It's just so Sylvia,

Fake it till you make it,

Thursday, April 02, 2015

There's an urge for me to blog today. Hopefully it clarifies my thoughts.

One thing I noticed about myself is that I generally don't know what I want. I may seem resolute on a particular stand, but when I'm faced with the dilemma, I'll hesitate again. I'm also reluctant to let go of all the good things in my life. In that sense I resist change. But who am I kidding? Change is the only constant.

"Being strong is making up your mind to live with the choices you've made. Letting go is to embrace the future with the past in mind, always remembering that what's yours will always be in your memories to keep. Growing up is to let go of your fears and believe, only in what you always knew you should have believed in."

--> I remember reading this quote and feeling like it made so much sense.

I think it's time for me to be responsible about the decisions I make. If I have made a decision after weighing all the relevant pros and cons of the situation, I should learn to embrace it and all the consequences it brings. And not second-guess my decisions when I'm faced with the consequences at the end of the day. And when I've made a decision, I shall be accepting of all the necessary consequences that it has.

And I shall add: That being firm about your decision includes letting your head rule your heart. That's something I've been unable to do since the start, but hey, fake it till you make it yeah.

How else do we go about this?

Years to build, moments to break

Tuesday, March 03, 2015

Really should be doing my RP. But I just wanted to note this moment down because I think it'd be a significant one to look back upon. So I guess, this is it. This is probably one of the harsher things I've had to do. I know that this period will either completely break what we've had, or completely build my trust again. Seems like a huge gamble to take considering the situation. I always question whether I'd look back one day and regret the decision I'm making today when I find that something so beautiful is gone forever. But right now I think it is necessary step. It's just so hard because being firm's never my forte.

Guess the only thing now is to patiently wait for things to unfold. Will you really be what you said you'd be?

Right now I just wish with all my heart that that day didn't happen. It sucks to be hurt like that.

Out of the woods,

Thursday, November 27, 2014

"It's about the fragility and breakable nature of some relationships. This was a relationship where it was kind of living day to day wondering where it was going, if it was gonna go anywhere, if it was going to end the next day. It was a relationship where you kind of never feel like you're standing on solid ground. And that feeling brings on excitement, but also extreme anxiety. Kind of a frantic feeling of wondering. Endless questions."

What are words,

Thursday, November 20, 2014

One more time. That's one more reminder for myself. /

On a somewhat unrelated note, heard a story today. It wouldn't be easy to have to go through this. I hope you're okay.

_

"Cause you came into my life one day, and insisted on tearing down the walls of defence I've carefully built. These walls, they protect my happiness so delicately. These walls, they're the result of all that I've been through. I resisted. I was afraid. Terrified. For I knew that it'd be a matter of time. It always is. But you never gave up. "This is different. Trust me." And expectedly, I eventually gave in. Perhaps, it'd be different this time? Looking back, I now know. Things will never be different. It doesn't take more than a second for you, or for anyone at all, to leave."

"I hate you. But I'll be waiting for you."

That famous happy end,

Monday, November 03, 2014

Because I just submitted a 5.8k RP without vetting through for stupid typo and errors. And this is about double the length of the last RP I wrote. Oh and baby naps really don't work on me.

Life is awesome regardless :)

All you had to do was stay,

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Sudden urge to pen this moment down.
Hi blog. Here's a reminder to myself that nothing lasts forever. Always, always remember that.

I guess I've managed to fool myself that I was sufficiently aware, guarded and in control. But having to hear it tonight was almost like a startling and painful wake up call. Truth is, I can see it happening in so many ways. I just refused to.

It's just a matter of time. It always is.