Ring Out the Old, Ring In the New...

AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Yes, its that time of year again...

Time to pull out the old, review, and bring on the new...

You know what I'm talking about...

New Year's resolutions...

I, technically, have never been a big "New Years" person... I don't drink, and I don't really get into the celebrating thing that much and would rather be doing a gig... (so I am busy and I can run down off stage right after midnight and give my hubby a smooch, then go back up for another hour of singing...)

But, this year, I got canceled out of my gig, (apparently it doesn't look good to have ONE back-up singer on New Years...you need two and the money wasn't there for two...) so I am hanging with the family and doing the snacks, watch movies, dance around, and all hug and smooch at the specified time...

Well and good, but we all know that its that time of the year when we
re-evaluate ourselves and make new resolutions....which we will break after several months or maybe even several days.....

Soooo, here goes mine......

1. Apparently we are supposed to smooch more often, (I got this off the internet of the top resolutions that would be good for us for this year....hmmmm)
so I will put this at the top of my list, as I like doing that,.....AND hugging, alot!

2. I will start writing "thank you" notes this year... (this is a leftover from last year, where I didn't even do one......sigh....)....even if it is just written as an
e-mail...

3. I will lose 15 lbs. (last year it was only 10....go figure....)

4. I will exercise at LEAST four times a week and join a gym to do the weight machines... (this one isn't too bad, as I actually love to exercise....refer to earlier blog)...or maybe get my own machine---I would LOVE one of those!

5. I will try to start my theater this year....it looks like I finally have a building for it...if we can get our house sold, and get some grant money, and....( I really need a partner for this, so if you want a crack at it, and have a real good head for marketing, and financing, and grants, etc.----let me know----I can do all the creative stuff....and we can probably get you a place to live in the building, rent free...!)

6. I will read my scriptures everyday.... (I have done terribly on this one, and really NEED to get back on track...)

7. I will try to play with Aydan more often....er....really get down on the floor and PLAY stuff with him....er....maybe do some games with him.....er.....maybe just read with him..... (Poor Aydan....I am soooooo burned out with raising kids....)

8. I will only watch the tube two nights a week......(I'll just Tivo the other days and watch them all on those two days...I just can't get enough of BBC America, Project Runway, America's Top Model, and HGTV!)

9. I will be better at being on time......(yeah, right......)

10. I will appreciate my family and tell them more often that I love them, adore them, and will overlook the eccentricities that drive me crazy....
(at least for a week....)

There......

I feel much better now....

I know that I have a lot more that need to be dealt with, but I'm not going to push it....

I will try to do these until the end of January, at least.................er...........until January 15th...........er................at least for the first week of January.....

Tis the Season to Be....

Ok, so I wrote on my family blog this morning and expressed all the things that I LOVE about Christmas time... You may read them at www.cannonbaheclan.blogspot.com ....so you don't think that I am a total Grinch...

But, there are several things that annoy me about this time of year, also....

*The crowds of people....and here, in New England, they take advantage of your driving hospitality by pushing their cars into your lane, blocking the lane coming the other way and not allowing ANY traffic to go anywhere....(and the funny thing is---they had a "create peace" bumper sticker on their car...go figure....)

**I always eat too much food...especially sweets...that I usually don't indulge in...and then get angry at myself...

***Mailing packages is annoying... I try to do most of the shopping on line, but it seems so impersonal and I couldn't always find what I wanted...

****I get stressed by the whole "getting ready" for Christmas Eve, when we have some people over....believe me, I'm a Grinch then!

*****I really hate that there are always pine needles in my house for at least 4 months after Christmas....they seem to reproduce....

******I'm always either the choir director at church or in the choir or singing a solo in church, or the family is doing a number, so I am always stressed at the church Christmas program....it would kind of be nice to sit and not have anything to do....

*******No one gets enough sleep and kids are always whiny and cranky around this time of year...so much for the "oh, you better watch out"... theory.

********I don't get to see my G-babies at this time of year, and I MISS them so very much!

*********I really detest those "holiday" sweaters....and those pins and accessories.....where is "What Not to Wear" when you need them?

**********I do NOT like it when we have to say "Happy Holiday" to be PC to those who get offended if you keep the season Christ centered,......as that is the MAIN reason we have the holiday....and I have decided that I am NOT going to do this anymore...so this year I have always made a point to say: "Have a Merry Christmas!"

.....With all that off of my chest, I have to say that I hope the holidays are joyful for you and yours and that you don't encounter any of the nightmares that I just spoke of...

After all,.....didn't someone say that we don't recognize the good in things unless we have some of the bad?

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!

Forever Young

This week, I had a gig for a Christmas party at a local restaurant. I was doing backup vocals for a Rod Stewart impersonator. I always love to do these gigs, as it is relatively easy for me, (I don't have to sing lead on 3/4 of the songs for 3 or 4 hours) and I always like "rockin' out" on the music....and a plus...I get a good workout...dancing for three hours...

One of the songs that we do is "Forever Young"---(a great number, one that I like to do because I sing in unison on the chorus at first, then break out in three part harmony---I get to do the high notes----and I love the feel of it...) But, for some reason, this time the words of the song really hit me. So I started to ponder this, in lieu of what has been happening in my life lately, and what is it that keeps one "forever young"?

Now,.....I am what they call a "young at heart". Perhaps you have heard of this term before... It is usually applied to people that seem more ageless, having a youthful spirit. You can usually spot one of us.....because of our dress, speech, the way we walk, our music, the way we refuse to let our bodies dictate what we do, and also never listen to what other people feel is the way we should "behave" when we reach a certain age...

I know that there are others of us out there...

I still remember this old woman in the rest home that we used to visit in California with my son's class. She always wore makeup and had her hair done, and was always brightly and stylishly dressed... (hmmmm....kind of like me....) But, one week, as she was chatting animatedly, in a very young, vibrant voice...she stopped and looked a little lost....then looking at me full in the face, she said: "I don't understand how I got to be here. I feel so very young inside and I don't know why I am in an old folks home.......it all happened so fast..."

At that time, I was only in my late thirties and looked like I was in my mid twenties, so I laughed and thought that I would be young forever...

And so, I go through the world....in a little bubble.....happy with my existence....always looking and thinking that other people are getting old....how sad....but not me.... Then, every once in a while something happens to shake me up....and remove me from my fantasy land. Reality gets really close and I don't like it ONE BIT!!

Case in point...my body starts to not cooperate when my youthful brain tells it to...

So......the week of Thanksgiving, when I woke up with the worst sore throat of the century, and took two weeks to conquer it, then got a migraine the next week, then woke up in the middle of the night last week with intense bladder pain----(you know what I mean----the kind where you feel your bottom is falling out every time you pee) and after getting on antibiotics, proceeded to have the worst headaches that I have ever had for four days in a row. (resulting in going to the emergency room and getting a morphine type drug to finally get rid of it) Yup......I finally started to feel like I was getting old!

So, naturally I have been moving a bit slower this last month than my usual energetic self....and then another example of my mortality hits me in the face, when my 5 year old, Aydan, after watching me slowly shuffle around the apartment, all drugged up, trying to get his breakfast, remarks: "Hey Mom....what's wrong with you? .....You are walking like a grandma!"

AAARRGGGGHHH........................Out of the mouth of babes....

Ok,....so I can now do one of two things.... I can realize that my body is getting older, and I can slow down and take up crafts, and cross stitch or something....

Or....I can get back off my butt, start exercising again,......I've fallen out of the habit, as I hadn't been feeling good----(and as I'm a bit of an exercise fanatic....I don't feel good unless I feel sore)----keep wearing my funky clothes, ignore the new wrinkles that come every few months now, keep dancing and singing with the various bands that I'm in, and continue doing what I feel like....no matter what my body says...

Well, I guess its not brain surgery as to which one I will pick...I can't help it...I will be going strong until I drop dead someday... Much like my grandfather, who died with an brain anneurism after a night of dancing, before he was to haul hay that morning.....ahhhhh....what a way to go....

Until that next time....when I am walking past a bank on a street (you know the ones....they have huge windows and everyone can't help but look at their reflection when they are walking by)....and I glance at my reflection, take a sharp breath as I see an older version of my real self reflected, and then choose to ignore the vision, as I know how old I really am........inside....

Well...I better go...I've got to get my hair dyed...
What color? Light blonde, of course....it blends in better with the gray that I don't have.....

ALL I Want For Christmas Is...

Ok...ok, so I took this idea from my daughter, as she has her Christmas list on her blog, so she can be sure to get what she wants.....hmmmm.....it made me think about what it would be like, if I could have all MY Christmas wishes come true. Oh, yes....the world would be a better place for all to live, in my own warped sense of reasoning...

So, here is MY list of Christmas wishes:

1. No war anywhere and peace on earth. (I have to say this one, or I would seem inhumane...)

2. For me to wake up one morning, with 10 lbs. less of fat on my body. (Watch for details on this fetish to come soon...)

3. That teenagers these days would have more respect for their elders,....er....for someone that has more experience than them....er.....for anyone, period!

4. That people would stop thinking that wearing their favorite "sports" team wear is cool......IT'S NOT, OK? YOU LOOK REALLY SILLY! (this applies especially to women....GAG!)

5. I would love to have the fashions back in the 40's or 50's again, so women would dress up and wear hats, and matching purses, and gloves.....ahhhh....my fantasy!

6. That women that were getting older would stop saying that "This is the best time of my life...I look and feel better than EVER!".......I am here to tell you....they are ALL lying out of their teeth!!

7. That people that came to America would realize that we speak English here and not live here for 5 to 20 years, and still not speak English.... (I mean, what is this, when I go to the bank and they ask me what language that I want on the ATM...shouldn't we be speaking and reading English? If I was to live in another country, I would DEFINITELY learn their language....)

8. I would love to have just ONE night of real sleep....longer than 4 hours at a time... (I don't EVER sleep longer than 4 hour increments...even if I don't have to get up... My life is just a series of "naps")

9. That my children would all live close enough so I could see them EVERY week, and that they always talked good about me behind my back.... (yeah, right!)

10. Ok, Ok, so I have to be practical and throw in that I would LOVE to have a million dollars, or maybe two million, so I could start my own theatre, pay off the house, pay for all my kid's educations, and still have some to put into trust funds for when they reach 35,......and build that shelter for abused women and children that I always wanted to do if I had become rich and famous...

11. To be able to make a CD for my kids...one of all my favorite tunes....something that will last longer than I will....

12. A house to live in again...with a KITCHEN...and lots of space and closets!

13. Well, and then I would have to say that I would love to always be healthy and fun and young and witty and gorgeous and loving and supportive and spiritual and sexy and humble.......hmmmmmmm.....

14. Last, but not least, I guess that if the reader can't get me any of the above, I would like:
Some more perfume....Still (by J Lo) or Aqua di Gio (by Giorgio Armani)
A gift certificate to Target or H &M (my favorite store), or TJ Maxx
Anything for my house...I love to decorate! Can be gold, blue, red,
maroon, beige, or moss green.

I guess that's it....

Not earth shattering, but from the heart........

"It's Time For My Boob Squish of The Year"

(caution: this blog contains scary or disturbing images...)

(Sung to the tune of "Its the Most Wonderful Time of the Year")

"Yes, its time for my boob squish of the year,
I just make my appointment, and check once or twice to make sure the date's clear...
Yes, its time for my boob squish of the year---

The date then arrives and I go on the drive to the office of my OB.
I go in the door and sign in with the nurse---she seems glad to see me...
Oh, its time for my boob squish of the year.

I then go in the back, put my top on the rack and put on that weird robe---
Then its time for my boob squish of the year!

The nurse, she then calls me---she tells me to stand straight, put one boob on the steel plate...
She tells me to hold my breath, won't take a moment and I don't have long to wait.

'Cause it TIME for my boob squish of the year!

Then the steel plate's descending and I'm comprehending the pain thats to come...........

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

......Now,........I've had my boob squish for the year.
Then I'll go home and wait for the postcard they mail me to say my scan's clear!

Then, I'll be glad I had my boob squish---- glad my results were what I would wish...
Yes, to live in a day when we can............................have a boob squish!!!!!"

Dare to Do Right, Dare to Be True...

Alright now.......don't be thinking that this blog entry is about some scripture references or my spiritual experiences. Now don't get me wrong....I try just as hard as the next guy to do what is right, but I definitely can't preach on the matter.

No....this time I think that I will dwell on the second part of the title...

DARE TO BE TRUE!

I've been thinking lately (I know its a shock to my system, but I am between artistic work now, so I have time to think...) and I wonder how many of us do little bizarre things each day that we tell no one and everyone thinks is soooo taboo....or not taboo to some...

So,.....I have come up with a little quiz for you all to take...and I expect you to be true to yourselves and answer honestly....and thus....

DARE TO BE TRUE Quiz:

1. Before you put your clothes on for the day, how many of you actually check out your naked body in the mirror and scrutinize it? Do you tear yourself down or are you impressed by what you see?

2. How often do you REALLY exercise each week? Do you act like you do it everyday and then "flex" or "stretch" occasionally to prove your point to the listener, as you are bragging about how in shape you really are?

3. Do you really wash your feet everyday that you shower or take baths?

4. Do you sometimes check out the appearance and consistency of your own or your childrens excrement? (or do you do it ALWAYS?)

5. When no one is looking, or you are driving, do you take a quick pick at your nose...especially if there are some "crusties" that need removing...or you have a juicy one and don't have a kleenex handy?

6. Do you sometimes spit out your gum right by your car in a parking lot and then smile as you imagine the next person getting out of their car and stepping in it?

7. How often do you: a. Sing in the shower or with the radio and swear that you could be a star? b. Act out a scene from your favorite movie and know that you could be an "academy" award winner? c. After watching the Olympics----especially the skating (ok, maybe the guys can't relate...) do you do a few pirouettes, and know that you could have been a contender?

8. How often do you REALLY zone out when a friend or family member is telling you something and you realize that you haven't heard a word that they say and it would be tacky to tell them...so you smile and nod and make appreciative and empathetic sounds?

9. Do you ever eat something out of the fridge or freezer, that you know belongs to someone in the family or to your roommate and then deny that you know what happened to it? Or worse...not really care if they get miffed?

10. Have you ever looked at your phone when someone was calling you and seen that it was your husband, or wife, or your parents, or a best friend, or someone close to you, but not felt like talking to them and you didn't answer?

11. Do you ever sniff your clothes, evaluating whether they should be washed or not, or can you get just ONE more wearing out of them?

12. Are your pants or jeans ready to stand up by themselves, because you don't wash them enough? What about your socks? What about your SHEETS....ARE THEY CLEANED REGULARLY? (I'm washing mine today, so I feel superior...)

Ok, ok,....now to the evaluation...

If you answered "YES" (or "no" to question #3) to each of the questions and are disgusted by what you see in the mirror, I would say that you are pretty human and are TRUE to yourself. Thank you for breaking social and etiquette molds...just be careful to not cross over too much....i.e. watching every reality show on the tube and do it while drinking beer and stratching your private parts...

If you answered "YES" to half of the questions, you are probably just telling yourself that the questions are disgusting and you would NEVER do those things! So, go on ahead and keep lying to your self...

If you answered "No" to everything (and "yes" to question #3) and you are horrified with the morals and manners of people today...you are probably older than 60 and either secretly have always wanted to do everything mentioned, but have felt the restrictions of society, or you are truly a SPECIAL person and are the most boring, perfect person in the UNIVERSE!

There now...don't you feel better about yourself?

You may ask, as a reader, how I came up with the above questions for the quiz...and how would I answer them? Well......I have to plead the fifth.........

Blog Etiquette 101

I believe that I have expressed the fact that I am new to all this live journal, blog writing stuff, so it has taken me awhile to be "cool" with it all, and know the proper etiquette that is associated with blogging or having a live journal. Now......I have gone to the experts----my children, of course (refer to earlier blog) to help me navigate through the treacherous waters of blogging. Therefore, I felt the need to let you all know, the readers, of what I was able to ascertain as the correct things to do when reading someone's blog....

I. Finding out about a new blog site
A. Be excited
1. Something new to waste my time on
2. Maybe I will get a good laugh
3. Perhaps I will find someone really boring and I won't feel so bad
about my own boring existence
4. Or perhaps I will find that someone who thinks they are funny is
not really funny and that will make me feel like I am MUCH funnier

II. Click onto the blog site or type into the URL thingy at top of internet page
A. This should be a no brainer, as we are all computer savvy now
B. Hopefully you have DSL like I finally have and don't have to dial up first
1. For those dialing up----wait longer for connection

III. Examine said blog site
A. Read the short bio first and express interest, dismay, disgust, or
annoyance if they haven't given you very much to go on
B. Click on the line for more info. about the person or thing
1. Read said person's info. on favorite books, music, haircolor, nose size,
and various odds and ends of what they think is important for all
the world to view
2. Be disappointed because they have NOTHING there to read
C. Go back to blog home page
1. Read the latest blog entry first...or
2. Read the first blog entry first...or
3. Read all the blogs in order

IV. Think about said blog that you read
A. Engage the brain for several minutes, and consider what

the blogger has written
1. Does this offend me
2. Am I laughing hysterically
3. DON'T I FEEL LIKE TALKING BACK TO THE BLOG

V. MAKE A COMMENT
A. Put cursor on "comments" at the end of the said blog, and CLICK onto it
1. This will take you into a comment part of the site
2. Do NOT panic
B. Read any other comments...if this person is lucky enough to have any
C. Go to the BLANK comment box and put cursor there to prepare to
make a witty comment or just something to let the blogger know
that someone, anyone, has seen and appreciated his/her site and
the long hours that they have spent to prepare it...
D. WRITE SOMETHING!!!
1. Does NOT have to be witty---this is not a competition
2. Will make the blogger feel sooooooo very good about themselves
and will boost their morale which could result in sheer euphoria
for several hours, maybe even several days, if they are especially needy...

VI. Type in your name or blog name, copy the letters in the box,

(if they have that feature to keep out spam bloggers)

and hit the publish key
A. If you are insecure and a comment virgin, you might want to see
your draft comment first, so push that key, but don't forget to publish it
after you have made the various changes...
B. Read your blog comment at the bottom of the other comments, or
admire it as being the only comment if this person has no friends or
very many "commenting" friends

VII. Feel good about yourself...graduate with honors
A. You have now passed Blog Etiquette 101 and will achieve status

and recognition as being a supreme blogger
1. You can now spend more countless wasted time on reading and
commenting on various links connected to said blogs, or comment
back and forth (kind of like IM'ing on a blog site) to the blogger
that you perhaps see every day, but its more fun to have

conversations this way......

VIII. POST YOUR OWN BLOG SITE
A. Oh....come on....do you think that I'm going to waste my

time going into that?......
1. Figure it out yourself...

I'm My Own best Friend...and Other Deep Dark Secrets...

I feel the need to tell it all...
My deepest, darkest secrets that no one knows...
No one reads this anyway, so who can blackmail me?

First of all...I have come to the realization that I am my own best friend...

Case in point... I have very deep conversations with myself........I always agree with myself and feel very good about myself after said conversations and I ALWAYS think that I am the funniest person in the room.(of course, I'm by myself...) I also really enjoy hanging out with myself... I like shopping by myself, eating lunch at home by myself, (especially when I fix whatever salad that I am addicted to, and sit down in front of the TV to catch up on my latest TIVO recordings) cleaning the house and then enjoying it with no one there, and I like staying up late at night (by myself) and catching up on more TIVO recordings, or doing projects or reading...

Then....here comes my deepest, darkest secret.........................................................
I love to go to movies by myself! You know...during the day...when everyone is in school or work or having a life...
I am deeply addicted (refer to earlier blog) to movies anyway (I believe this is because of being an actress for so many years---at least I tell myself that...) and if I go a week without seeing a movie, I go into a panic, and need to FIND a way to get to one! Of course, it's not the same to get one from NETFLIX, my other cheap thrill... (who doesn't love to get things in the mail?) No.........I have to put on a pair of cheap sunglasses ( I can't afford expensive ones, as I need my money for movies) and slink into the closest theatre that I can find, (so I can still make it back for whatever I have to get back for) get my popcorn and drink, and enjoy an hour and a half of pure escapism!

Now......I try to think back on how I started this whole "being my own best friend" thing. (I know when I started the solitary movie going...it was on Valentine's Day the year that I was going through my divorce---I went to my first movie alone and tried to tell myself that I didn't care that it was Valentine's Day and I was alone---I was prepared to spend the REST of my life without a man by my side...I must have been VERY dramatic that day....)

But being dramatic is another story.....
I think that I started realizing that I had only me for a friend when I entered fifth grade. That's when I began getting really unattractive...

I got glasses that year...you know, those "cat eye" ones that make everyone look creepy,......unless you are "uber chic" and doing the punk thing...... I noticed that kids looked at me differently and I had to work harder to get friends. Then, when we moved to Texas,.....I was at the prime of my ugliness....you know,..... glasses, hair cut by Mom---uneven in the front, big rabbit teeth, flat-chested, (my mother refused to buy me a bra----said that I didn't have anything to put in it) skinny chicken legs, (very hairy, by the way---as I wasn't allowed to shave) and long dresses to the knee. (this was during the mini skirt age, so this is doubly worse!)

I started going to school, and at gym, immediately made a beeline for the most popular girls....(you know the ones.....they had all been wearing bras since 5th grade...) I knew that I was fun and witty and a "laugh a minute" type of person, so I didn't worry about getting rejected... So, wasn't I surprised when these girls looked at me and all turned and walked away, leaving me standing alone on the blacktop... (it was outside---we were playing basketball---I still remember what it looks like...)

That was the first day that I went home and cried my eyes out... There were many such days over the next few years...... I still remember standing in front of the mirror after a good cry...telling myself that I had lots of things that I was good at and that it didn't matter what these popular kids said, I WAS cool and beautiful, inside.....

So...............that's how I became my own best friend........

...And how did it all turn out? I eventually became the "class clown" to get people to like me, and after the summer of my freshman year, I returned to high school a changed (physically) girl-----shaven, curled, made up, "bigger on top", stylish, (I sewed my own clothes, and started many a fashion trend...) and assured that no matter what ANYONE thought of me,.........I was different, but I had MYSELF and that was always going to be enough..........(and when I was a senior, I kicked butt over those same girls----as I was Homecoming AND Prom Queen, and they weren't even in the running....) :)

So, now you know several of my deepest secrets....

What? Did you think that I would reveal ALL of them........yeah, right.....

And God Created 'White Noise'...And It Was Good...

I know that there is some famous author out there that says: "Life is just a series of changes, and we all change ourselves to deal with it..." If there isn't, then there should be....

But what I (or this unnameless author) am really trying to say was that life does change...but what we really change....is not ourselves to deal with it, but our addictions...

Now, I have many addictions----bubblegum chewing, (one right after another---it drives my husband crazy!) reading, (although I haven't had time to do this, since my 5 year old started his new schedule with kindergarten) putting on my makeup everyday, exercising, (I recommend "Gilad" on FITTV---I've been exercising with him for 20 years) movies at least once a week, going out to dinner, taking bubble baths, (although I haven't had this one lately, as I don't have my cool clawfoot tub) Cool Whip on everything, and last but not least-----"white noise"...

I don't know who invented "white noise". I can just imagine a little man---very tired and over worked, but an inventor, leaving the T.V. on at night one night as he was doing a project... He wakes up, realizing that he had the best sleep of his life, (this was before cable that went all night and the screen was making that hissing noise...) and notices that the sound from the T.V. screen has masked the night noises out----the cat scratching, the howl of the sirens outside, his daughter crying out from a bad dream----well, you get my drift...

And thus, "white noise" was born...

I don't know how I dealt with life before "white noise", but I refer to my life before it as the "insomniac years". It literally.....saved my life.

Now, to the present... I went to a gig in South Carolina this week to do backups for Billy Joel and Elton John. Before you get excited, it is the IMPERSONATORS of Billy Joel and Elton John... Anyway, we were in a rush to get out of the hotel (the Westin Hilton Head---I highly recommend it...) at 6:00 in the morning yesterday, to catch the plane home. So during the rush, even though I checked the room several times, (doesn't everyone do that looking under the bed thing before they leave a hotel?)----I left my "white noise" machine.

I felt so good that I had gotten up at 5:15 and even got my makeup on, (another addiction) even though I had only been to sleep at 12:30 the night before and had only 3 1/2 hours of sleep the night before that... So, when we all got into the shuttle for the hour drive to the airport,...I breathed a sigh of relief...

Until.............all of the sudden, it hit me...

(In my brain) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I LEFT MY "WHITE NOISE" MACHINE!...............................NOT AGAIN!! (I have gone through about 4 white noise machines---left at various hotels and houses across the country...my husband keeps replacing them, dutifully, and had just given me a new one for my birthday...to the tune of $100.00, mind you...)

I felt that deep sickness in the pit of my stomach...much like the same feeling that I had gotten when I realized that I had forgotten my bubble gum on this trip.......only worse...... What would I do now? How could life go on? How will I sleep tonight? Can I make my radio get the right sound?

I had become the worst thing imaginable...a "white noise" junkie...

So, I called the front desk of the hotel. (I had never thought of this before---don't know why---thank goodness that my extra intelligent daughter---refer to the first blog----and her boyfriend, my manager, were there, to remind me that I could do this...) The hotel assured me that they could send my machine in the mail and that they could charge the card that I had for incidentals for the $5.00 shipping charge.

I should have breathed a sigh of relief, shouldn't I? But I still had to figure out what to do until my next "fix", when my machine arrived in the mail. I had a sense of panic...... Could it take more than one week to arrive? What if it was lost in the mail? Can I get my radio to make the same sound in the meantime? What if there's a hurricane down THERE and they can't get it sent out? (Ok, I know that this one is very selfish and heartless---sorry...)

So...I had a rather shaky night last night----after taking valerian, (a natural sleeping herb---mind you!) playing around to get the right hissing sound, (AM doesn't have it, by the way---it has to be FM)----then finally sleeping pretty good despite the occasional static "CRACKLE".

...............I just hope that my machine comes soon in the mail................

And NO ONE better talk to me about that "white noise" dead people thing...
It's not true...not a word of it...and it's not true that this addiction leads to a bigger problem......cravings for airplane noise, so that I would have to travel constantly...

Hey, wait a minute...that sounds pretty good...

"The picture is so big..."

I have always taken pride in the fact that I have bright children. I started working with them when they were at a young age---- to teach them to sound out letters and read, to listen to and match notes while singing, and to be curious and want to discover and question the world around them. As they grew older, we always had lively discussions at the dinner table about authors, books, movies, history, spiritual aspects in life, and different types of music. I taught them to be different and find their own personal style, and forget about what everyone else was doing. I felt that I had achieved the impossible---children who were knowledgeable, intelligent, curious, unique, and above all, respectful to the fact that I had taught them everything they knew...

I don't know quite when things begin to backfire...

I believe it was one time when my two oldest were in their teens. I walked into the room where they were laughing about something.
"What is it", I inquired, ready to be involved in the joke.
"Nothing...", they replied and looked at each other, smiling.

That was the beginning...

It begin to take a life of its own, this joking about Mom behind her back, and then, horror of horrors, right in front of her.
It got so that I got a complex whenever any of my children were together in a room, whispering or laughing----was it about me, I thought----how can they possibly do this to me---I brought them into this world----a total of 70 hours of labor!

Well,...as they begin to leave the nest, and moved farther away and I wasn't able to see them as much anymore, I begin to be more tolerant, and not so angry about it anymore. They say that time, and, maybe distance, heals all wounds...

So, as I was talking to my oldest daughter, Hailey---we talk on the phone at least two or three times a week, now that she lives across the country--- I was going on and on about this or that, things that annoy me constantly in my everyday life---thinking that these things were just as important to her as they were to me---when she says to me,

"Heh, Heh", (as if she is humoring me and really listening to me...)

"Mom, you should get a blog."

"A what?"

"A blog...that way you can write all these things out that frustrate you or happen to you----or just to get things off your chest..."

".................."(hmmm, I'm thinking----is this so I won't be annoying you with my weekly monologue?)

"I don't think that I can set it up by myself...", I reply. (I do admit that my children are more knowledgeable on the computer than me)

"No, YOU can do it-----its EASY."

Ok, so I got the hint and have proceeded to set this thing up.

I felt pretty good about doing it myself. I'm looking forward to venting to whomever wants to listen...or rather...read about it...

So, after getting it set up---mostly by trial and lots of error, I invite my second daughter, Brinna, visiting from Rhode Island, to peruse and praise what her superior mother has done...

Her first reply, with a laugh...

"But Mom, the picture is SOOOOO big!"

I rest my case.