I can't differentiate whether is the fever m sore throat that make me so fatigue or just the body clock problem... Anyway, I struggle so much in hoe afternoon just to keep myself awake n concentrate to read a chapter of notes.. So tiring.... I gonna fix this body clock problem first. So I Conan sleep before 11 everyday and wake up ard 8 to adjust it back since I have two morning paper next week.. Time to change!

考试是向自己证明自己学会了多少，来个完整的句号。何必在乎自己与他人的差别？自己究竟学了多少，明白了多少，以后可以实践多少，都是在于自己。之前一直害怕，一直压力，现在只想对自己说，尽力就好。answer to myself will do. 不管接下来结果是fail还是pass，我不后悔。因为我已经尽力了。明天开始写summary，看看我记得多少，明白多少。现在临时抱佛脚也已经来不及了。不如专注于我已经学会了的，加紧练习。加油。

finally~ i survived after 8 night of ton night. then followed by 1 whole day of rest. i sleep for 12 hours. without conscious... i think i am really too fatigue after all these ton night... age ar.... really cannot take so much ton night day. tmr going to end this sem by submitting all my assignments. will survive thru!!! just a little bit more!

math, i will conquer you!!!!

我真的很讨厌花多余的力气entertain不必要的应酬，不必要的人。

最近的我就连讲话都懒。。

每天忙忙忙，但却不知道在忙什么。

烦死了。

我真的觉得累了。追来追去，真的很不必要。

现在突然觉得花力气去烦这些太不值得。

该来的始终会来，不管你喜欢或不喜欢，我不愿意改变。

该改的不用说也会改。既然需要我改变来迎合，那是不会发生的事。

要嘛接受这样的我，要嘛离开。没有第三个选项。

累了烦了

还是专注于自己能做到的事最牢靠。

Bring me away from all these troubles please..

Leave me alone

tat day I told my mum regarding the flower incident. They she say, 还等什么？赶快接受了咯！你都几岁了，在等就没有了咯！then I kinda pissed off but I can't say much coz She is my mum... But I ask myself, am I that lousy that I should anyhow accept anyone who like me but I barely know that person? Am I so not worth to own the happiness where the person who love me happens to b the person I love too?  I kinda questioning myself a lot... Then I just reply my mum that, I will let him wait. If he can tahan my bad temper and able to wait until I fell for him, then I accept. I can take care of myself without any guy. A companion is good to have, but not mandatory. Furthermore, a companion means more responsibility and more commitment. If I'm unable to contribute into a relationship, no point getting into a relationship in the first place.

Yesterday I was so pissed and I couldn't find a way to cool down even after I tried music and games. Then he happened to say something wrong at that point of time. So he became the trigger point that causes me lost tempered. I wrote a very long complaint and send to him, n then he just stunned and shut up till this morning. He reply to the complaints but I just ignore him for the whole day even after we met each other in class. So I guess he retreat ady. I feel like a bad person, but if I kind to others, I am cruel to myself. At this point of time, I should put myself in the first priority before I have the strength to care about others...  I guess I am doing good to him too since I am not interested in him, I shouldn't waste his time n effort on me. 长痛不如短痛.

我好害怕。

似乎这种情形是不可能会发生在我身上。。我到现在还是不敢相信竟然会有男生能接受butch的帅气的外表还有butch的过去。。太不真实。我不断问自己，这是陷阱吗？这是真实的吗？我真的困惑。。真的超乎我的想象。

他真的很sweet。不算花言巧语的类型。但却很贴心。很朴实。我的schedule也只是随口提，他就记住了。我知道他很好，甚至有点开始动摇。有点感动。当我们今天聊起ex的时候，他竟然不惊讶也不介意。。我说我现在比较在乎自己的感受，不想介入别人的生活太多，不想为别人的事操心。他说虽然不知道我以前受过什么伤害，但他可以明白，我因为怕受伤害，所以把人拒之门外。。叫我不用在意别人的眼光。说我其实很不错，只是我自己没发现。

说到这里，我开始害怕了。在他眼里的我太美好，事实上我真的没那么好。太多的期待，我无法满足的期待。他还不认识真实的我，所以他喜欢上的是他想象中那个虚幻的我。我开始发现这短暂的美好好像要开始崩溃。但我却眷恋着被珍惜被重视的现在。。那种确定有个人一定在等待，随时standby的那种安全感。

虽然我真的很想退后，但我却也能体会如果我回避，他将面对那种付出却没有任何回应的无奈。

再过一段日子吧。。。或许现在我真的被简单的幸福冲昏了头。。

该冷静一下了。

I still kinda dunno how to react... It's like my world is upside down....

I always is the one who like other ppl first. Or woo or chase. I'm always the one who put in efforts and feeling to care others. So I kinda forgotten how to b the receiving end. Now there is someone out there waiting for my reply, prompt me when saw me on fb, offer help when I am in need.. I kinda dunno how to respond.. It's not something that can adapt or get used to.... I simply dunno how to respond. Kinda in awkward position.. 

Do I have feeling toward him? I guess not. Coz all I have now is nervous n panic... Why this is happening on me... I dun like this kind of awkwardness within myself...

Am I panic or stunned or whatever u name it. I just dunno how to react other than just stunned... 

I received a rose today. I think this might b the second time I received flower. First time is my18th birthday, my ex bf gave me a bouquet of roses as birthday present. Then today I got a stalk of rose from a classmate that I only knew him for 3 days.. =.=" totally cannot take it... This kind of huge surprise is not good for heart man... Luckily he didn't confess. If he did, I think I will just walk away. Spent quite some time to think how to respond and i reply with a very long SMS. Now settle ady. Just as friend. Nothing else. 

I am not ready for affection. Not now please.. 

i slowly began to like study. is like those puzzle finally come together and began to make sense to me now.. i dunno is it too late to put in effort now... but i kinda feel that I'm running out of time. suddenly  all the deadlines clump together and i am so hard to breath... been having muscle ache and insomnia for few days ady... i dun wan to give myself excuses. i know i am having too much of rest ady. now i just trying to mumble to myself and nag a bit... haiz... no time no time....

I have to say, I AM TOO SURPRISE!!! Someone actually commented me as cute? Lol... Which angle that u see and u found out that I'm cute to you sia?.. I wan to b handsome or cool or anything but cute ley.. =.= 

anyway, classmate, u haven't know me well la. Let's be friends n buddy first..