REMEMBER

Monday, March 31, 2008

i hope everything ends so soon, i hope my heart will give me an answer.

it was beautiful memories but not what i call "love".

though i love you, but i'm pretty much sure that you have an infatuation.

it hurts so in our hearts but i no longer dare to love you anymore.

is there anyone who can tell or prove to me what's gonna be like with the both of us still tgt in future ?

is the risk gonna be worth it ?

you made me try to believe in love for the last time but .................................

now i don't anymore. what should i do ?

/4:33 AM

why am i so dumb to torture myself cause of you ?
i really hope i can faint again so that there's an hour in my day that i don't have to feel miserable.
i feel so unblessed at the moment.

ARGH WHATEVER !!!

/12:29 AM

Friday, March 28, 2008

it was a sleepless night .... thinking of what i really can give you.
what i wanna give you was taken away two years ago, how can i get it back ?
i didn't much dare to fall in love till now, but i have nothing to offer at all.

can you not love me ?
cause i really don't know how to love you anymore.

jason *** why do you have to do that to me ? can you see how you have scarred my life ? i don't wanna miss you anymore, cause i kinda hate ya.

i just hope this roadshow ends soon. i don't think i can put on a strong front for so long. i wish it's gonna be over soon, and i'm gonna take a long sleep and then everything'll be ok.

i wish ........

/8:49 AM

Monday, March 24, 2008

the little difference might seem small to you but big to me. just felt that you didn't bother to care that much for saying anything to me anymore. well, i wouldn't wanna control how you think.

it's no use saying all this now, to you it's nonsense, to me it is too, cause we never seem to see the same way. if you think it's over exaggerated, it is not, because you are not the one being arrowed first without much consideration.

well, the fact that it's over, i won't wanna think about it anymore.

OK !!! so guys !!! what have you all been doing ?? this is my third day working full shift, not dead beat yet, but just lack of sleep. the weekend was GREAT !!! sold my first colour laser printer ever on saturday ("snatched" sales from boyfriend haha, no la, is psycho away from hsi rband ahha), and then the second one on sunday which was also my first colour laser all-in-one printer =)))) double happiness la haha.

i would not have sold the all-in-one if i chose to be lazy that day. i was initially quite lethargic but then keep helping the cashier until micheal face black haha. then help this help that, do everything except selling printers until this customer came at 9pm which was already my knock off time. was settling two customers, one for the printer and one with cashier problems at the same time. both just as ma fan, was really a challenge for me to switc topics both side haha.

cashier malay ma, but the family don't speak eng at all so have to help lor. then my supervisors and managers also got alot problems wit other customers, super busy la. poor boyfriend had to wait for me oh-so-long can. poor bb. our initial plan to drop down QQrice for a rice ball and some of its yummy pudding was thwarted haha. i dunno what vocab i'm using, but you get the idea la huh.

but today he made me ever happy la haha. was happening to miss him more than usual today. knowing that i was freezing at IMM, he bought a puma jacket for me, but i'm quite fussy la. through sms keep saying this colour not nice that colour not nice, in the end he got pink i also say not nice =xxxx LOL !!! what a bad gf you have.

one more thing !!! just one more thing !!! be patient la ...... i know very wordy this post haha !!!

darling remembers that i like century egg in my porridge so he added some into the fish porridge we're gonna share. i was like stirring the porridge sulking at the fried onions (haha he forgot i don't like it.) then i saw ............. eh how come got century egg ar, then my darling boy proudly exclaimed that not all things he forgot one ok HAHA !!! so cute.

cause normally he's damn damn blur one i tell u, buy potato chips also can put at table forget take. maybe next time he will forget me and leave me with another man in a hotel room haha !!! JUST VERY KIDDING OK !!!

ok la, i know your eyes are complaining .....

soooooo .... THE END =p

/11:30 PM

Saturday, March 22, 2008

something really sad happened.

i just realise how authority can separate the distances between two friends. we weren't very very close friends, but close enough not to be offended when point of views are shared honestly. but after that very date, i felt that my "friends" seem to have put up a wall between me and them, i no longer understand them anymore. they seem to keep everything to themselves, the joy, the happiness.

i don't feel the belonging there anymore, and sometimes i do dread it when the schedule comes for me to meet them. cause i feel so left out, even as compared to people who just know them.

perhaps it is totally due to my irresponsibility, or rather inability to commit to a position among them, but i didn't do it for a reason that is for fun. i don't like people pushing me to do things that i can't.

the leader in my friend that i saw today, totally saddens me. the approach my dear friend took to solve this problem was to drive me to the wall, and not leaving me any leeway to this circumstance at all.

my bbf thinks that my leader friend is arrogant, perhaps due to what i say too rashly, but i know he's not. perhaps it's the stress of being a leader that forced him to be that harsh with me, but i seriously didn't feel the need to. i really don't understand my friends now, for they never told me anything at all. it's so diff between last year and this year.

how do you actually maintain friendships while keeping authority ? perhaps that is what the previous two leaders last year can answer, because i really admire them for doing suc a great job. i think even if i'm the leader, i will not be able to uphold the responsibility like how my friend is doing it now. but how can i make it up to my friend when he does not listen anymore ?

i feel really sorry not being able to help out at all, but it's a fact that it's an extra curricular activity. i joined not because i'm being paid to, because i want to. yes, but now i really need something that i can be paid to do so, do you really understand ?

it feels like all of you don't want me there anymore. if there's a need to ease this burden of me not turning up regularly, i can do so by leaving, not because i want to, but because i really can't commit 100%.

the way you solve your problem might be not totally right, but the fault still lies with me initially. though your sacarsm and harshness had hurt me, i still feel the need to apologise not only to you but all of you.

though it doesn't feel like we are friends anymore, but i just hope, i made life better for you by giving you less trouble this way.

you know who you are ............
if you read this, i'm here to tell you i'm sorry.

it seems like i've become a person whom can't do whatever she likes. nowdays i feel so controlled like i've lost my freedom. not to say being attached but also occupationally occupied. i dunno what that really means, but you get my idea la huh.

i hate to be this way, but to survive in this society, i just have to harden myself up and be damn damn realistic. i might sound so damn pissed off with my friend, but deep inside i didn't want to reject it at all. but i just have no choice.

why is working life so hateful now ???
can i like get money by sitting under a tree and looking in the sky ?

/4:05 AM

Friday, March 21, 2008

it's really so annoying can.

don't want say don't want, don't this birthday that birthday. where got people father's birthday just get to know the day before one ? since you will reveal the truth like that, why don't you just say no ?

where got people's work schedule last minute then know one ? why don't you just say no ?

like that everyday my mum's birthday liao lor. i super super hate dishonest people can !!! make people happy awhile then throw them in disappointment at the last minute.

if they could kindly tell me no in the first place, i could have like planned other activities to entertain myself, now even if my bf (yes they are his friends.) is willing to accompany me go australia i also no mood to go can.

it's so freaking annoying !!
too bad jian long, it sucks to be you, having annoying friends and an unreasonable girlfriend. enjoy your life.

in a fucking bad mood ....................

/12:06 AM

Thursday, March 20, 2008

boohoo !!! i'm here to complain, SERIOUSLY complain !!!

MY BOYFRIEND DOESN'T REMEMBER MY BIRTHDAY !!!!!

so my son, or father, sister, mother whoever la !!! wo men shang ar !!! da si ta !!! =ppp

/10:28 PM

uh huh !!! yes new blogskin cause the previous one cannot put advertisement then everyday the hits i see at nuffnang is z-e-r-o, very saddening right, and also have to refresh the page to actually read the post again super duper ma fan.

but it seems like every blogskin has its own problem. this one gives a minor one as compared to the previous one. the picture of the girl's leg sure cut off. WHY ? die die duwan let her walk away right LMAO !!!

recently i'm starting to wonder what i really wanna do. is this the life i want ? but i can't talk it here. sighs.

yeah my posts are so wordy nowdays, cause when i put photos people say i zi lian, so ........................

i guess i shall just smoke myself to death =xx

/5:33 PM

Monday, March 17, 2008

i guess it's quite clear what's happening in my life now. not very sure if it's the right path, but i'll just walk on and see.

for those of you who wonder, what's that banner in my previous post, it's actually a link to a site that pays you for taking surveys, it's like one of the best ones i've ever seen. it earns u money one zillion times faster than what u earn in nuffnang haha.

the wordings could not be read clearly cause i forgot how to change font colour in templates.

will be working at IMM for the whole of next week, mon to sun, 10am-10pm. under the same company, SONY VAIO. =) qing duo duo zhi chi ar !!!!!!!!!!! wanna get a vaio laptop, do look me up =)

/12:51 PM

Saturday, March 15, 2008

this is a simple way of thanking my readers for their support. it's quite easy money, do try it =)

/12:05 AM

Thursday, March 13, 2008

sitting by the window
Singing songs of love
Wishing you were here
Because the memory's not enough
Wear my mask in silence
Pretending i'm alright
If you could see then you would be
Here standing by my side

It may be hard to believe
But girl you're the only one i need
It may be hard along the way
It's this feeling i get
When blue skies turn to grey

Feels like i'm walking in the rain
I find myself trying to wash away the pain
Cause i need you to give me some shelter
Cause i'm fading away
And baby, i'm walking in the rain

every single hour
Of every single day
I need to cry, my eyes are dry
I've cried my tears away
Can't help but remember
How you made me feel
You dressed my soul and made me whole
you made my life complete

It may be hard to believe
But girl you're the only one i need
It may be hard along the way
It's this feeling i get
When blue skies turn to grey

Feels like i'm walking in the rain
I find myself trying to wash away the pain
Cause i need you to give me some shelter
Cause i'm fading away
And baby, i'm walking in the rain

of all we've said and done
Remains the memories of days
When life was fun
But now when you are gone
I sit alone to watch the
Setting of the sun

Feels like i'm walking in the rainI find myself trying to wash away the pain
Cause i need you to give me some shelter
Cause i'm fading away
And baby, i'm walking in the rain

i said baby, i'm walking in the rain .....

RAAWWWWRRRR !!! yes i'm full of emo posts that's all. this is still gonna be the same, so don't read it if u don't wanna get annoyed.

yes today i was actually quite happy. thinking that things have taken a better turn. all to know that it was just receiving goodwill.

so may i ask ........

if someone likes u and treat u very good, but u don't like her at all, will u just accept it like u like her too, or let her know ?

so on the streets, people give u 10dollars u just take la is it. so when people say love u, u just marry them la. is that the way things work ?

if it is, please tell me, i'm more than willing to accept it. but the truth is, things will nv work that way. if u don't have love for me, please push me away. don't deceive me with your actions i totally hate it.

i feel like i'm a spare tyre in your life, just someone who loves u, not someone u wanna love. because u just keep hurting me over and over again. i am selfish, but if u love me, u will love my selfishness.

thoroughly disappointed. i REGRET letting u melt my heart months ago. yes, i'm so gonna make it hard again, nv to let anyone in before they manage to pluck out the pricks on it.

can i just hide under my blanket and never face the world anymore ?
if someone could just sleep the day away,
not being able to hear u crying out for him,
why do u bother to love him?

god, can u tell me why ?

/12:24 AM

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

can't seem to slp early these days. though i only fell asleep at 8am yesterday but was bombarded by shaleihin on my phone. aiya still dunno how to spell his name, choir president la OK !!! haha. since yesterday he has been asking if i wanted to go out, perhaps because i was in a bad mood. but then was too tired, so i kind of rejected him =xxx sorry !!!

ray came for choir today =) YAY !!! i really hope he'll join us back and stay for good MUAHAHAHA !!! i totally love his voice esp when he's singing english songs, which i don't always listen to haha. he's my auntie rosie =)

though i'm a lone ranger and don't have a specific very close clique, i still love my choir peeps anyway =) the happiness we have together is not what everyone gets to experience, yeah so we shall treasure the time we have together.

second thing is that, i REALLY REALLY REALLY want to watch P.S i luv u, meet the spartans and leap years. but all of them are like going off screening now !!! waiting for many many VCDs to be out. hopefully i can like catch at least leap years before it's off and then buy VCDs for like alvin and the chipmunks, ah long pte ltd and P.S i luv u.

why nobody acc me watch =((( very sad ok !!!!!!!!

one last thing before i go and TRY to sleep. i'm having loads of hesitations now. it's deep within the affairs of the heart so perhaps i shouldn't be too annoying to make ppl read it and headache also. i'm just gonna keep this wall up, so that everyone will only feel my happiness but not my sorrows =) aiya, problems will be solved one day anyway =pp

always look on the bright side of life ~~~ tu tu tu tu tu tu tu tu ~~~

i'm gonna be a happy girl ~~~

OK WAIT WAIT WAIT !!! something i MUST MUST MUST say hehe. i have a recent fetish to collect carebears. but then cine they sell carebears damn ex can !!!!

1) birthday bear
2) daydream bear
3) friend bear
4) funshine bear
5) good luck bear
6) harmony bear
7) hugs cub
8) love alot bear
9) secret bear
10) share bear
11) surprise bear
12) take care bear
13) true hear bear
14) wish bear

so you guys can just slowly buy one by one and prepare as my birthday gift right ? more than enough time =pppp

GOODNIGHT cuties !!!

/2:30 AM

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

sighs ........ what a lonesome and chilly night. i can't believe i'm blogging right now instead of being soundly asleep. i wish i can be someone who can put things right behind me and sleep through the night. but i don't dare, for the nightmares haunt me like my own shadow.

i wish the tomorrow to be better, brighter, where i can see my future.

i've no plans for tomorrow or rather this whole week. perhaps will be going out with shar and ray if i can wake up on time. anyone wanna join for me retail therapy, feel free to give me a call =)))

i need some company. cause you walked away .........

/4:55 AM

Monday, March 10, 2008

there's so much i wanna say but no one to listen and understand.
it's not like i can tell everyone you know.
you are all i wanna talk to, but we're gone now.
what can i say ..........

/11:09 PM

i don't know why am i crying over this. but i'm not gonna make any initiative anymore.

NEVER NEVER anymore !!!!

i feel so stupid !!! ARGH !!!!!!!

don't most guys know that girls who act tough are actually those who get hurt the most easily ?

that explains why i don't wanna have a boyfriend, because they know it, but they just don't care.

i feel that this song is super nice now ='(

/9:40 PM

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

ELLO EVERYONE !!!

PLEASE CLICK MY AD, THANK YOU !! =)

ok la, my blog already cold enough le, let's not make it colder. why this time the ad need to click ?? cause i'm in band zero already, for not blogging so long. so kind nuffnang came up with this idea so that people like me, jolynn stupid chew who have blogs in band zero can also receive ads and earn money. just that the advertisements need to be clicked on instead of just visiting the page.

so kind souls out there, do click every time you visit ok ??? =))) thankies !!!

INSIGHTS OF MY BUSY LIFE

well, i lead a pretty mundane life as many of you know. it's still the same old me and the same old life, with the exception of the upcoming IT show. it's the biggest show of the year "COMEX - THE IT SHOW".

woke up about 12-ish which was very late as i was supposed to arrive GREAT WORLD CITY at 2pm sharp. so i cabbed over but this stupid cabbie drove and 60km/hr and chatting with me at the same time despite my reminders to him that i was rushing for time. when i sound more impatient, then he increased the speed to 80km/hr, ON AN EXPRESSWAY =.= purposely take slowest lane somemore.

wa kao, cab fare already so expensive, yet slower or almost same time as public transport. still wanna chop people wallet. i wonder how can people rant on and on when obviously no one is interested in engaging in their conversation.

when i finally reached GREAT WORLD CITY, it was like 1.59pm la. *ok la, not so fake, 1.54pm* i'm supposed to rush up but then i was too famished that i went to yoshinoya for a damn quick lunch. 15mins to buy and eat up. WOW !!!

went up to office and saw micheal =xxx gave me that look, and tell me not to be late again, reason being, i was starting my late habit past few weekends. start to reveal my true self LOL !!!

sat down and saw on the white board ..........

2-3pm --> mass briefing
3-4pm --> linksys training
4-5pm --> vaio training

oohhh !!!! so i have 3-4pm to eat la, KAOS make me rush like that, thinking that i have to survive from 2-5pm without break. mass briefing ended damn early somemore. they went to kenny rogers for "lunch" as there wasn't much choice there at GREAT WORLD CITY. then i was already very full can =((( so i ate green tea ice-cream and potato salad which i can't even finish. the color of the potato makes it look like apple salad, that's why i was tempted to try thinking that it will taste very delicious. but erm well .............. not worth the money la. though it's damn filling.

training sucked abit but rocked alot. stupid marc la, talk so fast. before i could even flip to the page he was referring to, he already finish explaining it already. KAOS !!! i know he knows the product very well, but must consider in our shoes ma, we are new to it man.

when after that the dunno who take over then it was damn fun, but he's scary la will test people see if they really listen. cause promoters usually don't take the training easily one, just go to the show then start reading up. very impromtu one. but i wanna chiong sales so i listen, good student LMAO !!!

the target marc set was damn reasonable = 20sets per person at least.
but that dunno who = you can challenge me 60sets if you want to. i cleared 319sets before. KAOS =.= super hao lian la is it !!! LOL !!!

then i spotted someone there, which i have noticed for quite some time cause i've seen him before somewhere i couldn't remember. i think i'm getting quite interested in him =xxx

briefing ended at freaking 6pm la !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so cabbed over to ngee ann with winson. then he go there chg bus then chg train to woodlands =.= was very late for choir but everything still go quite smoothly.

friday they learning new song leh, but i haven't learn =((( and i not coming on friday somemore. D-I-E !!! still got dunno what chalet, so many activities !!!! ARGH !!!

slacked at alumni then take bus 74 back. the usual bunch =) but then i was like ranting to jing yi la. i dunno what to say but i just felt like talking =xxx so sorry jing for being damn random for the whole day man.

hiyah really too wordy le la.

in short ..............................

anyone wanna buy lappy, can find me at IT SHOW. or msg me beforehand so that i can look out for better deals for you.

p.s you can only buy vaio laptop though =p

but after the training, i'm finally convinced that vaio laptops are worth the money not only because of its design but the thoughts the engineers have for the consumers when brainstorming for the designs of the laptop.

it is to give customer their own sense of identity and being proud of their notebooks. to personalize it and make it value as one's personal item. and they are not a brand that cut prices and throw in free gifts to attract customers, because that will only make their products look unworthy of any money. so the promotions will always be constant. that's what i like =) no complaints of unfairness from customers.

YAY !!! i'm happy !!! with this, i end my post with .....

PLEASE BUY A SONY VAIO NOTEBOOK FROM ME =)))

/11:41 PM