with the pieces left...

As I pen down these mediocre, maybe even ridiculous piece of my mind now, I feel enlightenment. Hope is here where it always has been, hidden beneath layers of shadows and broken trusts, Faith keeps me strong and has made me stronger and almost complete;t resistant to challenges. Now I know that challenges are the fuel that smoothens the rough journey of life Challenges make it all a lil' bit more bearable at the end of the long track we labeled life.

The hardest, most difficult moment of my life was the second I came home one evening and realized that I am all by myself. Alone. Almost abandoned. The person I loved most left me behind and I was hanging on ropes. She had been my inspiration, the person who knows me better than anyone can possibly. Even my mother is not an exception to the fact. She knew my favourites with such immaculate details. From my favourite colour to my favorite cartoon show... And more than anything she knew my favourite dishes and would go to great extents to prepare them especially for me to savour in. Food never tasted so heavenly.

I miss her. Yes, I do. And I still miss her though a year has passed. Maybe I will miss her more by each passing year. I loved her, have never stopped loving her and will certainly NEVER stop loving her.

You will always be in my dreams and the first name in the prayers I say. You will always have a special spot in my heart and that's where you will live on until I join you up above one day...

paaty, I love you. dearly. much more than you had the chance to know. Much more than i can ever show u.

Love,
Your naughty girl,
kavita

freakin' frozen!

wow. isn't the world just a crazy place filled with our humanely-driven thoughts, desires and ambitions?? Another long year has come and gone and shockingly, THIS year has been the wildest combination of joy and pain blended so similar to a cuppa smooth-swirled cappuccino!! And with all the experience I have together with all my miserably underachieved **sobs** goals, I believe the time has now come for me to start getting to create a whole new list already. doesn't time fly or what?

The list unveils officially :)

1. study hard, consistent, attentively WITHOUT STRESS.

2. get to bed by at least 2.30 on school days and 3.00 for weekends.

3. stay chilled. it gets them when you smile and be confident :) **lol**

4. strive for it and get it accomplished in the very best possible way.

5. rock GEMA! **pheww** I'm sweating already. get new cover designs for gema, a better-organized team and strong-willed individuals on "sidang redaksi" 2010. :)

6. make CORRECT "jadual bertugas" for the prefect. NO MORE leaving names out, girl. pay attention!

7. never give up even when things get ugly. after all, NOTHING can get uglier than the turmoils of 2009. that's certain.

8. no more being emotional due to lack of self-control. NO MORE.

9. A+ for the SPM subjects. i aim high because i know that we should aim for the moon 'cuz even we we fall, we'll fall among the stars.***

10. work-out a suitable timetable for each day and follow it closely.

11. come home from school only after completing homework for the day.

12. no long afternoon naps. maximum of 3o minutes daily.

13. jog at least 4 times a week, including runs at school of course :p

14. aim high no matter WHAT!!!

15. win the drama, public speaking and any other competitions that come my way. "]

16. love everyone regardless of whether they do or don't-it doesn't matter as long as I am not doing anything wrong.

17........

the list will be continued soon :) tee-hee. long, it';s time to get writing the drama script for 2010! wish me luck amigos :)


who knew there's such a thing as ICE rubix cube?? woah!!

-keep chilling and freeze on buddies-

chiowwwwzzz! and toodles :)

love 101 :)

1. I can be myself when I'm with you.
2. You fill up my senses, like the mountains in spring time.
3. You love me even with all my faults.
4. You are so beautiful to me.
5. I don't have to vacuum before you come over.
6. You're never boring.
7. Even when I'm grumpy, you still like me.
8. You let me give you a detailed description of how I spent my day.
9. Your idea of romance is dim lights, soft music, and just the two of us.
10. We both know that together we can work out anything.
11. You never make fun of me, even when I look like a clown.
12. Because you make me feel like I've never felt before.
13. I can tell you anything and you won't be shocked.
14. You never say, "Are you going to tell that story AGAIN?"
15. We can talk about everything or nothing--it's always okay with you.
16. You're the light in my life, you're the inspiration.
17. When you hold me tight, everything becomes alright.
18. I love sharing rainbow walks with you.
19. You always seem to know when things aren't going great.
20. Your undying faith is what keeps the flame of our love alive.
21. You never intimidate me.
22. You know how to bring a smile to my face.
23. You're always on my side.
24. We can talk over the telephone for hours together even if I've seen you an hour before.
25. You're so dependable and trustworthy.
26. When I need to cry, you lend me a shoulder and a tissue.
27. When I'm with you, nothing else seems to matter.
28. 'Coz a smile from you can chase away all the blues.
29. When you listen, I know you're really listening and not just waiting for your turn to talk.
30. You and me together...we can make magic.
31. When you're around, everything's fun.
32. We're a perfect match.
33. We both really can't do without each other.
34. Thinking of you add a wonderful touch of love to my every day.
35. You've taught me the meaning of love and sharing. Our world is more complete because of it.
36. You understand me...even when I'm sobbing.
37. Every moment spent with you is one filled with fun.
38. Your idea of a big night out is just the two of us.
39. Your love gives me the feeling that the best is still ahead.
40. With you I feel, as if in a single lifetime, I have known the joy of a thousand years.
41. You at least pretend you're going to do what I suggest.
42. You never give up on me and that's what keeps me going.
43. You're as helpful as therapy, but you never charge me for it.
44. You're simply irresistible.
45. Sometimes you call just because you're thinking about me.
46. I can feel it, in the warmth of your touch, 'cause it touches my heart and soul.
47. For your sensitivity and support.
48. I love your smile...I really do. =)
49. Your terrific sense of humor...you know how to make me laugh.
50. I love you because you bring out the best in me.
51. You never get mad at me...even when I drive you up the wall.
52. 'Coz you're amazing, dazzling, and extra nice.
53. You understand if I forget something worth remembering.
54. In the story of my life, the best chapters are filled with you.
55. You always know just how to spoil me.
56. You're a good sport even when I'm not.
57. Every heartbeat belongs to you.
58. It's in the way you look at me and in your warm embrace.
59. Every time I look at you my heart misses a beat.
60. Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure.
61. You're the one who holds the key to my heart.
62. I like sharing crazy times with you because you add the spice to my life.
63. When we're together, time just comes to a halt.
64. You can read my innermost thoughts.
65. Your loving gaze is enough to carry me through a long day.
66. You bring to me joy beyond measure.
67. Your idea of fun is laughing really hard and playing practical jokes.
68. You never snore while I'm talking to you.
69. Honey, you're that someone who makes happiness happen.
70. I feel so at ease in your arms.
71. Because of you, no matter what may come tomorrow, today my life is more complete.
72. Since the day you came into my life, everything's perfect.
73. We share the right kind of love.
74. You always say what I need to hear.
75. All I need to do is look at you and....be dazzled ALL over AGAIN :)
76. You're cool--no matter what the time, no matter what the place.
77. All the little things you do make such a big difference in my life.
78. I want to stay forever with you.
79. I can see my dreams come true in the ocean of your eyes.
80. You've taught me the meaning of love.
81. The softness of your voice is like satin on my soul.
82. You're so cuddle-some.
83. I love all the ways you give.
84. I just can't imagine being me without you.
85. You're my anchor in life's ocean and most of all, you're my best friend.
86. You're always on my mind. I just can't do without you.
87. Just a touch...and I lose my heart all over again.
88. You've seen me at my worst and you still love me.
89. You're so magnetic...I just keep coming back to you.
90. Love is what you mean to me...and you mean everything.
91. You are my theme for a dream.
92. You're someone I can be goofy with.
93. I enjoy being with you.
94. You'd give up your favorite pastime to be with me.
95. I can ask you a dumb question without feeling dumb.
96. Whenever I need it most you're there with your all-purpose hugs.
97. You excite me, delight me, ignite me.
98. You know all my secrets...and keep them.
99. You're too hot to handle.
100. I've had the time of my life and I owe it all to you.
101. There are endless reasons why I love you but the most important is...darling, knowing you is loving you.

favouritezzz

in this post, I've decided to be a lil' personal. This is a post about me and everything that revolves around my world. :)

my favourites:-

F&B:-
food: the spiciest tomyam in town!

drink: 7E's slurpeeee!n ice-blended honeydew or pineapple. hot chocolate-especially when it's pouring outdoors

cake: raspberry cheese from Secret Recipe! OMG!! i LOOOVE cheese

pizza: any topping with loads of pineapple and EXTRA cheese :)

ice-cream: Baskin Robbin's mint with chocolate chips

soup: Campbells! lol

fruits: pineapples, honeydew, strawberries and kiwi :)

fastfood restaurant: kenny roger's roasters'

burger: mcchicken

greens: kangkung. LOl :p, pucuk paku and salad leaves[WITH thousand island, OF COURSE!]

carbonated drinks: justea and vanilla coke!

chocolate: dark with almonds

sweets: iced lemon tea.haha

indian sweet: laddu. i know, i know!

dessert:cuppycake**MWAHH**

malaysian: rojak!nasi lemak(sambal lebih yer?)!

indian cuisine: roti canai!

chinese cuisine: chicken rice :p

malay cuisine: ketupat and rendang ...DODOL!!

italian: spaghetti with tomato-based sauce.NOT creamy! no way. mac and cheese! OMG!

thai: tomyam!!

american: french fries?? LOL

stuffs:-

colours: white, lavender, baby pink and sky blue

shops to shop in(lol): voir, nichii and miss selfridge

shoes: jimmy choos (can i have one? plzzzzz??)

watch: swatch (butterfly)!! :(

accesories: anywhere at all.

jewelry: poh kong and tiffany & co

bags: anywhere :) different is good :)

scent: vanilla, lavender and rosemary. each scent by its own :)

movies and songs:-

chick flick: Bridget Jones' Diary 1 & 2

romance: titanic, of COURSE!

comedy: Home Alone

adventure: 2012? LOL

book-based: twilight and new moon, ssoon to be eclipse and breaking dawn too!! :o

tamil: Jeans

hindi: kabhi khushi kabhi kham & kuch kuch hota hai, mohabattein TOO~!!

songs from movies: vaaranam aayiram

animated movie: finding nemo!! LOL

my angel ♥

Angels. An amazing being acknowledged to be pure and free from evil. Their beauty is extraordinary that it may hurt our eyes to even glance their way. Maybe angels are simply mystical creatures to most of us but I personally think contrarily.

I dare say that angels exist. Yes, they do. And no, you do not just see light when you look their way. I don't.


You see, my angel stays with me and well, she certainly is not a character from one of my fantastical stories. She is human, composed of 208 bones, packed with biconcave-shaped red blood cells and breathes oxygen like the rest of us mortal being. She is without a doubt, my mother.

She is an angel in her own rights. Not only is she caring, helpful and undeniably hardworking, she is also an amazing mother who would do anything humanly possible for her children-my brother and I. We do have our regular arguaments but they never last long, have never and will never. Sometimes, I wonder whether the both of us are connected by a a strong magnetic bond or something similar. Regardless of how much I try to, I cannot refrain myself from speaking to her. it's SIMPLY NOT DO-ABLE AND VERY, VERY IMPOSSIBLE.


She is in my every beat of my heart and her name is one that never fails to appear in each prayer I say.

So Mum, listen... No matter how vengeful or filled with raged I appear to be, it's simply an illusion.

It's not anger, neither is it misery. I call it LOVE.

How much do I love you, you may ask. And what I say is that, I love you deeper than the four oceans and higher than the blue sky above.
Nevertheless, I know that you love me much more. ♥
I will do you proud. I promise. It's a dare :) And I have taken it.

♥ lastly, just want to say...

Mum, I am sorry for hurting you so very often.
Teenagers can be very emotional but I know that I am a very naughty girl. Well, after all, I am YOUR lil' girl :)

>Here's to many more crazy mother and daughter chats!

my blue butterfly

yes, i am a teen-an outrageously crazy-minded one but that is not keeping me away from reaching great heights in my life. Nothing is impossible in my eyes. I have very often told this,"Reach for the moon because even if you fall, you'll fall among the stars." How so very uplifting this quote is.

i don't want to give up.
I certainly don't want to give in.


Challenges are not just obstacles.
Because obstacles make me strong, iron-like and almost non-malleable.

Every ending is a new beginning.
We just don't know it at that time.

I want to fly with the wings of a blue butterfly.I want to fly away to the land of love, a place where people love each other and do not expect anything in return...

I want to go to the land where its nationalities are no longer dwelling in the comfort of materialistic wealth. I want to experience something different and I truly hope that such a place still exists. Maybe it's not out-of-this-world just yet.

i will continue flying...

:) here's to mankind and genuineness :)

optimism for survival

the end is near.it may be a false alarm, brought up simply to trigger fear in our hearts. But we know the truth, regardless of how much we try to deny it. Denial will no longer bring us anywhere because now, our wildest dream is unfortunately revealing itself slowly but surely in front of our very own eyes.

economical crisis, mass suicide and the eruption of the long awaited eruption of the Yellowstone are not the only signs that the end is closing on. Humanity as we know it is also coming to a disruptive end. People, including myself are selfish, hypocritical and not bothered of how the world revolves.It's always me, myself and I. It' a mad-rush out there, they say but I know now that humanity ends when we act inhumanely.It's not just indicated physically, it's much more obvious religiously.

How many youngsters of this modern time make time for prayers? Are we forced to pray or do we do it willingly, with true will and a pure mind? Not many. Ask yourself these questions. When you say your prayers, do you think of yourself first before you do others or do you give priority to those you hold close to your heart? Do you care for those whose lives have been painfully-stricken by poverty? Does your heart goes out to the many homeless young children who just want some clean water?

I know that I am a bad being. I have not been good enough. But I know that I still have time to repent my mistakes and correct them-soon.


Yes, I am an optimist. I said it. Now, its time to prove it :)
The end is near and each second means much.

I'm not a pessimist, neither am I a sadist. What I truly know is that I can do nothing much but to have faith.

humanism

the mouth-watering scent of food fills the still air around me as I open my eyes to face yet another day. I am awake but my visions are blurred as an after-effect of the dreams last night. I dreamt that I have been captured by aliens and was then brought back top their red planet. I know it wasn't Mars though. It was a planet still unknown to the human scientists-it was a planet called Zathura.


>> Sounds like your typical science fiction story, doesn't it? Yes, i know, i know. That's exactly why I stopped writing halfway through. LOL :p

sometimes, I wonder how it would be like to be in an another world where food is scarce and drinking water is impossible to find. But in reality, we all know that such a planet is not far away. Such a place is what I personally label as hell on earth. For an instance, Africa where most children are forced to face the difficulties of life at such tender age. They work when they are supposed to be at play, learning alphabets but can't afford to. For them, what's important is not knowledge, it's survival.They strive to stay alive at all costs and that involves anything at all. Imagine the unimaginable. They don't think twice before committing any form of crime, be it smuggling or robbing in the light of day.

Is it not saddening to think that we Malaysian children live in the comfort of our air-conditioned rooms while these ill-fated children are forced to digest the truth of life so soon. I have always had a thought for them. I do not know clearly why but I do know that they cross my mind each time I pray and thank God for the food on my plate. I am somewhat very grateful to be borne Malaysian. It's certainly the land of riches-may it be in food or resources. We have beautiful greenery but more than anything, we are gifted with love from God. WE do not go through such tremendous pain to eat each day.

1 Malaysia, 1 nation.

For now may the African children be held close to our hearts and we may we all say a prayer for them.

Most definitely, humanity knows not the boundary of nations.

a little prayer can go a long way for them :)

strong-willed. are we as strong?

signing off,
from the land of Zathura(soon to be discovered!),
kavita :)

a dream come true ♥

I have finally made up my mind. I've decided and there's nothing that can change my decision now. i want to be someone when I grow up. I want to make my parents proud. It's not a choice-any longer. It's my gift for them and now, I am determined to make their dream come true. Their dream is now mine.

Daddy, your girl is now a doctor. I want to say these words to my dad one day. I cant wait for it. And the joy that I shall share with my dad at that moment will certainly be the fuel for my dreams. The tears that I shed now are all going to be woth it one day. I am not going to let anything stop it. Not laziness. Not love. Not worry and not regrets. I am going to make it happen. Regardless of how much it hurts me.

I believe that everyone borne into this world is here for a cause and my cause, as my heart believes, is to save others and free them from pain. I do not want anyoen to go to bed sick or hungry. I want to do goad to mankind. I want to find peace within myself as I help them with all my might.

The lives I shall save, the love that I shall spread and the smiles I shall carve is my will power. I can't wait. But I have to. It's going to be struggle from now on. I've taken things a lil' too lax this year around so the time has now come for me to make up for lost time.

YES! I can now be confident as I say that my ambition is to become a doctor. I have an aim. I found my dream. I hope that the dream turns into reality soon. It will. :)

I believe in myself and I know they do too.

P/S: thank you aunt shirley for lighting the bulb in my head a few minutes ago. :)

you say it best when you say nothing at all :)

>>this is the result of cracking my test during the English test:)

Throughout my Earthly existence of sixteen years carrying the resemblance of a female, I have indeed come to notice many traits of my being. I have come to the realization that each soul is distinct and one of a kind. Well, we Malaysians are certainly known for our pious judgements but judging oneself from the yes of others is definitely not an easy task to accomplish. There are many things that I do not favour about myself but sometimes, I wonder why we humans are never happy with what we have.

"Mum, can I please go for a rebonding session?" Yes, I cannot seem to understand why I dislike my natural wavy hair so much. For instance, I do not even like to look at it each morning. My messy, tangled hair gets on my nerves twice as much as my brother's annoyance does. is it not pathetic not to like your own hair? I know that we are supposed to be happy with what we are gifted with but in this century where almost everyone, excluding yourself has done some form of make-over, how can a teenage girl be expected to be contented with the way she looks?

The next thing I honestly dislike of myself is my inability to keep my room in order.You might be wondering whether I ever tidy it up. Of course I do, It's just that it gets back to its original state of messiness in a matter of days, sometimes even hours. Each day, as I march forward and make my way up the cluster of stairs to my haven, I know that I will be greeted by the clutter. My dressing table is almost always disorganized, my study desk will be "screaming" to be arranged and sometimes, I have to pay serious attention when opening the doors of my pink Minnie Mouse wardrobe. You see, I do not want to be befallen by the stacks of clothes that I have secretly jammed into it!

Besides the hair and lack of discipline to keep my room neat, I also do not like my explosive emotions. I sulk and frown when things are not done in ways I like them to. I even resort to staying all alone in my room just to get ahold of myself. Most of my friends assume that it is just PMS getting the upper hand but I know better. You certainly cannot be having premenstrual syndrome continuously for three hundred sixty-five days are year, can you? Each time I am raged with anger, I start to hurt those who mean so much to me. It hurts me to think that I make them upset due to my irresponsible lack of self-control. But I do know that I am working hard to change this negative side of me and I just can't wait for the moment I becom ea sensible girl.

"Kavita, when are yo ugoing to stop losing your belongings?"Just the other day, I misplaced my favourite pink scrunchie and the day before, I lost a stammering amount of RM250 in teh neighbourhood mall. Last week, I left my Olympus camera at my granny's and teh entire family was so agitated with me because we could not snap photographs during the Festival of Lights. I do blame myself. I am just too carelss for my won good. Did you know that I lose a minimum of two pens on a daily basis? The worst part is I never seem to be able to retrace it. I have tried using Post-it notes on my refrigerator to remind myself to be more careful but nothing seems to be able to cure me of this "disease". I just cannot imagine if I have to spend a night on my house porch if I forget to bring the house key when I leave home.I will be mugged and robbed off my belongings for sure!

Let us now get to the part of me which I have grown to love. I love my voice and my smile. My family and friends enjoy listening to me as I sing along to the hit number "My Heart Will Go On" from the award-winning movie Titanic. It makes me feel so intoxicated with pleasure when I see them smiling. I love my smile too. It is simply because it makes me feel good. A wide grin followed by a hearty laugh adds some shimmer into my otherwise challenging life. As I smile, I get to enjoy the glazing sunlight,the beauty of dimmed moonlight and even listening to the sweet whispers of the wind. I fee lucky to be alive. I feel luckier to be able to breathe the invisible air around me.

Everyone has their good qualities and certain bad behaviour that they wish to amend. So do I. I want to change for the better. I do not want to regret my wrong-doings in the futurea dn I still believe that time is stil around for me to give way to the better side of me. For the moment, I am happy with myself and each day, I count my blessings for being born in a perfect body. I shall cherish myself because I am aware that to be able to love someone, we should first love ourself, Cheers to my future of many more happy years to come!

>> hope u had a fun read :)
chiowss for now and adios!!

yummy yummy !!

have any of you ever noticed how irresistibly delightful foos gets at times? it melts in your mouth and leave you at a loss for words-literally. well, maybe i am a food maniac but hey, i still do think about the African children who never seem to have enough food on the table. I pity them because now I know how it feels like to starve. I understand the tummy grumbles and the dry throat, the worst part being not able to eat when the sweet scent of food fills the air without mercy :)

so, gurl..are you on a diet like most teenage girl your age? i scream NOOOOO! of course not. maybe just controlling my food intake. ermm, does that make a difference. i hope so because i am NOT dieting. you see, i am one of those girls who almost despise the dieting habit and never ever thought that being anorexic is neither trendy nor healthy. CERTAINLY NOT HEALTHY, for a fact.

so what am i doing going on and on about food and limiting its intake. you see, my mum has been lecturing me about the importance of proper meals, which translates into "KAVITA, u are AS FAT AS A PUMPKIN!". Throughout my sixteen year old existence, if there's one thing that i've mastered completely. It has got to be the fact that every single thing my mum says has a hidden message to it. I got the message alright.

Not just that. You see, after an hour or two, she rushed into my room and had a "heart-to-heart" mother and daughter conversation with me about looking good. Looking prim and proper with the right body mass index. she just had to remind me of the painful fact that i am a little dwarf who has been practically stuck at the saddening height of 15o centimeters for the past five years of my life. OMG! now, that's short-real short. But it's rather impossible to change my genetic inheritance but there is still the little wish in my hear that still hopes to grow a little taller in the future. I saw light the day my Biology teacher told us that girls are able to grow up to the age of 18 so there you go-two years more before I stop wishing under the sky of stars at night.

Talking about the diamonds in the sky, have you noticed how unnoticeable the stars have become lately. It's really dpressing standing out of the house, gazing into the sky just to see NOTHING. the moon is almost invisible on most nights and the stars have been out of side for the past couple of years above the small compound of my house. :( i really do miss star-gazing, i still remember counting stars with my father when i was a lil' one...




**as for food, i shall cherish each moment i savour in my favourite delicacies, with or without the lectures :) life is short so why waste it?**