* living my dreams *

this post was supposed to be posted like a week ago but then the dates got messed up adn the details got pushed forward and the storage of blogger.com went haywire and this and that..im done explaining but im just gonna let it settle here above my sweet new year post..


living my dreams..

im a dreamer..i daydream most of the time and i dream alot at night..even when i wake up to pee in the middle of the night (i always do), somehow, my dreams will continue..funny but true..

i have alot of dreams and sometimes, i wished i could live in my own dreams where im the girl everyone loves and have almost everything i ever wanted..

lately, someone has been living my dreams and it was painful for me..

i couldn'd lock the ugly green monster inside me and it escaped and i ended up spilling most of it to kvlye who by now should be sick of listening to it already..

the girl..who has been living my dreams have everything i ever wanted or set eyes on..

designers bags..designers shoes..designers clothing..designers vacation spots..designers gadgets..even a designers look..pretty, hot, slim and gorgeous..

im so freaking jealous..i mean, how is it possible?

sadly, it is..i see her almost all the time and every time i watch her, i hated me..i dont know why..maybe my inside voice is doing all the talking and all the thinking..

she's nothing but a sweet good girl..who is living my dreams..and i wished i could make it a reality..

i gave it much thought and the much thought gave me much headaches..

i began to talk to God..and somehow, i felt secure..

you know, it doesnt matter who is living your dreams because one way or another, nobody is perfectly perfect..

when i begin to talk to her..she told me she wished she had some of the things that i have..things that she always dreamt of but never had..i was shocked..how can someone so perfect in my eyes wants some of my things? its true indeed..no one is perfect..

so the next time you go all depress because someone is living you dreams, just pause for a moment, think..breathe and calm down because somewhere out there, someone might wished to be you..

you might be living someone else's dreams..

that can be true too..

for now, im happy to be me..

cheerio..

* flash back *

was reading blogs after blogs and most of them are talking about how this year have been and im gonna do just the same..peer pressure never cease in me..haha..

so here goes.. * takes a deep breath *


jan: celebrated new year in marriot hotel with kvlye and family..one of the nicest buffet ive tasted my entire life..and doing so tonight as well..

feb: got my first ever fossil watch from kvlye and my first ever huge card handwritten by kvlye..

march: uni..assignments..pain in my butt..haha..

april: uni..finals..pain in my butt..

may: grandpa passed away..another pain in the butt..officially a grad..parted with uni besties *missing-mary,shenny,esee,vic,carmen,tiff,eunice,weiqi,the bear*

june: result out..final lap was great..dean list award..confirmed degree..

july: got a job as an english tutor with good pay..

august: convocation and first studio snaps with over 50 shots..im the star..cell trip to melaka..

september: double As' wedding..wedding of the year..house scouting for future with kvlye..

october: kvlye proposed with a ring and i said yes and we've been engaged ever since..

november: gotten our counselors..3rd year anni for kvlye and i..nova one camp..spaceship was way too cool for my eyes and the cast of nova one, hot and awesome..

december: first french dining..first session of pre-marital counseling..lotsa holidays..preps to work in jan 2010..last day of 2009, buffet at marriot again..





thats about it..yes i know, i live a boring and a dull life..but nvm..im sure 2010 will be just as good if not better..im looking forward to it and i hope you guys are as well..btw, i kept 8 out of 10 of my 2009 new year's resolution..not bad huh?haha..

HAPPY 2010 PEOPLE..

* long overdue *

this is another yet long overdue post..

have been really busy..

updates right away..

- went back for a week before christmas..
- went to penang with cell memebrs for 3 days..
- back to AS for another week till after christmas..kvlye was back for a day..not christmas..
- had my first pre-marital counseling session..
- was working for the past 3 days..hectic and really very stressful..

thats all..

HAPPY NEW YEAR, ALL...

* victoria *

just got off the phone with one of my besties from uni..

im missing her like crazy and i wished that i could be there in sydney with her..at least to hang out with her..either way, to keep me company as well..

maybe cuz most of my other besties are pretty much occupied with their everyday corporate lives and im not..

i miss uni days..i wished we could all go back to where all of us are still sheltered and studying..

* vic and esee *

* esee, vic and i *

* vic on her bday at fridays *

* vic's farewell get-together *

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vic, it was good talking to you over the phone..i guessed i needed that for my own reason and it is really good to talk to you..i pray that you'll do fine there..for whatever reason, come back soon cuz we miss you loads..hugs and kisses..God bless..lots of love..muax..

* starting *

a new and one step closer to getting married..

we'll be starting our first counseling session this coming december..after christmas..
we are both so excited..not to mention our counselors too..and i cant wait to go through this with kvlye..

and speaking of that, can you believe that we're actually getting married soon?

wow..its really a dream come true and im truly blessed and happy and uber excited about it..

* new moon *

i watched this last night..and i think its fabulous..edward cullen is good looking enough and now, jacob..omg..

i was trying to sit still the whole time through cuz i was mesmerized by both the hotties..

me want a movie buddy to watch this again cuz after last night and the way i react, i dont think kvlye will want to watch it with me..haha..

anyways..i gotta catch up with other movies too..

* what happens *

what happens when you try to cover up something so bad with a lie?

let me tell you what..

one lie will turn into many more lies and temptations will then lead into sins..and when sins are not taken out carefully, they becomes a part of you and you will find it hard to let it go..

so what then?

what?

pull that root out and destroy it before it gets a whole of you..

say NO..

* smiley *

work starts in january 2010..

will have loads of time for rest and relax before it is time for work..

* drama drama and drama *

pictures are not in order but nvm..its fun looking at them..

these pics are of the 3rd day drama..

sadly, tak nampak aku punya muka..sigh..

:)

* over and done *

the whole entire 3 days camp was a blast..everything went superdy-duper well and i was so blessed and yes, blessed..wait, did i mention that i was blessed?
yup..i was blessed..

acting as SUN (my space chracter name in the drama) was great..i love my space outfit..sexy looking..woohoo..

and i cant really write much here as im superdy-duper tired and i miss the internet so im facebooking and emailing and blogging..i should be out and running after a few days of rests..havent been sleeping well lately..that probably explains why i took 30mins to put on my contact lens which went all the way inside my eyes during the drama earlier..agony and pain..

anyways, im zone out and im currently having the withdrawal syndrome now..kinda emo that everything ended..i so miss nova one X..

il be updating more details about the camp and drama..alongside with pictures of yours truly in sexy space costumes..oh oh..did i mention that i wore a super short silver color mini skirt, tight turtle neck with a silver vest and long tight pants and hot leather boots with my hair neatly gel up with red spray?

yup yup..

pictures to prove them later.. *fingers crossed*

so anyone who took pictures for all 3 days' drama, please send them to me..zankiu..

roger and out!!

* if *

they say..if life throws you a lemon, you use it for your lemonade..or in your tequila..

but i say..if life throws you a lemon, you pick the lemon up and throw your life at it, and say to yourself, I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME!!!

forget about whacha wanna do with the lemon..think about whacha wanna do with your life..

suck it up and move on!!

=)

* lesson beyond words *

alot of times, i take for granted the things which i have..

and it took me 2 years to learn how to count my blessings and learn to count it all joy..

a team of 10, regularly go to selayang to build relationship with a group of wonderful kids..they are not so fortunate..some come from broken families and most of them are poor financially..

we call our prog - KIDZLIFE..we go to selayang every sunday..

and during deepavali..we were invited to some of their houses..we have close relationship with the kids and by them inviting us, it showed us that they value us..that was lesson number 1..they value relationship and the times they share with us which i thought was just random..





this is gayathri and her dad..she's such a sweetie pie and she's really adorable and yes, she is poor..the electricity in her house has been cut off because her family can no longer afford to pay for the bills..and their family only had maggi for deepavali meals..still, she goes on smiling..lesson number 2 - SMILE, even at your worst..

this is suganthi's and kanaga's family..8 siblings and a single mom living in a house with 2 rooms..their sisters are smart and intelligent and they work hard to achieve great success..all of their sisters are graduates..and they served us with their best meal..lesson number 3 - don't complain but work hard to achieve success..

this is the kaurs' siblings..they live in a spare part shop and their house is made from a metal box..they dont even have any room..the living room and the "room" is separated by a cupboard..during deepavali, they serve us with everything they have..aunty practically scooped everything from the pot for us because they are thankful that we took care of the kids..lesson number 4 - be thankful..even when you dont have enough..

through this visitation over the deepavali festival, i learnt to count my blessings instead of airing my complaints..and to be contended with everything..

* new baby *

my new toy..

heart..heart..and heart for this baby..

* not just another day *

today, 3 years ago, he carried me to his car and drove me to the hospital..his hands holding mine tightly all the way, never flinched..at the hospital, he held my hands..

today, 3 years ago, i said yes and it has been an unforgettable and great journey ever since..

today is - 18th november 2009..

* cold..brrr.. *

it rains everyday..

i love the cooling effects the weather is giving..

the sleeping sensation and the lazy mode..im loving it..

but whats not cool about the weather is the fact that my undies are still wet from the day before..

i kinda need the sun a little bit here and there to dry my undies..i dont have enough to wear already..

so SUN..please shine and dry my undies..

* keep your thoughts to yourself *

i am a person who value opinions and i admit that opinions help us grow and in my case, yes..some of the opinions i obtained from people do help me grow and i gladly appreciate such opinions..you know, opinions that help you grow..

but but but but..there are people who loves launching their unwanted opinions and that kind of opinions will not help one grow likewise in my case.i am an easily influence person and sometimes i listened too much to the voices outside that i forgotten all about my own voice inside.

this make me sad because i will get all personal afterwards and realised that they are deciding for me base on their personal experience.then i realised it is really a personal issue after all.

helping is good and opinions are good as well but sometimes, its good to keep some to oneself and not act like a smarty pants just because one's life works another way around.i guessed there is a reason why God wired different people differently.

i speak for myself as well.not to always give an opinion because not everyone wants an opinion from me and vice versa.

* head bang *

kvlye and i were goofing around and we were jokingly trying to scratch each other's faces and just when i was trying to escape from his nails that were approaching fast, i accidentally knocked into the wall..

it was a loud thud and a hard bang..

it held me speechless for a moment and for that very moment, i thought i had blood clogged in my brain and suddenly, my world spins 100 times faster..i was dizzy and was in pain and let out a few drops of tears..

poor kvlye..he must had felt so bad for goofing around with the clumsy old klutzy me..

he had to make stupid funny faces to make me stop sobbing and to make him feel better, of course..

he rubbed my head tenderly, hopefully it wont swell..

i felt better with his caring touch but my head still hurts..it hurt all the way to the eye..

and it still does..

so next time, we know..to goof around with the clumsy old klutzy me, one have to look for safe and danger free zone..

for the sake of all mankind..

* sesame street *

sesame street is 40 years old..

my fav ads from google..

* heart *

arent they pretty?

they are indeed pretty..and lovely..

hearts..more hearts..i heart the hearts..

* purest *

i know He me..

* so what? *

i will never be the picture perfect fit and too often, i feel as if im destroying snap shots..

i have been living with this for the longest time ever and it never surpasses me..

i pull away from the media hoping that it wont hurt my ego..

this is how i deal with my esteem..

i will never dare to apply for jobs that require the look on the face as i didnt want to further humiliate myself more..

now that im getting married, i figure that it might at least change my way of thinking and heck, something, someone's gotta unleashed their unwanted and insensitive remark on me..

im getting married and all they can think of is how pathetically ugly i'll look in that wedding dress and the hairdo and the veil and the makeup?

count the joy with me, my friend..im getting married to the man whom i love..to the man whom i want to spend the rest of my life with and grow old with..to the man who will father my children and the man whom i simply refuse to live without..and stop airing complaints of how ugly and unattractive i look and how i will be voted the ugliest bride on the globe history..

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so what if i'll make an ugly bride? i will be the VERY HAPPY UGLY BRIDE then..

no matter how ugly others may think or i may think of, i wont be as ugly as that bride, right?

even that i can look for the hidden beauty..

* it is good *

today is a good day..simply because my Daddy makes it all good for me..

it is a beautiful day..

Dad, thank You for this wonderful day..it is indeed a good day today..

thank You, Father..

my Father i adore You more than anything that i could wish for, i just want You..

i love You, Father..

* memorylane *

i rekindled some memories from high school..and they were just so farnie..i couldnt stop laughing at my own stupidity..those memories serve for a lifetime..bitter sweet ones..i am still laughing and i cant stop..i wonder why..

* bruise *

i got this very unattractive bruise from some bug..

bitten nicely on my left thigh..

luckily i can still hide them under my pants..

that was some breather..

* boohoo *

that is me crying and kvlye happily snapping a few shots of it..

let me recall why i cry..

i think i fell..

boohoo..

* the proposal *

we spent a year talking, quarrelling, crying, laughing over the Internet..he was in japan and i was in malaysia..he was working intensively with a japanese company whilst i was doing my bachelor here in kl and crashing in my besties' crib to meet him online..was the worst time of us being together apart..but we managed well..

one fine day in october, after 3 years of courtship, kvlye (pic), went down on his knee, and said:

"darling, i want to spend the rest of my life with you and i hope that you will want to spend the rest of your life with me..will you marry me?"

i was amazingly shocked..and thought that he was joking so i said:

"yeah yeah..whatever..fast fast get ready else we'll be late for practise.."

he then held up a shinning rock..beautiful and shinny..and he said:

"this is for real..i want you to be my wife and i love you..will you marry me?"

i was utterly in shock and it finally came to senses that this is for real..

and i said : YES!!!

he got up..put the ring on my finger..and we hugged for a good 5 mins i think and both were in tears..

here we are..happily engaged!!!

the ring <3

* story *

i have a story to tell..

ite been long overdue..

people came asking me how kvlye propose..

im gonna tell you my story..

not now..

later la..in the morning or so when im awake..

off to bed now..

nitey..

* love *

who loves me?

im so secured with this question..

my answer : God - with the unconditionally love, the agape love..

im secured..

* failure *

yup.enough said.

that is my exact feeling.

some say marriage comes with a stable job at hand first.

no job, no career.no career, hence no happy nor healthy marriage.

this statement effects me.

dude, im getting married soon and im still jobless.

does that mean kvlye is marrying a total fat failure?

* excited *

its finally coming.

after all the anticipation and the planning and the date setting and the starter and the dreams and the storyline and the whole pre-planning and prep thinggy..

its finally coming..

already sorted up who is in charge of what and who will be the band playing for this joyous event..and bla bla..

the only thing missing is the outfit for the event..yet to choose and rent them but im jolly excited about the whole thing..

it's like a dream come true..once again getting close to one another..i cant wait..its happening and i cant imagine it..woohoo..

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nova one X - the enemy within..

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were you guys thinking about my wedding?

haha..

gotcha didn't i?

sorry sorry..

my wedding has no plan yet..cuz its gonna happen next year but to set some updates, we got our counselors already and we're starting our pre-marital counseling in december..and we love our counselors and they love us too..

* beautiful promises *

i looked upon the bright and beautiful sky at my window today and i see nothing but the beautiful white puffy cotton like clouds floating away in such a beautiful manner..clear blue blue sky with the bright shinning sun shinning aross..perfecto..

so beautiful..

my God is such a beautiful God that He created such beauty for us to behold..such beautiful God with an amazing love..

what a promise..what a love..what a sight..

* soaked *

soaked in this soap opera..series..drama..whatever you call it..im loving it..

most of my favourite actors and actresses are in it..

i wish i can fast forward it and watch it every freaking day..cannot tahan one episode per day..

oooooo...syiok syiok..

i heart this..muacks..

<3

* sitobellly *

ooooooo...

i bought this out of impulse..

but im loving my impulse..

loving this..

yummy smell...

* clumsy *

pic: pettydisaster@blogspot.com

i bought some rice near my house for lunch..

someone honked when i was trying to open my gate..

and viola..my rice..gone..

dirtied the whole walkway and drive way..

have to clean them plus no lunch..

another excuse to stay slim for a day..

i'll just have my loyal tomyam instant noodles.. *yummy*