What do you think of "Big Mable" for pulling behind the boat and using as an island? We haven't bought it yet, but it looks way fun. The only problems are it is ORANGE which isn't so great with red and it is BIG. Any opinions?
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
The boat - sort of
Well, the boat is at Bear Lake and I'm not, but here is a picture of the model. Ours is red. It's a Sea Ray 185 Sport Boat. We have no wake boards, yet! We need to have the would be wake boarders be sized so we get the right size.
What do you think of "Big Mable" for pulling behind the boat and using as an island? We haven't bought it yet, but it looks way fun. The only problems are it is ORANGE which isn't so great with red and it is BIG. Any opinions?
What do you think of "Big Mable" for pulling behind the boat and using as an island? We haven't bought it yet, but it looks way fun. The only problems are it is ORANGE which isn't so great with red and it is BIG. Any opinions?
Master Bathroom
Here we did new tile, countertop, redid the shower, moved the tub - so now we have a nice reading area. Moving the tub was really inspired by Halle as when she was sleeping near her folks I thought, "Wow, if the tub didn't take so much room, there would be more room for a porta crib."
Lori H, I think we need a cool picture (perhaps in three pieces) to go behind the tub! Any ideas?
Guest Bathroom
As you can see it isn't all done yet, but its getting there. Here we did new lights, added a shower, tile, countertop, hardware.
Basement Bathroom
I am horrible a being able to position text and pictures in a post, so sorry. Here are pictures of the remodel of the basement bathroom: new lights, toilet, countertop, faucets/hardware, drawer pulls, tile and shower curtain.Sunday, May 23, 2010
Steve's most expensive birthday gift, ever...
Our new Sea Ray came in this week - and as we picked it up on Steve's birthday, I think it counts as his birthday present. We took it up to the condo as there's no place to keep it at our house. It was too cold to launch it, but we did get the thrill of backing it into the garage. :-)
We stopped by Trisha's on the way home and Zach and a little friend got to crawl in under the covers and "drive it". The horn is quite obnoxious, but Zach thought it was great.
We stopped by Trisha's on the way home and Zach and a little friend got to crawl in under the covers and "drive it". The horn is quite obnoxious, but Zach thought it was great.
The rest of the story...
We had our "distributed ward dinner" last night. It was so fun! We laughed, told stories, played games. It was great. Friendships were formed. Recipes promised. Everyone I talked to said their groups were successful as well. Most groups had one couple that didn't end up coming. Some canceled the "day of" - but those cases were pretty much because of illness.
I got an added bonus in getting a ton of stuff done around the house in preparation for our hosting a group. We paid to have our exterior windows washed, and I did all the inside screens, blinds, and panes. It is amazing how good that feels. We put up new shelves in the garage, and used the extra space to de-junk the area under the stairs. We rearranged the study and hauled off the old vanity. Steve even moved the computer desk - a task he has been refusing to do for years as "it is too much work!" We FINALLY got Baer Welding to come to fix our railing. It isn't back yet, but we've waited a YEAR to get this far. It was a most productive week!
Steve took around cinnamon rolls as a thank you to the host families (I make a lot of cinnamon rolls, you can tell. More on that later.) Steve said that, to a person, they all said how much fun it was and that they would gladly host another dinner. Some said, "Now, we're going to do this again, right?"
I think we need to confirm the host families early and plan for a 20% drop out rate - but other than those adjustments, I think it was a success.
I've found a new Sunday tradition (at least while we're on the 9 am schedule). We have Grandma over for dinner almost every Sunday. She likes a traditional Sunday dinner with all of the trimmings. I figure, at 93 there are few things she can enjoy. The least I can do is cook a nice meal for her. It is tough to do rolls for three or four people. I've started making Kim's "Orange Roll" recipe from the cookbook (page 211 in Volume 1). I make a third of the batch as regular parkerhouse rolls (baking them in a glass pan to brown them well and to keep them warm during dinner). If I get them rolled out too early, I just stick them in the fridge with a cloth over them to rise, and take them out a half hour before dinner. The rest of the batch I make into cinnamon rolls. I can usually make about a dozen dinner rolls and two dozen cinnamon rolls. (To give out cinnamon rolls to all the hosts, I doubled the batch - but my Bosch can handle a double batch.) The cinnamon rolls are great give aways, but they freeze well too. We just thaw/warm them in the microwave.
I got an added bonus in getting a ton of stuff done around the house in preparation for our hosting a group. We paid to have our exterior windows washed, and I did all the inside screens, blinds, and panes. It is amazing how good that feels. We put up new shelves in the garage, and used the extra space to de-junk the area under the stairs. We rearranged the study and hauled off the old vanity. Steve even moved the computer desk - a task he has been refusing to do for years as "it is too much work!" We FINALLY got Baer Welding to come to fix our railing. It isn't back yet, but we've waited a YEAR to get this far. It was a most productive week!
Steve took around cinnamon rolls as a thank you to the host families (I make a lot of cinnamon rolls, you can tell. More on that later.) Steve said that, to a person, they all said how much fun it was and that they would gladly host another dinner. Some said, "Now, we're going to do this again, right?"
I think we need to confirm the host families early and plan for a 20% drop out rate - but other than those adjustments, I think it was a success.
I've found a new Sunday tradition (at least while we're on the 9 am schedule). We have Grandma over for dinner almost every Sunday. She likes a traditional Sunday dinner with all of the trimmings. I figure, at 93 there are few things she can enjoy. The least I can do is cook a nice meal for her. It is tough to do rolls for three or four people. I've started making Kim's "Orange Roll" recipe from the cookbook (page 211 in Volume 1). I make a third of the batch as regular parkerhouse rolls (baking them in a glass pan to brown them well and to keep them warm during dinner). If I get them rolled out too early, I just stick them in the fridge with a cloth over them to rise, and take them out a half hour before dinner. The rest of the batch I make into cinnamon rolls. I can usually make about a dozen dinner rolls and two dozen cinnamon rolls. (To give out cinnamon rolls to all the hosts, I doubled the batch - but my Bosch can handle a double batch.) The cinnamon rolls are great give aways, but they freeze well too. We just thaw/warm them in the microwave.
Correction, the REAL nicest thank you note, EVER
I have a contender for nicest thank you note. However, it really doesn't even belong to me.
I have always loved the quote from President Spencer W. Kimball: “God does notice us, and He watches over us. But it is usually through another person that He meets our needs”
Three weeks ago (after I “hijacked’ the welfare meeting), the only welfare topic we discussed as we exited the room was "Jones's". They are the sweetest family with lots of kids. One is waiting for a mission call. They have struggled with jobs since moving into our ward a few years ago. Because of some undiagnosed medical problems interfering with his ability to work, the father has lost his job.
Those of us exiting the welfare meeting discussed providing food from the food pantry. The thought occurred to me that what they really needed was money. With medical problems, nothing quite fills the need like cash. I felt I needed to write them out a check. I remember thinking, “This is not a good month for us. We have the boat to pay for and are remodeling three bathrooms (and we keep adding additional projects to the mix).” But that reluctant thought was immediately replaced by, “You’ll never even miss the money. You have so much cash going through your checking account this month, you'll never miss it. You are going to be down to pennies anyway. What’s another expense? And who said service is supposed to be convenient?”
That night, I took them some cinnamon rolls and a card with a check it in. This week the sweetest thank you card came. It begins with "Thank you so much for the cinnamon rolls you brought over. We enjoyed them very much. Also, thank you for the check that you included with the treats. I still don't know how to even react about that. I really don't even know what to say. I have never been given help like this before." Pretty sweet. I wish I can claim the idea as my own.
“God does notice us, and He watches over us. But it is usually through another person that He meets our needs”
I have always loved the quote from President Spencer W. Kimball: “God does notice us, and He watches over us. But it is usually through another person that He meets our needs”
Three weeks ago (after I “hijacked’ the welfare meeting), the only welfare topic we discussed as we exited the room was "Jones's". They are the sweetest family with lots of kids. One is waiting for a mission call. They have struggled with jobs since moving into our ward a few years ago. Because of some undiagnosed medical problems interfering with his ability to work, the father has lost his job.
Those of us exiting the welfare meeting discussed providing food from the food pantry. The thought occurred to me that what they really needed was money. With medical problems, nothing quite fills the need like cash. I felt I needed to write them out a check. I remember thinking, “This is not a good month for us. We have the boat to pay for and are remodeling three bathrooms (and we keep adding additional projects to the mix).” But that reluctant thought was immediately replaced by, “You’ll never even miss the money. You have so much cash going through your checking account this month, you'll never miss it. You are going to be down to pennies anyway. What’s another expense? And who said service is supposed to be convenient?”
That night, I took them some cinnamon rolls and a card with a check it in. This week the sweetest thank you card came. It begins with "Thank you so much for the cinnamon rolls you brought over. We enjoyed them very much. Also, thank you for the check that you included with the treats. I still don't know how to even react about that. I really don't even know what to say. I have never been given help like this before." Pretty sweet. I wish I can claim the idea as my own.
“God does notice us, and He watches over us. But it is usually through another person that He meets our needs”
Saturday, May 15, 2010
It seemed like a good idea at the time
At the SIGSCE conference I went to, they have a special session for "bloopers" - things that seemed like a good idea initially, but turned out disastrously in the classroom. As I read one account, it was so similar to an experiment I did a year ago, I found myself laughing out loud. Funny how time + disaster equals humor.
Steve is head of the activity committee (and I am the RS representative on that committee). He was charged with putting together a "distributed dinner" for a ward of 140 families - pot luck dinners of small groups of four couples, hosted in different homes. It "seemed like such a good idea at the time". People would get to know each other in smaller groups. There would be no large dinner, program, cleanup, setup, table decorations. However, it has been an incredible amount of phoning. The sign-ups went around early, so some people have been pretty antsy about if they will be hosts, who will be coming, how many will be coming (and will they fit on their dining room table), and on and on. There have been delays. The bishop wanted to involve some less active families that HE was going to call, but he's traveling abroad and we don't know what he learned. We had to call everyone who didn't sign up to see if they wanted to participate. We needed to form them all into groups (while still waiting to hear if others would participate). Then we had to phone all the "hosts" to see if hosting still worked for them and inform them who is in their group. In almost half of the cases, hosting didn't work any more. I think it could be a "Family Feud" category - "Name a reason you would cancel out on hosting a potluck dinner after you volunteered earlier in the month." I think it says a lot about our culture in Utah - lots of weddings, watching a child/grandchild in a sporting event trumps any other commitment, working, poor health, the spouse signed up but wife doesn't really enjoy entertaining. I think people don't entertain in their homes much anymore. I'm surprised at the stress even the thoughts of entertaining causes.
Sadly, I think people have missed the vision of the event. They are thinking about whether THEY would enjoy socializing with "assigned friends" rather than the good that will come from getting closer to people that they don't know well and reaching out to those that don't attend our congregation regularly (if at all). I sure hope the topic never comes up in a welfare meeting (as a missionary or activation event). I can see another UNWANTED "hijacking" in the making. It begins with "In Utah, we are so involved with family and sports and family sports, that all social events involve one of those foci. Those who don't have children in the home or lots of posterity close have no one to hang with. In the mission field, the ward was the family. There was great strength in those bonds." How does one communicate that while family is great and attending every single baseball game of all of your thirteen grandchildren is awesome support, missing occasionally is acceptable so that you can be involved in activation efforts, in-service meeting attendance, or supporting enrichment meetings? I think it would communicate a good message: "I would really rather be at your baseball/basketball/soccer/swim/wrestling competition, but life is about fulfilling commitments and doing things for others."
Anyway, I digress. We've been juggling groups and making more phone calls to get more hosts. Thank goodness for Excel. I was opting out of being a host, but now that I'm needed, I will be a host too. So... I still have to cook, clean my house, find table decorations, and make food assignments for those coming to my house.
After NUMEROUS calls and making several "I owe you" promises, we finally have all the hosts assigned. Now, we've begun "round 2" in which the hosts are calling back to say someone in their group can't come and do we have someone else for them to invite.
The funny thing is, "It seemed like SUCH a good idea at the time" that they want to do this every few months. I guess we'll get better at this.
Ahhh... "Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from bad decisions." Let's just hope this really is a good decision.
Steve is head of the activity committee (and I am the RS representative on that committee). He was charged with putting together a "distributed dinner" for a ward of 140 families - pot luck dinners of small groups of four couples, hosted in different homes. It "seemed like such a good idea at the time". People would get to know each other in smaller groups. There would be no large dinner, program, cleanup, setup, table decorations. However, it has been an incredible amount of phoning. The sign-ups went around early, so some people have been pretty antsy about if they will be hosts, who will be coming, how many will be coming (and will they fit on their dining room table), and on and on. There have been delays. The bishop wanted to involve some less active families that HE was going to call, but he's traveling abroad and we don't know what he learned. We had to call everyone who didn't sign up to see if they wanted to participate. We needed to form them all into groups (while still waiting to hear if others would participate). Then we had to phone all the "hosts" to see if hosting still worked for them and inform them who is in their group. In almost half of the cases, hosting didn't work any more. I think it could be a "Family Feud" category - "Name a reason you would cancel out on hosting a potluck dinner after you volunteered earlier in the month." I think it says a lot about our culture in Utah - lots of weddings, watching a child/grandchild in a sporting event trumps any other commitment, working, poor health, the spouse signed up but wife doesn't really enjoy entertaining. I think people don't entertain in their homes much anymore. I'm surprised at the stress even the thoughts of entertaining causes.
Sadly, I think people have missed the vision of the event. They are thinking about whether THEY would enjoy socializing with "assigned friends" rather than the good that will come from getting closer to people that they don't know well and reaching out to those that don't attend our congregation regularly (if at all). I sure hope the topic never comes up in a welfare meeting (as a missionary or activation event). I can see another UNWANTED "hijacking" in the making. It begins with "In Utah, we are so involved with family and sports and family sports, that all social events involve one of those foci. Those who don't have children in the home or lots of posterity close have no one to hang with. In the mission field, the ward was the family. There was great strength in those bonds." How does one communicate that while family is great and attending every single baseball game of all of your thirteen grandchildren is awesome support, missing occasionally is acceptable so that you can be involved in activation efforts, in-service meeting attendance, or supporting enrichment meetings? I think it would communicate a good message: "I would really rather be at your baseball/basketball/soccer/swim/wrestling competition, but life is about fulfilling commitments and doing things for others."
Anyway, I digress. We've been juggling groups and making more phone calls to get more hosts. Thank goodness for Excel. I was opting out of being a host, but now that I'm needed, I will be a host too. So... I still have to cook, clean my house, find table decorations, and make food assignments for those coming to my house.
After NUMEROUS calls and making several "I owe you" promises, we finally have all the hosts assigned. Now, we've begun "round 2" in which the hosts are calling back to say someone in their group can't come and do we have someone else for them to invite.
The funny thing is, "It seemed like SUCH a good idea at the time" that they want to do this every few months. I guess we'll get better at this.
Ahhh... "Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from bad decisions." Let's just hope this really is a good decision.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
It's not what we have, but how we feel about what we have
I was buying pizza for dinner. [I LOVE Papa Murphy's double stuffed pizzas.] As I was waiting for my pizza to be made, I noticed a middle-aged couple come in. On a scale of 1-10, they were 2's. I noticed how they were dressed and the extra bulges they packed. Then, I noticed what really mattered. They were so sweet to each other; even standing in line together at Papa Murphy's was a time to treasure.
It reminded me of one of my young women. She was multi-talented. She played basketball, was a cheerleader, was a great cook, had a strong testimony, and had an engaging personality. We had gone on a leadership retreat to Bear Lake. As part of every leadership retreat was a testimony meeting. Her older brother was there. In his testimony, he said something disparaging about this younger sister. I can't remember it being horrible, but she was absolutely devastated. Later that night, as we tried to comfort her, she was crying uncontrollably. I had never realized that she had such low self-esteem. It was then that I realized, "It's not what we have, but how we feel about what we have that matters."
There is another thing I learned about gratitude from Young Women's. We had gone to camp to cabins in Paradise. The girls had changed to their swimsuits to tan. I remember looking at their lean, well-toned bodies and thinking, "They are all absolutely beautiful. Every one of them! Sixteen must be the pinnacle of bodily perfection." And then I thought, "I bet I was at my peak at sixteen, too. Did I realize it?" And then my thoughts kept flowing, "If that was your peak, it means you are never going to be better physically that you are right now. Do you appreciate what you have right now?"
"He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has." - Epictetus
“The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.”-Eric Hoffer
It reminded me of one of my young women. She was multi-talented. She played basketball, was a cheerleader, was a great cook, had a strong testimony, and had an engaging personality. We had gone on a leadership retreat to Bear Lake. As part of every leadership retreat was a testimony meeting. Her older brother was there. In his testimony, he said something disparaging about this younger sister. I can't remember it being horrible, but she was absolutely devastated. Later that night, as we tried to comfort her, she was crying uncontrollably. I had never realized that she had such low self-esteem. It was then that I realized, "It's not what we have, but how we feel about what we have that matters."
There is another thing I learned about gratitude from Young Women's. We had gone to camp to cabins in Paradise. The girls had changed to their swimsuits to tan. I remember looking at their lean, well-toned bodies and thinking, "They are all absolutely beautiful. Every one of them! Sixteen must be the pinnacle of bodily perfection." And then I thought, "I bet I was at my peak at sixteen, too. Did I realize it?" And then my thoughts kept flowing, "If that was your peak, it means you are never going to be better physically that you are right now. Do you appreciate what you have right now?"
"He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has." - Epictetus
“The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.”-Eric Hoffer
Monday, May 10, 2010
The road is better than the inn
I found a few quotes I really like:
Success doesn't lie in the achievement of a goal, although that's what the world considers success; it lies in the journey toward the goal. We're successful as long as we're working toward something we want to bring about in our lives. That's when the human being is at his or her best. That's what Cervantes meant when he wrote, "The road is better than the inn." We're at our best when we're climbing, thinking, planning, working. When we're on the road toward something we want to bring about.
--Earl Nightingale
Every road in life will be a toll road.
Every journey has a destination and every destination has a road. The only way for you to arrive at a pre-determined destination is to walk the road that takes you there. Consequently, identifying your various destinations, both spiritually and temporally, is no small decision for you to make. But destinations are more than a place and their attainment more than completing a checklist of requirements. Lofty destinations of lasting worth are composed of intensely personal dreams, aspirations, and ideas that demand the very best in you to reach them. The destinations you set for yourself must inflame your imagination and bring passion to your life. They must be worthy of the sacrifices you will surely make for them.
-- Dennis B. Neuenschwander
Success doesn't lie in the achievement of a goal, although that's what the world considers success; it lies in the journey toward the goal. We're successful as long as we're working toward something we want to bring about in our lives. That's when the human being is at his or her best. That's what Cervantes meant when he wrote, "The road is better than the inn." We're at our best when we're climbing, thinking, planning, working. When we're on the road toward something we want to bring about.
--Earl Nightingale
Every road in life will be a toll road.
Every journey has a destination and every destination has a road. The only way for you to arrive at a pre-determined destination is to walk the road that takes you there. Consequently, identifying your various destinations, both spiritually and temporally, is no small decision for you to make. But destinations are more than a place and their attainment more than completing a checklist of requirements. Lofty destinations of lasting worth are composed of intensely personal dreams, aspirations, and ideas that demand the very best in you to reach them. The destinations you set for yourself must inflame your imagination and bring passion to your life. They must be worthy of the sacrifices you will surely make for them.
-- Dennis B. Neuenschwander
Loose eye-sockets
Sometimes being trained scientifically causes you to have loose eye sockets – from all the eye-rolling.
I'm sure you've heard the studies. Last week it was: people who work past normal retirement have less dementia and less depression. Yeah, right. While I believe that the conditions are correlated, it is not that working past retirement CAUSES less dementia, but that those with dementia don't choose to keep working.
Here's another. Families that eat dinner together each day are more likely to be strong, cohesive families. Again, eating together doesn't necessarily CAUSE you to be a strong family, but is it likely that strong, cohesive families do lots of things together, including eating together.
So, while I believe that not all things that seem related are related – there are valid cause-effect relationships.
Over the years, I have noticed things that seem to be related, only to be told, "With all due respect , Ma'am (which usually means not much respect is being conveyed), there is no correlation between what you have observed and the problem we are trying to solve."
Kimberly has had so many transfusions; I used to try to figure out what caused them. I noticed that she often had a cold or respiratory infection which preceded the anemia. The cold or infection wasn't severe enough to have been entered in her charts. When I mentioned it to the doctor, I got the "With all due respect, Ma'am, there is no correlation between what you have observed and the problem we are trying to solve. Kids just have a lot of colds." As it turns out, ALPS episodes are definitely triggered by infections causing the production of white blood cells.
It happened again today. We have been redoing three bathrooms (granite, tile, painting, remodeling). One is put back together again. The others are awaiting tile and base molding. Greg noticed that he got a small amount of water by the wall in his bathroom. It didn't appear to be coming from the toilet or have a repugnant odor. I wrote our contractor/designer, "There is a leak in the downstairs bathroom. It is near the toilet, but it looks like it is coming through the wall - as the base of the wall is wet. I'm not sure where it is coming from. On all three floors, the bathrooms are "stacked". Could it be coming from an upper bathroom? That seems unlikely as we don't see stains in the ceiling."
This morning, after I showered in the guest bathroom, Greg bounded up the stairs saying, "Whatever you just did now, that's what makes it leak." So fully expecting the "With all due respect , Ma'am, there is no correlation between what you have observed and the problem we are trying to solve," I reported: The leak in the basement seems to be tied to our shower two floors up. Just now we ran the shower and it is leaking in the basement...
Well, our handyman fellow came right over. After a few minutes, he reported. "I found the problem. The basemolding had been nailed into the pipe that carries the used water from the shower. When I removed the basemolding, it must have removed the plug. The old 'finger in the dike' story."
How funny is that? The base molding was replaced after we had been in the home 5-10 years, but that 's still 15 years of small leaks. Lori did mention that the carpeting seemed a little wet when she was getting the kids out of the tub the last time they were here, but since leaks are notoriously hard to find anyway, we hoped it was just wet feet getting out of the tub. (I can see the eye-rolling beginning. Watch the loose eye-sockets, Lori.)
I'm sure you've heard the studies. Last week it was: people who work past normal retirement have less dementia and less depression. Yeah, right. While I believe that the conditions are correlated, it is not that working past retirement CAUSES less dementia, but that those with dementia don't choose to keep working.
Here's another. Families that eat dinner together each day are more likely to be strong, cohesive families. Again, eating together doesn't necessarily CAUSE you to be a strong family, but is it likely that strong, cohesive families do lots of things together, including eating together.
So, while I believe that not all things that seem related are related – there are valid cause-effect relationships.
Over the years, I have noticed things that seem to be related, only to be told, "With all due respect , Ma'am (which usually means not much respect is being conveyed), there is no correlation between what you have observed and the problem we are trying to solve."
Kimberly has had so many transfusions; I used to try to figure out what caused them. I noticed that she often had a cold or respiratory infection which preceded the anemia. The cold or infection wasn't severe enough to have been entered in her charts. When I mentioned it to the doctor, I got the "With all due respect, Ma'am, there is no correlation between what you have observed and the problem we are trying to solve. Kids just have a lot of colds." As it turns out, ALPS episodes are definitely triggered by infections causing the production of white blood cells.
It happened again today. We have been redoing three bathrooms (granite, tile, painting, remodeling). One is put back together again. The others are awaiting tile and base molding. Greg noticed that he got a small amount of water by the wall in his bathroom. It didn't appear to be coming from the toilet or have a repugnant odor. I wrote our contractor/designer, "There is a leak in the downstairs bathroom. It is near the toilet, but it looks like it is coming through the wall - as the base of the wall is wet. I'm not sure where it is coming from. On all three floors, the bathrooms are "stacked". Could it be coming from an upper bathroom? That seems unlikely as we don't see stains in the ceiling."
This morning, after I showered in the guest bathroom, Greg bounded up the stairs saying, "Whatever you just did now, that's what makes it leak." So fully expecting the "With all due respect , Ma'am, there is no correlation between what you have observed and the problem we are trying to solve," I reported: The leak in the basement seems to be tied to our shower two floors up. Just now we ran the shower and it is leaking in the basement...
Well, our handyman fellow came right over. After a few minutes, he reported. "I found the problem. The basemolding had been nailed into the pipe that carries the used water from the shower. When I removed the basemolding, it must have removed the plug. The old 'finger in the dike' story."
How funny is that? The base molding was replaced after we had been in the home 5-10 years, but that 's still 15 years of small leaks. Lori did mention that the carpeting seemed a little wet when she was getting the kids out of the tub the last time they were here, but since leaks are notoriously hard to find anyway, we hoped it was just wet feet getting out of the tub. (I can see the eye-rolling beginning. Watch the loose eye-sockets, Lori.)
Sunday, May 9, 2010
The enrichment meeting principle
In our ward, we have a history of wonderful enrichment meetings. Sue is our counselor over enrichment and Cindy is the homemaking leader. Between those two, every enrichment meeting we have is great. There are invitations, tasting tables, fancy food, decorations. If anything can be done to make them more successful, they have done it. And the women respond by attending. No matter the topic for the meeting, the sisters know there will be good company, good food, and a good time. I'll call it the enrichment meeting principle - people respond to preparation. When they can tell you have put time and effort into the planning, they know it will be worth their time to attend.
In the department, several years ago we started having senior dinners for those who are graduating. The graduates bring their spouses/partners (at some nominal charge) and get a small token of appreciation. I planned the dinner for the first several years, but it was taken over by another for the last four or five years. Last year, it had descended to an all time low: dinner at a restaurant known for poor service and mediocre food, baseball caps (with a USU logo) as a 'gift' from the department, and a few games. There were less than fifteen people total (including faculty) who showed up last year.
This year, I offered to take the dinner on again. We went to the new Iron Gate Grill (which was wonderful!), invited the spouses for free (foregoing any gifts to make up the difference in expense), and moved the dinner a littler earlier in the month. Using Survey Monkey (my new favorite software product), I used Michelle's idea for doing Family Feud as a game. The graduating seniors were emailed a survey to answer such questions as "Who is the most feared professor?", "Why did you come to USU?" and "Which professor is most likely to excel at Rock Band?" We sent out numerous reminders about the dinner, and asked for a "save the date" count, so we could have a rough estimate as to who was coming. I created another survey and asked each senior to select an award for each of the graduating seniors. The awards were things like "The Baryshnikov award for dancing around the issues," "The Houdini Award for being able to escape from any bind", and "the Loch Ness Award for the worker least likely to be found". With Renee's help, I made up cute certificates with their names and the title of their award and printed them on cardstock. We had printed name tags with a cap and gown as a background. We had OVER SIXTY come to the dinner. Only one who said they would come failed to show. The Family Feud game was a hit, and they loved the awards. It really turned out fun.
Afterward as someone was thanking me for a job well done, he said, "Having it early in the month really worked to increase the attendance." I was speechless. Having it early really worked? You don't think it had anything to do with the reminders, the surveys which piqued interest, knowing they would be receiving an award? Obviously, he knows nothing of the enrichment meeting principle - people respond to preparation.
I guess I AM learning something from my service in Relief Society!
In the department, several years ago we started having senior dinners for those who are graduating. The graduates bring their spouses/partners (at some nominal charge) and get a small token of appreciation. I planned the dinner for the first several years, but it was taken over by another for the last four or five years. Last year, it had descended to an all time low: dinner at a restaurant known for poor service and mediocre food, baseball caps (with a USU logo) as a 'gift' from the department, and a few games. There were less than fifteen people total (including faculty) who showed up last year.
This year, I offered to take the dinner on again. We went to the new Iron Gate Grill (which was wonderful!), invited the spouses for free (foregoing any gifts to make up the difference in expense), and moved the dinner a littler earlier in the month. Using Survey Monkey (my new favorite software product), I used Michelle's idea for doing Family Feud as a game. The graduating seniors were emailed a survey to answer such questions as "Who is the most feared professor?", "Why did you come to USU?" and "Which professor is most likely to excel at Rock Band?" We sent out numerous reminders about the dinner, and asked for a "save the date" count, so we could have a rough estimate as to who was coming. I created another survey and asked each senior to select an award for each of the graduating seniors. The awards were things like "The Baryshnikov award for dancing around the issues," "The Houdini Award for being able to escape from any bind", and "the Loch Ness Award for the worker least likely to be found". With Renee's help, I made up cute certificates with their names and the title of their award and printed them on cardstock. We had printed name tags with a cap and gown as a background. We had OVER SIXTY come to the dinner. Only one who said they would come failed to show. The Family Feud game was a hit, and they loved the awards. It really turned out fun.
Afterward as someone was thanking me for a job well done, he said, "Having it early in the month really worked to increase the attendance." I was speechless. Having it early really worked? You don't think it had anything to do with the reminders, the surveys which piqued interest, knowing they would be receiving an award? Obviously, he knows nothing of the enrichment meeting principle - people respond to preparation.
I guess I AM learning something from my service in Relief Society!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
To see ourselves
In my previous post, I said this has been the strangest semester. My grad class was also fairly weird. One of my students had to travel sixty miles to get to class. After several snow storms that kept him away, I decided to start recording my lectures and posting them for all to see. It had a detrimental effect on attendance. Who wouldn't rather watch class at their own convenience rather than hoof it to campus by 9 a.m.? I could have stopped recording the lectures, but I hated to punish the fellow who had a good excuse for not making it. Then, there were some "unique" personalities that made class "memorable."
And for a perfect trey, in grading an independent study project, I thought the vocabulary was a bit "odd", so I googled a few phrases. Four out of four were direct copies from published work. ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!
Between the three classes, I was beginning to wonder if I had just been teaching for too long. The joy was gone. Instead of being excited to get to class, I relished in the fact that I only had classes two days a week and had three glorious days to work on projects. It was a bad sign.
Then something interesting happened. Three different times this semester, I had former students tell me, "You were my favorite teacher while at USU." "I remember registering for your grad class just because YOU were teaching it. I knew it would be a good class." "I have fond memories of your data structures class. I use that material all the time."
We judge ourselves in terms of this minute, not considering past successes and future greatness.
It reminds me of what Joseph B Wirthlin said:
We see ourselves in terms of yesterday and today. Our Heavenly Father sees us in terms of forever. Although we might settle for less, Heavenly Father won’t, for He sees us as the glorious beings we are capable of becoming.
And for a perfect trey, in grading an independent study project, I thought the vocabulary was a bit "odd", so I googled a few phrases. Four out of four were direct copies from published work. ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!
Between the three classes, I was beginning to wonder if I had just been teaching for too long. The joy was gone. Instead of being excited to get to class, I relished in the fact that I only had classes two days a week and had three glorious days to work on projects. It was a bad sign.
Then something interesting happened. Three different times this semester, I had former students tell me, "You were my favorite teacher while at USU." "I remember registering for your grad class just because YOU were teaching it. I knew it would be a good class." "I have fond memories of your data structures class. I use that material all the time."
We judge ourselves in terms of this minute, not considering past successes and future greatness.
It reminds me of what Joseph B Wirthlin said:
We see ourselves in terms of yesterday and today. Our Heavenly Father sees us in terms of forever. Although we might settle for less, Heavenly Father won’t, for He sees us as the glorious beings we are capable of becoming.
Tip of the Iceberg
This has been the strangest semester that I have ever had. My programming languages class has been particularly odd. The faculty member who taught the class last year was denied tenure and did an abysmal job. I think the "word on the street" was to avoid programming languages in the Spring. I have never had such an odd class. Except for "Todd" not a single student ever came to my office. Of eleven who started the class, six finished. While two dropped, three just never showed up after midterm (and didn't show up much before then). The remaining six had odd attendance patterns. Sometimes I would teach to three students. Bribing, threatening, giving quizzes - I tried it all. Finally I decided just to teach as if nothing was out of the ordinary, so as not to ruin the course for the faithful few.
Todd was interesting in class. He would come five to ten minutes late every day, and miss class totally a fourth of the time. Sometimes he would put his head on the desk as though it was so boring that he just couldn't stay awake. Before class, he came to my office a few times to ask for help and plead for an incomplete. Then, instead of listening during lecture, he would work on the assignment I had helped him with in my office. He would send email asking when I was available to help, and then never respond to my message. This has been going on for twelve weeks. I decided that I was silly to keep ignoring poor behavior.
I sent this email:
Can you help me understand where you are coming from?
You ask me to review my calendar and tell you when I am free, and then you decide YOU are to busy to come in for help.
You say you are struggling with the material, but in class I see you sleeping, texting, or doing an assignment rather than listening.
You ask if there is anything you can do to get a passing grade - and then you miss class frequently or arrive late.
I don't understand.
His response reminded me that we only see the "tip of the iceberg". There is always so much we don't see.
This last year has been a failure for me academically. I have slipped into a mentality of overt procrastination and just giving up. I've never felt this horrible about my schoolwork in my entire life. It's miserable, and oppressive. I'm behind in all of my classes, and I think the reason you have seen such poor performance from me lately, and the reason I didn't show up to your office even when I asked you for YOUR time (which was horribly impolite, and I'm sorry), was the fact that I just feel like giving up. It looks completely impossible for me to get a passing grade out of your class, and so part of me has just given up, and resigned to the fact that I guess I'm not intelligent enough to make it in this major. And even though that's probably not true, and with greater initiative and more organization, I could indeed do quite well, that's what it feels like sometimes. This school year has been the worst school year - academically - in my entire life. I feel completely incompetent. I'm not asking for any pity, or even any help, for that matter. Each of us has stewardship and accountability over our own lives, and bailouts never teach anyone anything.
I was so glad I had broached the subject. It gave me a chance to respond:
I don't see your situation as being nearly as hopeless as you do - but if you are telling yourself you just can't make it, that negative "self-talk" is highly detrimental.
I figure for every three class periods you miss of class - you drop a full letter grade. While I don't take attendance, I'm sure you've missed over that number.
Coming to class prepared is another huge factor. Things that seem impossible (when you are seeing them for the first time) pose no particular problem when you first read/think/study about them and then hear them presented in class.
You change those two things - and your grades will go up markedly.
I have no idea what your load is - with work and classes. Don't compare yourself to others. If others can succeed taking 16 credits and working thirty hours a week - they are the exception. I figure about twelve hours of credit and working ten hours a week is a reasonable load for most people - but others take even fewer courses in order to succeed.
I rarely see people who get to this level that just are "not intelligent enough to make it in this major". Personally, I don't think you are giving yourself a chance.
We're still looking at an incomplete for you - so a C is still possible for you.
This has happened to me before. I realize, "If I really understood where the person was coming from, it would change everything."
I've had people sleep through class on a regular basis. I assumed it was boredom or rudeness, but when I tactfully inquired, "Are you okay? I worry about you," I learned they were working the night shift and had trouble even getting up for my morning class. They said it was their favorite class, but they just couldn't stay awake.
I had a student who was so negative about everything. I sent email saying, "I am concerned. You seem unhappy about everything. The assignments aren't interesting. The grading is unfair. The machines are bad. The tutors are clueless. While I appreciate knowing when there are problems, it seems there is nothing we can do to make you happy. I worry that a boss will not tolerate such a negative attitude." He responded that he had often been told his attitude was horrible and was working on the problem. His negativism completely changed in class.
When I can resist the urge to say, "You are being rude. Get a grip," I often find there is more to the story. I need to remember to act sooner.
It reminds me of one of my favorite lines from "The Last Lecture"
"When you're screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they've given up on you."
— Randy Pausch
Todd was interesting in class. He would come five to ten minutes late every day, and miss class totally a fourth of the time. Sometimes he would put his head on the desk as though it was so boring that he just couldn't stay awake. Before class, he came to my office a few times to ask for help and plead for an incomplete. Then, instead of listening during lecture, he would work on the assignment I had helped him with in my office. He would send email asking when I was available to help, and then never respond to my message. This has been going on for twelve weeks. I decided that I was silly to keep ignoring poor behavior.
I sent this email:
Can you help me understand where you are coming from?
You ask me to review my calendar and tell you when I am free, and then you decide YOU are to busy to come in for help.
You say you are struggling with the material, but in class I see you sleeping, texting, or doing an assignment rather than listening.
You ask if there is anything you can do to get a passing grade - and then you miss class frequently or arrive late.
I don't understand.
His response reminded me that we only see the "tip of the iceberg". There is always so much we don't see.
This last year has been a failure for me academically. I have slipped into a mentality of overt procrastination and just giving up. I've never felt this horrible about my schoolwork in my entire life. It's miserable, and oppressive. I'm behind in all of my classes, and I think the reason you have seen such poor performance from me lately, and the reason I didn't show up to your office even when I asked you for YOUR time (which was horribly impolite, and I'm sorry), was the fact that I just feel like giving up. It looks completely impossible for me to get a passing grade out of your class, and so part of me has just given up, and resigned to the fact that I guess I'm not intelligent enough to make it in this major. And even though that's probably not true, and with greater initiative and more organization, I could indeed do quite well, that's what it feels like sometimes. This school year has been the worst school year - academically - in my entire life. I feel completely incompetent. I'm not asking for any pity, or even any help, for that matter. Each of us has stewardship and accountability over our own lives, and bailouts never teach anyone anything.
I was so glad I had broached the subject. It gave me a chance to respond:
I don't see your situation as being nearly as hopeless as you do - but if you are telling yourself you just can't make it, that negative "self-talk" is highly detrimental.
I figure for every three class periods you miss of class - you drop a full letter grade. While I don't take attendance, I'm sure you've missed over that number.
Coming to class prepared is another huge factor. Things that seem impossible (when you are seeing them for the first time) pose no particular problem when you first read/think/study about them and then hear them presented in class.
You change those two things - and your grades will go up markedly.
I have no idea what your load is - with work and classes. Don't compare yourself to others. If others can succeed taking 16 credits and working thirty hours a week - they are the exception. I figure about twelve hours of credit and working ten hours a week is a reasonable load for most people - but others take even fewer courses in order to succeed.
I rarely see people who get to this level that just are "not intelligent enough to make it in this major". Personally, I don't think you are giving yourself a chance.
We're still looking at an incomplete for you - so a C is still possible for you.
This has happened to me before. I realize, "If I really understood where the person was coming from, it would change everything."
I've had people sleep through class on a regular basis. I assumed it was boredom or rudeness, but when I tactfully inquired, "Are you okay? I worry about you," I learned they were working the night shift and had trouble even getting up for my morning class. They said it was their favorite class, but they just couldn't stay awake.
I had a student who was so negative about everything. I sent email saying, "I am concerned. You seem unhappy about everything. The assignments aren't interesting. The grading is unfair. The machines are bad. The tutors are clueless. While I appreciate knowing when there are problems, it seems there is nothing we can do to make you happy. I worry that a boss will not tolerate such a negative attitude." He responded that he had often been told his attitude was horrible and was working on the problem. His negativism completely changed in class.
When I can resist the urge to say, "You are being rude. Get a grip," I often find there is more to the story. I need to remember to act sooner.
It reminds me of one of my favorite lines from "The Last Lecture"
"When you're screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they've given up on you."
— Randy Pausch
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Cornell, 1952
Our writing assignment in our personal history class was to write about an object. Since our bedroom is literally piled with treasures taken from our newly painted closet, I grabbed the first thing I could see - Dad's diploma. I thought the rest of you might like to read my remembrances of Dad.
Rex LeRoy Hurst, Cornell University, September 23, 1952, Doctor of Philosophy
It is a simple document. It doesn’t even state his department, college, or research area. It has been preserved for nearly 60 years. I wonder if it has even been out of its protective carrier. Simple as the document appears, it has had a profound affect on my life and on that of my Father. Receiving this diploma was truly a life-altering event. While Dad loved many things (family, handball, boating, gardening, and genealogy), education was his core value. Whatever he did, he was learning. Graduating from an Ivy League school was no small achievement for a farm boy from Payson, Utah. He had virtually no money and a family to support, while trying to hold his own against “rich kids” with no financial stresses. That is Dad – he never viewed any challenge as precluding or any barricade as permanent. He had succeeded at a top school. He was unstoppable.
Dad had learned how to learn, and would apply that attribute to a myriad of tasks. He taught himself about Computers and became head of the Computer Science Department at USU. He learned numerous computer languages and studied foreign languages as well. In the evening, we would find him propped in an easy chair with a board across the arms of the chair, forming a makeshift desk, studying well into the night. His breast pocket (lined with a pocket protector) always held two mechanical pencils and a collection of discarded punched cards (for note taking). He was always jotting down ideas.
Dad was an avid reader who thought purchasing a book was a complete waste of money as he read several books each week. He was curious about everything and could retain an amazing array of facts. He remembered everything - making encyclopedias unnecessary. Dad just knew.
Dad was a life long learner, taking formal classes, watching the history channel, always thinking, analyzing, and creating. He took institute classes and studied about ancient history, evidences of the Book of Mormon, and world religions. His PhD degree was literally the beginning of a life-long love affair with learning. When I was a child, I thought my father was the most educated person on earth - always studying, always learning. As an adult, my impression of him hasn't changed.
Whenever I would come home from high school saying I could take a course in basket-weaving or adult lifestyles (that all my friends had registered for), Dad would say, "There will be lots of time to take classes like that through Relief Society. Now you need to take math, physics, and chemistry." He always stressed the value of education. Not one of us children ever considered not getting a college degree. He supported us financially and emotionally through the ups and downs of reaching our dreams. No one was more pleased than my Father when I brought home my PhD diploma.
I remember having him help me with calculus. But it was always an extremely difficult thing. Though it had been twenty years since he studied calculus, he would read the chapter, and teach it to himself again, so he could teach me. I was hoping just to be told the answers, but he made me derive the calculus from the discovery of zero and then work our way forward. It took all night long. I had to be desperate before I would ask him for help. But, you know, that ability to think through a problem, to derive the answers, and reason the parts together has been an invaluable asset in my life.
His hands were more comfortable in work than in play. Many a day he would put in a full day at work and then spend five or more hours working at home. During his last months, when it was no longer safe to leave him alone, Mom and I would play tag team as I arrived at the home (in Logan) just in time for her to run to an appointment, and leave as she pulled into the driveway. One day as I was gathering my things to return to work, Dad asked “Where is your office?” And I said, “Dad, it is in Old Main, just next to your old office.” He looked at me and said, “You are so lucky – to have something to do and somebody to do it for.” I thought it was profound. Even in the nursing home, he had plans for the other residents. And he was talking to them about genealogy and doing work – and they were not very cooperative.
Ithaca, New York – the home of the Ithaca Gun Company, the Finger Lakes, silent films, and Cornell University. And my birthplace. But, although Dad’s birth certificate says, “Payson, Utah”, I think his life began in Ithaca, New York too.
Rex LeRoy Hurst, Cornell University, September 23, 1952, Doctor of Philosophy
It is a simple document. It doesn’t even state his department, college, or research area. It has been preserved for nearly 60 years. I wonder if it has even been out of its protective carrier. Simple as the document appears, it has had a profound affect on my life and on that of my Father. Receiving this diploma was truly a life-altering event. While Dad loved many things (family, handball, boating, gardening, and genealogy), education was his core value. Whatever he did, he was learning. Graduating from an Ivy League school was no small achievement for a farm boy from Payson, Utah. He had virtually no money and a family to support, while trying to hold his own against “rich kids” with no financial stresses. That is Dad – he never viewed any challenge as precluding or any barricade as permanent. He had succeeded at a top school. He was unstoppable.
Dad had learned how to learn, and would apply that attribute to a myriad of tasks. He taught himself about Computers and became head of the Computer Science Department at USU. He learned numerous computer languages and studied foreign languages as well. In the evening, we would find him propped in an easy chair with a board across the arms of the chair, forming a makeshift desk, studying well into the night. His breast pocket (lined with a pocket protector) always held two mechanical pencils and a collection of discarded punched cards (for note taking). He was always jotting down ideas.
Dad was an avid reader who thought purchasing a book was a complete waste of money as he read several books each week. He was curious about everything and could retain an amazing array of facts. He remembered everything - making encyclopedias unnecessary. Dad just knew.
Dad was a life long learner, taking formal classes, watching the history channel, always thinking, analyzing, and creating. He took institute classes and studied about ancient history, evidences of the Book of Mormon, and world religions. His PhD degree was literally the beginning of a life-long love affair with learning. When I was a child, I thought my father was the most educated person on earth - always studying, always learning. As an adult, my impression of him hasn't changed.
Whenever I would come home from high school saying I could take a course in basket-weaving or adult lifestyles (that all my friends had registered for), Dad would say, "There will be lots of time to take classes like that through Relief Society. Now you need to take math, physics, and chemistry." He always stressed the value of education. Not one of us children ever considered not getting a college degree. He supported us financially and emotionally through the ups and downs of reaching our dreams. No one was more pleased than my Father when I brought home my PhD diploma.
I remember having him help me with calculus. But it was always an extremely difficult thing. Though it had been twenty years since he studied calculus, he would read the chapter, and teach it to himself again, so he could teach me. I was hoping just to be told the answers, but he made me derive the calculus from the discovery of zero and then work our way forward. It took all night long. I had to be desperate before I would ask him for help. But, you know, that ability to think through a problem, to derive the answers, and reason the parts together has been an invaluable asset in my life.
His hands were more comfortable in work than in play. Many a day he would put in a full day at work and then spend five or more hours working at home. During his last months, when it was no longer safe to leave him alone, Mom and I would play tag team as I arrived at the home (in Logan) just in time for her to run to an appointment, and leave as she pulled into the driveway. One day as I was gathering my things to return to work, Dad asked “Where is your office?” And I said, “Dad, it is in Old Main, just next to your old office.” He looked at me and said, “You are so lucky – to have something to do and somebody to do it for.” I thought it was profound. Even in the nursing home, he had plans for the other residents. And he was talking to them about genealogy and doing work – and they were not very cooperative.
Ithaca, New York – the home of the Ithaca Gun Company, the Finger Lakes, silent films, and Cornell University. And my birthplace. But, although Dad’s birth certificate says, “Payson, Utah”, I think his life began in Ithaca, New York too.
Monday, May 3, 2010
And the winner is...
Steve and I got the results back from the ALPS test. Steve has it. I do not.
I asked if we should test Steve's Mom. They said, "Well, it may or may not prove anything. If she has it, that would be definitive. If she does not, we wouldn't know if Glen had it or if it was spontaneous with Steve. In a third of the cases, the gene is spontaneous." They had never explained that before, but I guess because both Lori and Kim have it, the chances of being spontaneous with them both were pretty slim.
I said, "I just can't see it being passed down through Steve's siblings as there have been no symptoms anywhere - siblings, nieces/nephews/great nieces/nephews." They said, "Yes, that is why there is a good possibility it is original with Steve." So there you have it. Steve is an original. Now, that isn't news to anyone. :-)
Greg just got his results back (May 5th). He has it too.
I asked if we should test Steve's Mom. They said, "Well, it may or may not prove anything. If she has it, that would be definitive. If she does not, we wouldn't know if Glen had it or if it was spontaneous with Steve. In a third of the cases, the gene is spontaneous." They had never explained that before, but I guess because both Lori and Kim have it, the chances of being spontaneous with them both were pretty slim.
I said, "I just can't see it being passed down through Steve's siblings as there have been no symptoms anywhere - siblings, nieces/nephews/great nieces/nephews." They said, "Yes, that is why there is a good possibility it is original with Steve." So there you have it. Steve is an original. Now, that isn't news to anyone. :-)
Greg just got his results back (May 5th). He has it too.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
The unintentional hijacking
I hijacked a meeting today. I didn’t mean to. I started out trying to keep my thoughts to myself. I started taking notes on what was being said, and then the speaker made the mistake of asking if there were any questions. I couldn’t remain silent any longer.
I was at welfare meeting today as part of my role in Relief Society. The whole RS presidency comes along with all the priesthood leadership, employment specialist, ward mission leader, executive secretary, and bishopric. Normally the procedure is to have each organization head report welfare concerns and brainstorm about possible solutions. Today we had two stake leaders there to talk about the new directives concerning Young Single Adults and Single adults. Their spiel went something like:
The leadership of the church is concerned with the high number of inactive singles. We are going to merge the Young Single Adult and Single Adult reporting, so there aren’t so many meetings to go to. We need to teach the inactives the gospel, as they obviously don’t know it. Even fifty percent of the returned missionaries are going inactive. President Cook spends a good share of his counseling with returned missionaries. We are going to have a new accounting system. [They presented a chart with a dozen boxes of who would report to whom.] If a single adult moves from his home ward, the home ward (where his parents live) will still be responsible. Of course, if the parents aren’t active and the grandparents are the ones who want to keep track of them, it can be the grandparent’s home ward that is responsible. So if someone moves away and is working in Denver, their home ward is responsible for them even if they are thirty. Every year the home ward bishop will have an interview with the single adult. That will be a little tricky to do since they don’t live here, but we suggest the interviews could be held around Christmas, as everybody comes home for Christmas (or perhaps Thanksgiving). There are periodic reports that the bishop will need to fill out. We want them to be home taught and visiting taught and to be home/visiting teachers . You may need to call triples of visiting teaching/home teaching companionships so that even if the inactive young person doesn’t go, home teaching will still get done. Young people are no longer going to be able to go to any ward they want. They must go to the single or college ward associated with their place of residence. If they have moved from home, then they can go to the singles ward associated with that location. We need to track them. When they are drifting from ward to ward, they can’t hold a calling and no one really knows where they are.
They continued along this vein for a good ten minutes. All the while I was taking notes and working on keeping my thoughts to myself. I thought of all the singles I knew and the struggles they have fitting into a regular ward. Then the presenters made their mistake – asking for questions when they didn’t want any.
I raised my hand. My statement (accompanied by tears) went something like this:
The premise is that the young people are falling away because they don’t know the gospel and don’t have a testimony. I know many young people who are falling away for reasons that have nothing to do with a lack of testimony. There is nothing for them in our wards. When every conversation doesn’t begin with, “When are you getting married?” when every lesson, every testimony, every comment doesn’t assume that everyone is in the typical situation – married with children - then things will change. We haven’t included them in our thoughts, why should would be including them in our statistics? I sometimes look at a person in the congregation and listen to the meeting through their ears. It is like no one even realizes they exist. There is nothing for them in our meetings. You talk about all the accounting and who reports to whom, but until the members of the congregation can accept those that are in a different situation than themselves, it is all a waste. Do we know them? They may have depression, learning disabilities, stress, loneliness, same sex attraction – is there a place for them in our congregation? They come home early from their missions and are told, “I don’t see a cast. What are you doing home?” It is communicated, “Unless there is surgery or broken bones, coming home is just a cop out. What a disappointment you are!” I’m not speaking for my own family, but for youth I know through work, children of friends, those I tutor. Steve used to work with fellows with same sex attraction. I loved those guys, but I would look at them and think, “How do you fit into your home wards?” The answer is, “Not at all.” You talk about using them as home teachers, in triplets, but everybody knows home teachers go out in pairs. You are telling them they are worth zero, if they go, there are two others, and if they don’t go, there are two others. How is that communicating that they are accepted in full fellowship? Someone can be thirty, but if they haven't married, they are an "adult" in our eyes? They are still reporting back to their home ward bishop, while children married at 18 are treated as an "adult".
The stake leaders tried to defend their comments by saying that accounting was a necessary first step so that there would be someone to give them a hug and tell them we care. I said, “So you force them to go to a specific ward so the accounting will be easier and we will know exactly what ward they aren’t attending? I’m not seeing it.”
What happened next was pretty amazing. I don’t think I reached our stake visitors, but our RS president started crying saying, “With my son, it isn’t about being married – he has a whole host of issues. It started early – like if you didn’t play basketball, you didn’t fit into young mens. I know it’s better now, there are other things, but if you don’t fit in, it is tough to come.”
Our home preparedness rep started crying. He said, “What you say is exactly correct. I am a fourth generation member of the church. They are devoted and strong. My father was the bishop who sent me on my mission. I had a successful mission, returned home, finished my education, and then went back East for work. I became so disgusted with the antics of a singles ward. (I could go on for hours about that.) I decided I couldn’t hack a singles ward, so I started attending a family ward. I was such an anomaly. They had no idea what to do with me. I was ward mission leader for three months when I went totally inactive for a year and a half. It had nothing to do with my testimony, but everything to do with being accepted.”
About that time, the stake representatives left saying that they really needed to go to another meeting to present their spiel. [I thought, "That totally fits what I'm hearing from you. It is all about schedules and meetings and accounting," but thankfully, I didn't share that.] Our discussion didn’t stop.
Our ward employment specialist spoke up. He said, with tears in his eyes, “It’s all about the good Samaritan. Think about that parable. It’s exactly what we are saying. I’ve moved around a lot. Every time we move into a new home, someone asks, “Are you LDS?” How is that a way to greet someone new in your area?”
Others made comments acknowledging the problem. Before we knew it, the meeting was over and no welfare needs were even discussed, or were they?
I was at welfare meeting today as part of my role in Relief Society. The whole RS presidency comes along with all the priesthood leadership, employment specialist, ward mission leader, executive secretary, and bishopric. Normally the procedure is to have each organization head report welfare concerns and brainstorm about possible solutions. Today we had two stake leaders there to talk about the new directives concerning Young Single Adults and Single adults. Their spiel went something like:
The leadership of the church is concerned with the high number of inactive singles. We are going to merge the Young Single Adult and Single Adult reporting, so there aren’t so many meetings to go to. We need to teach the inactives the gospel, as they obviously don’t know it. Even fifty percent of the returned missionaries are going inactive. President Cook spends a good share of his counseling with returned missionaries. We are going to have a new accounting system. [They presented a chart with a dozen boxes of who would report to whom.] If a single adult moves from his home ward, the home ward (where his parents live) will still be responsible. Of course, if the parents aren’t active and the grandparents are the ones who want to keep track of them, it can be the grandparent’s home ward that is responsible. So if someone moves away and is working in Denver, their home ward is responsible for them even if they are thirty. Every year the home ward bishop will have an interview with the single adult. That will be a little tricky to do since they don’t live here, but we suggest the interviews could be held around Christmas, as everybody comes home for Christmas (or perhaps Thanksgiving). There are periodic reports that the bishop will need to fill out. We want them to be home taught and visiting taught and to be home/visiting teachers . You may need to call triples of visiting teaching/home teaching companionships so that even if the inactive young person doesn’t go, home teaching will still get done. Young people are no longer going to be able to go to any ward they want. They must go to the single or college ward associated with their place of residence. If they have moved from home, then they can go to the singles ward associated with that location. We need to track them. When they are drifting from ward to ward, they can’t hold a calling and no one really knows where they are.
They continued along this vein for a good ten minutes. All the while I was taking notes and working on keeping my thoughts to myself. I thought of all the singles I knew and the struggles they have fitting into a regular ward. Then the presenters made their mistake – asking for questions when they didn’t want any.
I raised my hand. My statement (accompanied by tears) went something like this:
The premise is that the young people are falling away because they don’t know the gospel and don’t have a testimony. I know many young people who are falling away for reasons that have nothing to do with a lack of testimony. There is nothing for them in our wards. When every conversation doesn’t begin with, “When are you getting married?” when every lesson, every testimony, every comment doesn’t assume that everyone is in the typical situation – married with children - then things will change. We haven’t included them in our thoughts, why should would be including them in our statistics? I sometimes look at a person in the congregation and listen to the meeting through their ears. It is like no one even realizes they exist. There is nothing for them in our meetings. You talk about all the accounting and who reports to whom, but until the members of the congregation can accept those that are in a different situation than themselves, it is all a waste. Do we know them? They may have depression, learning disabilities, stress, loneliness, same sex attraction – is there a place for them in our congregation? They come home early from their missions and are told, “I don’t see a cast. What are you doing home?” It is communicated, “Unless there is surgery or broken bones, coming home is just a cop out. What a disappointment you are!” I’m not speaking for my own family, but for youth I know through work, children of friends, those I tutor. Steve used to work with fellows with same sex attraction. I loved those guys, but I would look at them and think, “How do you fit into your home wards?” The answer is, “Not at all.” You talk about using them as home teachers, in triplets, but everybody knows home teachers go out in pairs. You are telling them they are worth zero, if they go, there are two others, and if they don’t go, there are two others. How is that communicating that they are accepted in full fellowship? Someone can be thirty, but if they haven't married, they are an "adult" in our eyes? They are still reporting back to their home ward bishop, while children married at 18 are treated as an "adult".
The stake leaders tried to defend their comments by saying that accounting was a necessary first step so that there would be someone to give them a hug and tell them we care. I said, “So you force them to go to a specific ward so the accounting will be easier and we will know exactly what ward they aren’t attending? I’m not seeing it.”
What happened next was pretty amazing. I don’t think I reached our stake visitors, but our RS president started crying saying, “With my son, it isn’t about being married – he has a whole host of issues. It started early – like if you didn’t play basketball, you didn’t fit into young mens. I know it’s better now, there are other things, but if you don’t fit in, it is tough to come.”
Our home preparedness rep started crying. He said, “What you say is exactly correct. I am a fourth generation member of the church. They are devoted and strong. My father was the bishop who sent me on my mission. I had a successful mission, returned home, finished my education, and then went back East for work. I became so disgusted with the antics of a singles ward. (I could go on for hours about that.) I decided I couldn’t hack a singles ward, so I started attending a family ward. I was such an anomaly. They had no idea what to do with me. I was ward mission leader for three months when I went totally inactive for a year and a half. It had nothing to do with my testimony, but everything to do with being accepted.”
About that time, the stake representatives left saying that they really needed to go to another meeting to present their spiel. [I thought, "That totally fits what I'm hearing from you. It is all about schedules and meetings and accounting," but thankfully, I didn't share that.] Our discussion didn’t stop.
Our ward employment specialist spoke up. He said, with tears in his eyes, “It’s all about the good Samaritan. Think about that parable. It’s exactly what we are saying. I’ve moved around a lot. Every time we move into a new home, someone asks, “Are you LDS?” How is that a way to greet someone new in your area?”
Others made comments acknowledging the problem. Before we knew it, the meeting was over and no welfare needs were even discussed, or were they?
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Ogden would have been better
Yesterday, Steve's mom was supposed to go to lunch in Ogden with her sister-in-law. Earlier that morning, she made a trip out to the garbage can. She normally has the garbage can put in the garage, but for some reason the garbage can was left in the back yard (where it used to be kept). On her way to the trash, she tripped over an uneven part of the sidewalk and plummeted to the concrete. She said she hit her head first and then bounced and hit it again on the way down. With two artificial knees, getting up from a prone position is virtually impossible. For the next two hours she pulled herself along the ground into the garage. The temperature was around 38 degrees, but she said she didn't get too cold because she was working too hard. Luckily Jocelyn found her (when she came to take her to lunch), and called Kathy. She ended up in the emergency room.
She has a big goose egg on her forehead and incredible bruising under her eyes. She looks horrible (as you can see).
The doctors think that she may have had a small heart attack (as an enzyme indicating that was found), but Grandma is thinking and acting normally. She came home yesterday afternoon. She is stiff, but otherwise doing pretty well.
Steve and Bob purchased a medical alert pendant that the can wear and call for help is she gets stuck. That will give her some security.
We feel so badly for you Grandma!
Nicest Thank You Note Ever
I got the nicest thank you note yesterday. A faculty member in our department is expecting her first child. She is in her early thirties - about the age of my older daughters. She has lost several babies due to miscarriage. Pregnancy has been a real challenge. She has said numerous times, "I won't do this again. This has been awful." I told her she was not allowed to make that decision while she was still pregnant. That broke proper protocol. :-)
On Thursday, the department had a baby shower for she and her husband (who is also in our department). She said during the shower that neither she nor her husband had ever changed a diaper, but thought they could figure it out. They are both brilliant, so I'm guessing they'll catch on pretty quick. :-) Most people donated money, but I wanted to do a little more. I made a flannel quilt and bought a toy and a few outfits.
Here is the thank you note I received yesterday. It is shaped like a diaper, with tabs on the side inserted into the front section:
Thank you for the thoughtful baby gifts! No one has ever made a quilt for me before - it is beautiful and I will take good care of it. I read your card again when I came home and it made be cry that you wrote that the baby is lucky to have us as parents!! We'll try our best. Love...
The note made my day!
On Thursday, the department had a baby shower for she and her husband (who is also in our department). She said during the shower that neither she nor her husband had ever changed a diaper, but thought they could figure it out. They are both brilliant, so I'm guessing they'll catch on pretty quick. :-) Most people donated money, but I wanted to do a little more. I made a flannel quilt and bought a toy and a few outfits.
Here is the thank you note I received yesterday. It is shaped like a diaper, with tabs on the side inserted into the front section:
Thank you for the thoughtful baby gifts! No one has ever made a quilt for me before - it is beautiful and I will take good care of it. I read your card again when I came home and it made be cry that you wrote that the baby is lucky to have us as parents!! We'll try our best. Love...
The note made my day!
After thiry years - a name
For thirty years, we have known that Kim had a blood disorder, but we never had a name for it. After having both Kim's and Lori's enlarged spleens removed, we were no closer to a resolution. Lori had no other symptoms of a blood disorder, but Kim was told that the removal of her spleen would solve her anemia problem - that the enlarged spleen was the problem. It was not. It was a symptom of her problem. She kept requiring transfusions periodically for the next 20+ years. Eventually they stopped testing her blood and taking bone marrow, saying "Even if we knew what it was, it wouldn't change the treatment. We would just transfuse her when she got low."
With Lori's Drew having recent troubles with low platelets, low neutrophils, low hemaglobin - resulting in the removal of his spleen (which again did not solve the problem), he and Lori entered numerous rounds of testing which resulted in a name for the disorder. ALPS Autoimmune Lymphoproliferative Syndrome. After thirty years, a name! According to the National Institute of Health:
Autoimmune Lymphoproliferative Syndrome (ALPS) is an inherited disorder of the immune system that affects both children and adults. In ALPS, unusually high numbers of white blood cells called lymphocytes accumulate in the lymph nodes, liver, and spleen, which can lead to enlargement of these organs. ALPS can cause numerous autoimmune problems such as anemia (low count of red blood cells), thrombocytopenia (low count of platelets), and neutropenia (low count of neutrophils, the most common type of white blood cell in humans).
NIH started studying ALPS in 1990. Our battles with ALPS began ten years earlier. By 2007, NIH had evaluated and diagnosed only 250 patients. They have money to fund the research and have invited us to be part of it.
We know ALPS is genetic, and that it has a 50% chance of being passed on to children. Either Steve or I have it, and one of our parents had/have it, and likely some of our siblings have it. It doesn't always manifest itself - you can be a carrier without having the symptoms. Neither Steve or I are aware of any blood disorder. Steve has been told he has an enlarged spleen. I bruise easily. Which one of us is it? There is a "pool" going on to be the one who correctly guesses which ones of us have it. My theory is "Me, Lori, Kim and Greg" - but I have no idea which grandparents carried it. We all did the cheek swabs a few weeks ago, so results should be coming soon.
So were they right? "Even if we knew what it was, it wouldn't change the treatment. We would just transfuse Kim when she got low." Evidently not. Whoever has it is invited back to Bethesda (at taxpayer expense) for more tests and training. Evidently other problems emerge later in life - such as lymphoma. There are warning signs you should know, and a list of best treatment options for the neutropenia.
A friend of mine said that her grandfather always blessed them that they would have "interesting lives". Sometimes being "interesting" is not all its cracked up to be.
With Lori's Drew having recent troubles with low platelets, low neutrophils, low hemaglobin - resulting in the removal of his spleen (which again did not solve the problem), he and Lori entered numerous rounds of testing which resulted in a name for the disorder. ALPS Autoimmune Lymphoproliferative Syndrome. After thirty years, a name! According to the National Institute of Health:
Autoimmune Lymphoproliferative Syndrome (ALPS) is an inherited disorder of the immune system that affects both children and adults. In ALPS, unusually high numbers of white blood cells called lymphocytes accumulate in the lymph nodes, liver, and spleen, which can lead to enlargement of these organs. ALPS can cause numerous autoimmune problems such as anemia (low count of red blood cells), thrombocytopenia (low count of platelets), and neutropenia (low count of neutrophils, the most common type of white blood cell in humans).
NIH started studying ALPS in 1990. Our battles with ALPS began ten years earlier. By 2007, NIH had evaluated and diagnosed only 250 patients. They have money to fund the research and have invited us to be part of it.
We know ALPS is genetic, and that it has a 50% chance of being passed on to children. Either Steve or I have it, and one of our parents had/have it, and likely some of our siblings have it. It doesn't always manifest itself - you can be a carrier without having the symptoms. Neither Steve or I are aware of any blood disorder. Steve has been told he has an enlarged spleen. I bruise easily. Which one of us is it? There is a "pool" going on to be the one who correctly guesses which ones of us have it. My theory is "Me, Lori, Kim and Greg" - but I have no idea which grandparents carried it. We all did the cheek swabs a few weeks ago, so results should be coming soon.
So were they right? "Even if we knew what it was, it wouldn't change the treatment. We would just transfuse Kim when she got low." Evidently not. Whoever has it is invited back to Bethesda (at taxpayer expense) for more tests and training. Evidently other problems emerge later in life - such as lymphoma. There are warning signs you should know, and a list of best treatment options for the neutropenia.
A friend of mine said that her grandfather always blessed them that they would have "interesting lives". Sometimes being "interesting" is not all its cracked up to be.
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