FUNNY STORY

Funny Story challenge. I got the idea from my sister. And anyone that reads this, I challenge you to write a funny story for all to read. Help brighten a persons day.

OK here goes. My favorite story is titled: Drew and the Opossum.

Drew and I had been married for a couple of years and were living in our small two story rental condo in Kensington, Maryland. And if any of you have lived in the east, you know that when it rains, IT RAINS! One night Drew was bored and wanted to see a movie. We had been arguing (about something dumb I’m sure) so I didn’t want to go. And since he didn’t want to be cooped up in an apartment with an ornery wife he decided to go by himself.

It had been pouring rain for a couple of hours but had just started to let up. Drew grabbed his keys and headed for the door while I sat on the couch. As soon as he opened it, Drew let out a silly little girl squeak and slammed the door quickly. He stood there for a moment and didn’t move. Then he turned to me and said in a very frightened voice “There was a opossum on the porch.” I thought he was being an idiot but he just stood there and didn’t move. It was almost as though he wasn’t sure what to do next. He looked at me and said that what looked like a huge rat, dripping wet, was sitting on our porch and the moment he opened the door it turned towards him and hissed, showing its ugly teeth. All very creepy and such. I just said “whatever” and kept watching tv.

He stood there for a few more moments, then finally Drew came up with a plan. He disappeared for a couple of minutes upstairs, then came back down with a golf club in hand. He wouldn’t let this monster stop him from going to the movies. NO WAY! He opened the front door again, very slowly this time. He couldn’t see anything but wanted to be safe so he put the golf club through the crack in the door and wiggled it around for a bit. He realized the opossum was gone so he finally opened the door all the way. The little old lady across the hall had heard all the door slamming and opened her door to see what was going on. She stood there and watched Drew and his wiggling golf club. I’m sure she thought he was a lunatic. Drew finally noticed her and said “I saw a opossum on the porch.” She nervously looked at him and said in a very polite but totally freaked out voice “OK” and closed her door slowly.

Drew came back inside and said that the monster was gone and that he was going to the movies. I said OK and just started watching tv again. I watched tv for a good ten minutes after Drew had left the house. During a commercial break (You know, pre-TIVO days) I got up to get a snack. I wanted to see if it was still raining out side so I went to the dining room window, which was in the front of the house. I looked out the window and to my amazement, I noticed that Drew’s truck was still parked in the parking lot. I thought that was odd because I was SURE he wouldn’t walk to the movie theater and also noticed that my car was also parked in the parking lot. Where was he? I looked all around until I finally looked directly down below the window. There was Drew, about 12 feet below the dining room window, poking his golf club into the bushes ever so carefully. I almost didn’t see him because we had two tall trees that stretched three stories right in front of the dining room window. It was a dark night because the clouds were covering the moon, and the only noise outside was the sound of cars passing on the street in front of our place.

Being the mean wife that I am, I thought I would tease him a little. I was convinced he wouldn’t fall for it, but I wanted to do it anyway. I wanted him to think that the opossum was up in the trees above his head. So I very carefully slid the dining room window open, put my face up to the screen, and started yelling a crazy noise that sounded like a dog being eaten by something. I have no idea what a rabid opossum sounds like so I just made up the noise and yelled it loud. AS LOUD AS I COULD.

The moment the first squeal left my lips, Drew jumped two feet in the air, threw his hands high above his head and swung the golf club around his body in crazy wild circles, all while running as fast as he possibly could to his truck. He seriously looked like an escaped mental patient. His run wasn’t even a run. It was more of a crazy skip or something. He yanked the truck door open and jumped in faster than I have ever seen anyone move and slammed the door behind him. He looked up at the trees, thinking he would see the rabid opossum, but alas, all he could see was his mean wife in the window, laughing her head off. So he sat there for a moment. He wasn’t smiling. He rolled his window down six inches, turned his head sideways so just his face was protruding from the truck window and yelled “That wasn’t funny, Melissa.” But he was wrong. He was so wrong. I couldn’t stop laughing. He was so embarrassed that he started up his truck and drove to the movie theater. I laughed harder then I have ever laughed in my life and didn’t stop for at least a half hour. Big tough Drew sure looks funny when he’s scared.

Baby Cereal - Luke's Not a Fan

On March 5th Luke had his first taste of Rice Cereal. As you can see, he wasn't much of a fan. I thought it would get better, but here we are, one week later, and he still isn't interested. I guess we'll just keep trying. In the mean time, he's growing like a weed. At his Four Month appointment he weighed 18.5 Pounds. Holy Heavy!