I DID IT.

Clicked the acceptance button minutes past 12 last night.
Surprisingly I don't feel any relief everyone's talking about. Don't know what the future holds.

Many might ask what pushed me to this. I would say it's a combination of factors. Unsure if it is the best decision, but I guess it is the best I can make at this point in time.

It pains me to give up my dream school, amazing campus life, and fully paid for scholarship. But I guess these are just a combination of tiny factors.

Leaving it all up to fate as of now.

Jayesslee's Payphone rocks.
Marmalade with Ho later yay! And dinner with the girls later.

"Have some peace in your heart, and have some faith that you have made the right decision."

It's 2.32am and I'm on my way back home from supper with the family. I'm really thankful for the 3hr long phone call this afternoon. It did sort my mind out. I love you, thanks for caring so much about me and always being there for me when I'm having tough times. Thanks for treating me as family. Really have no idea how I'd be without you guys. I really think you're God-sent, so are the rest of your family. You must be the greatest blessing I have in life. Thanks, really. I'll remember all these.

Maybe it's just a way of administering his love. Cordial appreciation.

I hope You'll give me the wisdom to make the right choice, the courage to pursue it without looking back, and a fulfilling 4 years that'll make me a better person.

Sometimes I do get quite annoyed when friends go overboard with the whole judging thing.
I don't need that from you right now. I really don't.

Feeling so lousy about myself.
Everything's in such a mess.

Frankly, blogging doesn't make my decision any simpler. But I guess writing things out does make me slightly less upset.

Today's interview was one I will never forget. I remember how tears were at the corners of my eyes as I recited my plight to the panel. Had such a hard time stiflingly emotions. And no, that's not a good thing. I hate appearing as such a weakling in front of people, particularly not in front of a scholarship panel. Seriously have no idea what is up with me. How could I ever have lost control like that. It is at the expense of my scholarship dammit.

But whatever, what's done is done. Gotta learn emotions management or something. Goodbye scholarship.

I was blindly and mindlessly walking around town trying to numb my emotions and find peace after that. Havent EVER done that before. I walked around for 1hour, literally with no aim. Didnt even know where I was headed. But it felt like some sort of therapy cause I did become better thereafter. Met Mars at RC for lunch and I got happier :)

Went around the different parts of Singapore with Ching after that. Haha let's just say we did some exploration of places we wouldn't otherwise visit. Thanks babe for coming together with me :) Most embarrassing thing happened when we got chased out of the room.. Worst part being the awkward silence before that. Wanted to dig a hole and burrow my head in if the ground wasn't made of cement.

Spent a tad more at Made with Love again. Ok this is the last time alrightttt #bornshopaholic

I really really hope things get clearer to me after meeting Kelly tomorrow. It sucks being pulled apart like this. Helpppppp.

I'm at a payphone, trying to call home, all of my change I spent on you.

Payphone's been stuck in my head these few days. All thanks to QAM for introducing that awesome song, and to dearest JAYESSLEE for covering that song so well during the concert last Saturday. (Seriously can't wait for the proper recording of that song to be out). Of course Tiffany Alvord and Alex Goot did justice to the song through their covers as well.

Love that song :)

Was playing with Garage Band over at Xiuhui's. SO FUN, can't wait to go over and meddle more at her house in the coming week. Really hope we master Harmonisationnnnnn :D Hahah we're still a long way to go though.

Dad just came in and asked me my uni decision. Mood changed.
Oh but he bought me this magnetic bracelet thing. Hehe guess he thinks I'm really vain.

Can't wait for Karaoke trip this Tuesday with Ching and Phie! (SO GONNA SPAM PAYPHONE, I HOPE IT'S OUT ALR) Been so long since I stepped into karaoke! This means I gotta prepare for tuition class tomorrow BOOHOO. And Mothers' Day dinner treat for mum and godma tomorrow night yippee two of the loveliest people in my life (L) Seriously, I know that at the end of the day, they're the people who love me the most, who love me unconditionally :)

Tomorrow's Monday, which means it's 5 days away from weekend :(
Miss you already.

It's 3am right now, and somehow I'm not feeling sleepy.
Think I'm turning nocturnal. Must be the Mocha Cookies Crumble from Starbucks today. (Speaking of which it tastes like Dark Mocha, which is kinda like my favourite drink there hehehe)

Boyfriend's at LAN playing L4D. Hahaha yes, at an unearthly hour like this. The sacrifices they make for gaming, buddies, and soccer. Feels bad that I'm taking up most of his book-out time, makes me feel so selfish :( Not that I don't want to share okay!

I HAVE A DILEMMA. About Uni choices. And that's all I'm gna elaborate because it's all I've been thinking about these days it's so annoying I don't want to spend my blogging time whining about it.

Oh, HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY :) Hahaha I don't think you're gna read this at all Mummy, but thank you so much for all the silent sacrifices you've made for me. Really appreciate it even if I might not verbally articulate my thanks. I might not be the sweetest or nicest most fillial daughter, but I do love you a lot and I really hope you stay happy and healthy forever and ever afterrrrrr :D

It's surprising how two people could be writing about the same subject matter but generate such very different feelings in me. One made me feel absolutely frustrated, or more specifically, enraged (As STOMP would describe it). But the other has evoked empathy, understanding, and just a sense of closeness to the article. Perhaps it's the intentions and even the approach these articles took. And if I weren't in such an awkward position right now, I would personally write an email to express my thoughts to the author. And let her know how much I feel for her.

I applaud the courage she has for her to re-visit this part of her life. It must have been a really tough stage for her, I know. I've been through it. Reading her article seemed to have brought me back to that period of my life a few years ago. That horrible few months. But I'm really glad they're over and done with. Truth to be told, it disgusts me thoroughly and there's this part of me that still hopes that it has never happened. Don't seem to understand why I did what I did.

A part of me wants to help in apologising, but that same part of me knows it's hell inappropriate for me to do so. Another part of me wants to help in reprimanding for all the pain caused, but I guess that'd end up making the entire situation even more awkward than before.

So yeah, my post doesn't really have a point. Haha but somehow I feel completely okay after reading the article (I think I was supposed to feel a little uncomfortable... But yeah I didn't) I guess this is part of growing up. And perhaps because some people are naturally less bitchy than others. In fact, I got to know things from another point of view. Always a good thing.

It might seem a little inadequate for me to make comments like this. But I just want to remind myself that such things did happen. Not just to you, but also to me, and to many others in the world. What matters most is we all learn from it, recover from it, and grow stronger than before. I hope things get better for you from now on :)

I'm happy I chanced upon the article. It's been a good read. :)

Someone: When faced with a cross junction in our lives, should we follow our head or our heart?

Sonia: Heart. My head told me not to do music.

Blogger has a changed outlook!

Which kind of reminds me I should change my blogskin soon. The current one's designed by Wanching during a trying phase of my life. Explains the emo quote at the top, which I do not agree with any longer :) Perhaps I should go bug her for a new blogskin muahahaha.

Did a little blog-hopping (Actually just 2 blogs) and left a little tag there! Yeah so you people shld feel super lucky to see my tag at yr tagboard HAHAHA. I remember how blogging was such a common thing last time, and I would have thousands and blogs to visit daily. But right now, I don't even read blogs anymore :( And my links below are so outdated already, need some time to do a revamp really.

Jayesslee concert's down. Ahhhh, I will be writing a post to sum it all up soon when I get all the pictures! Haha it's my first time fangirl-ing over idols. Too pretty and talented :)

Was randomly scrolling through Facebook and came to the realisation and perhaps I do trust people a little too easily. Somethings are making me wonder if people do mean what they say, or am I placing my trust wrongly. Ahhh I don't know. Trusting is such a vulnerable feeling, but at the same time, so important to sustain any forms of relationships. Having said that, I too, realised that once my trust in someone is broken, it's really tough to piece it back. Not really a fan of second chances when it comes to trust.

Toodles.