IQ vs EQ

People say that when you are smarter, you are more mature. When you are more mature, then you can handle more things in life smoothly. Is that true? Me.... ? I fully doubt that.

Intelligent quotient (IQ) is a tool to measure how intelligent you are. It's just a general measurement of how smart you are in the general population. According to the test, most people will fall under the 'average' category. Have you done any IQ test? You should. It's fun but when you got a high score, it's not necessarily says that you are smarter from those who have lower score.

Emotional quotient (EQ) is also a tool and it measures your emotional coping mechanism. It shows how good you handle your problems and stresses. The higher you score, you are a better person in handling your problems and stresses.

There is no doubt that IQ and EQ are closely related but it's not necessarily congruently progress. Supposedly, when you have higher IQ, you are smarter and you should be smarter in handling the stress. Hhmnn ...... I fully doubt that. Maybe it happen in theory but in real life ....... it's not necessarily work that way. Sometimes it even goes totally to the opposite way.

Let me just bring you through my recent experience in my work place. 

November and December are the busiest months of the year in my organization. Why ...? These are the time when most people trying to clear up their annual leave, lots of dateline to reach, budgets to sum, contract to renew and the whole long list of things to be done before the new year comes. One of my colleague, a foreigner, was due for his renewal of contract on that particular November. Unfortunately, the boss met him and told the bad news of the probability of not continuing the working contract and he must go home. Then, the EQ kicked in.

We understand that he was in a lot of stress but he is a professional with lot of experiences. He is a man with high academic background, middle age (suppose to have more life experiences), with family around him. So, we thought he should be handling the stress well. Some of the colleagues even helped him look for other places for any suitable position for him to prepare him for the worst. Instead of preparing himself for the worst, he changed for the worst. His attitude was totally changed. He started to scold  the students and ignore other people suggestion. He doesn't want to listen to anything. He started to collect enemies. Soon, other colleague just leave him on his own.

It is amazing how the level of EQ affect you. Doesn't matter how high is your IQ, it doesn't mean that they can cope with the stress very well. When it come to problems and stresses, anybody can have a breakdown .........even the smartest person in the world.

The most important thing is to know yourself. Whether you are a university graduate or just a secondary school leaver, we are just equal when it comes to handling our problems and stresses. Then, know yourself, identify the problem and evaluate yourself whether you need any extra support in handling your problem. There are lot of support out there for us to seek.

Do not let your super ego override you. High IQ does not guaranteed  a high EQ. Lower IQ does not mean you have lower EQ. Coping well with life = IQ + EQ.

Good feeling for others

I love to read the article by Bridget Menezes in the Sun newspaper. She has a small column there every Monday that really inspire me and makes me think and re-think about what's happening in our day life activities. It's amazing when you reflect on your life and compare it with now and then. It's amazing to just follow up on the path of how we grow physically, socially or even emotionally. I believe, she has touched and inspire lot of other people feelings. Well done.

Anyway, last Monday (9/1/2012), she wrote about how good feeling for others can foster closeness and give you happiness. Let us just pause for a while and think about it. Yes! It's true. If you are happy, and you feel good about other people and feel good for them, it will just make you even happier. Amazing right?. Simple .... but yet ...works!

Nowadays, most people ( at least some people around me at the moment) tend to see and  think negatively about other people. Especially when they don't really know you and even worse when they don't like you. Nothing seems to be right or good when it comes from you. They are always paranoid (bad thoughts) about you. These people will always blame other people for any bad things happened to them. For example, if they are suddenly fall sick, then it is cause by someone who is jealous of them and has put some charms on them. That why they got sick.( I thought it was the microorganism .... he.he). When they failed to do or get something, then it is also because of some other people. Looking on how they view life, their life must be very hectic and miserable because they must always find somebody to blame for what's happening to them. What a life!

There was one day that I accompanied my friend to meet her friend. Her friend also brought a friend  to accompanied him. After a while, his friend said to me ' You don't like me ...... do you?. I was like 'Haa..? with my mouth wide open. How can a person like or don't like a person when you don't even know the person. That is how easy to have bad feelings toward others.

Am I complaining now? Hhmn... maybe I'm also infected and affected by all this not good feeling or ........ maybe I'm just ventilating. It's good to ventilate once in a while.

It's actually true that we must have happiness in ourselves and maintain it by having good feelings toward others. Be positive in life. Believe in yourself. Have faith. We must always remember that we are just human. We make mistake. It's good if someone can identify our mistakes and tell us about it. So, we can correct and learn from it. We must learn how to accept healthy criticism. We must learn how to accept challenges without manifesting withdrawal or aggression. As Miss Menezes said in her article, we must not let our ego to be too attached to ourselves because it can easily hurt us and make us lack of confidence.

These are all what we were thought by our parents, teachers, religion and all others before us. We were thought to be good to others, to treat others well, to feel good for others. Somehow, along the way some of us lost it bit by bit. This shouldn't be happening.

Dear friends, let us continue feeling good for others and hopefully we will be bless with the everlasting happiness, Insyaallah.

Holding to your principles

Hello everybody! I think it's not that late to wish everybody Happy New Year.

Talking about new year, most people will never fail to ask you about your new year resolution. Hmnn.... a new year resolution. Is it a must to have a new year resolution? I think, it's up to the individual whether they should or shouldn't have one. However, I do have my own new year resolution and it actually started earlier on the first day of the Islamic calendar, the first Muharram. Today, I'm just emphasizing myself on my resolution.

So, what is my new year resolution? You really want to know? I guess, I must tell you on how I got it first.

The last two years, I was quite unhappy with my career. One of my ex-lecturer who also work in the same place now once told me that I was not performing. She said, I was not like myself. That was about a year ago and I was so upset about it. I was upset because I was already feeling unhappy with myself back then. Now, even after a year of the incidence, I'm still feeling upset with myself. I don't feel that I am me any more. The last few months, I can't think of anything that I can proud of ..... I mean from my career wise. Reflecting to what my ex-lecturer said, she was right ...... I'm just not being ME. I have to be me again.

BEING ME ....... MY OWN ME ...... Yes ! That's my new year resolution. I want to be me again. Being somebody who is very strong and firm but yet adorable (he..he.. just to feel nice about myself). Being a person who cares about lot of things, well like by many, many people. Being a person who doesn't have to hide the truth about life. Being a person who has lots of desire and enthusiasm. Just want to be my real self again.

Why? What happened? How did I changed to be NOT MYSELF.

It was actually very easy and happened without you even realized. Every each of us has our own rules in life and certain principles that you stand on. You have your own beliefs system but when we have to go against it to adapt yourself to the new environment, it will create a conflict in yourself. In the beginning, it doesn't interfere much with your life and you don't really feel the uncomfortness  or the unhappiness because you were just to busy trying to adapt yourself to your new environment. But, after a while, once you feel that you are adapted to the environment, you'll still feel something is just not right. You don't really feels that you fit into the new environment. You don't really feel happy with what you are doing.

This is what's  happening to me. It's truly my fault ...... I know. I let myself go against my principles. I'm doing something that I feel that is not right to do. I bend myself towards the wrong way. I put my beliefs behind me just because I want to adapt to my new environment. Basically, I'm just doing things for other people with how they want it without thinking or putting my side of input. I'm doing it even when I realized it is not the way it suppose to be done.

I realized now that I've made a mistake. I'm trying to correct myself and do the right things. There are lots of  your self qualities that you should maintain and keep in order to main your  real self. We shouldn't change ourselves for any people or because other people. If we need to change ...... then, change for yourself, because you want it and for the better future.

So, my friends ......... just be your good self. Believe in yourselves. Hold to your principles.

Happy New Year!

Taking risk in life ...... is it worth?

Life is about taking risk. Many people would agree but some others may not agree with the statement. Some people are just not a risk taker. They are people who sticks with the routines and comfortable with what they achieved and what they have.

Some may says that if you don't take risk, then you won't be successful. Is that true? There are people who are successful and they don't take risk or maybe just a minimal risk. They just do things according to the rules and make it as their routines. No risk but yet successful or maybe they are just lucky.

Some may say, if you don't take some risk, your life will be boring. How true is that? Honestly, I can't really comment on that. I know a person who is not a risk taker but he is totally happy with his life. He never said that he's bored with his life. So, we can really say that no risk taking means life will be boring.

Some will say, if you are willing to take more risk, then you'll achieve more and be more successful. I actually quite agree with this. Seeing Tan Sri Tony Fernandes, how he risk his music business to be successful with the Air Asia business. I really envy his bravery and his effort.

People take risk to achieve success in life but there are people who already achieved most of the things in their life but still taking risk just for pleasure. They risk their family, friends, relationship or even their job just for fun. Just to have some extra pleasure for a very short time.

Whatever the choice, whether taking risk or not, people have their own reason on making their choices. Personally, I believe, you'll never free from encountering some kind of risk when you are living the life. I do realised that I'm also risking some of the things I love in achieving what I want. Maybe not as much as Tan Sri Tony Fernandes but it's quite significant for me.

I'm not regretting for whatever I have risked. I'm just looking forward with my life. The only question that keep ringing in my mind is ......... is it worth?

Unlimited imagination

Yesterday, one my friend said that I am a very imaginative person. Alhamdulillah (Praise to Allah) that at this age ( after 40 ), I'm still an imaginative person.

Imagination is something that everybody has it and it seems to be more during the childhood time and it reduces when we get older and at some point, there are people who totally lost it. How can that happen? I don't know. I can't even understand how people can live without having imagination.

When we were children, we have a lot of imaginations. One day, we can just be happy and imagine that we are in the castle and being a spoil little princes and the other day, we can just imagine we are the police trying to catch the bad people. Hhmn ... how nice. Nothing seems to bother with our life but that is just a childhood imagination.

Then, we start using our imagination with some effort to make it true. We imagine, we dream and we work for it. We imagine things that applicable and being more rational with our imagination. The imagination force us to be more creative and committed in making what we imagine into reality. At this point, we start achieving most of the things that we imagine in our life.

We feel happy with our life and what we achieved. We continue the routines, we stabilised but for some of us, we stop imagining and stucked with the routines. Our brain get lazy and lazier each day. Not to say that we get lazy to do thing in our life but for some people, the get very lazy to think about new things. They claimed that they are very comfortable with what they have. Everyday life will just be as usual and nothing unusual can be found.

How does that sound? Interesting...? Of course not. Maybe, we don't realised it but this is what happening to some of us. Life is just the usual or actually it sounds so boring. Why? Because we are lacking of imagination and the source of our creativity.

Why? Why do we need to be imaginative and creative? Maybe, some of us will ask the question. To answer the question, we also need to ask ourselves on why do we need to stop our imagination when we not even dead yet? Yes! Yes, we need to have an imagination because we are still alive. Our life change in every second, in every breath we take .... that's why.

So, why do we have to stop imagining? Does that mean we want to stop dreaming and stop living. There's no borders for imagination. It's unlimited, just like the unlimited internet broadband but it's even better because after all, it's free.

Nothing to blame

The last few months I don't feel motivated at all. Sometimes, I don't even feel like doing anything at all and few times I feel like giving up whatever I'm doing. It is just not like me at all. I was not like this. I'm suppose to be a women full with desire. Full with all the positive aura, always looking forward and happy with what I'm doing. So, ...... what happened?

Then, the normal thing to do first is to reflect on what had happened. So, I keep reflecting, reflecting and reflecting but just couldn't find the source of the problem. I'm in a very serious problem now because this feeling has been dragging me down and down. Sometimes, I feel as if I'm so low. No desire to get myself to do something new or something extra. It's really bad.

I know ....... it's very important for us to know the source of the problem in order to solve it but what happen if you can't find the source. Is that mean you'll be forever in the problem .... without solutions? At least, I thought that was it until yesterday. Yesterday,..... yes. Yesterday, I read an article in the newspaper about how cooperation bind us but it was not the cooperation topic that catch my eyes but how the author write about how we always we refuse to cooperate and blame on others when thing goes wrong. Does that sound familiar?

Yes ..... of course. We always blame the uncooperative people in out team for not achieving the goals but why bother (as what the author says). Yes, why should we bother too much on the uncooperative people. If they are not so cooperative, so, we should increase our cooperation.

So, applying what the author said to my problem now. Doesn't matter whether I found the source of my problem or not, I have to turn my feelings 360 degree now. Don't blame on anybody or anything. I'm not happy with myself now ....... I'll find something that will make me happy. I don't agree with some people in the work place ........ I'll work more with the people I like or I agreed with. Just focus more on how to be positive and feels good about myself rather to find the thing that making me miserable ...... maybe ..... at the moment.

The thing is ....... focus on the improvement. There's nobody or nothing to blame.

Communications ...... keeping it the traditional way

Eid Mubarak or Selamat Hari Raya everybody!

I love Hari Raya. Of course it's different compare when we were children but having everybody together on the Hari Raya morning, asking for forgiveness from each other and having breakfast together at the same time on the same table. These are some of the things that you can't really find it on most of other days. It gives you such a very nice feeling.

It's already 5th of  Syawal and it's Saturday. Most people starts working today. It's Monday. My brother and my sister came back from their in laws hometown last Saturday.  Everybody gather at my parent house. Just imagine, with 6 brothers and sisters, 5 nieces and nephews, 3 in-laws and not to forget ...... my parent, the house should be very, very noisy with people talking, children screaming or with whatever activities, right. At least, that was what I imagine how it should be but instead, it was so quiet. Everybody seems to be very focus on what they were doing. And what were they doing .....? Communicating with the world.
 
Yes! Communicating .....! They were communicating with the world with the internet and the social network. They were communicating ....... but not talking. They chat online but not with the people besides them. They rather send text messages on the phone then talking on it. The rather smile to the screen then smiling to the people next to them.

Aargh!!! I just don't get it. It's a phenomenon. It's not just with my family but it's happening everywhere ... anywhere. Sometimes I feel like humans are getting crazier each day. Is it because of the technology or just because of the modernisation. Maybe, I'm just too old fashion and not able to keep myself with the modernisation and the changes.

Last month, before the fasting month started, I saw a couple at a coffee shop having their coffee together. It's kind of romantic .... to have coffee together before going to the office. But ....... this couple, each of them were browsing their netbook and not even talking to each other. So, why bother to have coffee together when you are not interested to chat with each other. Again ....... I just don't get it.

Last week, I read a news in the internet where a bridesmaid attended her best friend wedding via iPad. I'm speechless. I just can't give any comment on that. If I was the bride, I prefer my best friend to be next to me physically. So that I can hug her to share my happiness but different people has different perception. I can't argue with that. Maybe I'm just too old fashion.

Last few years, there was a case of a teleconference wedding. This couple stay apart of each other but they want to get married. So, the solemnisation was done via teleconference. Let us just think for a while here, if you can't be together why bother to get married in the first place.

I admit. I'm a very old fashion person when it comes to communications. I believe in the eye contact while talking. I believe in listening to the voice tone to feel the warmth, caring, happiness or even sadness. I believe in the voice therapy and it's really good for your soul. Sometimes, it's good to be quiet and just send some text instead of talking is still a good therapy.

There is nothing wrong with the use of the technology but we must also remember that some of the things is still better to do the the traditional way. Keep communicating but don't stop talking to each other. Show that you care. Pour it with your loving voice. Keep the traditional way.