来越重。。我的肩上每天都加重许多。或许，是我自己给自己压力。有些时候，我真的觉得，我这样的努力一点都不值得。因为许多人，不需要付出任何的努力，就能达到我付出很多很多的成果。我很不服气。但我只认清一个事实。我就是学的慢。但我相信，“努力”能拉近天才与蠢才之间的距离。而我是正确的。如果你问我，我到底为学业付出多少时间？我会说，25hours per day and 8days per week. 或许真的有点夸张。但这真的是事实。读Poly对我来说一点都不简单。。当我听到有人说我本来就是聪明的，所以成绩那么好，我会生气。因为我付出的时间和努力，远远超过了这个成绩可以证明的。大家都从0开始努力。我却要从－100开始。。因为我没有天资。大家只需要努力到100就可以了，我却要付出到1000或10000。。后天的努力，又有谁知道。。。与其羡慕我现在的成绩，我只觉得惭愧。。我只是个平庸的笨蛋，第一名对我来说。。只是个幻觉。。像泡沫一样不真实。轻轻一碰，就破了。这个学期，我觉得我会死掉。。因为1000已经不够了。。1000000倍的努力才足够？？？

或许没有人知道为什么我离开。我只能说，不是因为感情而逃避。而是我失望了。绝望了。。被利用够了。我是好人。但不是好到能够忍受不被尊重的地步。把我当什么了？我受够了。。。

朋友还是表面一点。太深，伤的越深。

心脏停止跳动的感觉。。我今天终于感受到了。。
就在读完你部落格最后一行的那一刻，
我的心脏，停了一秒。
乱掉的心跳。。。
我分不出这是高兴？还是难过。。。
一直以来我都知道。。你心里有一个人。。。
我想。。
这次，你会是幸福的。
希望，你心里的那个人，会好好待你。

因为。。你值得最好的。

i dunno would u c this post... or ever view my blog since 23.08.2009... but i dunno what can i do o how to let u know how i feel now... although this is meaningless to u.. but... i don't know...

well.. it is usual that ur clique will celebrates ur birthday with u every year.. i noe ur a.h. friend would do the same also.. n ur family definitely would celebrate for u coz u r their little princess always. =) i noe u get a lots of presents every year... n this year, i din give u any.. i dunno what can i give u... other than leave u alone... if i give u angpao, u r much more richer than me, money may means nothing to u.. if i give u presents, i dunno what u need nor what u like... may b key n locks, but do i have the chance to give it to u? now i still doubt will u answer my call later... or i should just sms u instead? or i might only allow to wish u on fb? i understand how much u hate me... i hate myself more than u do... may b u might think i m despicable... i ask ur cousin pass u sweets... which u would never want to c it again... i regret now... i m sorry... my intention is good...i just wanted to give u something that u cant get in klg... may b i made a mistake... u never like candy.. is me who like it very much... i m sorry... really sorry...

i think... i never c u again since june? before i departure to taiwan... but v never contact again since cny... is very sad isn't it... i noe is hard to forget everything in the past... n myself... i cant either... but i hope u can step forward... never look back again... since u had made a decision, it is no point to look back and no way to turn back also... i wish u all the best in ur future... every seconds, i hope u r fine and healthy... i love to c ur smile, so.. do smile more =) b the confident u! coz u r the superwoman, so easy! wish u good health and wisdom... Happy birthday.. My dearest friend, song ying sze.

I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!

I wun trust in anyone from this second onward. especially classmate!!!!! those 5ppl!!! I HATE U!!!!!

the reason is because u fail me again n again. no more trust is worth to spend on u. make me like idiot!!! DAMN!!!!!

sshhhhssssss...... this is a secret....

after 3 days of contineously working, my body is very very tired... hope today will b less busy... my ankle pain again.. because i fall and sprainked my ankle again... so now, i m wearing ankle guard to work... actually i m pretty sick now... but... i had gave my schedule... so i must go work if i still can move... tired ar.....

tmr i going back to klg.. but before that i need to go tp rawk dry run.. by the time i go back, is rush hour... = =" i hate it.. i dun want to miss the last bus to go back klg... dunno la... hopefully it can end earlier..

last night i dream of u... but i noe it is not reality... u wun ask me out... nor ask how m i doing... but i do hope i have the chance to c u again... haiz...

i m confused... i dunno what you r thinking right now... aren't you mad at me?

today i work as runner today... what a busy day... is really very busy.... just like a weekend... i got jam queue and jam topping... n fall 3 time in kitchen.. although i din get hurt, but i still very not happy with it.. i m so tired now... i dun even have strength to walk or lift stuff... the orders just wun stop from 6pm to 9.20pm... i think our outlet earn quite a lot today.. although quite a lot of wrong orders in the morning... oh ya!!! today the maki aunty make a special sal skin maki for me =) everytime i come as a customer, they just wun serve me the special one... but today i ate it FOC!!! hahahaa.... of coz is hiding from the chef de la.. hahahahaha... but the maki is very very nice!!! my favourite maki =D i m very tired... but i had promise my supervisor will go to work this week... cannot b too slack... although i m still considering transfer to another outlet.... anyway... may b i will go to T1 again to observe or ask the manager how they work like... coz vivo style is very different from other outlet...

i think my eyes should b very red now... coz i had wear contact lens for more than 10 hours le... body tires, eyes tired, mind also tired... haiz... what a painful life....

well... i knew it long time ago... just that... i pretend that i dunno... finally, u spoke out..
i knew u want me to let go everything... u want me to forget everything...... i knew... but... since you did not mention anything about me nor anything related to me nor talking to me in your post, why i cant read leh? i noe u will say since is not related to me, what for i reading? but if u have nothing to hide from me, there isn't any reason that can stop me from show concern to u... i did not interupt ur life, i m just a random reader...

i dunno u anymore... i dun understand ur thinking anymore... n i m not suppose to understand isn't it? although i noe you aren't mention about me in ur blog, and i did not put the person in my position. i knew the person isn't me. i understood it.

this year, i didn't prepare any birthday gift for u... because i knew i wun have the chance to greet you also... although i m at klg by tat time, but i knew it very well... u wun c me... isn't it?

today is my colleague's last day in sushi tei.... i really though that i wun feel anything about it... coz she is just a trainee from filipine... v always play around... jokes around... she is really very nice ppl... v have farewell at McD after work... my tear just cant stop... when she hug me, i really feel lost.... coz i saw her growth in sushi tei... from blur blur de her, until super steady service staff.... she is great... cant bear to part with her... michelle.... mahal kita... i will miss u...

今天我休假。。所以我睡得很迟才起身。。可是睡多了，反而更累。。。所以累得差不多了，我就逼自己起来，可是身体还是想赖床。。。躺在床上看了两三个小时的CSI才起来做家务。。因为六点跟表姐有约，所以五点半要出门。

今天抹了三次地。因为房间的地板真的是太肮脏了！！！应该有一个月没有人抹了吧？？因为要抹地，一定要一个人不在家。不然房间太小，会很麻烦。。所以。。。我不在家，她也没有抹地。。 ==" 所以这次她不在家，我就赶快抹地，不然这样肮脏的房间我不知道还可以忍受到几时。。。 == 其实我是很爱干净的人。只是我太懒惰，所以我的东西都乱七八糟的。。但是我是井井有条的人来的！

算了。。打扫的事弄得我累死了。。。眼镜又坏了。。所以这几天要戴隐形眼镜才可以。。虽然我不喜欢，戴了眼睛会很累。。。但是没办法。。谁叫我一个月开两套隐形眼镜。。。现在要轮流戴才可以，不然就太浪费了！！！现在的隐形眼镜越卖越贵。。==" 显。。。

其实我真的是累死了。。。走路都飘飘的。。又忘记要搭几号巴士去Joo Chiat。。。笨死了。。。真的是想不起来。。我应该有三四个月没有去表姐那里了吧。。。我只记得要去Bedok转车，其他的都不记得。。所以以上巴士就努力上网，希望我的记忆会回来。。谁知我笨死了，坐在一个不对的位子，因为会晕车，所以头晕头痛。。。真的是一个笨死了的位子！我没有想到会遇到不该遇到的人。我不说话，因为我很不自在。。难道看不出来吗？我不回信息，因为我不想回。因为我知道我会说出很伤人的话。难道真的要我说出来伤害人吗？其实我很想戴上耳机，当作听不到，看不到。。我不这么做，只是给你朋友和老师面子。。我说我没生气你会相信吗？

或许，我应该在这里跟你说清楚。再拖下去，我不知道什么时候才会恢复正常。我跟你是不可能的。不用浪费时间了。你不是我所喜欢的类型。如果你是男生，我或许还会喜欢你的疯疯癫癫，无厘头，粗鲁的语调。但你是女生。很抱歉，我所喜欢的是文静，温柔，有思想的女孩。不需要为了谁而改变。因为真正喜欢你的人应该要接受你的本质，喜欢你的性格。Just the way you are. 虽然我是Bi,但不代表我不了解一个女生的感受。很抱歉，我不会喜欢上你。我很抱歉之前向你提出追求，因为那时我相信奇迹。相信就算我不喜欢你，你总有一天能感动我，让我爱上你。。但事实却不是这样。。你的热情，让我害怕，让我逃避。。所以我只能说声抱歉。现在的我，很努力地回到straight。毕竟。。这样轰轰烈烈的恋情，并不适合我的身份。。。不管我怎么改变，我始终都还是牧师的孩子。怎么样都没有办法逃离基督徒的枷锁。现在的我，只想在我还有气息的时候，荣耀我的上帝。

不管你相信还是不信，我想静静等待属于我的天长地久。昨天我也跟Linda坦白我是bi.但我清楚，接下来只会有两种结果。一就是鄙视我，因为瑞士是个基督教国家。思想很保守。二就是接受这样的我，可能欧洲是思想开放的，而她可能接受开放思想的教育。我不知道她是怎么想，但我已经做好准备。两种结果我都接受。因为我不想为任何人改变。Just the way i am.

最近其实很压力，因为我已经over budget了。。要开学了。。我不知道怎么面对。。你的生日要到了。。我选择了回去。。。但我也很清楚，你不会想在那天见到我。。。所以我也不知道我回去干嘛。。或许。。。只是想逃避新加坡的压力。。。又或许。。。希望在某个时间，某个地点，不小心的碰见你。。。虽然我知道那是不可能的。。。。或许。。。就像你一直说的，我们之间没有缘分。。

I think... i had let u down again....

well... yesterday is not a very nice memory for me... a lot of happening... dun like it at all...

firstly is i get diarrhoea... make me unable to sleep well until morning.. then i m weak n tired... but i need to go sch to b TPIS's immersion program helper. then my group leader is a noob! like idiot la... as group leader but dunno what to do next is really a big failure... although he come from the same hometown as me, i wun simpathy him also. to me, this is untolerant mistake.

then i leave early because i got sushi tei's D&D.. when i reached home is already 4.30pm... n i m out of time.. rushing n rushing... but i still met peak hour... with extra charge of taxi fare... 18.40.. plus dizzy also... coz the cab drive keep accelerate and brake...= =" i really hate it... go D&D i get nothing, but i have to pay so much for it.. may b next year wun go le.. too bo hua for me... coz the dishes are all seafood. then v get beer voucher when v get there. each ppl is entitle to 2 beer voucher, so each ppl only can drink 2 glasses.. i dun drink alcoholic drinks, so i gave it away.. my asist manager sat beside me. she drinks a lot of beer... at least 10 glasses... so until half way, she drunk.. started to talk nonsense, scold ppl, screaming.. but because she drunk when the performance time, so is unnoticable... coz everyone is shouting for their respective outlet's representative... but after the performance, she is angry bcoz vivo din get 1st. she start to say bosses are bias... and she want to punch the boss for it... this is scary... i never seen ppl drunk until like this... my supervisor press her on the chair, and her best friend from another outlet also come n press her.. she is strong... indeed... she struggle.. but then her gitlfriend come and bring her out... she refused, so they give her another beer... but the beer splashed on my jeans.. = =" i dun like it... so i wanted to leave... my 2 colleagues wanted to share cab wih me, so v go tgt...

when v get to the entrance, another colleague of mine also drunk.. then v sent her home also.. coz she stay near by to our place.. i dun get it.. y ppl want to drunk leh?? she say she is dizzy, so hold her n let her lie on my shoulder... my colleagues tease me, coz she hug me in the cab... like couple?? so they laugh all the way from orchard hotel until bedok... luckily they din took photo of it... lol.... but i dun like the smell of alcohol... when i reached home, i was beated... n i overslept today... 11am only wake up... so now i already late for work... good luck to me..

surprisingly... linda reply my fb message this week... usually she dun reply mesage during weekends... so i m a bit shock.. i just ask some casual question... so the reply also short n sweet.. anyway, i m happy to c her reply =)

i m very very tired recently... can say is restless... my workplace is super bz... n i dunno why so many ppl like to come our shop so much.. the queue is like bomb... this second all the queue is cleared, the next second aroung 20 set of queues appears... is super fast... my body is tired... my mind also tired... next week i only scheduled 3 working day. coz my schedule is being canceled.. is like WTH.... they cancel my schedule when i need money the most time.... damn it! anyway... may b is my fault also.. coz i late too frequent recently... like i late 2 times in a week... my manager also quite unhappy about it.. may b they also considering transfer me to T1 outlet... i dunno leh.. T1 is like damn sux la... the food is damn bad... n T1 got a lot of extra lunch set la... express meal la... coz their business not good, so need to do a lot of promo set...

haiz... tired... dun like working... but is no choice de lo...

when i saw cyclist, i cant stop myself from staring at them... in my heart, i miss those days..

i got sore throat... which make me feel very pain when i talk.. but i cant avoid talking.. lol... sad right? monday i going to sch for international student orientation.. last year i was freshman, now is my turn to guide those freshman.. hahaha...

i hate loneliness... but i already get used to it since the day i let go... it is still pain in my heart.. but the feeling fades when time goes by... i enjoy my personal time =) no stress, no restriction.. i can do whatever i want to do.. daze.. sleep... buy food xD watch pps... i do enjoy my life now =) so i not going back this time... just like last year... u prohibited me to celebrate ur birthday... yet u still sang birthday song for me.. i m glad.. but i think this year.. i dun have the chance... coz...

omg... i overslept again... i supposed to wake up before 9am and go to sch at 10 to return IITSc's shirt.. but i wake up around 1.30pm.. make me super rush to working coz i got laundry to do n i need to eat my lunch... anyway... this morning i so some research on linda's fon.. wow... is really WOW... damn good spect la... n is just release at mid june.. is as nice as iphone 4...

i m very tired... dunno y... may b too much of stress?? i cant sleep well recently... kept dreaming about working... is not a good sign... =( recently pass by TBP so frwquent n make me miss the YOG days... but i miss linda most la.. lol... even v din stop contact each other since she left, but i still miss her very much.. so sad.. is impossible to go back to the past... so no point keep thinking of the past. now i should focus on how to earn money to cover my expenses... no extra time to think about useless stuff.

tmr i going to sentosa.. = =" may b is another sun burn time for me... i hate beach... is hot and not fun at all... anyway,, i going to eat sushi tei tmr... so stress up recently... must go pamper myself... =)

things just get more n more complicated recently...

today i wake up quite late, although i slept very early last night... may b is because i wake up too early which make my body exhausted... today is very tired at working.. may b i rest for too long le.. my legs are like made of stone.. hard to move around... actually today i wanted to wear contact lens... but my eyes are just too red and pain, so i cant wear.. may b tmr i will wear.. coz if i dun wear often is like very waste.. then this morning read linda's reply, she is in holiday now for 2 weeks, but she have to report to working everyday. =( means, no holiday actually.. my roommate going to cambodia for ocp... dunno will i get chosen? may b no ba... limited seats only... haiz...

these days i felt i rely more on my N900 than my lappy.. coz i can do everything with N900 other than watch pps... so i din bring my lappy back to m'sia... then i use my dad's netbook to watch pps. but cant msn, coz his netbook is either too slow or not installed with msn. n i lazy to on msn while i using fb... my mum is like always stalk me when i at home la... she will kept my hp away from me when i nap o sleep, and she dun allow me to sleep late when i at klg.. so i quite behave myself when i at home.. i think i had not login to msn around 2 weeks ady?? i also not very sure...

i felt tired on any relationship... felt tired to disguise myself.. so i tell myself.. no more puppy love... it is tired and hurt..

i m really very very tired today... not only because of working... is because of crying... i told my aunt about my financial status now.. then i cry non stop coz she understand me so well.. since young, she is the one who dote me most... so i always meet her at sg.. but she going back to m'sia by end of dec.. so ya.. i going to lost my only support in sg soon...

last night i suddently woke up at 3.30am.. then i grab my fon.. i saw i got new message on fb gadget, so i go fb.. so coincident she is there.. but i noe at most 3.40am she sure go to bed de.. so chat around 5 sentences, v both offline and go to sleep... just now she message me also.. ask me some strange question.. may b v din chat for too long, no common topic le.. but nvm.. i can "配合" her..

i am very tired now... not going to wait for her reply...

I dun think anyone would understand my situation... ppl just think that i m so money minded and forget my health.. but actually it isn't the truth... I care my health more than anybody! just that i cant do anything about it.. i know why my parent want me to come back as soon as possible for blood test. coz the lab ppl told them if i dun take medication, i will transform into leukeamia.. i m ok.. but i noe my body is very very not good.. the dizzyness occurs more and more often... sometimes i cant pretend i m ok, so i shown tired faces... but other ppl just thought i din have enough sleep...this is bad.. my image is ruined.. i did put in 100 percent in my job. I m NOT SLACKER!!!

then the doc ask me not to work so much in future. coz my condition is i dun have enough blood... so the oxygen level in my body is very low, and the flow of blood is slow.. and he ask me not to eat chicken rice anymore. if not i might get heart diseases.. but what can i do??? u r not me.. u dunno my situation... financial difficulties is still the biggest problem that i faced... i earn SGD489 last month, in 1 day, my account left 38 dollar only... do u know how stress i m??? I need to pay rental $250 by 13 and i need transport fees around $85, starhub $72 etc.. excluded my meal... i can only tell u, i can only drink plain water everyday for my meal everyday.. no extra money for any food. every month i need at least $550 to support my expenses.. at least! but now... i dunno what can i do... without any financial support from my family... i really dunno what to do... if i dun go work, yes i can save money.. but i will not be enough for the next month expenses.. additional i still need to pay for some debt that is not make by me... i dun have any mood to celebrate my birthday anymore...

i know 2.2 will be a very bz year for me.. but i dunno what can i do... nobody is able to support me anymore... should i stop and quit studies? i have really no confident in it... if i want to continue, i need to work a lot... and my parent want me to go church every sunday... which is impossible for me if they want me to support all my expenses myself without any support from them... conflict!!! but who bother??? nobody! i wish i wun gone crazy with these stress on my shoulder... i hate to come back... everytime i come back, surely got tons and tons of financial burden added on me... they always ask me to quit job if i cant handle my studies... but the next second they will tell me how tight is our family financial budget... WTH!!!! give me so many stress... i got a lot of calculation want to do... but i dun dare to do it at home... coz they feel stress also... what m i going to do?????????? i need the budget list.. but i cant give them pressure... omg.... who can help me?? i doubt nobody...

i decided to kill my health for my family wellfare.. so i going to work 10 days full next week... although i would faint and die, i left with no choice at all... this is the only way that can help my family out from debt... $2200 of debt is on my shoulder now... i really dunno how to solve... at most i can get for next month is $900.. when school start, everything is go back to same again... at least $550 is needed for each month... dec is the toughest time.. school fees.. approximitely $450... so is $1000 on my shoulder... will i die??? i cant die... but i cant survives neither... at the end is still my fault... is i who make my family finance so down... no way to go back.... i dunno what to do......

my tears cant stop now... so stressfull..... n nobody can help me.... home sweet home?? home isn't sweet anymore everytime i come back... is so stressfull and painful.... i cant even cry out loud.... may b i should say i m not allow to cry... i hate numbers..... so much.... crying make my head so pain......

this morning just hear a song from youtube. is 'just the way you are' cover by JS. is damn nice!!! the lyric is nice. and JS vocal is awesome =) i also wish to have someone would appreciate me just the way i am...

then i come back to m'sia after i shopping awhile at TM.. although i din buy a lot of stuff, but i did spend a lot of money... i just want to fulfill my promise..

then i tell my family i am 1st in cohord, so my sis treat me pizza!! before that i went to c doctor for consultation on my blood report. he say something must b wrong with my blood report. coz impossible for all 3 composition of blood out of scale at the same time... i got low in red blood cell, very high in white blood cell and high in plalette.. so he cant b very sure that i am thalasemia or not.. then tmr do the blood test again to confirm which composition is high and what medicine i need. if i still low in red blood cell, then need to do the 3rd test for thalasemia... = =" i hate blood test... coz i need to fasting before the test...

linda din online for quite a few days le... i so boring...

actually i m on the way to working now... i m very very very very tired now... but i think i still have to go work coz i gave my schedule le.. last night i slept around 1.45.. coz i miss 2 episode of the drama when i was at camp, so i watch them after i have my bath.. then b4 i go sleep i fb awhile.. surprisingly linda sent me a message to show concern to me =) i am very surprise.. really.. coz usually she wun send me message other than reply my question.. but she din fb for quite a few days le.. so i dunno will she reply me...

yesterday is the last day of TBC. i am very glad that i din give up until the last minute. although i really felt very sick, but i din thought of giving up. i m survivor!!!

well... i dunno what to say.. the delay is there... but the games are awesome.. although i din really enjoy very much.. huntgry make me sprint for around 500m.. make my leg damn pain.. but is fun... then final clash i out around 5 minutes from the start.. but i do enjoy watching other ppl playing.. =) then when the closing time, yongyi and yongwei cry.. i noe tat feeling.. because i was camp commander before also.. lol.. anyway, this is not the best camp i went, but is a nice camp actually..

today is the 2nd day of iit team bonding camp.. i slept at 5.30am last night... so i m really not enuf sleep de condition... wake up in the early morning then we watch the answer for night walk.. actually my guess was right... but nobody trust my answer, so v get very poor marks for night walk.. but is ok la.. v still at 2nd =)

then is the wet game.. i did play until very very jalat.. everything chiong 1st to play.. coz the girl is damn shy and my group is very passive.. the "high" is very hard to get.. but i did tried my best to do everything i can.. may b some ppl will hate me for that.. coz is like i suddently ask them to follow my command. but i m not intention to do that..

then after wet game i m not feeling well.. because weather is too cold.. then i got headache.. although i noe panadol cannot reduce my pain also, but i still take it as precaution.. if not by now i already high fever le.. then is field cooking. i like it a lot sia!!! coz i never try this befor at m'sia.. at most v get is a sadine can, a white candle, matches, egg. is very hard to get the egg cooked. then if the egg is not cooked, v still have to eat it. so today the field cooking is damn fun to me =) and i ate a lot of rice for dinner.. although v only have dinner around 9.30pm..

after v done the field cooking, i did fell twice.. coz i really felt very very dizzy and the blood like cannot reach my brain... after that i m really not feeling well le.. coz i really feeling dizzy all the way... v din do much for night performance.. coz i m not the actors actually.. then suddently they change plan, i have to act also.. so i just sit there like stone. tonight i m really not in perfect condition.. then v saw nicholas dancing. he is damn funny xD but he is good =) really good in IITSC!! i noe v will not get good position tmr. but i enjoy the whole process.. is fun and nice... although i m not feeling well, but i think this is worth..

i have a lot of thing to say.. but i think i better say "no comments" now.. i noe and i understand... i m fine. dun worry about me =)

Well, today is the first day of the IIT subcom camp... i woke up quite early in the morning because my colleague want me to sent something to eunos mrt station.. so i go off from my house quite early.. and i sleep super little... last night was watching drama until 2.30++ then i pack my stuff and do laundry... so i m quite tired today..

the first game is ice breaking.. seriously, i hate it alot because it always make me look like idiot.. but this time round is ok la.. coz got experience from week zero camp le, just be nice, cooperate then ok ady.. anyway, i din really get to know a lot of ppl after ice breaking...

then is the second activities, treasure hunt. Is very long and tiring... in the afternoon is raining.. so it make me feel uncomfortable.. after some running i felt headache and dizzy... but is still managable la.. but after the long treasure hunt i really damn tired and exhausted.. when v sit in the LT, i felt damn dizzy.. may b other ppl din notice.. but i really cant forcus and think.. then my FA bring us props to make group flag... i do very little only..


coz i damn tired... then v stay in the LT again for rotting.. May b is because of the aircon.. i felt more dizzy and headache.. after dinner is the horror movie time.. i just plug in my ears piece and blast music in my ears. =) so i din watch a lot.. and i black out for a few second.. i think?? coz when i recover already a new movie le.. then they change a more horrible movie. then i sleep again.. may b around 30 minutes?? i also not sure..

then is the night walk.. v r 3 ppl in a group.. is quite scary actually... but not horrible... the main comm sacrifies a lot lo.. they scream like hell and put make up like ghost.. v take slow and steady tactic.. just do it slowly.. coz they not suppose to touch us.. so i ok.. when i turn around i almost hit a main comm behind me.. hahaha... but is ok la.. the night walk got some light on, so overall is still visible but cant c clearly.. luckily my group is brave enuf.. nobody scream, just stay calm and endure.. but when v complete, v actually damn scared.. hahahahahahah... anyway.. is ok ok lo...

then v come back to LT again, then desmond tell us all the ghost story happen in TP... i hear some only.. coz i damn scare about ghost story de.. so i plug in my ear pieces, blast music and write blog at this moment XD that's all for today's camp.. but i think the night walk will drag until 1am+++++ then only release us to rest..

overall my body still can stand it.. just the headache and dizzyness make me feel very uncomfortable.. may be tmr will be better if i can rest well tonight... but i think the chances that i can sleep well tonight is less than 10 percent lo... lol...

Erm... my mum phone me just now... said my blood test is not good.. want me to go back as soon as
possible... she heard like scared and panic... she also dunno what's going on.. just said my white blood cell is excessive and my red blood cell is not enough.. so i will dizzy always... she want me go back for detail medication prescription.. but i m pretty sure i m not leukaemia. if i m, i should be dying by this moment. xD

actually.. for those who know me long enough.. definitely will noe i will go food department for shopping when i feeling down... but none of my friend notice and show concern.. i dun need much.. just a simple 'take care' is enough to help me get back on my feet... but none did that... but it is fine also... shopping for food make me feel release and happy =)

i feeling down because of stress again.. i hate human relation... so complicated and stressfull... v part timer have a lot of conflicts with the full timer.. they dun like us, then they bully us, but they also very suffering without us... = =" tat day my part timer colleague complain to me tat a captain bully her... n all 3 of the full timer that every part timer hate is at the same section with her. she is super angry and frustrated. i comfort her n ask her dun take it to heart. but the next day, the same situation happen to me. = =" i was like.. DAMN!!! i just avoid them all day and partner with other ppl. just ignore them. coz they dun like me also.. what for i go partner with them and make me so suffer? actually... i rather i dunno all these gossip... which make me very hard to make my own decision.. i dun want to hate anyone of my colleague... because v are a team... the bond is build, the gossip break it down... i dun like this...

i considering transfer to other outlet... i dunno should i?? i might b nothing to sushi tei vivo... may be i absent wun change anything also... if i am really under medication for my body condition, may be i will transfer to a outlet that is less busy...

well... Linda comment to my status again and gave her address to me =D i m very surprise that!!! she even ask for my address also... dunno what she want to post to me... but she ask me some question that i m unable to answer... "can i sent you food or something like that or the police will take it away?" i really dunno how to answer... coz my sis send "tie dan" from taiwan before.. but is seal and send by air mail(fedex).. it reach my house also.. but i dunno other country... =(

yesterday i din go working... half is because i wake up too early for the subject streaming and meke me extremly tired after register, half is because of my headache.. i m not sure is it migraine, because i sleep a lot... eventually i cant feel anything... but the day before i felt a sudden weak in my limbs when i was working... headache and dizzy... so i just rest at home... sleep and watch CSI... anyway, i ask my supervisor they enough ppl o not, since they does not need ppl, what for they schedule me to work leh?? :-(

yesterday mornng Cedric email me. inform me that the e survey got technical problem, so everyone also cannot login. so they postpone the date. which means i need to wake up super early again tmr morning... = =" n i give my schedule ady... cant dun want to go work on tat day... more jalat...

this week got IITSC subcomm camp.. y must sleep at sch leh?? i think they want to play night walk again at 2am and watergame at the hot afternoon... think about it also felt tired le...

yesterday thought i would late for work again... coz i wake up at 10.15... means i will late about 15 minutes or more... so tired... being a xx is not good at all...

recently i read some post on fb, one of it is about the reason of being single. yup. i think it is very correct.. when you grow older, u dun easily go for puppy love anymore.. coz now you will think for the future... so i m in dilema now... i like who i m now, but i also know i might dtay single forever if i still be like this... what do i really want?

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am SHOCKED!!!!!!!
i never expect she would read my post on fb...
she read it, n comment it????
omg omg omg omg omg.......
she reply to my email too...
she always reply my email on sunday...
may b is her routin to reply mails on sunday ba...
english is not her 2nd language...
or may b i should say she doesn't has 2nd language...
so she cant handle it very well..
anyway, she tried her best to reply =D
I am so glad i have a penpal like her!! =D

actually i m very tired because of the streaming stuff... which make me wake up super early to prepare but just cant login until i give up... then the stupid monthly stuff happen to me also... make me super tired n cant concentrate during working... i think around 4+pm, i was really very dizzy because of losing blood... but then i just pretend that i ok.. then i just let myself go blank and walk slowly and do work slowly... but i think my colleague is not happy with me.. because i m really slow today... yet the workload is horrible, super bz saturday.... today i work as runner... never work as runner at weekend... most of the time i partner with girls, but today is both guys.. and they are too fast and make me looks like super slow today... n i really not in good condition actually... sore throat again... still wondering should i go work tmr... haiz...

DAMN!!!! Y i cant login to esurvey??? Damn!!!!!!!!!!!
i tried a lot of times it just kept poping error said i m not allow to access. Damn!!!
then the french class ppl contact me today.. he say the french class need to pay fees de. 12 per hour. 1 class 2.5hour. whole module is 10 classes. then i count n count... is around 300++.. should b ok for 2.5 month right? then suzuki sensei called me, i told her i cant access to esurvey, then she say she will try to solve for me. but i cant select 2 CDS le. i only can choose jap. so i decided to take french outside sch.. then at the same time i can extend both language.. but i m not happy with the esurvey la!!! y i cannot login??? damn!!!!

yes! today is my off day.. i stay at home and do whatever that i cant do when i working.. so i sleep until i start feeling dizzy, then watch kindaichi until my eyes blur, play Anno until my brain stuck and watch csi until i really feel very very tired... now i really exhausted...

today i check my result around 12. is so lucky that the network din lag this time... last sem i refresh a few time only get it... my result is quite good... is really high.. because my gpa last sem is high, i really thought i cannot maintain it this time round after the exam... so when i c it, i shock. n speechless... i got 3 Z for the 3 subject that took by all 2.1 student from IIT school. I cant believe it!! because during 1.1 i din get A for them also... n the first time i get A for CMSK. This is INSANE!!!! I never get this before... really.... but i quite disappointed for GADV. I din get A. while i put in so much time for it.. but nvm la... coz after i saw joo and ziyi's work, i think their should get A. anyway, zy din get Z for GADV.. i wondering who is the 8 person get the Z???

Tmr i going to fight for 2 level language limited seat. so i need to sleep earlier today. i decided to sign up for both language n c which 1 i get. if i get both then only i find which one to drop as jonathan chee only allow me to extend 1 CDS...

well, linda din talk to me about 2 days ady... so i quite sad about it. but i cant to anything also.. so i just keep quiet about it then.. but i told her my result n she did reply me during her lunch break. that was exciting! ya, i din wait for her last night even today is my off day... because i was exhausted last night... n not going to wait tonight also..

Nite!

I got feeling like this... She scared me ady.. May b i asked too many question or v chat too frequent... so ya... i going to stop waiting 3am.. i am tired also... =(

recently working too hard le... make me extremly stress and stresssss!!!! so i ask her how she resolve stress, then she said take the work easy, do it one by one. slowly.. may b by tat time i ask her i m too vexed... so i say is not applicable to my job. then i think she angry because of my tone. then she straight away say good night. then the next day is my off day... i think twice of what she had said, then suddently i think it can works! coz every section have at least 4 ppl working. i need not be a superman to take care of everything by myself alone. can do my order slowly, then the free ppl will take the next order. just slow down my pace, dun so demanding on myself, then is not so tough actually... so today i took practical action. i really slow down my pace and take it easy... although today is very very busy, but it doesn't affects me. coz my pace is the same, i do enjoy my work today =)

yesterday i went back to klg for reunion dinner. then i scald myself because the hot soup is too full..then i let go the bowl and it splashed to my hands.. my right hand is more badly scalded than my left... is red and swollen... but as long as i din touch my skin or contact with hot water, it does not pain.. but it affected my working speed also la... that's y today i do everything slowly and more caution... anyway, i dun really feel very pain when i scald myself.. may b the soup is not 100 degree.. may b just 90??? i also dunno... my dad say the floor got smoke and stream after i let go the bowl... my family are shocked.. but i m ok leh.. dunno y leh...

i m very tired... bye...

how much does a person's integrity value? How do you judge a person's value??? I am confuse. I dun understand. i dun get it, what is the truth actually??? this world like full of confusion and grey area... too many hidden lies and full of unidentified behaviour... i hate it!!

today i late for work... is on purpose de. coz i really very tiring bcoz of work... i really hate this job so much! but i just couldn't quit... who should i blame? my parents? or me?? i chose this path in the first place... i chose to come sg by myself. is my fault to bring the family economy down... i hate it!!! i hate myself! y? y y??

too stress from work... n i cant express out.. that is the most sad part. i feel myself is such a failure and disgrace. y?? my mood is super down now.... i m so tired of living... so tired of being a human... i m too demanding? too strict to myself? or i heard too many rumour and gossip from ppl? which make me feel so disappointed to this job, to ppl around me? i m stress....

i told myself that i want to marry to blonded hair and blue eyes ppl. some ppl think this is so cheap! i also dunno why... may b i m disappointed to all chinese and asian guy? but when i saw the caucacian + asian couple, i dun think i belongs to that circle... ik m still too "eastern"... too shy, not opened minded ppl... can say i dun like that kind of "open".. conflict right?? i m conflict with myself. make me damn hate this kind of feeling.. like i split into 2 personalities, and fight until i dunno which one is myself...

may b i am just tired of myself... may b i lost my self confident... may b i just lost hope... may b i just lost my integrity n dignity.... may b i just too coward to face changes... may b i just too scared to accept my surrounding n the hypocriteness of the ppl around me... may b i just with to be love but scared to love again...

i need more exposure for my mind...
i need some air...

ya... i m quite sad actually.... coz she din online for 2 days already... some sort of "down" feeling... but i can understand... she is quite busy now... coz is her exam period...

erm... let me talk about USS... i went with my roommate and her bf yesterday... thx to larry and kath for the tickets =) it is a very enjoyable experience... coz i too timid, so i dun take any roller coaster... but yesterday i was cheated by my roommate and go play mummy's revenge... she said is some adventure ride with some storyline, but then is a extreme fast and furious indoor roller coaster!!! my heart almost fall out lo... but i kept my mouth close, so it din fall out. LOL... then v go watch 4D shrek movie, is amazing and nice!!! is too real until i really thought the image is 1cm away from my nose... is really nice!! then v have dinner at goldilock fried chicken shop. the chicken is damn nice!!! coz is thai spicy flavour, so is damn nice... but not as crunchy as KFC.. then v go watch special effect studio demo and some sort of "opera" about monster rock with firework special effects.. then v run out of time ady coz my roommate too "mo" and v reach there around 8pm.. and queue took too much of our time... so ya.. v din get to play all facilities.. but i m sure i will visit again, with my sis and my family... coz i think they will like there =D they love taking photo, unlike me... photo shy... oh ya, i met melvin and his wife and desmond from result FA with his 3 children... then when v leave v get goodie bag... inside got a free McChicken set voucher... too bad... i cant get it back from my roommate.. i think her bf want it.. and a DVD of both opening and closing ceremony... I din regret for going! is really nice and memorable.. =)

ooo... yesterday i really break my record le... i sleep from 5am to 5pm... coz of cough syrup effect, i m faint until i cant wake up tat kind.. but is good for me also... coz i really rest very well... n i felt better... but due to working, i am really exhausted... anyway, my working place not enuf man power these days... i cant bear to "ponteng"... coz if i dun go work, they not enuf manpower ady, then the ppl who work on tat day will die... although i m not full time staff, but i still feel pity for them... everybody is tired, everybody is not feeling well, but they still come for work, i work so long le... the friendship bond is there... but today is really damn jalat... 6 part timer ponteng, so not enuf staff, then the customer is damn Fxxk up! super demanding and super niao!!! then the customer flow is super fast... is like they sit for 20 min and go, the next minute new customer already sat down... super tired and super "be song" ! then everyone's face damn black... dunno la.... management can simply bad mood, yet v cant de! like v r not human like tat... i m really very tired... n flu medicine din help at all... even after i ate panadol also no use... still headache and running nose... but i will still go work tmr... hopefully they wun ponteng.... if not sure like today, supper tired and super bad mood...

my kuroshitsuji 2 finale ady... the ending is not nice =( although sebastian is belongs to ciel forever, but their relation is no longer tat pure and nice le... the feel is diff... dun wish to have season 3... :(

i think tonight i wil still wait for her until 3am... if she din appear, then i go sleep...
wish me good luck ;)

Oh my God..... DO you know how nice Linda is????

C'est super!!!

I only told her i will reply her email soon and write something about my work..

then i ask her to reply me something like cycling or her school stuff.

then she straight away reply on fb...

tell me about her training and what she do during winter...

i was like...

OMG.....

i din expect her to tell me these at the first place...

although i plan to ask her after few month...

but i thought she would tell me something regarding cycling information like distance of road race, specs of bike and so on...

omg........... she is so nice~~~~~~~~~~

today i really wait for her until 3++

coz i noe she wun online so early as she work today

then i ask her about her test, coz she told me she got 2 test this week

she got German and French test tmr..

definitely is harder than what i had learn la....

i knew it when i read her email reply in french last week...

too many vocab i never learn before and the language structure is so standard...

then i know a little bit of german from self learn,

is super hard...

coz it is like for I, you, they , he , she,it all different variation for 1 word.

is super memory required type of subject lo...

then she have both language subject in one day

so ya....

i only can say...

May God Bless you.. Amen.. (=_=")

NO LA!! >.<"

i din say that la...

although i have that kind of meaning...

anyway, i have faith in her

she is those kind "never say die" type..

so she definitely can do her best.

i today is 3/4 dead..

coughing coughing coughing and coughing

pain la... but my throat more pain...

and the candy i bought is not effective as compare to vapodrop

when i taking orders, i cant cough in front of the customer...

is super suffering to endure

at the end i was like "内伤"

tat kind of pain is from my heart expand to my limbs de lo...

very very painful!

but i manage to survive until now la... although is 3/4 dead..

luckily i smart enuf, i off tmr~

so i can rest and enjoy myself~

tomorrow is going to write email in 20%french + 80% english

coz my teacher din teach me vocab regarding working =="

time to say good night!

A la prochaine!

OMG.... i overslept.... =_=" damn it!!! i dun like late for work.. although it is ok, as long as i go work, management is happy.. but i just dun like it...

last night i watch yugioh until 3++.. that's y i so tired now... luckily tmr no need to work, can sleep late and wake up late =D around 1am linda was online last night...have a short chat with her, then she offline le... may b is because of tiredness from training i think.. she is friendly and nice indeed. but i think i shouldn't step in any further... if not, i can never come out from this..

yesterday my colleague bring me to c her crashed girl.. i think she is ok only... but in my colleague's eye, she is perfect... my colleague is too shy to talk to her, then bring me for cover.. my colleague blush when she saw her and acts stupid =_=" this make me remember that time i ask linda for photo.. i also very stupid and dunno what to do... is like... idiot... hahaha... but this is only the process la... i take linda as my idol, not deep relationship... i noe what i should do and what shouldn't.

i m on the train now.. today cough more but my diaphram not that pain le.. tolerant!!! later must control not to make myself cough... endure!!! yesterday i finish 15 sweets to sooth my throat.. today dunno need how many... i want to recover from sick la... suffering lo.... T-T

this morning is like... i drag myself up from my bed... the first movement i do this morning is coughing and coughing = =" PAIN LA!!!! my diaphram is so pain until i cannot sit properly... now i try to control my breath, cannot breath in too deep, coz will cough... so painfull... last night i sleep quite late.. i think?... coz my brain dun let me rest.. then i manage to chat with linda via message on fb... she own 3 bikes, and she is suisse champion on road race 5 times in a row... i was like... OMG.... she is like 17 only lo... OMG... then i am too tired and close my eyes... i think i fall into deep sleep after 1 hour ba... n i feels so tired now... yet i still drag myself to work... hope i wun faint during work ba... i decided to do everything slowly.. let the newbies clear the trolley.. i dun think i got strength to carry heavy stuff today... as long as i din cough, i think i will be able to tahan until close shop... hopefully?? n i din go class bbq le.. coz sher say until 11pm only... when i finish working and reach bugis should be around 11pm ady ba.. so i din go le.. sorry ya...

actually... my body is trembling now... but my brain dun let me sleep... damn it! because todat i sleep too much le... now my brain is energetic, but my body is exhausted... especially my eyes... because of crying...

my lung is pain.. my eyes are pain too.. haiz...

i want to sleep....

as you know.. i went to blood test today... is quite scary experience for me actually... not because of i scared of blood, is because of i saw ppl fainting in front of me... my family have thalassemia inheritance, so my sis also inherited too.. then she is period too, then when the blood is taken, she fall unconcious.. all of us were shock. coz like 15 ml of blood only... then she faint... i dunno what to say actually... then i just kept quiet.. but actually, i got trauma ady...

this is my hand after blood test.. bruise sia... hopefully my hand can lift heavy stuff.. coz i need to use quite a lof of my left arm during working...



Oh ya.. Linda won the race again!!! she is so good at sport la! even when she is busy of school stuff and din go for so many training as usual, she still won the race... talented is so diff from hardworking ppl.. haiz... she still have 2 test this week, i only can wish her good luck but nothing else, coz i can do nothing to help other ppl's academic right? most important is language problem = ="

i m not feeling well... may b because of sg weather is diff to klg again... may b my body just get used to klg weather. then i back to sg again... then my body cannot tahan n complaining lo... when i come back, i took medicine and sleep immediately... but it get worst after 3 hours of sleep... then i took medicine again, and sleep again... at the end i cough until i wake up with dizzy feeling and neusea.. now i took more medicine again and wanted to sleep.. but my brain already wake up after 6 hours of sleep... the medicine make me drowzy, but my brain refused to sleep... n i am crying since 6 hours ago... i think is my body crying. not me... feel so uncomfortable.... my lung pain because cough too much... my nose is stuck even after i tried 2 type of medicine... why my body is so weak??? why i cant b stronger and live without medicine for 1 month???? i hate medicine so much!!!

I m so tired... because i fall sick again.. = =" Kluang's weather is one day rain, one day very hot.. may b that is the reason of my sick ba...

these few days i m not able to wait for linda because of my sick.. as well as my mum will nag at me...
but, she did reply to my message. everyday o! is very excited to know news from her =D is like knowing news from idol... She have race today.. hope she won the race XD

tmr i going to get blood test.. so my mum dun let me sleep too late.. i thought i can wait until 2am, but my mum dun let me.... haiz... i got cold and sore throat... n my mum dun let me have medicine after 10pm coz will affect my blood test result... T-T so now i am at a very tired and suffering status... tmr i going back to sg to prepare for my work... so ya... is not good... :(

yesterday i slept around 4am.. a little bit dissapointed... but i'm fine...
she din online at all.. may b just because she is bz of school stuff or training ba...
but i m happy today =D because she reply to my message..
coz i told her tonight i cant wait for her and i going back to m'sia, cant wait for her for few days..
haha.. i dunno why she reply me at afternoon, but i m happy about it. XD

today i totally din study at all..
some sort of given up??
may b...
my brain is refuse to study, even language..
so i sleep a lot today, and watch CSI a lot...
now i going to sleep... coz i need to rest my mind for tmr exam...
jiayou jiayou!!!

i got 4 days of holiday start from tmr!
woohoo!!!
time to enjoy myself =D

WooHoooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It is sooooooooo Worthy!!!!
Glad that my roommate wanna ton tonight,
cause me still cannot sleep at this time...
My waiting is WORTHYYYYYYYY!!!!!!

after my long long long waiting time,
i manage to chat with her!
sooooo lucky!!
she always appear offline on fb, so it is very rare to c her online.
today chat quite a lot..
i really feel very happy =D
chat about season, schooling, vacations, eyes!
hahaha... idiotic me...
When she ask me,
"now is 3am at singapore right? why are you not sleeping ? What are you doing at this time?"
i suddently speechless...
cant say "i am waiting for you.." right?
later she scare of me.
idiot me... really should bang the wall...
i said, doing nothing.
idiot right??

anyway, i am really in good mood now!
finish DBIS and get to chat with her!
WooHooooooooooooo!!!
3am is so great!!!!!!
I love 3am!!!

Should i say "Omedetou" to you?
actually i should, right?
I hope to c everyone owns happiness =)
although i dun have tat kind of luck...

today i quite sad as well as quite happy.
sad because i kena bluff..
again n again...
i hate being a fool...
but i dun know y...
i just cant angry at u...
i really dunno the reason...
i happy because the toughest paper is over!
although i did a tough war today with DBIS,
i think i should b able to struggle through ba..
cant get A, but definitely can pass!

i start to slack now..
i plan to wait for linda tonight,
but i think i cannot make it..
coz my body is complaining now...
coz of the medication effects, i very tired and drowzy...
3am i think i really cmi...
tmr start to play games!
WooHoo!!!
Holiday is coming!!!

oh ya, i start to self-learn German also le..
is quite similar to french, but is tougher i think...
some pronouciation is quite hard...
i think i m too silly la...
anyway, i m really enjoy myself!

= Anata ga watashi no shiawase desu =

I dun feeling well... cold palm and cold feet..
i think i should stop waiting for her appear every night..
because i noe myself too well.. sleep late make my immune system super weak.. any diseases can easily knock me down...
sometime i think back... may b this is not worth at all... coz sometime i dun even receive any respond from her... i do like her. but is just pure friendship kind... i do envy her.. she still have the chance to make her life colourful.... actually... i feel really lonely... and i need someone to talk to... but... unfortunately... she cant understand my language and generation gap is there....

i think i m born in a very fortunate country... although is not a perfect land... but at least our education system is quite useful to me.. coz i got the chance to learn english since i was very young... at least when i graduated from secondary school, i can speak fluent english, chinese, malay... unlike other country... they only learn english in secondary school... so they can only speak very basic language... i felt i am very fortunate after met people from other country..

When i was young, i HATE language very much. because i dun dream to go oversea. but now, i Love it very much.. language is hard, but it is very fun also... and also because it make me have more advantage than others... but now i only can choose between jap and french to advance in next semester... my CU is max already... n jonathan dun let me take CDS in year 3... haiz.... y i din study hard in sem 1.1 leh? now so regret about it...

Well... i felt being insulted today...
I love YOG. because it brings me unforgetable once in a life time experience.
It also make me experience a lot of different stuff.. Everyday is a very fun day for me during YOG duty.
That's y i so sad it is over... I miss it a lot... hence i treasure everything about YOG.

I felf insulted. because u insult it! WTH!!! wha do u mean by did everyone look at u when u wear YOG uniform in bus? What's wrong about it? Why cant i wear this uniform? this is my uniform wat! I had fulfilled my duty and I worth the name of "Workforce". I have the right to wear it when i want to wear it! I think everyone in our team have wonderful experience and colourful memories regarding YOG except u. because u dun even enthu to this and u dun like ur duty at all. is like u waste ur 9 days without gaining anything. such a shame!

U think about it urself. what did u put in ur effort most in ur life? if i m not mistaken, NONE!
because u dun even cherish urself.

Yeah!!!! I got her reply this morning ya! although is short n sweet reply, i still very happy about it. but i think i dun have any chance to chat with her on fb le... coz our morning is their midnight, our afternoon is their early morning(5 to 6+ am) our night is their afternoon and our midnight is their night time... haiz... time difference too huge la... so sad... i cant do anything about it..

today i m really very very very tired... dunno why... but just too tired until my eye cannot open n my legs are trembling... flu + headache... but for the $$ sake, i decided to go work. today got 26++ ppl working.. so shouldn't b very bz n tiring day.. monday is different story le... coz is weekday.. most part timer wun work on weekdays and is monday... OL like to come my workplace on monday... = =" why my life so suffering leh?? haiz.... i want to get some rest la....

now my rental is clear as i work 5 days in Sushi Tei. then extra is my allowance.. may b i dun work so much ba.. 10 days should b enuf le ba... i'm so tired...

I think i really stop working for too long le... tat's y i feel like dying after work everyday... if possible, i really dun want to work so much... life is too short... this is my vacation sia... yet i m schedule to work everyday.... n very hard to get a half day off... WTH... i'm not even protected by any insurane lo... = =" working indeed make me lost a lot of things... it make me miss the once in a life time YOG closing ceremomy as well... Damn It!

anyway... i have no choice at all. I only have 2 choice. 1 is i enjoy my life, no working, but my family suffer. 2 is I work hard, no vacation, my family enjoy their life. I cant b so selfish right... so i really left with no choice.. but sometime i really hope i can be a bad child, be a selfish individual for a while... there are so many things that i never experience before.... one day i must go europe!! working or study is fine... but before that i must made big money...$$$$$$.... haiz.... may b this is another dream of mine tat can never achieve ba.... haiz....

Well... i still in quite good mood today.. Coz when i login to my fb this morning i saw reply from linda! So excited!! I always thought i m just a random guy that passes her life just like tat... i dun even expect she would reply my message and ask me question about me... WOW!!! but when i think back ar... may be is just European tradition to ask "Ei Toi?"after answering every question. Ei Toi means 'and you?' so... may be is just i think too much?? anyway, I m really in good mood today! although my body is very tired and complaining when i drag myself to work now.... I am really very happy! Hope to get her reply tmr morning when i opened my eyes... :D

今天真的很难过。。

我不知道为什么。

但我知道跟YOG有关。

还剩下两天。。

全部就结束了。。。

我真的很舍不得

真的很希望我能参与到最后

但我做不到。。。

今天真的没胃口吃任何东西

早餐没吃到一半

午餐也没吃完

晚餐只吃了两三个寿司

一点都不像平时的我

为什么。。。。

我会那么舍不得。。。

为什么？

我真的好想哭。。。

真的。。

I never believe in "fate" until today.

I think reality is cruel indeed.

Happiness is something that you must grab it for.

depending how brave you are as well as how enthu you are...

for me, i think fate never make my life better.

because i m not brave enough, that y i regret now...

just one more sentence is needed. yet i dun have the courage to ask for.

i dun even left my name.

idiot me indeed...

time will washout everything...

slowly, i m not in her memory anymore.

i think by this second, she already forgotten me.

coz i m just a random person who approched a world champion for photo taking.

now i noe how coward i m...

well...

fate never make my life better.

she will always in my mind, as she is my first love.

nobody is able to replace her as long as i still have breath...

i'm sorry for everyone... i deserved a lonely life as this is prohibited love...

i think i need a new place to start everything over again...

a new place that nobody know me, nor my past...

but where would tat new place be?

I have the same feeling again... the feeling tat i fall down unconciously around 5 o 6 seconds...
hard to breath and abnormal heartbeat.. i going to rest well from now... nobody should call me nor disturb me until i wake up from my rest.. i still want to live for longer..

最近因为YOG的事情，忙的我喘不过气来。。 不知道是不是因为压力的关系，所以身体一直很不配合，整天这里痛那里痛，折磨的我快死了。最近因为肾很痛，所以喝汽水的次数大大的减少了。。希望我不是肾出问题才好。。。

说真的，我很讨厌这种感觉。。被玩弄的感觉。。。当我舍弃了才来后悔有什么用？说出口的话，是不能够收回的。I say what i mean. I mean what i say. 这是我做人的原则。既然质疑我所说的，那就质疑到底啊！干嘛又靠近我，干嘛说后悔？有人教过我，“第一次是不知道。第二次是不小心，第三次是不应该。” 这次我问了你三次。。不是我狠心，但我问了三次。清清楚楚的问了三次。 你三次都明明白白的拒绝了我。很抱歉，我有我的自尊。三次就够了。。我已无力再尝试。。或许我真的不适合这种轰轰烈烈的恋情。

“相爱没有那么容易，每个人都有他的脾气。
过了爱做梦的年纪，轰轰烈烈比如平静。。“

yesterday just finish an anime, dragon n tiger. A very meaningful anime. is about true love. i like it a lot.. unlike normal anime, a lot of fighting n emphasis on deternination, bravery, courage,friendship etc.. This anime is very funny but very sad and able to lead ur emotion like rollercoaster... although i already old, cant go back to teen's days, but i do hope this can happen in my life... unfortunately, story of anime is never happen in real life...

in the past, i m really a very caring person like ryuji... but now... i dunno how to care about ppl nor care about myself... my life is like robot's life... linearly follow the preset command to achieve goal, everyday do the same thing over n over again... is like no life at all...

I had abandoned my feeling on u since yesterday when u said u r straight. hence, please dun near to me for time being... i need time to calm down.. if u r unable to accept my feeling, please dun give me any hope on u.. is suffering...

我觉得。。。

我像白痴一样。。

是被影响了吗？

想要好好休息一下。。

找个人依靠一下。。

一下下就好了。。

但我真的好像白痴。

在作不可能的白日梦

好。。

我放弃。

因为我累了。

完美主义的我，应该不适合轰轰烈烈的同性恋情。

因为再次经历分开对我来说是件痛苦的事

乘现在，感情还不深的时候放弃

应该不会有太大影响吧。。

因为我发现

我喜欢上你了。

该怎么说呢？

我又被拒绝了。。可能是因为我不珍惜吧。。

没办法。。。当时我真的没感觉。。

不好意思。。。

现在到你没感觉了。。

其实这何尝不是好事呢？

哈哈哈。。。

我只想说完刚才我没机会说完的话。。

其实我真的不是一个好人。

孤僻，自负，完美主义，固执。。。。

而且我什么都没有。

因为我没有办法给你任何物质上的享受

现在的我，只是一个穷学生。

还要靠我家人养我。

所以我什么都没办法给你。

我只要求一个月。为什么？

因为我不许下我没办法完成的承诺。

我认为，现在的我，只有能力全心全意待你一个月

一个月内，我保证我会全心全意喜欢你，珍惜你，疼你，保护你，

尽我所能得让你感到幸福。。。

一个月后的事，未来的事，我没有办法预测，我更没有办法承诺。

如果一个月后，你甩我，我也会认命。

因为那是我的错。是我没有能力在一个月后留住你。

我不是一个随便的人。

每一段感情我都是认真的。

在决定要不要投入感情之前，我有很多考量。

因为我们是同班同学。如果以后分手，过后可能会做不成朋友。

在未来的一年半，我们还有很多合作的机会，我不想合作时有不必要的尴尬。。

虽然这是最坏的打算，但是这些都是必要的考量。。

可能。。我花了太多的时间考虑。

错过了时机。

对不起。。

今天，

我想了很多。。

鼓起勇气问了你一连串的问题。。

知道了你的立场和期待后，

问了你是否愿意做我的女朋友。

虽然我是officially被你拒绝了。

但是我想，

缓冲的时间是需要的。

一个星期后，我还是会问你同样的问题。。。

好好考虑一下吧。。。

today is a tired day...
i never so tired b4 like today... wake up in the early morning should b a easy habit to me already, but i still very very tired when i woke up... may b because of the drugs i taken... no wonder my mum prohibit me to take them when i rush my GADV... thx mum...

today i smell something not right.. the atmosphere is not right... i dunno what happen... but i can feels it.. sher, jia you.. i dunno what happen to u, but i hope u r alright..

n i met suzuki sensei today... kind of surprised that she is the subject leader for essential jap this time round.. dunno is fortunate or unfortunate... she is nice indeed.. but she is strict also... high expectation teacher... so... i kinda frighten by her after her conversation with tricia... n the syllibus is not as easy as i expected... kanji??? although i can write simplified chinese, but i cant write traditional chinese.... n the hirakana n katakana is confussing.... until now i only can differentiate a i u e o... what a failure i m... n tmr i need to convince kala, jonathan chee, as well as jonathan pillai to approve me taking 4th CDS. i think this is not an easy job... but i dun want to have any regret before i tried my best... so ya... tmr i goin to write emails..

there is one thing that i regret today. i shouldn't change my pants. haiz... now i left with no choice le.. only can wear long pants throughout YOG... haiz... i will miss my previous pants... really...

i stay back after IN3D. surprisingly, george yam come n help me do UV mapping. because i acts like an idiot. who tried to map each n every uv to the picture. while he just use a plan picture to get the effect. ya... i m relly an idiot in 3D... well.. this is not my strength anyway... as long as i can pass, i can enjoy myself, i m content.

then i addicted to new song again! aha! Get back myself from namie amuro?(forgot her surname ady) the melody is nice! very nice... when i heard the intro, i love this song! then i go c the translated lyric... i get confused. = =" i dun understand what the lyric tried to say... is confussing... this is one of the reason i want to learn jap.. so that i can understand what the song is about... although i love the melody of the song, without knowing the meaning of the lyrics, it is meaningless to me... going to buy the CD if it is launched in SG. even if i buy online also need to wait for 2 weeks for thr skymail. just buy it locally n can listen immediately. haha! and then i can flip the dictionary to know the meanings of the song.. hahaha... idiot me...

never let urselves down. just do ur best, the result is not that important anyway... just enjoy the learning process... this is what my dad told me..

CMSK is such a pain..... can u imagine that??? I had spent 50 bucks just to get a stupid brochure printed? What a waste of money.... I should write it in my feedback...yet i submit it too early... 2 weeks a go i had complete the survey...

Nvm....
this sem is going to end very soon... I m goin to give myself a week of holiday before i stuck by YOG and exam... left the most painful IN3D... which i struggle a lot in this subject... I will transform into a perfectionist when i hand on this subject... although i noe i will never b the best n this is not my strengthl i still want it to be perfect... just like the impact u left to me...

at this moment,
i noe... i m weak... just like a normal human being...
because i m sick... because of exposed to the rain for around 30 minutes...
i will never be as strong as i wish to...
i m always weak..

I wondering how pain would a person felt to kill the beloved one with his/her own hand?

颓废。。。什么都做不好的感觉真的很难受。。。虽然说要有自信，但我不知道我的自信躲到哪里去了。。。我真的没有办法相信我还有能力把自己的事做好。。。我太贪心了。。。什么东西都想做。。。但却什么都做不了。。。我到底该怎么办才好？

如果我们不曾是恋人，或许我们现在还是朋友。。。
我好想你。。。

逃避不是我的风格。

压力的不只是你们而已。。
重要的是知道怎么去面对，怎样去解决。
言论自由。
我不介意你昨天说的那番话，
因为我知道你们很压力。
但如果我不问别人的意见，我可能会一直钻牛角尖。
不会就应该问啊。。

我不多说了。
说多错多。
大家加油！

什么事都会有办法解决的。
抉择在于自己。

而我唯一的知己也只有璎持一个人。

最近刚看完“彩云国物语”。

一部很不错的动画。

很启发人心。真的很启发。

虽然里面的人事物是我一辈子都不可能接触或面对的。

但是如果把大前提换成是现今的社会的话，一切都行得通了。

迷失自己，找到自己，找到知己。

这些事情我都很想立志去做。如果我有那决心就好了。。。

与其坐以待毙不如先发制人？

哲理啊哲理。。。

这些事我们其实都知道。。。

关键在于下不下得了决心去完成而已。。。

如果我能知道我的年岁，那我一定不会浪费我的每一分每一秒。

但这是奥秘。没有人会知道自己的命运，甚至不会知道下一秒将发生的事。

努力吧！只要努力不懈，总会有奇迹发生。

至少。。。到最后就不会责怪自己没有尽全力。。

到失去一切的时候才来后悔是不是太迟了一点？。。

我知道我不是天才。我只是一个再平凡不过的凡人。

要追上天才需要努力。加油吧！努力吧！

想要的东西要尽力去争取。手到擒来的东西是不被珍惜的。

只要不断的重复练习，总有一天可以熟能生巧。。

加油吧！努力吧！

还没尝试之前就放弃未免太对不起自己了。

加油！！！

从明天开始脱胎换骨。不管多累都不准倒下！

为自己设下目标，没有完成就不准回家。

加油吧！努力吧！颓废的时间已经过去了。

接下来是打仗的时候了。。。

很久很久以前，我说过，这一辈子我只爱你一个人。
阿宁也问过我，我会不会喜欢上另一个人？
我很坚决的回答，我今生只爱她一个人。别的我统统不要。

现在呢。。我已经觉悟了。
既然一辈子都不可能再在一起，那我也没必要执着。
我要走回正途了！
从今以后我不再是bush了。
我不会改变我的形象。因为这就是我。
欣赏和喜欢是不一样的。
我欣赏女生，但不再喜欢了。
不会排斥同志的恋情，但我不会赞同同志的行为。

因为我是过来人。。。
这种痛苦和愧疚，是不必要承受的。
每个人都应该享有幸福的机会。

现在的我，很幸福。

today's atmosphere is scary...
i dunno y...

i noe academic is getting harder and harder...
well... i m stress also..
but my body is slacking..
hahaha...

i think my body need some rest also ba...
i find myself getting more and more stupid..
my thinking process become quite slow..
so hard to analysis stuff and getting harder and harder to speak..
hopefully i will die soon...
hahahahahahaha....

i though everything is on the track already,
but i m the one still standing on the ground without moving...
wth i am doing for so long?

m i too perfectionist?

如果说眼泪流干了事情就过了，
那我的眼泪流下了，为什么事情永远不会完结？
这样的精神压力我还能支撑多久。。。

咖啡因
我最讨厌的东西之一。
因为它会让我心跳加速，呼吸困难，头晕。
但是它却可以让我表现异常，开玩笑，工作效率大大提升。
好像是什么叫adenaline rush的吧。。。
当我做工到快要死掉的时候，吃两粒有咖啡因的班那度，马上又可以飞起来。

今天我表现得很反常吧~
连续五天的失眠，让我不吃这种药不行。。。
头痛得快爆炸了。。。
吃了又很辛苦，所以要一直活动，不然就一定要睡觉。
这应该就是这种药的副作用吧。。。

今天有人欢喜有人愁。。
我知道那种感受。。
加油！搞不好老师已经选了你们了咧？
不要太绝望啦。。。

我想。。。
我好像不够时间
虽然我每天都很努力
是不是我太要求完美了？
是不是我跟你混太久了。。所以变得和你一样要求完美了咧？
唉。。。

原来竟争会让一个人成长。。。
难怪你成长得那么快。。
加油加油！！！
对自己有信心点~
在我记忆中的你一直都是信心满满的哦！

我明明就很累，但我就是睡不着。。。
是不是因为我想起了你？

你是好马吗？

出乎意料的重逢
我出乎意料的惊讶
我出乎意料的。。
想念你...

我以为。。
两条平行线永远都不可能再相遇
但是。。
或许是我的弧度没有调回零吧。。。

感激命运让我再次遇见你！

这是我第一次坐飞机。
Too many unexpected will happen....
Tomorrow?...Who knows?

Today is my worst day in TP!!!!

i overslept, so i rush to sch...
then reach class just in time, n turn on my com
my whole partition crashed...
everything is gone!!!
all my assignment, my labsheet, my tutorial...
EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!
i was frustrated...
i dun even have the mood to listen anything from class...
my hardwork in the past 5 weeks is GONE...
is very fortunately that i din gone crazy...

then i use my second hdd to boot up,
eventually i just reformat it so that i can recover my files back
it used up 3 hours+++ to make it usable
then after dbis i want to print maya out for me to handwrite it out
i plug my pendrive at tat com, so that i can print it out...
then i go toilet...
when i back from toilet,
my pendrive is GONE!!!!!!
I really wanted to scream out loud!
as sher is just sat beside me,
yet tat ppl is so bold?
just took it away like tat???
OMG....
WTH is TP???

I HATE IT!!!

DOUBLE CRUSH ON ME TODAY!!!!

i angry not because u din wait for me,
because u din tell me where u r,
and u r leaving while i standing outside of mensa already when i called...

well.. that means is time for me to leave again...

突然想起一些事

有点感伤。。

要是我没出现该有多好

要是这个世界从来就没有我这一个人那一切该会多美好

我的存在好像只是伤害

伤害了一个又一个我所爱的和爱我的人

我到底存在为了什么？

又为了谁而存在？

困惑。。。

我无法改变任何事

这些过去已经是一堆无法改变的事实

再耿耿于怀又怎样？

再后悔又能怎样？

伤害还在。

痛苦还在。

不如承认一切都是我的错

让你恨我一辈子。

听说恨比爱更容易放下。。。

第九个月过去了

一切都改变了

你离开了

我离开了

我依然失去了一切

在我的世界，

单纯的友情已经不存在了

一旦放入了感情，

一切就不单纯了。

朋友就该呆在朋友的界限里

谁也不该跨越那条线

我已经不想再次经历失去的感觉了。。。

到最后，

这条路是我一个人独自走完

我会遗憾。

而现在

比起被依靠，我更想依靠别人。。。

以前是这样，现在也是这样。。。

与其说是我在保护你，不如说是你在让我依靠。。。

我就是如此的懦弱。。

我想，

是我累了。。。

is selfishness... i think...

i am dried....

my time is really no enough for me to cope...

working really used up all my energy....

may b overused? or exhausted myself??

i am left with no energy to complete what i should do....

i am angry with myself.

i hate it, but i still do it.

y????

because i'm exhausted....

it affects my time and my energy

i am frustrated.

i have my own rules and principle

only help others when i can cope with myself

which means...

if i cant solve my own problem,

stay away from other's problem.

u can name it selfishness, i think...

but i think this is the way i believe...

if i cant solve my own problem, i have no ability to help others,

may b i would create more mess and chaos to others..

i hate it.

that kind of helpless...

i hate situation tat is beyond my control

i hate being lost

hence, i tried my best...

y just get used to the environment if left with no choice for changing?

i rather change myself to suit the environment than change the environment

which is impossible

just b myself...

i wish i could

but reality does not allows me to do so....

my time is so limited...

my strength is limited...

can i dun go home???

tat is the most stress place that i ever stayed....

I'm Just a LOSER or FAILURE...

just leave me alone...

i hate myself!