Are just another day.
But I see it as a day for me to feel loved and treasured by friends.

I sincerely thank each and everyone who wished/are gonna wish me today. Every single one of you matter so much to me :)

Thanks for playing that part to make my day today :)

Hi world.

Am gonna document today down. It's the day before the release of Alevel results.

Should have been working now, but I'm down with fever and all. Which makes it even more horrible cause I've gotta deal with my super uncomfortable self, and all I can ever do is to stare at the ceiling and replay the collection scene over and over and over again.

Really, I'm not expecting straight As or anything. Judging from the kind of grades I get in school usually, I would be very much contented to be offered a decent course of choice in a local university. Choice, oh yeah speaking of which have I mentioned that I have absolutely no idea whatsoever on what I wanna study? So theoretically I don't have an aim. Which kinda means I won't be disappointed. But that's not true. There's still a basic standard that I set for myself.

What sucks most now is that every single subject is so unpredictable. And any single one that goes off-course is enough to screw me up big time. Every single subject matters now; there isn't like a 9 choose 6 like in Olevels (Speaking of which for Os I HAD to screw up the subject that was like the only compulsory one I must include in my L1R5. But whatever I'm thankful it wasn't too bad really, I'm thankful. Count my blessings) Gosh it's super nerve wrecking I feel horrible like UGHHH. Oh yeah and I have no voice. So if I'm gna cry tomorrow it'd be like this ball of dejected, weak, croaking, dramatic, pathetic lump of a girl.

Ok so to put it in perspective, I feel absolutely terrified. And it's been like that for the past week. Every other time I think about tomorrow my hands and feet turn cold, my stomach feels weak and my heart seems like it's going too fast for its own good. Especially when everyone around you keep saying, "VJC eh.. Confirm can" Seriously, I know VJ is a good school. I understand that statistically many people do very well in school. But statistics don't work for everyone. 1 in 4 gets straight As, but what about the other 3?

Yes, Alevels is just a once-off thing. And I totally agree that it isn't enough to determine a person's intellect or worth. But when you're actually judging yourself, and when you're the person who've been through 2 years of mindless mugging, and all the sacrifices and dead frustrating moments, you kinda think differently. I'd feel so useless, so stupid, and all the self-worth would instantly vanish. Cause after all the effort, WHY.CANT.I.NAIL.IT. Baaaaah.

Am having troubles convincing myself I can even get into University. And this is not unnecessary, attention-seeking whining. It's a true concern, a genuine fear. I would feel so lousy of myself I wouldn't even know how to face the world. I guess I am not good at handling failures. And so little people do well, and so many people are so much smarter than me. That really left me with no hopes.

In short, I really need a miracle for things to turn out well, or even up to expectations.

But take a step back. There's so much more to life than results. The world doesn't stop turning for anyone. There are many more things around that are worth our time and effort. Health, loved ones, and everything else. Results are just such a small part of our life isnt it. Ok breathe breathe all is well all is well. Grades don't define who you are or what you can become.

Just received a text from Ms Foo.
"Dear Sylvia, please SMS me your Econs A-Level grade as soon as you receive it tomorrow !"

LIKE I'M NOT FEELING HORRIBLE ENOUGH.

Think this time tomorrow I'll be feeling super empty, and blaming myself for not trying hard enough or putting in enough effort and starting revision early enough. And for all the mean things and bitchy comments I've done or said about anything or anyone, I'm sorry. I really hope that Karma doesn't strike me tomorrow :(

With that I end my post. With a slightly saddening tone, but pretty optimistic note.
Take results with a pinch of salt, because the worst thing that could happen is to retake Alevels.

We'll see how tomorrow turns out.
It'd be the start of it all - University, or another year of mindless mugging.