And Another Thing...

Did I make it clear, in a previous post, that I think that National Geographic will be the official magazine of the Post-Apocalyptic Epoch?

I tried to do a Google search (Google keywords: Recycled National Geographics, Furniture) for a number of pieces of furniture that I've seen made out of National Geographics, and I was unable to locate the items. I did, however locate a site that lists charitable organizations in the Portland, Oregon area. Check out the first organization on the list, the Assistance League Thrift Shop, and make note of what they will not accept! Yup, National Geographics. How'd you guess?!

Today, as I was lazing on a couch in our house, Luna hopped up next to me and flopped her head on my lap, as though she were a sun-worshipping seal. She was wearing a pink bandana around her neck, which Jen had wrapped earlier in the day, and she was as cute as a button. "Luna would be a pin-up girl if she were human," Jen said. "She'd be a suicide girl," I said. It was then that Jen had a fantastic idea. You read it here first. "We should make a "Suicide Dog" website. The idea is modeled after the Suicide Girls Website, which features "Pin-Up Punk Rock and Goth Girls." The notion behind SD: pinup Rotties, Pit Bulls, Dobies, etc., cutsified with their various cute trappings. Well, it's a thought, anyhow.

Of no particular interest--

I came up with this the other day: "I'm a big fan of Yogi Berra. A lot of people tell me that I'm just like him. In fact, I'd say the only difference between me and Yogi Berra is that he's Yogi Berra and I'm me."

Guess you had to be there.

A quote by my boss, Peter: "It's hard to cover all of your bases when you're playing the outfield." I like it with the ending "...when you're playing Left field." That's just me.

I might as well end on a real quote from Yogi--

"The Future ain't what it used to be."

Mysterious, indeed!

Saw an article entitled "Pluto Still A Mystery 75 Years Later". Was hoping for some insight into why Goofy talks, walks and does those Goofy Olympics, and Pluto just provides Mickey Mouse with ceaseless headaches.

Wouldn't you know it, the article was about something far less important. One of these days, maybe.

I do like the fact that the Director of the Hayden Planetarium, Neil deGrasse Tyson, still has "folders of hate mail from third graders." Well, I guess he can't be too scared, can he? I mean, third graders. They can't vote, and they're just barely able to wipe their own asses. I hope that, for Mr. Tyson's sake, none of the third graders carry too much of a grudge.

Schwag!

Recently, a bunch of National Geographics ended up at the shop. I think that Harry, one of my co-workers, brought them to the shop for another co-worker, who has since left. The Nat'l Geos were just sort of a leftover legacy. If you've ever had a sub to Nat'l Geographic, or if you've ever known anyone with a sub to Nat'l Geographic, or if you've ever just been to a garage sale or a liabrary or a doctor's office, or a hair salon or a...well, you get the picture. If you look up the word "ubiquitous" in the dictionary, I think that there's a picture of a National Geographic. They're everywhere, and, along with cockroaches, they'll be around long after the bombs have fallen and the greenhouse gasses have suffocated us all.

Don't get me wrong here. I'm not baggin' on the NG. I love NG. I have since I was a kid. NG was my first subscription, and it spoiled me for all other subsequent "Kid" magazines that I'd ever have subs to. Ranger Rick seemed underwhelming. The pictures weren't as interesting as the ones in NG. Boys' Life--big deal. National Geographic fired my imagination and showed me that there were other times and places, that we of the here and now were not necessarily unique in our here-ness and our now-ness.

Over time, I've recognized certain NG themes that pique my interest. They are, in no particular order:

1. Dinosaurs
2. Underwater Exploration
3. Shipwrecks (Bonus points if the wreck includes schwag, Spanish, Pirate or otherwise)
4. Archaeology (Bonus pts. for pre-colombian American civilizations and Bog Mummies)
5. Anything with Gold
6. Anything with some undercurrent of illegality (articles on Popaver Somniferum, the Coca plant and Human smuggling come to mind)
7. Anything with Paleontologists
8. Any article on an ancient civilization that includes those artist renderings of the people of that civilization in action
9. Anything that alludes to Ernest Shackleton
10. Anything that includes images from deep space.
11. Any map supplement. Bonus pts if the supplement references the ancient world.

So, having said that, here are some of the issues that I can recall very well:

An article about the discovery of the USS Monitor, sunk off of Cape Hatteras--Included a composite picture of the Monitor
An article about a CSA Submarine which sank with its crewmen aboard.
An article about the Whydah, Sam Bellamy's Pirate ship, wrecked in the early 18th Century, off of Cape Cod.
Multiple articles about the Maya, most memorable are articles on Rio Azul and Tikal, and a big one on the Maya, in I think, 1978.
An issue with an article about Gold...had a golden lion on the cover...maybe 1973-76.
An issue with an article about St. Augustine, for whatever reason...1968 (Found it in my Grandparents' collection)
An issue with a feature on Opium Poppies
An issue with the ghost fleet of the Truk Lagoon
An issue with a feature on Coca
An issue with a Scandanavian Bog Man
An issue about the restoration of the USS Constitution (memorable for the fact that restorers found old coins under the main spar of the ship. The coins were placed by the builders so that dead crewmen would have coins for the fare across the Acheron river, which they needed to cross to get into Hades. Apparently, the practice of placing coins under the main sail is one that dates to the time of the Greeks. Fascinating).

Oh, hell the list goes on and on. I have obsessions these days that have been birthed by my time spent with the Nat'l Geos.

Nepotism Rules

I was just thinking about nepotism today. Not because I have a job because of nepotism, but because you never hear about pet nepotism. You never hear about DEA agents or Customs officers doing stuff like trying to get their pet whippet hooked up with a dope- or bomb-sniffing job assignment. You'd never imagine an agent going into his boss and saying, "Um, sir, I know that there are some qualified Belgian Malinois' in the running for the position of Homeland Security Bomb Sniffer, but my little Doxy 'Dutchess,' really would like to fill the spot." A short bribe later, and what do you know...voila! Dutchess the Doxy is barking up a storm in the international arrivals terminal, biting kids and shitting on the luggage-go-round.

Well, it's not a paid position, but it's a funny thought.

I mentioned this to my co-worker Gail today, and she just sort of gave me a strange look. "I guess you had to be there," I said. What I should've said was "Good Times!"

"Where exactly is 'there'?" Gail asked me.

"Well, 'there' is actually 'here,' right now. But, it seems that you're 'here' and you still don't think it's that funny."

"Nope."

Guess you had to be there.